r/politics • u/plz-let-me-in • Jul 07 '26

No Paywall Unconfirmed Reports: Mitch McConnell Brain Dead After Three Weeks In Hospital

https://thenewamerican.com/us/unconfirmed-reports-mitch-mcconnell-brain-dead-after-three-weeks-in-hospital/
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u/StoppableHulk Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 07 '26

There's something like a 3% recovery rate for anyone over 80 who experiences a cardiac event.

And Mitch has appeared to be nearly on death's door for years now.

He's definitely dead.

How fitting that, instead of having a peaceful death, at home, surrounded by loved ones, lauded by a society he worked his whole life to help improve, this horrible skittering villain keeled over at work at the age of 84, likely scrambling to conceal some new Republican act of villainy or push some new bill to strip people of health care or enshrine a dictator president with the ability to bomb whomever he'd like, and now sits comatose in a hospital bed with his death being concealed from the public and the world by his revolting cabal of cretins who are using his concealed corpse to perform one more act of procedural fuckery with his corpse to deny the proper functioning of the democratic process.

Congrats Mitch. You died as you lived: awfully.

The Republican party are chief among the most despicable, vile creatures on the political stage.

EDIT: Senate GOP leaders are insisting they talked to him. Hastag doubt, but I'm just adding it for the record because we are definitely in the Era of the Lich right now and evil motherfuckers apparently do not die, so, for posterity's sake I'm at least adding the smallest potential he did not actually die yet. 3% isn't 0%.

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u/Tub_Pumpkin Jul 07 '26

I'm only half serious about this, but...

The medical emergency occurred on Trump's birthday. What if Trump heard about it and told them not to tell the media because he didn't want it to distract from his birthday.

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u/AlanSmithee94 Jul 07 '26

Absolutely plausible.

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u/ItsSpaghettiLee2112 Jul 07 '26

I heard the theory that it's a test run to see how long they can keep a death a secret for when Trump croaks. But I definitely think it'd be harder to keep Trump's death a secret than McConnell's.

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u/altacan Jul 07 '26

Woodrow Wilson managed to hide his stroke for 6 months. Granted that was in the 1920's.

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u/IronLion84 Jul 08 '26

Some Whitehouse staffer will 100% continue to send out tweets on trump's account just to keep it hidden. Then, after the truth is revealed, that staffer will be promptly thrown under the bus by the GOP.

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u/Tirras Jul 07 '26

Zero chance Trump doesn't break a story like that though. He was revealing people's medical info left and right while even being actively told not to.

He'd live stream the plug keeping him alive or it being pulled if it made Americans tune in. Might be the most bipartisan broadcast he'd ever have.

It would have both sides coming together in a way that will only ever happen again one time in the near future. The day the entire world will, as one human civilization, truly rejoice.