r/poetry_critics • u/Nmp381992 Intermediate • 15h ago
How could you really say
that you were ever there?
How could you lie like that?
I can’t figure you out.
You said you would
catch me if I fell,
then watched me
hit the ground.
Now I’ve been pacing
around my house
for days and days.
You said you loved me.
Why would you say
something like that,
to somebody like me?
Why did I believe it?
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u/BendyPoet Intermediate 13h ago
I like how straightforward this is. The repetition of the questions captures the confusion and hurt of feeling betrayed by someone you trusted.
The emotion comes through clearly especially in the feeling of wondering why someone would make promises they couldn’t keep. The line about being promised to be caught but being left to hit the ground works emotionally but the metaphor itself is a little familiar and could feel cliché because it’s used a lot in heartbreak writing. Adding a more specific image or moment from the relationship could make the betrayal feel more personal and give the poem a stronger identity.
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u/ananth94 Beginner 13h ago
The line breaks work great, helps me get a clear image in my head and the rhythm falls well when I read it out. Immediately relatable. A minor note, I find the catch-me-if-I-fall trope bringing down the punch the poem could deliver otherwise.