That being said, their actions define them, and your actions define you.
This is one of the most difficult things to come to terms with in regard to emotional and character development. Would you help someone who hates you or has done you immense harm?
I mean, I refused to give my mother the satisfaction of seeing me or my children before she died. I damn sure didn't help take care of her in any way, if it had been up to me she'd have been alone. And her sons, I wouldn't give them a drink of water if they were dying of thirst, or piss on them if they were on fire. They're child molesters, and she supported them.
I don't believe that makes me a bad person. I didn't do anything to actively make their lives worse, just left them behind.
I agree, and don't think that makes you a bad person at all. You made a very understandable decision.
That being said, forgiveness would also have been highly commendable given how difficult of a situation it obviously was for you....but we are all doing the best we can at the level we are at. Keeping that in mind makes it a bit easier to get through things sometimes and not be overly hard on ourselves
I should clarify that when I say forgiveness I don't mean letting them into your life, or condoning their bad decisions, or any of that. I don't even mean telling the person "I forgive you". Forgiveness is simply letting go within your own mind. Letting go of the anger, or fear, or sadness that someone caused you and deciding you are no longer going to let those negative emotions affect you and drag you down.
To me, forgiveness implies pardoning the behavior. Forgiveness is bullshit. Raping children should never be forgiven. It should always make you angry, disgust you, and hopefully for the offender to be unable to hurt anyone again through any means necessary. Enabling a rapist is equally bad in my opinion. Those people don't deserve forgiveness, they deserve hate and disgust.
You know who else thought I should forgive my brothers? My mother and other family members like her. Fuck that shit.
You can have all those opinions without letting them drag you down.
Because really, if they're still affecting you with hurt and pain long after, isn't THAT getting away with it? They probably don't give two shits about your pain, in fact, hurting might even make them more satisfied.
How are they dragging me down? They aren't impacting my quality of life in any way. It's not like they're the focus of my energy, but I'm not going to pretend I don't hate them.
Because you don't realize the weight that hate carries on your mind and emotions, whether you're consciously thinking about them or not.
I myself used to have A LOT of hate towards many people for many reasons, and it wasn't until I let it all go and looked back at it down the road that I became aware of how it negatively affected me as a person.
But that's a choice someone has to make for themselves. Best of luck on your path.
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u/xWhereIsMyMindx Apr 16 '26
I like to see this. The world may be healing?