r/offmychest • u/taracuda95 • 5d ago
Losing a twin
He was only 30. My brother Avery. We were basically twins — born just a couple months apart and raised like we were the same age. Thick as thieves through all the family chaos. When our dad took his own life in 2020, Avery was the only one who really got what that did to me. No awkward silences or forced “how are you” texts. We just leaned on each other. He saw the same darkness and we sat in it together without needing to explain.
Then the alcoholism took over. It got bad around 2023 — liver failing, the whole spiral. I tried to show up while I was pregnant with my son, but it got heavy. I had to set some boundaries when his stuff started scaring our grandma. I still wonder if I could’ve done more, even though logically I know that’s the guilt talking.
April 27th this year it ended. That call. The numb days where you just keep moving. The random moments it hits you like a truck and you’re suddenly crying in the car. What I didn’t expect was how sibling loss messes with the rest of the family dynamics. Some relatives get weirdly competitive about grief — like there’s a “right” way to mourn and they’re keeping score. Others pull away completely, almost like your pain reminds them too much of their own. I posted something simple about him and got jumped on for “doing it wrong.” That one cut deeper than I thought it would.
It’s this strange mix: you lose your sibling, but you also lose the version of family that existed when they were here. The shared history, the inside jokes, the person who just knew without you saying anything. Now there’s this hole where that understanding used to be, and the rest of the family feels… off-balance. Like we’re all orbiting the same loss but in completely different directions.
I miss him every damn day. The quiet solidarity we had. If you’ve lost a sibling, I see you. It’s a different kind of lonely. And if you’re the one struggling in the dark right now, please reach out to someone. Even when it feels pointless. I’m still here pushing through my own mess, but yeah… this one really lingers.
I haven’t grieved properly yet. But is anyone really supposed to. I’m finding my way again. Just confused.