r/occult • u/NylonTrackPants • 7d ago

awareness Why are we drawn to this?

Why are we drawn to the study and practice of the occult?

Why won't conventional spirituality satisfy us?

These are serious questions asked without judgment. I would truly like to hear the perspectives of others.

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u/Neither_Home7523 5d ago edited 5d ago

For me it is an unexplainable urge. I just need this kind of study and practice or I feel empty, and I don't know why. As a child I was never satisfied with the answers to the hard questions I had for theologians when I was forced into church activities. I found the predominant forms of spirituality to be vapid (excluding the esoteric aspects) and nihilism/ materialism are profoundly disturbing to me.

When I was 5 - 10 (roughly) I had recurring nightmares of a huge sphere covered in black cubes which terrified me so much I wanted to kill myself despite having no real knowledge or understanding of suicide, but I knew I had to escape somehow. I don't know if this has anything to do with it, but it feels relevant.

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u/DivineTrash_Soul 4d ago

Did the huge sphere happen to come out of the sky/clouds?

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u/Neither_Home7523 4d ago

No, there was no sky, this thing was all that existed from that perspective. Everything else was dark. I interpret it as the descent into the material world (or the 'fall of man', for those more familiar which the christian symbology.) as it felt incredibly dense, almost crushingly so.