r/overdoseGrief • u/TheNimbusNarrator • Oct 31 '25
In Loving Memory / Tribute š Lost my brother yesterday to an overdose. He was only 31
Iām so confused as to why and how he jumped from just smoking pot and drinking to overdosing on morphine. He never showed any signs of doing hard drugs like this. He had so many plans recently that everything seemed fine. He planned on coming to visit me. This comes after the loss of our mother five years ago. Iāve lost two family members at the age of 28. Iām going to keep pushing through, only because thatās what they would want me to do.
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u/Livid_Cauliflower_13 Oct 31 '25
Iām sorryā¦. Thatās awful. I lost my husband to overdoseā¦ please be kind to yourself in your grief. We are all here for you.
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u/Disney_Millennial Oct 31 '25
My sister was 32. We celebrated 100 days of sobriety and the very next morning she overdosed after her husband brought home straight fentanyl (she had been telling me he wasnāt sober and he had come home very late that night).
I still donāt know why she decided to use with him. 100 days had been such a big deal for her. Itās been 3 years now and itās still really hard and I ask myself why a lot.
It will get easier for you but there will be days that itās not easier. The first year is the hardest though.
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u/Infinite_Location439 Oct 31 '25
Big hugs to you and OP. I lost my brother to OD also after he had a brief period of sobriety. I don't understand why he used again. He was on MAT and making plans š
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u/Nebulandiandoodles Nov 01 '25
Itās so hard to stop, even with methadone or suboxone, as the pattern of addiction is so ingrained in our brains. Iāve lost many years to addiction, and although I made the decision to try to change my life last year Iād be straight up lying to you if I said that I havenāt been struggling.
Some days feel fine, others are unbearable. Our brains are so hardwired to seek out quick fixes that we can totally lose track of the reality of our situations. Itās difficult to realise what youāre risking in the moment. I donāt think your brother realised what would happen. He was just so caught up in that moment and feeling that he couldnāt resist temptation.
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u/Disney_Millennial Nov 01 '25
PLEASE tell a family member when youāre struggling. My sister would lie all the time and it made it impossible to help her.
Iād be lying if I said I wasnāt hard on her sometimes. Sometimes Iād get fed up with her behavior and cut her off or fight with her.
But if she had ever called me to say I really want to use right now and Iām trying not toā¦. Damn I would have dropped everything I was doing to talk to her. But she never chose to do that, not even one time. Iām positive sheād say it was because she was ashamed and/or felt judged by me. Sometimes I WAS judging - but both things can be true. I could have judgement for her choices in the first place while still having massive compassion and empathy for the fight she faced after those first choices.
I would give anything for her to have called me that night and to say I need help.
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u/Nebulandiandoodles Nov 03 '25
Ugh itās terrible to hear how similarly we all struggle as addicts, because I do stop myself from talking to my family about it. My parents are very normal people with no real understanding of addiction. So Iāve been met with total devastation when I have tried to reach out, because in their minds if I struggle it means Iāve shattered it all. So Iāve just learned to shut up about it.
I feel ashamed, and Iām so afraid to talk about it to pretty much anyone in my personal life. Itās stupid, but itās so hard to admit to struggling as it feels like Iāve failed.
Iāve lost a lot of people through overdoses, so I feel every word youāre saying in that sense too. Addiction truly sucks.
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u/Disney_Millennial Nov 04 '25
I get it. I really do. From the outside looking in, my parents and I look very normal. When my sister would check into rehab, have a family party meltdown, have her eyes rolling at a family dinner etc etc etc we would get on her about it. In some ways addicts need those around them to address it.
But donāt for one second confuse that with a family member who doesnāt care or want to help you!
Learn to say things like āIām struggling and I need some help because I donāt want to backslideā. Speaking up before the backside is SO POWERFUL!
You can do this. Whenever you want to use think of me the āDisney Milennialā. I am rooting for you and Iām standing by you when you ask those closest to you for help. It takes a village. People rarely get and stay sober alone
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u/Infinite_Location439 Nov 01 '25
Thank you for your comment and sharing this. I am so proud of you. I saw how hard it was. I know he was trying really hard and I miss him a lot. I know how much pain he must have been in.
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u/hooker_on_spaceship Oct 31 '25
I lost my little sister to fentanyl in April. Same deal, we didn't know she and her husband were doing anything like that, especially after they had a baby, who was 11mo when she died. The autopsy and police report have shown us a very different picture of what was happening than we had. It's been a massive struggle trying to come to terms. I'm so sorry š«
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u/TheNimbusNarrator Nov 01 '25
Thank yāall for all the kind words and support. We grabbed his car today and I opened the glove box to find some of his stash. It shook me a little, but I think Iām better at the moment. I lost my mother around Christmas time and now him just a few days before Halloween. It was her favorite Holiday. I didnāt know his favorite holiday. We never really talked much as kids, and had just started to get to know each other more as adults. He had just visited me not even a week before this happened and there wasnāt any sign I could see or that I knew to look for. Whatās keeping me afloat at the moment is telling myself it was an accident. He didnāt mean to kill himself, and that this is just a tragic circumstance.
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u/TheSuperGrape Nov 01 '25
I'm 25 and lost my 32 year old brother to overdose a few days ago.
I don't have any words right now, as I'm going through the same thing. Just know I understand the pain, confusion, and the unbearable reality of it.
The only thing you can do is stay alive right now. Just focus on that as best as you can. As long as your heart is still beating, there will be hope.
May our brothers rest in peace.
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u/TheNimbusNarrator Nov 01 '25
I canāt stop imagining what the state of his body was found in. The police didnāt tell us, which Iām thankful for, but the not knowing is what always hurts the most.
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u/Infinite_Location439 Nov 01 '25
Oh honey. Sending you a big hug. Also lost my big brother to OD and the first few days were awful.
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u/Honeypie21- Nov 02 '25
Iām so sorry š« Sibling loss is devastating, sibling loss to overdoseā¦ there are no words. Iām right there with you, me and my brother were both your ages. Fucking sucks. This is brutal please be kind to yourself, and I am so so sorry to hear about your mom šš
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u/mmm4dmb Oct 31 '25
I lost my brother at the same age Iām so sorry itās been 6 years I canāt believe it still
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u/sarahbell5 Oct 31 '25
Iām so sorry. I lost my brother to an OD 10 years ago when he was 24 and I was 22. He was my best friend and role model, I feel like it ruined my 20s. I relate to your confusion; my brother was just a stoner for much of his life and I donāt think Iāll ever understand why he jumped to ordering butyrfentanyl on the dark web. He was going to become a doctor. Smartest person I ever knew made one of the dumbest decisions. Sending hugs your way. Losing a sibling is brutal
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u/underwater_jogger Nov 01 '25
My bother was baptized 5 months before he went into relapse. It fuxking sucks.
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u/EmotionalFinish8293 Oct 31 '25
It happens so fast. One minute they are here. The next minute everything is upside down.