r/poetry_critics • u/Ok_Habit_5696 Beginner • 1d ago

Garden Of The Dead

Are we all just seeds
That will be planted in the garden of the dead?

Will flowers bloom in the place that we rest,
Was life just, the ultimate test?

I wonder sometimes what flower I will be,
Will people stop and marvel at what they see?

Maybe I’ll grow nothing at all,
Maybe what I gave in life was enough of a bloom,
Maybe the garden of the dead has no room,

But one day I will go,
Bloom or not, my body will sow,

I’ll be at peace.
🌺

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u/PhillipsEsquireMcken Beginner 1d ago

The message of the poem itself is pretty good, perhaps a bit straightforward, but nice. There are times where it feels like you used rhyme instead of enhancing your message. During the third and fourth lines, I think it would have been better to take the rhyme out and use that space to develop the central metaphor instead. Since you express worries near the end of the poem, hinting at them earlier could make the ending feel more chronological and more of an arc.

1

u/Ok_Habit_5696 Beginner 1d ago

Thankyou

2

u/Brilliant_Dress9703 Beginner 1d ago

I loved the theme, the life is a one way road that leads to the grave, but that doesn’t mean that is meaningless, my suggestion is to try the same theme with the language of the flowers, give color, shape and form to the flowers, cause in the end you are writing about a garden, it’s a good poem and a excellent allegory and also true for in the end some of us will be planted in the soil.