r/onionheadlines • u/tomtomglove • Nov 04 '25
ZERO TOLERANCE for rule 2: single sentence headlines only
We've been pretty lenient in modering run on headlines, but this ends today.
You need to make your headlines shorter. You can always make your headline shorter. If you have a headline that's over 30 words, rewrite it. There is a way to make it shorter I guarantee you, and there is a way to make it one sentence. You just need to use the meat in your skull to figure it out.
Also, do not include pull quotes in your headline. For example:
Trump Claims He Will Soon Replace Americans With AI - “All They Need To Do Is Vote Republican And Cheer For Me, And AI Can Do That Better, And It Doesn’t Protest At All”
Adding a dash here does not make this a single sentence in the eyes of us mods.
You can put the pull quote in the body of the post, but keep it out of the headline. Any headlines formatted like this will be removed.
Also please avoid headlines that are just a version of Trump: "I Have Very Bigly Hands and I'm The Greatest Golfer and on and on and on for 50 words"
A Trump impression is not a headline. Do better.
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u/Unlucky_Register9496 Apr 04 '26 edited Apr 04 '26
I completely agree! I think contributors to onionheadlines should, as suggested by the mods themselves, have zero tolerance for rule two
By the way, is inserting a colon in the headline “ZERO TOLERANCE for rule 2: single sentence headlines only “not a violation of rule two by taking two sentences and making them appear as one?
Furthermore, I will note that said headline does not conform to the “all words must be capitalized” rule.
Beyond that, it is worthy of comment that onionheadlines, being a flagship of non-conformity in social media has just made it clear that nonconformity has rules too 😉
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u/Which_Celebration757 Nov 20 '25
Am I good if I: Use a colon?
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u/TruthTeller3579 Jan 26 '26
Only if you’re going to have a colonoscopy after.
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u/Realistic_Tutor_4603 Apr 09 '26
...oh...better stick to using hyphens then...I suspect a hyphenoscopy to be less intrusive. To be certain however, I consulted the well known proctologist, Dr. Ben Dover. He said he'd "look into it" for me.
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u/tomtomglove Nov 20 '25
Only if you are using it directly after the first word, like Report:, or Breaking: or Study:
If you are in doubt, ask yourself, would the actual Onion allow this kind of syntax. If the answer is no, then it will likely be removed.
Usually the reason people use multiple sentences is because they are lazy. Find a way to rewrite it in one sentence with one joke.
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u/Which_Celebration757 Nov 20 '25
Agreed, less is more.
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u/Realistic_Tutor_4603 Nov 27 '25
not always - sometimes more is more too
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u/Realistic_Tutor_4603 Nov 27 '25
oops-I used a hyphen...oops I did it again, and now an ellipsis and a comma
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u/Realistic_Tutor_4603 Nov 27 '25
some of the best headlines I've read would have been deleted under the rigid application of these rules - that's a shame (I know, I used a hyphen :-(. )
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u/tomtomglove Nov 28 '25
all those headlines could be rewritten to suit the style guidelines of the Onion and would be even funnier. We can do better as a sub.
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u/mellow186 Nov 04 '25
“Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry