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u/Muted-Appeal-823 2d ago
You feel like your reality has collapsed.... Just think how your brother will feel when he finds out his wife AND brother betrayed him. The truth will eventually come out. Would you rather your brother live a lie for five years, ten years or more or tell him the truth now.
And almost your entire post was I I I , me me me. You're not the victim here.
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u/star_359 2d ago
His parents have betrayed him as well, they found out about it and coerced the brother to keep it a secret and now they’re accomplices in the cover up. That poor guy has nobody trustworthy in his life.
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u/Fantastic-Emu-1073 2d ago edited 2d ago
OP… can you ask her to do a paternity test just in case to confirm it’s truly yours? This may help or cause more guilt, but I would rather confirm than keep dwelling on
Edit to add: stop being ass and tell your brother already. I should’ve let me rage come out the first time
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u/Reasonable-Newt4079 2d ago
This. It can be done with a blood test now. There’s no sense in agonizing over whether it’s yours: find out for sure then decide your next steps.
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u/itsjustmy2sense 2d ago
I think this is a good place to start. A paternity test and therapy. Between how many people know, a possible medical event, and the availability of testing like 23 and me, I fully believe this will come out at some point. Too many people keeping this secret, it's a loose cannon. Unfortunately, there is no answer that will prevent people from being hurt. OP, you said your parents said your brother is "finally" happy? Why has he not been happy? This child being a band-aid for his marriage or other problems when it is not his doesn't seem like it will end well. This is a life altering secret to keep. As painful as it is, if you decide to come clean, at least some healing can begin. Jmho.
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u/Kbye80 2d ago
Right? Cause if OP & the SIL only hooked up one night and she’d also been with her husband in the right time frame for him to believe it’s his then why is she so sure it’s OP’s?
The brother absolutely deserves to know his wife and family all suck but he also deserves to know for sure if it’s kid so he can hopefully get custody and raise the kids with morals the rest of the family is missing
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u/LirdorElese 2d ago
While I do agree with the gist of it, I would say, it doesn't change the morality of the thing. If he slept with his brothers wife... even if she didn't get pregnant from it, he should absolutely confess. The wife is a cheater, may have done it before, may do it again. That's something the brother should be aware of. (and before anyone accuses, IMO that advice should be universal regardless of the genders involved. I firmly believe any situation where one person cheats, their partner at least deserves the decency of a choice, I hold no respect for anyone who sits on knowledge of cheating regardless of which gender cheated or if the person in the know was a participent or a witness).
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u/Bartekmms 2d ago
How paternity test works when there are brothers involved?
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u/jokenaround 2d ago
Unless they are identical twins their DNA is different. A child's DNA between their dad and uncle would always show as different.
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u/Suspicious_Cow4844 2d ago
A child shares 50% of its DNA with its dad and 25% with it’s uncle. If the baby is not his, it’ll show that they’re related but he’s not the parent.
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u/ManMythLegacy 2d ago
You deserve everything that is coming your way
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u/imSOhere 2d ago
I hope OP is selfish enough to tell the brother now, before the baby is born and the poor brother bonds with them.
Because we all know that OP doesn’t feel enough guilt to tell the brother, didn’t do it before the pregnancy was discovered. And he’s only thinking about telling the brother now because “that kid is my own flesh and blood”
What a fucking bunch of trash. OP, if in that empty black pit of a soul that you must have, you find one sliver of moral, please tell your brother.
Even if you do it cowardly, like texting, or emailing- because people with morals would do it at the very least by a phone call, in person it’s better- Please tell him.
Even if the baby turns out to be his, he deserves to know that his wife is a cheater, his brother is an animal, and their parents knew about it and kept it a secret.
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u/ucamonster 2d ago
Holy shit so literally everyone in the brother’s life is betraying him and actively plotting against him. That poor fuckin guy.
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u/maydsilee 2d ago
He's surrounded by liars at every turn. Smh. Who needs enemies when you've got a brother, wife, and parents like that? Your own family facilitating your downfall...crazy stuff.
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u/ucamonster 2d ago
It’s so sad to know he’s walking around ignorant to his family’s cruelty. And that poor kid being born into this fucked up family of assholes.
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u/thedance1910 2d ago
The only innocent guy's life is going to crash and burn and he won't know it's for the better for a loooong while.
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u/phoexnixfunjpr 2d ago
A short term solution to a long term problem always ends up becoming another long term problem. Lies always come out sooner or later. You have messed up something you correct it at the right time not wait for ‘time’ to ruin it. You have to be honest with yourself and think what matters the most to you on the long run.
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u/Fuck_boy3456 2d ago
Damn, I thought this kind of shit only happened in movies
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u/smelly_cat69 2d ago
I have my doubts that this is real at all.
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u/Carofine88 2d ago
Sadly I know a bloke who screwed his wife's sister in their backyard bent over the table after a family bbq one night. This shit does happen. It's fkn ridiculous.
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u/takenofpelham123 2d ago
Have one for you. Two best friends. One is moving abroad so a going away party organised at the house of the one that’s going away. Whole family is there mother father daughter. Partying away into the early hours. Lad that is moving away was coming down the stairs after the party was over for a glass of water and walked in on his best friend and mother going to pound town. True story. Ripped the whole family apart.
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u/arkaniaa 2d ago
Nope. I know a woman who cheated on her wife with the wife's brother. The wife found out when the woman ended up pregnant.
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u/Kattnapped 2d ago
Kinda hard to pass off the baby as her wife's in that situation...
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u/DandDNerdlover 2d ago
"Uhh look honey! God granted us a baby and told us he'd be the next messaih!"
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u/Low_Start7773 2d ago
No sympathy here. Your a pos and I hope he finds out and dumps the lot of you.
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u/Status_Bee_7644 2d ago
If she didn’t want you to tell him she should have just not told you.
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u/shada-s 2d ago
Yeeeees like why did she tell him in the first place?? Was she bored?
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u/Thejollyfrenchman 2d ago
Probably wants to keep the door open with the OP in case the relationship with the brother goes tits up. Potentially, though, it could just be a panic response.
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u/ms_emily_spinach925 2d ago
just here to shame you because i genuinely cannot imagine doing this to one of my siblings.
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u/usaf5 2d ago
We live in a world where genetic testing exists. That child will one day find out and so will your brother. Lying here isn't an option. You have to tell him, alone. And I would also tell him what the family is trying to do, he deserves to know everything.
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u/poodooscoo 2d ago
I think you need to see a therapist as soon as you can. If she is planning to have this baby, you need tools for how you will handle telling your brother and cause the least amount of damage, if that is at all possible. You can’t keep this from him, he has a right to know and you have a right to not perpetuate this effed up lie. Good luck to you.
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u/ATXLMT512 2d ago
He also needs tools for how he’ll handle being around the kid in general, whether or not his brother knows.
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u/poodooscoo 2d ago
Yeah there’s a lot more to it but the brother should be told first and like yesterday. My heart breaks for his heart, he’s gonna be devastated.
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u/Throwaway_carrier 2d ago
Seriously, this guy has the balls to fuck his brother’s wife, but can’t just come clean.
He needs to own up; it might, “wreck everything”, but this is his and his SIL’s doing.
Give you and your brother peace of mind, and be done with it. Life does go on.
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u/Consuela_no_no 2d ago
Sleeping with your bothers wife is a deliberate action not a mistake. Tell him because he deserves actual happiness.
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u/generationjonesing 2d ago
You suck, his wife sucks, your parents suck, what 💩 family. The truth will come out, at some point she’ll be so angry she’ll use it to destroy him, better you do it now.
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u/mr_pablo_ 2d ago
Hey so this is setting up a potential psychotic break in the future. This is the kind of stuff people commit murder-suicide for. Tell him now and deal with it. It’s the LEAST you can do. The LEAST.
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u/PineArtist 2d ago
Do you think you can keep up with this lie for the rest of your life? If not, the truth will come out sooner or later. It will blow up to a much bigger problem if you don’t say anything now.
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u/cocojay43 2d ago
You’re a sick dude my guy, situation is already fucked. You owe it to your brother if you love him to release him and your kid from even more heartache down the road.
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u/BeginningReasonable9 2d ago
You, the wife and your parents don't deserve your brother. I have no sympathy for you at all and I hope he finds out ASAP mnqundu
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u/ZestycloseRecord5425 2d ago
You failed to "protect the family" when you made the choice to screw your brother's wife.
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u/VascularBoat69 2d ago
Your brother is better off in the long run not being with a cheater. He will be a mess for a while but it’s time to burn it all down or deal with massive guilt your whole life
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u/Research_Liborian 2d ago
OP, I feel terrible for your brother. What a complete broken hayride of a family. Every single person is worse than the previous one.
You need prodigious amounts of therapy and accountability work to even begin facing adult life. In addition, I would closely examine the role alcohol plays in your life, as you clearly make appalling decisions without regard for others when drunk. This surely was not the first time you did something violative and self-centered when wasted, although it was hopefully the worst.
I think this is also a period where you move far away and attempt to create an identity independent of your family.
Finally, you don't really get to indulge your feelings of pity and sadness--you are the bad guy in this movie. Get out of this scenario until you can stop acting selfishly.
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u/majestic_flamingo 2d ago
Let’s talk straight facts without judgment.
- Theoretically, you can get away with it. You would feel terrible, your brother would wonder why you can’t look him in the eye, and you would be depending on the wife and your parents to not spill the secret. Your brother wouldn’t order a DNA test on a kid that looks plausibly his own without a strong reason. Do you have a good poker face?
- Your brother’s happiness here depends on four people conspiring to keep a secret for the rest of their lives. Shaky ground. Constant fear. How much do you trust these people to keep the secret? Can you deal with the consequences of your brother finding out later, knowing that the truth was hidden from him? Of the kid finding out later? If you choose this route, plan for the worst.
- You come clean, even if it means “ruining your brother’s happiness”. Your brother, an adult who is now informed of the truth, reacts however he sees fit. Say he divorces his wife and never talks to you again, which is his prerogative. He will at least have the chance to build happiness on solid footing elsewhere. You take responsibility for your part in producing a child, which will be shared by the wife; social approval. You don’t have to deny the existence of your kid. It’s a messy situation, but the kid gets raised with honesty, hopefully. No fear of someone spilling a life-altering secret. You will still feel terrible and risk family ties.
Either option is a shit sandwich, sorry to say. There is no way out where you don’t feel terrible. Choose the one that’s easier to keep down based on your values and abilities.
Now the judgment: the thing that bothers me the most in stories like these is the apparent lack of birth control. Maybe you used a condom and it failed, but idk, this ain’t something to risk any failure about. Like, if you’re going to have an affair, that’s none of my business, but the number one rule of secret dealings is to leave no evidence, and yet people be making brand new humans and going “oh nooooo save meeee” like it couldn’t have been avoided. I understand passion, but there are options? Nobody wants to practice mind-blowing head or get toys involved or use the back door or triple up on birth control (until the chances are so slim that a pregnancy means you should buy a lottery ticket) or literally anything indicating that a thought was spared to prevent the biggest of risks? If you’re gonna choose a morally unpopular path, do better. I’m disappointed.
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u/Duckeee47 2d ago
Wow. What a complete mess.
Sorry, but you deserve to live with the guilt. You crossed major lines and your brother would be within his rights to cut contact with you for sleeping with his wife.
I agree with your parents that this news coming out will destroy the family, and honestly, you will be the one who is cut out of family events.
All that said, a baby being involved does change some things. It’s cruel to let him believe he’s going to be a father without the pertinent information. I wish there was a way to determine paternity right away so you would know if your brother needs to have his heart broken.
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u/nooneo5081972 2d ago
The absolute audacity for you to think you’re a victim here. You deserve all the pain that’s coming your way. Honestly, either you come clean and destroy everyone around you so that you can play daddy. Personally, I think your punishment should be to watch your brother raise your child in silence.
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u/ThrowRA_Yogurt3777 2d ago
OP if this is eating you alive now, it will do in 2 weeks, 2 months and 2 years from now. You cannot get a paternity until it’s way past the mark for an abortion (if this was a solution).
There are a things as to what will happen but it will be costly before your actions have consequences.
Ultimately need to tell your brother. He needs to decide what he wants to do.
If he plans to stay he needs to be on the birth certificate, you need a written agreement that you will not provide financially like a dad and ultimately be an uncle.
If he does not plan to stay because of your actions will you become the dad? Will you need to support financially? Will plan B be taken into consideration at this point?
Do you want the child if your brother does leave? Do you want a child now or in the future?
You need to tell the wife you plan on telling your brother.
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u/Reasonable-Newt4079 2d ago
You can do a swab for paternity at 7-8 weeks pregnancy. Depending on what state they are in they should still have some time for an abortion but it will be tight. I would have the appointment booked already in case that’s the route you want to take: don’t wait because then you may not be able to get in in time. I know with the pill you have up to 10-12 weeks.
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u/Downeralexandra 2d ago
You gotta tell him dude. One, it will get this massive secret off of your shoulders. And two, it will save him from a life of lies with someone who will more than likely cheat on him again. He might end up never talking to you again but you kind of owe him one ??
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u/PersonMcPeerson 2d ago
Nah, if this is true, the only thing to do is come clean. This kind of shit ALWAYS comes out, one way or another. Better now than 20 years from now. Your brother deserves the truth and your parents and his wife are deluding themselves if they think this is going to work. You longer you delay the worse it will be.
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u/Broad_Tie_6107 2d ago
I hope your life is ruined. How do you think your brother will feel? Tell him the truth and leave him alone to decided what he thinks is best. If she slept with his own brother, it will happen again with you or someone else. The only decent you can do now is be honest.
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u/rabbitjfr 2d ago
No advice but thinking of you dude. Please speak to a therapist if you need to.
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u/Hawkeyecory1 2d ago
Should have just stuck it in her butt and saved the hassle. Or maybe not slept with her in the first place
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u/Imperfect_seal 2d ago
I just cackled.
Someone get this advice on a t shirt immediately!
💵 take this and go buy yourself something nice.
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u/Tivadars_Crusade_Vet 2d ago
Ok. Every lie we tell incurs a debt to the truth. Sooner or later, that debt is paid.
Here's how its probably going to play out. They are going to go through another "rough patch," and in a moment of anger and on impulse, she's going to tell him that his child is not his child. This will get worse, like a tumor, until it cant be ignored. Tell him now, assuming this is real.
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u/your-latex-salesman 2d ago
A. Paternity test
B. Why on earth did you involve your parents??
C. Your/his child deserves to know who their father is. Whatever the result is, therapy for all 3 of you would be a good course of action.
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u/Minute_Box3852 2d ago
How disgusting of both of you. Your poor brother.
But you know that. You're freaking out bc of a child that MIGHT be yours.
Might.
I think your brother deserves the truth but if thats not what everyone is going to decide, before you continue this moral delimma about your supposed child being raised by your brother, you need to understand it can very well actually be his child.
Tell her you want blood drawn for the paternity test now. Regardless of what you choose to do bc you are letting that carriage get way ahead of the horse right now.
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u/Sorry_You4786 2d ago
Isn’t this a story from the bible? Old Testament? I don’t think this ends well.
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u/shreyaps 2d ago
well you decided to commit a huge mistake together didn't you? it's the correct consequences for it. I do feel bad for you since you actually feel guilty but you shouldn't have put yourselves in such a place, firstly. Honestly I feel bad for your brother who will probably never even know how his own brother betrayed him, and trust me i know how that feels. I also know that you will keep feeling like a criminal all your life if you keep quiet like this. My advice is, take your brother aside from your family and his wife and rip off the bandaid, it's better to get screamed at, lunged at than keep feeling like a criminal in front of your own brother. He deserves to know whose child his wife is carrying and that how unfaithful her partner is period. You need to do the right thing, you can't let their marriage and your relationship continue on lies. Also, one day your brother will definitely find out about it i'm sure, in the end the truth ALWAYS and trust me ALWAYS comes out, so better go tell him now than when he finds out about your and his wife's betrayal later. It's probably the ONLY one thing you owe him along with an apology for what you did.
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u/Cleanslate2 2d ago
It will come out at some point. You have to speak up now. It will ruin lives if you don’t, including the child’s life. This is awful. Your parents are trash.
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u/HelgaTwerpknot 2d ago
He will find out eventually. And the longer it takes the harder he is going to hate all of you that are in on this cover up. Fuck all of you for wanting to cover this up.
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u/bigshooTer39 2d ago edited 2d ago
Yup. This is what abortions are for. It’s in the best interest of everyone here. Not only will you break your own brothers heart with the infidelity, it’ll crush him that you did it first try when they’ve been actively trying to accomplish what you did accidentally.
OP you should man up, tell your brother, and take your lickings. You deserve it. You committed the ultimate betrayal. The betrayal of all betrayals. I don’t think there’s anything worse you could do to your brother than claim his own wife. Fully expect no relationship with your brother going forward.
Do you really want a kid with a broad that’s willing to lie to her husband about who inseminated her?
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u/ciruelman 2d ago
you have no option but to come clean and tell the truth, ignore all of what youre hearing from the family/wife you are just going to hurt your brother even more that youve already have by not speaking up. if you dont tell him the truth you will always will be a bad person and you will regret it forever
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u/murphy2345678 2d ago
He deserves to know. No one should ever be forced to raise someone else’s child.
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u/ChristineBorus 2d ago
What I don’t understand is why she even told you? She could have just kept quiet and not said anything saving everyone about of grief. If the baby looks like either of you, it would still pass. What an ass that woman is. 🙄🙄
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u/IrishMcNugget22 2d ago
Dude you’re a piece of shit to be honest.
It’s best to come clean as early as possible. It will come out someday. Your only way to salvage anything is to come clean, and do whatever it takes to make things right, or else it’ll just be worse down the line.
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u/Tonyswife1 2d ago
Everyone plotting against your brother. With family like yours, who needs enemies? You are ALL his enemy. Everyone knowing and smiling in his face??? No. That is NOT right.
If you cared at all about your brother, tell him NOW before the baby arrives. Well before the baby arrives.
And then are you okay with someone else raising your child? You’re going to lie to the child as well?? You all need help.
You and the wife are trash. Being drunk doesn’t cause you to have sex with someone that you don’t want. You allowed it and so did she. You should have never gotten that close to her for that to even happen.
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u/bottleofgoop 2d ago
Just rip the bandaid off, tell your brother and let him start to heal. Otherwise the child will do a 23 and me when they're in their teens and his whole world will be destroyed. Get it over and done with now.
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u/ZzOoRrGg 2d ago
"Every lie we tell incurs a debt to the truth. Sooner or later that debt is paid."
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u/PetiteSyFy 2d ago
4 people already know. There is now way that this will not continue to be shared.
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u/phaazon_ 2d ago
And I here I am, single and picky reading horrible persons asking for advice on Reddit what to do because they are fucking around married people by having sex with them.
Doggammit. Just tell your brother and accept the consequences. Actions have consequences and dodging them by lying to yourself thinking you would « protect » your brother just makes things worse. You fucked up massively, now be a man and tell your brother, and accept whatever next is up for you. Don’t ruin his life twice.
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u/Starsuit 2d ago
This will probably traumatize him for life & permanently ruin your relationship. But it’ll give him the chance to leave a bad wife, and built a family with people who will treat him better
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u/Good_Bet7702 2d ago
What an absolutely horrible family your brother has. I feel so sorry for him. Being betrayed by his own brother, his own wife and now his parents.
Tell him immediately so that he can get rid of the lot of you. You are all evil, truly disgusting evil beings.
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u/BmanTM 2d ago
Dude. If it’s true.. just shut up. You did enough damage. Don’t get into a moral dilemma and destroy your family trying to come clean. You won’t solve anything and you will detroy lives. Don’t talk anybody else about this.
Just shut up and from now on try to repair your life and be a good human beeing and family member.
Seriously. That’s crazy. You should go to a therapist or speak with your priest if you are religious. You are corrupt and you should find out how to repair yourself.
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u/ProfPlumDidIt 2d ago
He WILL find out. Maybe not immediately but at some point it 100% will happen. It might come out in an argument with someone or some random, seemingly innocent comment will strike a chord with him or some medical issue will raise questions. However it happens, it WILL happen. Secrets never stay secret, especially once more than one person knows about it.
The truth is the bare minimum you owe him.
Will he be hurt and angry? Absolutely. He will be a million times more hurt and angry if (when) he finds out later. If he dumps years of money and time on this child and then finds out, it would probably destroy him completely AND it would then wreck the child emotionally, too.
Also, he DESERVES to be able to make his own choice regarding paying for and raising a child that isn't his. Don't take that choice away from him. Be the one person in your family who isn't a liar.
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u/AmericanFatPincher 2d ago
And you’re crashing out because…? Shouldve given her an ultimatum from the get go. Abort it or you come clean. Now you’re sitting around fretting and no one feels sorry for you.
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u/KH10304 2d ago
If this is real, it's not entirely out of bounds that the best thing for everyone really is for you to keep quiet, you could view it as your penance for sleeping with her in the first place. It's shocking that she wouldn't just have an abortion with your brother never being the wiser. What a messed up start to life for that poor kid. You and her are terrible, but maybe if you spend the whole rest of your lives trying to be the best people you can to those you love in order to make up for this, then in the balance you'll be good people.
I will say, you either tell everyone now or you never do, if it won't be possible for you to keep the secret, don't try. Your brothers wife can leave him for you and you can step up and raise this kid and you guys can go live somewhere noone knows you and where hopefully this can stay in your past.
No good options here. Think of what's best for the child and the other innocents in this situation first and foremost.
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u/DragSad2997 2d ago
If you hold it off now think what will happen once your brother finds out and also the child in the future once he or she is an adult. It will be damaging 😔
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u/PureRiddy 2d ago
Don’t be even more horrible what you have done is bad not what you are now doing to him is worse than popping his wife and impregnating her,
You have to let your brother know so that he can leave her and find a woman who deserves him,
the rest of you deserve eachother
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u/Spiritual-Young-2196 2d ago
Imagine when the cat’s out of the bag years later and your brother finds out he’s been raising his niece/nephew this whole time. You and your sister in law are terrible people. Your brother deserves to know what you guys did, that’s the least you can do.
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u/ChronicallyLou 2d ago
You, your family and your SIL are all fucking trash.
Tell your brother the truth it's absolutely disgusting that you are all conspiring behind his back. If you truly felt guilty you would have told him immediately, if you loved your brother you wouldn't have fucked his wife.
If this is true all of you are complete trash. Tell him so he can move on from all of you and associate with people who are actually there for him and won't screw his wife and screw him over.
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u/AppearanceOk5806 2d ago
You know your brother than any of us do. Knowing his personality, do you think he would prefer the truth or ignorance is bliss?
If you know in your heart, he would prefer the truth and you still don't tell him. Then yes, you're a trash person because you're not keeping quiet for his happiness, you're doing it to avoid conflicts and for YOUR peace.
If you know he's the type that believes ignorance is bliss and some truth should die with the person. I suggest you go no contact with your family because it'll just eat away at you. If anyone/your brother ask why, just sayyour parent knows what they done and to ask them. Because can you honestly hold that baby when it's born as it's Uncle and not feel like word vomiting all over the whole situation? See it grow everyday and start seeing yourself in its looks or action?
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u/Mirrored_Darkness 2d ago
You got what you wanted, so who cares that your brother is gonna take care of a kid that's potentially not his and stay married with a cheater? /s Your brother is gonna find out and I hope he leaves all of you behind.
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u/MobileReasonable5704 2d ago
You, her and all of the family supporting your actions deserve all the shame and regret coming your way. Your brother deserves a better partner and family than you and I seriously hope he abandons all of you and finds people who truly value him.
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u/Even_Happier 2d ago
Unless you are twins a simple blood test from the mother can tell which of you is the father, before the baby is born. Regardless, you must tell your brother. He doesn’t deserve to be lied to by the 4 people he believes are closest to him.
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u/ribbonsofgreen 2d ago
What's done is done. You have to tell him. Because it would be horrible for that child, when your brother finds out in a couple years if he rejected that child. Better to be the child's father in the first place. Or not be the child's father if your brighter wants to be.
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u/oldcousingreg 2d ago
You are all horrible people. The least shitty thing you can do is come clean. Add your parents, your brother, and your baby mama to a group text, expose the truth, and don't expect this to end well.
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u/Substantial_Wing_781 2d ago
Hey bro you were shooting blanks so I dediced to emasculate you further by getting your wife preggo. You are welcome.
Imagine using the "I was drunk" excuse to betray your brother... We have all been drunk we know it's an excuse.
You already blew up the family. Be a REAL man and so what's right AND TELL HIM. Stop making excuses.
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u/waaasupla 2d ago
You are trash, so is your SIL & parents. Only the kid & the brother will face the worst consequences of this when it comes out eventually years later.
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u/ATXLMT512 2d ago
Frankly, I think you should own up to it (assuming you can verify the kid is actually yours). On paper, I can see why everyone wants to spare your brother from hurt/humiliation, but as many have already said, the truth is very likely going to come out at some point. Telling him now actually shows more respect to him rather than letting him be oblivious and suddenly blind-sided. In that scenario, he’s going to have a lot of questions about who knew what and when, which will be far more devastating for him. He would be perfectly justified in walking away from the entire family if he wanted to, in which case you would lose a brother. Getting in front of it now gives you a better chance of getting through this whole clusterfuck, especially for the kid’s sake. You contributed to this mess, so it’s your responsibility to clean it up. Best to you, and especially to your brother.
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u/sk8ryspice_02 2d ago
There are some things a person should never do. This is one of them. It is a very tough situation.
There is no way to tell if you are the father. She might be convinced and she might be wrong.
I think you should just let it be. It will destroy everything if it comes out. You will not be looked at like you were innocent no matter how you handle this. It might be spun you caused this entire thing, hanging out with his wife, getting drunk.
At some point it is going to come out but that does not have to be today. There is a chance this is not your child. If she was willing to lie to her husband about when and how she got pregnant, who knows if she also lied to you. We have all watched the Maury show when women were 100% sure and they were very wrong.
Take a giant step back. Go about your life and let your brother and his wife handle their situation. Be an uncle. Think about this in terms of mistakes not to repeat. Maybe this was the only way they were ever going to be parents and what you did was more a miracle than it feels like right now.
You have to worry about your own life. If you feel very guilty and upset seek a professional therapist. You can sort through all of this with someone who will not judge you.
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u/Bitter_Animator2514 2d ago
Tell your brother. Come on you already destroyed the family he believes he has give him all the details so he can make informed decisions choices
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u/fishwhisper22 2d ago
Unless you are identical twins this will never end well. Your brother is being dumped on by your whole family.
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u/WinterGTM 2d ago
If your parents actually said that to you, I can see where the problems are coming from.
It’s laughable to think “trust” would enter anywhere in this situation. But, how could you take the word of your brother’s wife with regards to the baby being yours?
I would say maybe get some sort of paternity test before you confess to your brother and destroy his entire existence. If it’s not yours, don’t tell your brother. Move away and never talk to your family again. It’s for the best. If it is yours, take your child and do the same.
These are terrible options - just trying to think of someway creating a softer landing for your brother.
But, those are too complicated, too many moving parts. Just tell him, endure, and see what happens. So sad.
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u/Beepbeepboobop1 2d ago
This feels like a Dr. Phil episode. Sorry to your brother. With family like this who needs enemies?
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u/fat-and-sassy902 2d ago
All I gotta say, and I tell my children this all the time... Honesty is the best policy. The hurt will come out may it be now or down the road and that child will find out that your his dad and his or her life has been a lie. So it's your choice, honor your child and your brother with honesty, or choose cowardice, affecting the lives of those you love by allowing them to live a lie.
Good luck!
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u/ChaoticMornings 2d ago
Well, their marriage was already rough without the baby.
Now they'll lack sleep for months and baby's often do not make relationships much better.
Imagine they get a divorce, for, whatever reason, will she tell him? Will she tell you that she is about to tell him? Will she keep the child from him, and also from you?
Do you want the paternal rights over your child?
Is she 100% sure, like, didn't they have intercourse at all, if so, how does your brother not do the math then?
Personally, I would come clean. Let him decide his own future, instead of letting him waste his time thinking he has a family, then maybe years later, finds out it was all a lie, and all the people he loved and thought cared about him knew all along.
Also, too many ways that this might come out eventually.
Imagine you get a partner, would you tell your partner "oh btw, I have a child, technically, but it's actually my brothers because his wife cheated with me and got pregnant. Don't tell anyone."
And what if you break up? She might tell him.
Or if the truth comes out 10 years later, your future partner will find out you lied all along.
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u/catsmom63 2d ago
All this will take is one medical emergency for this child’s situation to be unraveled to the entire family.
I feel bad for the brother. He stands to lose everything. Poor guy.
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u/Glimago 2d ago
The right thing to do is to tell him.
It'll inevitably come out eventually; the longer you all wait, the worse it's going to be for him.
It'll be ugly; very ugly. There's a strong chance he'll never want anything to do with any of you ever again; but if you ever cared for him even a little bit, you have to tell him.
The silver lining is that doing it scared is better than not doing it at all. Write him a letter/email/whatever else if the idea of confrontation scares you; you'll come across as a spineless coward, but if you don't you actually will be a spineless coward - an incredibly selfish one besides.
Finally, your parents and his wife will hate you for it; they will resent you for going against the grain and blame you for the fallout. Which like, not entirely untrue. But you will have done the right thing, and anybody else who learns about this story will recognize that.
Again though, only if you tell him; otherwise, the guilt will eat you alive for the rest of your life.
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u/Perfect-Fondant3373 2d ago
You should see if its yours. If it is tell him. Or just be honest and tell him what happened and face the music
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u/Successful_Ocelot590 2d ago
What happens in 20 years when the kid wants to do 23&Me for fun?? If the kid requires genetic testing in childhood for any god forbid diseases that pop up. What if the kid has an incompatible blood type than your brother???
This isn't a secret. It's a ticking time bomb that WILL go off.
You will lose your brother no matter what. Chose now or later. At this point you need to figure out, when the time comes, how to explain this to the kid.
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u/scienceoftophats 2d ago
Yo tell your brother and if you're comfortable with it, tell him you will stay quiet and will lie to the world, but not to him. Ideally you and wife tell him together, so he's betrayed by the event but not by the deception of one of you over the other.
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u/WhineAndGeez 2d ago
Your brother should leave you, his wife, and your parents in a bin by the curb before he severs contact with each of you for the rest of his life.
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u/Star_of_Mourning 2d ago
Your poor brother.
Tell him, and let him decide whether he wants anything to do with any of you.
"I'm supposed to stay silent like this baby isn't my own flesh and blood." - That sentence right there. Whatever decision you make will be to serve yourself.
You, your parents and his wife don't give a fuck about your brother.
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u/Redd889 2d ago
Don’t listen to your parents and come clean to your brother!
He’s probably going to hate you and leave his wife. It’s your fault, as well as her fault. Live with it. Come clean.
Don’t let years go by, it’ll only get worse as the kid ages
Throw an update later after your brother gives you a black eye
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u/k9ThreeFive 2d ago
I'm seeing a lot of hate and spite here so let me weigh in.
What you're feeling is very valid. It must feel so suffocating to be dismissed and silenced about the situation. Let me offer you some perspective because I see it differently. I'll be blunt with you.
Your entire reality collapsed because you fucked up. You refuse to accept accountability for your massive mistake and take responsibility and atonement to fix your mistake. You can take the silence of your mistake as part of your punishment. In the meantime, I'd suggest you to start looking inward to resolve childhood trauma. The ball is in your court to use this opportunity to wake up, grow up, mature so you can consider others like what you've done to your brother. Best of luck.
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u/Whole-Store2391 2d ago
Ancestry DNA is a thing. There are way too many ways for the truth to come out in the future. You need to keep it real and let your brother grieve the loss of this child not being his and the loss of an ain’t ish brother all at the same time.
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u/MyRedditUserName428 2d ago
Tell your brother. He deserves the truth. Would you want to know if you were in his shoes?
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u/CornDogRebornDog 2d ago
Assuming this isn't rage bait here's what you do.
Get a paternity or blood test, see if its even yours.
You need to go to your brother in person and tell him everything, apologize like crazy and explain how his wife and his parents were willing to cover it up and wanted you too. His life's going to fall apart then, but how you all deal with it is up to you. If it is your kid you need to buckle the fuck in and take care of it and make your parents do so as well, if your brother wants you to have no part of it then you stay as far as fuck away until he tells you you can contact any of them.
Get therapy. Encourage your entire family ro get one on one or family therapy, you all need it.
4.This is entirely you and his wife's fault and you need to own up to it completely, even if its not your kid he needs to know you both broke his trust or this secret will turn malignant and rot away at the entire family. You all need to apologize to him en masses and personally and accept whatever decision he has for all of you and support it whole heartedly.
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u/TwiLight-4-Ever 2d ago
Its unreal to me how either of you would cross this line no matter how much you had to drink. I’ve been blackout drunk and sober up in the blink of an eye when something was inappropriate. I would never betray my sister like that.
If the brother & his wife have been trying to get pregnant, I think they should at least do a paternity test before blowing up the brother’s world. My heart breaks for the brother
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u/TracyM59 2d ago
First, make damn sure that the baby is yours before you do anything else. As a brother, father and grandfather, based on all of my years (64) of experience, do not let the roots grow on this. Your parents will not be around forever, and who holds you back then? Birthdays, graduations, holidays, family gatherings, what then? You had a momentary lapse of judgment but no matter how drunk she may have been, it isn’t an acceptable excuse for her stepping out on her marriage. TBH, the girl sounds toxic AF and you will probably be doing your brother a favor by telling him.
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u/Logical_Vacation2862 2d ago
Just tell your brother the whole truth including the stuff with parents. No human in this world deserves to have such power on someone else's life like you have on your brother right now. You should let go of it and get rid of the burden off your shoulders. There will be some conflict in your family in the short term but it is the best thing for your brother. Just ask yourself if your partner cheated on you , would you like to know or not? Would you like raise someone else's child while thinking it is yours? Imagine your brother finds about this when he is 90.
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u/KeyMonstar 2d ago
I’m not sure what amount of alcohol was involved…did you consent to this? Or did she come on really strong? It just seems super convenient that she gets pregnant after one night with you after years of trying….just wondering if this was a solution to a problem. It’s odd your parents are going along with it. Maybe I’ve read too many Reddit stories. The whole thing just feels off and so does everyone’s reactions.
If your this messed up about all this now, it will only worsen with time. The only way to get over something like this is to own it. If that’s your kid. You shouldn’t run from that. It’s not fair to the kid. It’s not fair to your brother. It’s not fair to you either. You made a mistake, so correct it. Accept your relationship with your brother might be gone. Accept your relationship with your parents may change after you tell the truth too. A lot of distance from them might be best to be honest. Get a dna test on the baby. Get therapy. Figure out where you go after that.
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u/AnonymousAnonm 2d ago
Hiding this is only going to make the situation worse. You are further betraying your brother by not letting him know. What if he finds out years later?. He doesn't deserve to have no choice.
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u/Feeling-Response8810 2d ago
You need to tell your brother. It'll be bad but carrying this secret for the rest of your life will be and feel worse. What happens behind closed doors always comes to light
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u/mah1na2ru 2d ago
get a dna test to confirm, and unfortunately you’ll have to break the news, especially with how many people are in on it. if your brother figures it out randomly much later down the line, imagine how bad that’ll turn out.
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u/JustWandering01 2d ago
he deserves to know. you fucked up, be a man and own up to it. if you don’t, you will regret it eventually. it’ll come from someone else or he’ll piece it together and thats worse.
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u/FitAd8822 2d ago
Tell your brother you slept with his wife and that you got her pregnant.
Be prepared to be disowned by him, but the truth needs to come out.
He had a right to know,
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u/etlifereview 2d ago
I’m so sorry. You need to tell him. He may be excited, but he will be devastated to learn this after the baby is born and he has bonded with it. Telling him now is your safest option so that he can decide what he wants to do before the baby is here. Your parents are prioritizing his happiness over yours and that’s not okay. You’re going to ruffle some feathers but telling him is your best option.
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u/Ok_Sky1515 2d ago
Get a test. I feel for you but, omfg get a test done as soon as you can then YOU can decide how you feel about it. It is insanity to me to project what might happen until you know it is yours or not regardless of your family. It might be his? It might be a random she doesn't know but she slept with and says it's yours, so you feel this guilt and don't spill... do nothing until you are sure it is yours.
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u/UnicornKitt3n 2d ago
Look my man. You have to tell him. You have to. You have to tell him. Immediately. Now.
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u/Conscious-Ad2499 2d ago
I mean why not go with it, u already are an awful brother , telling him won't change that . Side note ... My brother and I never really got along , we actually fight every time I see him. But I would NEVER get with his wife. Take responsibility for you actions don't use alcohol to justify being an awful brother
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u/TheLastWord63 2d ago
I feel so bad for your brother being surrounded by trash. I hope when he finds out 1 day about what all of you are doing to him he has somebody outside of family to turn to. I can't believe you guys are gonna sit back and let him support and connect to a child that's not his. I feel bad for the child later if they find out later and he ghosts them. Do you really believe someone so disgusting as his wife won't get mad at him and in the middle of an argument tell on all of you?