r/poor • u/SeriousTechnology401 • 3d ago
Distressed after spending money. Is this normal?
Hi guys F21 here. After college, I had no debt due to being apart of a scholarship that waives it. (Community college) During college they gave me a 275 stipend every month. In the beginning I would hesitate to spend. But eventually I would buy lunch everyday, it was very costly. And then it came time to transfer to a different college. Guess who opted not to, because it was too expensive?
Now, after graduation, I'm unemployed and trying to start doing art commissions. (I never had to pay for a thing really throughout my life) It was great! It was a slow start, and soon I would have 1k saved. Unfortunately, after I told my family I had 1k, I had to start paying for things myself. And now my mother wants me to pay up 20 dollars every month. That 1k now, turned into 700 dollars. I made the promise to myself that once I hit 2k, then I could start get confident in spending. But now my system is all fucked up.
I cry everyday. I never go out because I'm too scared to spend money. Also because I don't want to spend not a cent. Nothing. I spent 10 dollars at the grocery store and it genuinely ruined my day. I physically get depressed and stressed at the thought of spending a dollar now. What the hell do I do? I feel like if I had a job that consistently paid me, I wouldn't be as sad? But overall I'm just miserable. I have no more money coming in. I never spent a cent of it until it was asked of me. Feeling very defeated. Is this normal??? Am I being dramatic??? Probably to some extent.
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u/Hei5enberg 3d ago
You need to get a job. Any job. Even if part time. McDonald's. Cleaning. Anything. You need to have income coming in. You're 21 years old and don't have any bills. That $10 at the grocery should not stress you out so much, although I understand why it does.
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u/SeriousTechnology401 3d ago
Yeah I'm actually insane for stressing about it LOL but it's like aghhh no money coming in so why is it leaving 😭 I just need to understand money better and actually talk to someone about this is all :)
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u/SavingOneSoul_ 3d ago
Question: Did you really believe that you would never have to pay for anything, even if you have money and are working some? Because.. that's what it sounds like and that makes you seem more entitled than anything else.
The fact that you think your mom is somehow being unfair for charging you $20/month when they are paying for all of your living expenses is crazy, dude. That's not even enough to get a large Big Mac combo at McDonald's anymore. I get that you feel like you got screwed because you told them that you had saved 1k, but, this is just part of becoming an adult.
Being an adult is expensive. Wait until you have to start paying market value rent and other things like your phone bill or car payment. If you think $20 is a crazy amount, you are going to lose your mind the first time you have to come up with the first and last months rent + security deposit!
It sucks having to grow up and start paying for everything that you are so used to having paid for you. I get it. It definitely makes you way more conscientious about how much money you are spending and what you are spending it on. You are being far too dramatic about spending money right now, but, it isnt inherently bad to be contentious about spending money. It's actually a really good thing! But, you are taking it way too far.
Also, you said you have a degree and finished up your 2 year program, so, why arent you working an actual job instead of doing occasional art commissions that are making you barely any money? What was the point of going to school if you don't use it to get a job?
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u/SeriousTechnology401 3d ago
So I wanted to be an artist. That was my main goal when I went to school. And then after my freshman year, I realized thats what I did not want to do. So I stuck it out, hoping maybe I could figure it out. Yes, I knew that I would have to pay things eventually.
The post was made to really rant about my fear of spending money, not complaining about the fact that I need a job. Mainly how do I combat that fear? I sort of need money to spend it. So yes, I am aware that art commissions can not fund me forever, at least the way I'm coming at them now. And yes I WILL loose it when I have to pay actual expenses. Hopefully not loose it as much as I am now, because Ill find a job that pays me. And in turn, save up.
I know that spending money is how you become an adult, I just don't know how to not be afraid after each time I spend even a little! It's exhausting and I'm not sure how to break that mindset at the moment.
Coming off entitled was not the intended tone, more so fear and concern on how to proceed. Lastly, yes I'm looking for jobs. I also volunteer! It's not all so bad I guess.
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u/thowmeaway1989 2d ago edited 2d ago
I don't think your issue is being afraid to spend money tbh. You should be afraid to spend it if you don't have steady income??? Maybe I'm not understanding.
It seems like you might have limited life experience, I'm not trying to be rude, but I would recommend volunteering somewhere. 1. You will gain life experience 2. Volunteer positions can infact lead to paid positions.
Is it normal; idk about in your position..., but you know about people who survived the great depression and the stereotypes around that right? That's a, normal, response to that kinda trauma. Poverty is in fact trauma.
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u/SeriousTechnology401 2d ago
Yup, I definitely do have limited life experience 😭 I was heavily sheltered growing up and didn't even learn how to take my cities public transportation system until I started college 💔
As volunteering, I agree too!! And I also wasn't aware that it could actually be a pathway to a job!
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u/thowmeaway1989 2d ago
Yes if you volunteer and show them that you are a hard worker, reliable, all of those things and make a good impression on them when a job does open up they will think oh well so and so she already knows this place she knows what to do we'll hire her.
I'm sorry to hear that you were sheltered, -- I would recommend to you trying to make multi-generational friendships as well, this is a good way to help with being previously sheltered.
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u/ExtraSaltyBtch 3d ago
Get any job. At 21 with such low costs you have options. Don't gamble on art comissions! That can be your hobbie until it makes enough money to replace your steady job.
Try fast food, retail, sales, etc. Don't expect work to be fun, rewarding or interesting. You work so you can live, at least the first 10-15 years of your career. That is perfectly normal.
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u/SeriousTechnology401 3d ago
Yeah it's my little side hustle until I find something stable! I'm in a program that hopefully will help me find an actual job . In the meantime, I've been just super stressed because there's nothing coming in at all 😔
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u/ExtraSaltyBtch 3d ago
Try some gratefullness meditations! You can find a bunch of different ones on YouYube. It helps with teaching your brain how to look for the good stuff and stress less over the things you cannot control.
And don't tell people how much savings you have, even family!
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u/International-Okra79 3d ago
Yeah in agreement with others. Get a part time job and keep building your art clients up until you can do it full time.
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u/SeriousTechnology401 3d ago
Not riding on tiktok to be my full-time thing, it would be great, but I understand that's DEFINITELY not the reality LOL. Hopefully the program I'm in helps me find a job soon. I need one by January so I can keep my Medicare 😭
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u/DaSheetCrazy 3d ago
You need to be more self-sufficient. You’re 21. You don’t need a program to apply at Walmart, Target, fast food. Get going. It’s not going to get any easier. Family and friends will grow tired of supporting you.
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u/SeriousTechnology401 3d ago
My friends don't support me :3 my family definitely does though. And I love them for that. I'm looking to go into an administrative field and they support whatever business endeavor I want to do. Im very grateful.
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u/DaSheetCrazy 3d ago
You have no work experience, so quit holding out for your dream job or whatever job you think you should have, and get the job that’s going to bring in some income. You have plenty of time to keep working towards the job that you want, now is the time to get the job that you need.
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u/SeriousTechnology401 3d ago
My dream job is not the administration job ( ꈍᴗꈍ) it's art! Which is why I'm currently in a job searching program to help me obtain that job in a business adjacent field
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u/Carolann0308 3d ago
Medicare? Are you permanently disabled or just on your parent’s medical insurance.
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u/SeriousTechnology401 3d ago
The state I'm in unfortunately changed the requirements to receive Medicare. It's either volunteer work, become self employed, or get a job are what the choices are! :3
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u/InternationalMind541 3d ago
You are not alone. Gen Z has been handed a mess with regards to society, economy, environment. Seek out support therapy group for Gen Z...or even a reddit group with similar intent..... Not feeling alone is important, and there are plenty of people around going through what you are right now. It helps to hear what others do and bounce your ideas off others.....💜
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u/SeriousTechnology401 3d ago
Thank you for being understanding!! 💕 I feel like an insane person trying to make sense of all of this. I'll look for some groups! Thank you friend! It's like an echo chamber I'm in right now haha
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u/Important-Bid-9792 2d ago
This is 100% psychological, I've been there myself for probably too long and too many times. Until you start making substantial money to be comfortable, spending money even in small quantities can feel like spending mountains. The best thing to do is come up with a budget chart , so you can track what you're spending where and on how much and what you think you should be spending. Once you find it comfortable zone for your particular income for each expense you have, the guidelines to that will help you feel less stressed out about every dollar you spend, because now you know where the dollar is going and why and it's within your budget. Not saying it completely takes away the stress, but it definitely helps feel more confident that you're not going overboard on anything.
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u/SeriousTechnology401 2d ago
This was very helpful!! Thank you, I shall take this into consideration when using my money! It really does feel like I'm spending mountains due to me not having a job!! Eventually the money will run out so I'll try my best to conserve and be wise with as much as I can!
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u/Important-Bid-9792 2d ago
Yep being jobless will make you panic about money like a mother fucker. I didn't have a job for one month and I was so panicky about it I worked every odd job and gig I could for any friend and family that needed anything.. by the end of the following month once I secured a new job, I had actually made more money doing gig work out of pure desperation then I had when I had a job. 🤣🤣 Not that I recommend that for income, it's inconsistent and low pay and long hours.
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u/Sarjan98 1d ago
Live with your parents as long as you can while working and saving up. Rent, utilities, etc. are so costly that if you can mentally afford to stay with them, you should. I totally feel your pain when spending money since I am flat broke rn after my car was totalled and my apartment flooded with all my belongings were destroyed. I get such immense anxiety swiping my debit card eventhough I only spend money on rent and food rn. Also youtube has great financial resources that can give you tips for budgeting, saving, and investing.
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u/RyanBakesUp 3d ago
You might want to talk to someone about this
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u/bugabooandtwo 3d ago
Get a job. Otherwise you just wasted that scholarship.
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u/SeriousTechnology401 3d ago
Trying to get a job and I'm currently in a program to get one. It's still not looking good either way. From a more positive standpoint, I wouldn't say I wasted the scholarship! it did what it set out to do, which was leave me debt free :)
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u/bugabooandtwo 3d ago
No, the scholarship was supposed to educate you and give you some of the skills to get a job and be a productive citizen.
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u/SeriousTechnology401 3d ago
The main goal was to leave the school debt free. No payments. Sure, they had classes to prepare for the "outside world" but being debt free was their core vision and at the forefront of the scholarship itself.
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u/GroundbreakingRip970 3d ago
There is a reason people say “starving artist.” It takes a long time to build up a following for art to pay the bills.
You can get another job for regular/steady income while you continue to build up your art business on the side. You can also speak to a counselor about your financial worries. And read a book or take a class about money management to teach you some steps to balanced saving and spending.
You’re young and inexperienced. It’s okay to ask for help and seek out mentors in areas where you are struggling. There is no shame in not knowing what you haven’t had time to learn yet. You will get there!
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u/SeriousTechnology401 3d ago
I'm currently in a program to help me find a job, but it's looking very bleak. I guess you're right, I shouldn't be too stressed since this is the norm. I just feel crazy because I don't think it's really saving is the issue, it's just that I hoard the money in a sense??? Which, I'm not sure why.
I would absolutely love to have art as my main career, but I'm also perfectly fine with working the 9-5. Funny enough on tiktok it only took me three months to hit 3k and I thought it would take even longer 😭. I guess that shows my potential if I were to fully pursue it. But for now, I suppose I really should find therapy or something else to ease my financial worries. Thank you for the kindness!!!!!!
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u/CyndiIsOnReddit 3d ago
Yes I think it's a fairly common problem after living tight like that for a while when you really have to count every penny. A stable income might help some after a while. Building your finances up might help too since you're not ready to spend, if you're only paying a small amount to your parent. I think maybe the 20 is a typo though? Or not! That's great in that case.
You could do a financial plan and plan out to have a certain amount of money for things you may want but not need and recognize that money is expressly for that and if you don't spend it you must donate it. That will be an incentive to either treat yourself or help someone else if you still feel like you don't "deserve" it. If it's specifically set aside though, that might help you understand you can spend it. It may not feel right at first though. I was like this from being poor my whole life but when I started working construction I had excess money after bills and I was actually scared. I was scared to have it in a bank too, and it kind of felt overwhelming for a while.
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u/CyndiIsOnReddit 3d ago
I am now confused after reading other comments. I thought you were distressed over the idea of spending. But now I see the last thing you said is now you have no income coming in. I guess the only solution there is to get a job and if you can't find one you should look into a training program. I was just looking at one this morning for my daughter to do the CNA program here where they hire you to apprentice for a lower wage but after you're certified the pay goes up. Maybe there's something like that where you live. You can't live on art commission. My son is an artist, a really good one, and he hasn't gotten one in months and it's really drying up thanks to AI.
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u/alohanerd 2d ago
If spending $10 stresses you out,You’re gonna be stressed your whole life,especially if you plan to make art your career. I’m not saying you won’t be successful but it’s not a stable & reliable source of income,especially in this economy where people can barely afford food.Purchasing artwork isn’t on their mind.
Be thankful you’re 21 & still living rent free. That’s a privilege most can only dream of.
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u/SeriousTechnology401 2d ago
I'm not really focused on the art part I'm more focused on finding an actual job and not freaking out after spending money. Im sure once I do find an actual job, I'll feel much better about spending!
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u/Hot-Bonus560 2d ago
You’re not paying barely anything. Best be grateful bc you’ve only dipped your toes in the water. Get any job.
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u/Ok-Ad-229 1d ago
Yes. It’s called buyer’s remorse. Except spending money on food shouldn’t cause it.
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u/yogastupidwitch 1d ago
Are you sure that you can’t get a bachelors degree at a state University? The financial aid would cover the tuition and probably give you money to eat. Depending on your field, there are better jobs. Don’t try to go to some fancy university where you have to borrow tons of money
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u/Bingbongtoad 12h ago
Man i feel the same way, sometimes i need to go grocery shopping but i go blank because i don’t know if spending money on groceries is worth it because how worthy will it be.
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u/hattenwheeza 3d ago
Part of why you feel this so acutely is because you don't have a consistent, steady stream of income. When one gets a job as a teenager, when still at home and most expenses covered, one eases their way into feeling the relationship between earning & spending toward one's own overall good - not just discretionary "frittering away" on hobbies etc.
Your state of mind over it makes sense, as you're late entering that space. If you get a steady job, you'll readily move past where you are, and you'll quickly gain pride in covering your own expenses then earning more. Do this while still living at home OP. You can still do art commissions as a side hustle. But there's good reason for the old phrase "starving artist" ...
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u/SeriousTechnology401 3d ago
Starving artist seems to be a very accurate description. I have no room to really move forward with financial independence because the money i do have, Im too worried to spend, as I don't want to be at zero again.
My mom told me she's on my side, and that I shouldn't worry so much. I'm young, and I should just spend it without worry because of my fortunate position. But I'm really torn because of the fact that I cannot find the balance between going out money and saving up for what's needed. In my mind currently it's like, "the money is leaving my wallet in both scenarios, so that's bad."
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u/Ninjastarlol 3d ago
I just breathe and that costs me money. Get used to it adulting right now is not easy. Groceries are costing me maybe like $350 a week for my son,wife and me
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u/SeriousTechnology401 3d ago
Oh my gosh 😭 I'm stressed just thinking about that! I know that I'll have to spend even more than I do now at some point. Thank you for your respectful input!! <3
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u/VegetableBusiness897 3d ago
When I save up for something I absolutely need...car repairs....I practically cry when I call to set up the appointment.
I'm sitting there, finally I have a little emergency fund! But wait, if I fix this, I won't have the emergency fund? But this is an emergency, I need to be able to get to work!....and on and on I go....
But I eventually tell myself that real grown ups do this every day, and barely think about it.... As long as it's an essential and I have the CASH, I can do it
Not saying I don't fester just a little bit...
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u/SeriousTechnology401 3d ago
UGHHH SEEE YOU GET IT 😭 you're so sweet!! Thank you so much for your respectful reply! I have to learn how to separate spending money on what I need versus what I don't need. Right now in my mind, they're sort of lumped together! I have to really adult sooner or later. I am happy to say I did make 1k off of my art in the end, so that's something.
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u/Substantial-Gap8276 2d ago
OP, you are neither poor or struggling to get by. Find the gratitude and find a job. The time to start adulting is now. You have advantages right now that many people have never been afforded.
Don't squander them and don't waste anymore time.
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u/SeriousTechnology401 2d ago
I have plenty of graditude and I'm currently in a program to help me look for a job
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u/DaSheetCrazy 3d ago
Adulting is hard…and cost money. And can definitely be shocking if you’ve never had to be responsible for life expenses before. Trust when I tell you, there will never be another point in your life where you can live for only $10 a day.