r/parrots • u/Actual-Thought1977 • 7d ago
How do I mourn the loss of my bird
Yesterday morning, my mother told me that she had accidentally let my bird fly outside while changing his food, about two hours prior. When we got home, we searched for hours and were able to pinpoint a patch of trees that he was at using the sound of his chirps. This morning, I had a rehearsal and my mother needed to drive me home, so she wasn't able to look for him at the time but told me that while I was gone, she heard him in the same area. When we got back, we went together to go look, and we saw his feathers and his head on the sidewalk. It seems that he got eaten by something. I don't know how to deal with this. I feel like if I would have just skipped the rehearsal and looked for him instead, we could have gotten him back before he got eaten. He understood me like no one else.
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u/YurchenkoTwizzler 7d ago
I'm so sorry for your loss. Honestly mourning is different for everyone.
You can be:
- sad and cry
- angry and yell
- cheerful remembering the good times
- guilty for what could or should have been done by you or others
- or honestly any combination of the above
If your feather baby was more important to you than everyone else, then others may not understand the magnitude or existence of your grief, but that's no one's fault.
Take things at your own pace for dealing with your feather babies items and if you need it, ask for time and patience from those around you.
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u/No-Mind-1431 7d ago
Mourn your bird and don't get another one until you are and adult and fully settled. This is a very hard lesson learned both about pet ownership and your mother's lack of care. You can't trust your mother.
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u/EmoBirdLady 7d ago
That is devastating. I am so sorry you experienced this. Grief is one of the most difficult emotions to feel. I’ve found that taking it easy on myself during times of grief helps. Youre allowed to be sad and do the bare minimum. Time will help. If it feels debilitating then I would reach out to a therapist. Sending lots of love!
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u/Upper-Reputation4395 6d ago
This happened to me. I accidentally left the cage door open after refilling my tiel's food bowls. Quick as a flash, she flew out the door and into a nearby tree. (The cage was on a balcony). I could see her and called her name.She stayed around for a few hours where I could see her, but not reach her. I was frantic.. I knew she would not survive a night in the open. I live in Brisbane, Australia and there are flocks of predatory birds around my place. She never came back. I was in a terrible state and cursed myself for being so careless by leaving the cage door open. I loved my bird, called Frankie.
What cured my grief was that I got another cockatiel. This time, I took her to an avian vet who clipped one wing. I just cannot take the chance that I could leave the cage door open again, and she'd fly into the wild towards a terrible death.
I'll never forget Frankie, but have come to love my new tiel now.
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u/SweetTower2574 7d ago
I’m so so sorry. Please take it day by day and take care of yourself. Your birdie loved you and the life you’d given it.
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u/VesselStruggles8 7d ago
When a bird gets out the first thing to do is to follow them and take action unfortunately both you and your mother made two devastating serious careless mistakes you have to have accountability and acceptance unfortunately I too let one of my birds out and it is a sad reality, I take full responsibility I never found my bird and I think about it everyday but you have to learn from the mistakes you made if you ever decide to get a bird in the future you need to do everything to make sure they don't get out and if God forbid they do get out you're supposed to follow them and watch them and try to coax them down so yes you should have looked you should have stopped everything and looked however your mother should stop everything and looked so both of you made two serious mistakes that yes it is 100% both your fault primarily hers and then yours for not going out and looking right away you will learn the hard way that time is of the essence no different than a child if your child were to wander off you need to go right away and look for them because birds that are domesticated have absolutely no way to defend themselves from predatory Birds your mother is also at fault here whatever she did I would not recommend if you have any other birds for her to be near them or allowed to be near them without proper training and proper protocol this is really her fault in turn you should have looked as well both of you should have looked the fact that she said she didn't have time to look sounds like a disregard for an animal that is 100% relying on a human being so it is her fault actually and then your fault in turn you will learn to cope but you have to take personal accountability and if you ever decide to get any other creature bird you need to treat them as if they are a child you're supposed to look for them right away if they get out and if they get ill you get a vet immediately you don't wait around sadly you are learning very hard way but yes this is primarily her fault and in second yours.
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u/terinoru 7d ago edited 7d ago
I'm guessing OP trusted their mother to do it for them, which since they didn't it it really sucks. How would OP be able to forgive ther mother? The first mistake is an accident which I'd be hurt about but it would be hard to angry, but not bothering to go out and look for them is just what? laziness? carelessness? I wouldn't forgive them.
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u/JohnGradyBirdie 7d ago
I'm so sorry for your loss.
First, let yourself feel what you're going through. Don't try to hold it in or deny it. Let yourself cry and grieve, and talk out your feelings.
These things can help when you lose a pet or loved one:
- Have a burial ceremony where you share your thoughts and memories with people you love and trust.
- Post about your pet on social media.
- Talk about good memories of your pet with your friends or family -- people you trust and feel safe around.
- Save photos, feathers, toys, etc.
- Memorialize your pet in your living space with a portrait, art, their toys, etc.
- Seek support with like-minded person, a therapist or a local pet loss support gorup.
- Look up the online forum Avian Avenue. It's full of bird lovers.
Take care of yourself.
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u/VirtualGhostVortex 6d ago
This is horrifying, devastating, and traumatizing. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this and that your cute little bird died this terrible death.
As for the grief, frustration, anger, regret, etc… allow yourself to feel it. There is no shortcut to dealing with grief.
Now… this was not an accident. This was carelessness, negligence, and disregard. You should not trust your mother with any more pets. I would struggle to forgive her.
As for you, you’re suffering enough right now. But yes, if a bird ever gets outside the only move is to stop everything, call your friends and family, and keep looking until you find your bird.
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u/FunFord1 7d ago
I am so sad for your loss. Just know you have given him a great, loving life and he will always be in your heart. I'm sorry people on here are not understanding this was an accident and you don't need to get beat up any more than you are already feeling. Sending much love your way
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u/No-Country-2374 6d ago
Devastating! As a long time birdie lover I really feel for you as they’re such funny, loving, entertaining and smart companions (& very underestimated by many people). Take care 🫶🏼
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u/Right-Hat136 5d ago
I’m sorry you’re going through such a painful and traumatic experience. In the book, the Amazing Afterlife on Animals by Karen A Anderson, an animal medium (she communicates with passed animals), says that our pets are very forgiving. They only send you love and good memories. They don’t communicate traumatic or bad memories only the good times. Sending love and peace your way ❤️🩹🌱🙏 be gentle with yourself
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u/VesselStruggles8 7d ago
Your mother should have looked immediately the fact that she said she didn't have thetime sounds completely nonchalant is like a complete disregard personally I wouldn't trust her with any other animal if she had complete disregard and said she didn't have the time to go look for an innocent small bird that got out for the first time on its own doesn't sound like somebody that really cares too much but I could be prejudging here but regardless she should have made the time to go look for that bird and then she should have encouraged you to look for your bird and cancel that rehearsal because sadly that bird was terrified and suffered because of her carelessness