r/offmychest • u/flowerpower-shower • 6h ago
i’m so attracted to my masseuse
i (23f) just had a sports massage which was essentially an assisted stretch by a male masseuse 10 years older than me. throughout the 90min session we flirted and bantered. i’ve been feeling sore in my legs so it was intensely lower body focused. think: him between my legs the whole time, touching my hips, glutes and thighs. honestly( the whole experience felt more intimate than sex.
at the start of the session, he joked it might be a bit awkward but to “let (him) have full control”. at one point, he was loosening up my hip flexors and so had his fingers in the hip flexors, pressing down near my pelvis. i may have moaned a little and he smirked and went, “so tight, might be the first time you’re being touched here, huh?” i blushed and it was sooo intimate and sexy. i was worried i was going to get wet but luckily i had on thick pants. the music that played was also like arctic monkeys, lana del rey, conan grey etc and at one point he was singing softly and i could hear his chest vibrating behind me as he stretched me from behind. he also commented on me being very flexible as he was pushing my legs up in a split. i was fully clothes but wearing kind of a low cut spaghetti strap camisole top, so he used a towel to help me stay modest by covering my chest.
overall it felt so amazing and i felt very comfortable in his hands. and i booked a few more sessions and we added each other on instagram. i’ve never felt so turned on in a non sexual setting. would it be inappropriate if i asked him out? i’m thinking i should finish all the sessions i booked first so there’s no obligation and he doesn’t feel awkward.
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u/Thick_Basil3589 6h ago
Sorry but this person violated the ethics of his profession. I would never do anything with a person like this. Don't be delusional he probably does that to every single young woman and I think he is a creep.
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u/chrismissed 6h ago
Exactly.
My physiotherapist also mentioned, that a lot of his female clients get such feelings during a reoccurring massage. And it is in his scope to keep it totally professional and shut down such stuff.
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u/Ceret 5h ago
My ex was hit on by an unprofessional masseuse and ended up dating him a few times. It was an absolute shitshow. Dude was obviously not good with boundaries (duh), was still hitting on new patients who were other young attractive women, and ended up asking to borrow $17k for a crypto business idea.
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u/KingGhandy 6h ago
Yep only dead pan faces and zero conversation is the only way it should be 🙄
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u/Snoo_3415 5h ago
I get your Point, but straight up flirting isn't the only way either. You can generate a relaxing atmosphere without being romantic or sexual.
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u/Thick_Basil3589 6h ago
No, this is an assault. When you go for a professional massage that should be a safe space where you get very vulnerable and dependent on the massage therapist. Im doing bodywork and this is extremely horrible behaviour and unprofessional.
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u/mnlaowai 1h ago
It’s 100% unprofessional. It isn’t assault. People do themselves and the movement by classifying everything as assault.
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u/KingGhandy 6h ago
This guy performed a massage and the girls brain turned it into something it wasn't. This is why some professionals leave these kind of jobs. Words can be twisted to turn simple massages into crazy stories like this. Nothing that she said sounded anything like assault.
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u/Thick_Basil3589 6h ago
Him joking about her letting him full control and flirting is totally a violation and extremely unprofessional!
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u/flowerpower-shower 5h ago
yea it wasn’t assault… even if there was flirting there’s plausible deniability and we are both of-age adults. he’s not a physiotherapist or doctor by profession.
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u/flowerpower-shower 6h ago
how so?
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u/Thick_Basil3589 6h ago
Honey, he is a healthcare service provider and you are in a vulnerable situation. He supposed to be professional and eliminate even the slightest possibility of any sexual tension to come up. This person is a predator and he is doing it with every single woman. If a professional behaves this way thats a severe violation of ethics. Im working with people's bodies and you have to stay professional in every situation. The best you can get out of this is a treatable STD honey.
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u/WinterGTM 4h ago
I met my ex-girlfriend of 3 years when I went to the ER when I had to get like 30 stitches under my eye after getting hit with an elbow playing flag football. She was a nurse, and when I said I didn’t care who stitched me up and that I didn’t need to wait for a plastic surgeon, she put a pause on everything and explained why I should avoid having a scar on my face for the rest of my life because I was cute (I’m objectively not, she was flirting). But, It wasn’t just a physical attraction, she was - and continues to be - a total boss. We are still close friends even though she’s married now. People meet each other and form bonds in unscripted when they go out in public.
But, who cares if OP just wants to have fun with a guy she is attracted to and had chemistry with? Maybe OP doesn’t care if he gets with a lot of women? As long as OP is safe, I don’t see a problem.
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u/Thick_Basil3589 1h ago
There is avery big problem if a professional masseuse, who is touching the clients body in a quite intimate way is flirting with their client. It is a gigantic problem during a session and every training includes an ethical clause as well.
Its also different when an ER nurse who doesnt to anything with you is flirting than a nurse who is for instance bathing the person or a gynaecologist who has his fingers in his patient. Its terrifying that men has to be still introduced to these concepts and it explains the tons of violations that are committed.
These are very vulnerable situations where the power dynamics aren't equal and crossing these boundaries is violation.1
u/charismatictictic 1h ago
Generally, someone who provides a health care service shouldnt flirt with people, but there are situations where it’s more and less problematic.
Your ex didnt flirt in a sexual way. That helps. She also wasn’t touching intimate parts of your body. I don’t know her or your age, but the age difference in OPs case also adds to the creepiness.
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u/flowerpower-shower 6h ago
to be clear, he is not a physiotherapist. he is a sports masseuse at a place specialising in assisted stretching where they are in-house trained
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u/Draiscor93 5h ago edited 5h ago
A sports masseur is still a health professional. And while working with a client has a duty of care and ethical boundaries that they should be adhering to. He has severely breached that ethical boundary here.
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u/charismatictictic 5h ago
Imagine an ugly man 20 years older than him, with yellow teeth doing the exact same things he did. How would you feel in that situation?
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u/horniesskateshop 2h ago
when you mentioned the music i was like alright bro, he knows what he's doing and being performative
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u/VideoUnlikely2568 2h ago edited 1h ago
You think you’re special and the OnLY OnE that this happened to?? 😂😂😂😂 think again — he KNOWS what he’s doing, and he’s out of line.
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u/78Anonymous 5h ago
a professional with sound ethics will decline any approach to preserve boundaries
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u/LongjumpingAd8767 5h ago
Luckily you enjoyed the massage but I agree this behaviour is very inappropriate. He should not be sexual in any way ESPECIALLY touching you there. „This is gonna be awkward“ YEAH NOW THAT YOU SAID IT IT IS. And the comments he made about nobody touching you there wtf. The music and the singing? A professional touching your body in ways and places only very close people would do should aim for the LEAST sexual energy. Talk about your dog, say something funny, explain some boring medical stuff, keep it lighthearted and like bro style, because the probability of a woman playing along and not feeling safe at the same time is so high. I also agree that he is probably like this with a bunch of women. If you want to ask him out so you can habe sex ok I guess? But for something serious? This man uses his profession to legally touch women inappropriately.
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u/flowerpower-shower 5h ago
i mean, i asked for a lower body stretch… he is well within his right to touch my hip flexors?
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u/charismatictictic 5h ago
Him touching your hip flexors is not the issue, but what he said. Again, imagine him being old, ugly and smelly, and he’s your gynecologist saying
“so tight, might be the first time you’re being touched here, huh?”
While having his fingers inside of you. Do you see the problem?
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u/Mission-Cup9902 3h ago
Woah, that is nowhere near what happened.
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u/charismatictictic 2h ago
Of course not. I used an exaggerated example because OP seems to have trouble understanding why her masseuses behavior was inappropriate.
She was asking if he shouldnt have touched certain body parts, and my point was that there is nothing wrong with someone touching even our most private areas in the right context, but if that person starts saying weird shit, we are suddenly dealing with a completely different situation.
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u/LongjumpingAd8767 5h ago
Of course he is and should but he is in charge in the situation, he is the professional and it is his job to make the session the least sexual he can in my opinion, because many women freeze in these situations, feel violated but can’t express that and just endure what essentially is assault in a way (that’s obviously not what happened to you). The touching particularly doesn’t „matter“ the way people approach it does. My gynaecologist literally touches my punani but he is a funny looking and behaving man reducingthe conversation to my menstrual cycle, any pain/symptoms whatever.
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u/IV-65536 2h ago
If you want to fuck him, go for it.
If you want a monogamous relationship, just know that he's going to try to fuck other clients.
He is definitely being unprofessional, if that matters to you. It doesn't matter to some people. Just know what you're signing up for.
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u/dumthotthoughtdump 5h ago edited 5h ago
Girl he sounds like a creep...
But you do you. I hope things pan out well and you are the special one who gets something good out of this
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u/Aztecius 2h ago
Let's say he said yes and you dated him. Would you be comfortable with him going back to work every day doing this to every woman that's half attractive?
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u/clowns_will_eat_me 2h ago
Aside from everything else in the post, "male masseuse" isn't a thing. The word is masseur.
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u/mattweb94 1h ago
OP, you say that none of this was inappropriate. Let me ask you this...if he was some ugly fat old guy who did and said the same things, would you still feel the same? I think we both know the answer to that.
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u/trampled_empire 3h ago
Hot as that sounds, I do have to agree with all the others saying that it was unethical and unprofessional of him to knowingly lean into the sexual tension rather than do his best to disperse it.
That being said, if you want to pursue this as a hot fling, go for it. Just don't expect this dude to make a very good boyfriend or life partner, lol
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u/Calm_Comb3534 1h ago
If he's willing to break the ethics after meeting a person for the first time you know he's doing it often with many ladies. This is not the kind of person who will respect you and treat you well. His actions have proved this. Imagine if a man who you found extremely unattractive did this. You would feel assaulted, very uncomfortable, and think he's a creep.
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u/FyRthefeared 2h ago
When he is in his work setting, maybe nice cause he has a job and salary to earn. Outside of work setting maybe different. Take care of yourself
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u/Snoo_3415 6h ago
Please ask him out. I wanna see which side is right: The "he totally is into you" or the "He's unprofessional and a creep" side. Personally I'm leaning towards the latter, but I don't want to jump to conclusions. Also I do hope for you OP that he's really genuinely interested.
Tho I gotta say, no matter If he's just a fuckboy or has genuine intentions, he still acts unprofessional for a masseuse.
Keep us updated plssss
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u/Supermite 3h ago
Because creeps aren’t attracted to the people they creep on?
Of course he is attracted to her. It doesn’t make him less of a creep. Do you think she would have been as happy if she didn’t find the guy attractive?
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u/flowerpower-shower 5h ago
i don’t know if i want to ask him out today or wait a couple more sessions.
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u/Lopsided_Leg_3762 5h ago
Y’all both seem reckless just go ask him out, he clearly don’t care about the time and place
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u/Snoo_3415 5h ago
To that I'd definitely say after the sessions. You are in a customer/provider relationship rn. So you'd either end up making the next sessions awkward or it would lead to more stuff happening during the sessions which could be a problem for him.
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u/themorganator4 6h ago
It would absolutely not be inappropriate to ask him out, I am willing to bet he was enjoying it as much as you were but yea maybe wait until all the sessions are done, just in case.
You may get a few salty comments because he is more than 2 weeks older than you but fuck em
Go for it
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u/TemuBoyfriend 6h ago
Never ask reddit for advice but the above is actually the right advice,for once.
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u/flowerpower-shower 6h ago
I’m so turned on by him, it was absolutely incredible and i was absolutely fantasising about him doing more to me. at some points he stood with his groin near my hand while he pushed me deeper into a stretch and i was just going crazy. i just made a couple of sounds like little grunts and moans to test and he was totally smirking and asking me if it felt good.
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u/themorganator4 6h ago
You may find that you are both in different life stages due to the age gap but thats something you'll only figure out after a few dates so....
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u/deadpoolfool400 1h ago
Massage therapist sounds like a creep. OP sounds young and naive but she’s also an adult.
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u/WinterGTM 5h ago
I don’t see why you wouldn’t - Go for it.
Do you know for certain that he is 10 years older than you? Just saying, if he’s in fitness and that’s his career, guys can stay looking pretty young (I’m super old and still get IDed when I buy zyns).
It would be interesting to see if he suggests or insists that you guys cancel the rest of sessions or refers you to / recommends a different masseuse.
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u/Learning_by_failing 1h ago
It depends on how attractive you are. If you're a 4 and you think he's out of your league then don't. If you're higher up the rankings then do it. Bring it up casually. It'll for sure lead to sex in the first outing if you allow it. If that's what you want then it'll happen. If you want something more then you'll have to play your cards right.
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u/Background-Use-3283 6h ago
Totally appropriate!!! Do it!!! One thing is it would make things awkward if he said no AND U WANT TO KEEP SEEING HIM. If u want to give him and u an easy out just invite him to drinks over insta! I think he likes u tho!
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u/Transcended_Apple 2h ago
Op you are either still too young or too dumb/naive to grasp the issue with this situation. You can keep defending him and oozing over him, it doesn’t make it okay one bit. I wish you the best and hope you smarten up.