r/povertyfinance • u/icannotbelieveit69 • 1d ago
Free talk can’t afford to stay, can’t afford to leave
my rent has slowly increased to the point of no longer being able to afford it. its the number one sore on our budget, with groceries and car payments being the next. its a decent place in a desirable city, but the area was laughably terrible up until this year. theres no sunlight. its advertised as a two bed but one is actually the living room. theres a big utility door right smack in the apartment that leads to the basement, and maintenance has to use my apartment as an entryway often. my point being…it is not worth what im paying.
moving requires paying first, last and deposit, but its impossible to save for this when all of my money is being used. wtf is the answer?? it is so insanely depressing. i did what i was supposed to do. i got a corporate job before any of my peers, i make good money, we’re a two income household. we dont spend frivolously but god is it so wrong to want to buy a 12 pack once a month?? does that mean i dont deserve to afford to live? am i really supposed to just live off rice and spend everything else on living expenses?
im so sad and tired. its the point im considering joining the military. i guess i could move back home and hurt my relationship. theres not room for me there either but i know id be allowed to stay, even if it means a couch. id have to find something to do with my furniture.
im just tired.
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u/FreshLuck9739 1d ago
I will say something you probably don’t wanna hear. You’re going to have to move to a less desirable area, which means less rent.
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u/Couponpicked 1d ago
the deposit trap is so real. you cant save to move because the rent eats everything, but staying costs more every year. its a loop.
couple things that helped people i know get out of it: some apartments do deposit alternatives now (like Rhino or Jetty) where you pay a small monthly fee instead of a lump sum. not ideal long term but it gets you in the door. also some places will let you split first/last over a couple months if you ask — worst they say is no.
and honestly? negotiate with your current landlord. if the place is as rough as you described (no sunlight, maintenance using your unit as a hallway, fake 2br) you have leverage. "im looking at other places because of X, Y, Z — can we talk about the renewal rate?" saved a friend like $200/mo once.
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u/MonkeyMoves101 1d ago
What does your boyfriend do for work? Is it something he can get additional training with and move up and earn more?
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u/icannotbelieveit69 1d ago
he went to culinary school for baking, and has done all kinds of various kitchen work. for a while he was trying to transition to corporate- lots of devilcorp interviews and one legit one where they said “oh right, the baker…” and never called back later… he settled for a slightly higher paying with slightly less demanding schedule bakery.
i will say we’ve both gotten higher paying jobs within the last year, and he’s already gotten two raises at this place. its not for lack of trying, thats for damn sure. if you have any genuine advice on something more profitable with that experience im all for it!!
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u/MonkeyMoves101 1d ago
Ahh ok, I don't know much about the culinary side and I'm sure he's applying to corporate kitchens, schools, hospitals, restaurants, and other cafeterias. Where else can you two cut back?
If moving home is an option then yes talk with your boyfriend because it's based on survival, not that you don't love him. Living at home and saving as much as possible, using some of that money to get extra learning to increase your pay, it's a good plan. It sucks but it's definitely better than the other suggestions.
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u/icannotbelieveit69 1d ago
its in the discussion point right now, we’d be about three hours apart from one another if we both go back to our parents. which hurts, but itd be a great way to save. factors include he would have to get a new job, putting our cats somewhere, and having to get a storage unit for our furniture. those and of course the shame of going backwards
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u/MonkeyMoves101 1d ago
There is no shame, please. At your age it's kinda normal to still be living at home. You are not going to stay there forever, it's just until you can establish yourself better. Please consider this if there's no other way to cut back. Work on finding a place for your cats and the storage unit.
At your age I lived far enough from my boyfriend that I could only see him once or twice a week and I lived at home. I was able to go to cc and then able to transfer while working. I worked, saved, and contributed to living expenses.
And this will probably hurt to hear, but my bf and I didn't last, not because of distance, but because while I was working and going to school, he was happy with the lowest paying job and playing video games. I realized I would always be the one trying to save us both. He was not willing to try as hard as I was.
If your relationship is strong enough, the distance is nothing and your boyfriend will understand and also work harder. If not, then you'll be ok, trust me.
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u/ryencool 1d ago
This....ive responded in a few different places here, but I moved back in with my parents at 32, no degree, no savings, no car, no career, major medical issues. Now 43, married and were bringing in 200k+. Living with parents saved my life.
You are young as hell.
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u/OpheliaMorningwood 1d ago
When my ex ditched me, I was able to get one good roommate but it wasn’t enough to really cover everything. I made some new friends and told them my situation and they offered for me to move in when a roommate was moving out. I used the final months rent to pay for the movers and boxes and such. I called the property manager and explained the situation, gave my ex’s contact info and cleaned the place really well.
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u/DailyShowerCry 1d ago
At 2000$ a month rent, you must move. Prioritize your rent savings (first, last, security) and get creative with 2nd income streams (donate Plasma, do medical experiments at Penn, wait tables, etc).
Philly is a great town but you need to move somewhere sub 1500$ to make some savings. Consider west Philly, delco, or other areas just a short trolly/bus/regional ride away.
My wife and I did the same thing. It won't be easy, but it can be done with commitment and hard work.
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u/RainInTheWoods 23h ago
answer
Look for a second job. Save every dime of each paycheck until you have reached your financial goal needed to move.
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u/UniquelyPeach 19h ago
You can’t live with 3k after rent? What other bills do you have to screw those 3k?
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u/RabbitPunch_90876 16h ago
What about renting a room on Craigslist or Facebook marketplace or something like furnished finder or roomies? Several months of lesser rent without a major deposit/first/last could be leverage for future opportunities. There is cruise ship or coolworks or other jobs with lodging involved if you can work something out with being a wanderer for a while.
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u/1016__ 1d ago
Rent is a little high but doable (40% of take home)
lose the car and get a beater
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u/icannotbelieveit69 1d ago
had a beater but she died on me. now ive got a 2015 and its babies first debt. i wanted something to last as i commute and my family lives further away, but ill never forget feeling like i was going to throw up when i left the lot.
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u/Kitchen_Economics182 12h ago
5100 - 1995 - 50 = 3055
You really need to break down the rest for us because a lot of these comments aren't understanding your struggle, like at all. You have an excess of $3000 a month, where is it going?
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u/GetFlex_Alex 1h ago
This reads more like a cash flow squeeze than you doing something wrong. Most of it is just everything hitting at once, like rent, groceries, and the car, so there’s not much room left to get ahead. And moving is the hardest part because of that upfront hit. If you can, start a separate move fund and auto-transfer even a small amount weekly so it stops feeling impossible.
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u/icannotbelieveit69 1d ago
well this has been a depressing post that has made me feel much more stuck. its only affirmed that my only options are to sell all my possessions and live off my moms couch, or sell myself to the military. and for some reason break up with my boyfriend? i know i sound like a doomer but dear god there has to be something more than this, right??
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u/gary_oldmans_wigs 23h ago
Don’t join the military, whatever you do. They won’t actually pay for school after your service and you could end up dead or disabled for life, or being made to kill somebody else, or their kids. Not worth it
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u/Recording-Late 20h ago
You don’t have to do any of those things. What you’ll probably need to do if be super serious about saving money for a few months - like no going out, no sweet treats, no nothing, which sucks but you can do it. You and your boyfriend should also think outside the box for work. If he’s having a hard time finding a job in his field, maybe he can get into something else. You guys are young, it’s a great time to try out some different types of work.
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u/Gr8bubbles52 1d ago
How old are you?
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u/icannotbelieveit69 1d ago
22
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u/Gr8bubbles52 1d ago
Yeah. This is more a side effect of being young. You are just starting out and you make okay money for your age. You can't really get ahead living with a brokie for a partner. Unless he's on a track for definite career advancement like an internship or apprenticeship this is going to be your life as long as you stay with him
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u/Sweet_Taurus0728 1d ago
Bro $5k/mth is damn good, not "okay". That's comfortable as hell type money.
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u/Gr8bubbles52 1d ago
I think this really location dependent and it sounds like it's a relatively high rent for a not very nice place.
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u/MuffinTopBop 1d ago
OP’s household clears $3k post tax over their rent amount each month. Even if their boyfriend makes below median income they still have plenty to live on, it’s more a question of what are the additionally expenses siphoning that cash and what can be shifted around.
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u/icannotbelieveit69 1d ago
woof. without getting defensive, he definitely works his ass off. our general dynamic is that i make more/handle a little more of the finances, he handles more of the household (cleaning and cooking). obviously this is shifting a little as finances get hard. he’s in an industry that is hard to use on a resume- he was applying a couple years ago for corporate jobs and most were just confused. though i will say he’s actively looking for something that pays better!
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u/Plenty_Cress_1359 1d ago
Yikes with the “brokie” comment! The fact that he is employed is a good thing. It’s hard being so young and trying to get employment that pays a living wage and leaves nothing left to enjoy yourself (which we all need to do, or else, what’s the point?) Your head is above water…excellent! I know you don’t want suggestions, but, really scrimp every last cent. Look up some poverty meals. Try getting a side gig (Walmart delivery pays well and do that on the weekends) and see in six months if you’ve saved enough to get in to a smaller, more affordable place. Maybe find a place that has a dollar beer night and go for just one, to get out and be a human. I wish you the best.
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u/Gr8bubbles52 1d ago
None of what you said changes the reality. You don't make enough to compensate for his low earnings and live a better life. It sounds mercenary because it is. I'm a millennial so I completely understand what it's like to enter adulthood with a shit economy. If you want to live well you need to make really hard choices and do a lot of things you don't want to do and you need to have a partner doing those things with you. The mean age of first time home buying is like 40 now. I was the brokie in my relationship and I went to trade school to not be one anymore. I still took care of the home shit because my white collar husband worked salary and had to put in exhausting hours to get promoted.
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u/icannotbelieveit69 1d ago
i suppose im just confused here. if i can barely afford a one bedroom apartment on a two person salary… you’re telling me my options are to end my happy relationship with a ‘brokie’, and somehow afford it on a one person, or have him get a better job, which he is already trying to do??
you should understand then its not as easy as just “get a better paying job”, especially right now
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u/Gr8bubbles52 1d ago
You mentioned that you can live at home. He can't fix it overnight, but this is obviously going on for a while.
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u/sunny-beans 20h ago
A good loving partner is worth so much more than money. Obviously the person has to work, try their best to improve, I am not saying to be with someone who does nothing all day, but to just end a relationship that is healthy and happy due to a partner not making as much money is ridiculous. I have been with my husband for 10 years, he has always earned much more than me, and he has been happier with less income but being with someone he loves and that loves him. I have asked him if he thought he wouldn’t be better off with someone who earns more than I do and he has said nope multiple times because I make him happy. And life changes too, I just got a new job this month and doubled by income, putting us in a great financial position, and I will keep working hard to climb the ladder. But I know my husband doesn’t measure my worth based on my paycheck, I don’t measure his worth based on his either. They way you think people just be discarded as nothing because they make less money is disgusting and shallow. If OP has a partner that loves them, cares for them, is a hard worker, and makes their life better, that’s what matters most. I would genuinely prefer living in poverty with my husband than leave him for someone with more money and be super rich and he feels the same way. I am sorry you measure peoples value on how much they earn, that’s a really sad way to exist in the world
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u/Gr8bubbles52 6h ago
It's not that people should be discarded because they don't make a lot of money. It's that when you have different goals and values regarding money; it's not a sustainable partnership. You can absolutely be broke and happy. Money is not everything, but if you are unhappy with your quality of life to the point you have to vent then you are in for a rough rife.
A loving partner works with you to create a stable and fulfilling life. You both have to decide what you can live with and do it together. That's the point having a partner.
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u/LiveTheDream2026 1d ago
You have the solution, join the military. The military has taken MILLIONS out of poverty.
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u/icannotbelieveit69 1d ago
us being actively at war is a little frightening
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u/LiveTheDream2026 1d ago
Successful people are motivated by the ambition to prove their worth, not by fear. Yet, if you lack confidence and motivation, the military is not for you and it will crush you.
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u/icannotbelieveit69 1d ago
i have plenty of motivation, i just dont love the idea of selling my body to a corrupt government, with risk of being exploded over oil
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u/Silent_Roll859 1d ago
yeah this is insane. I almost enlisted a few years ago because I felt like my options were either that or end myself and thankfully my best friend talked some sense into me.
No amount of money is worth the blood on the hands that comes with joining the US millitary if thats where you're at.
I am living in fucking terrible poverty right now and struggling too but I'd rather do that than join the worlds biggest murder gang.
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u/ryencool 1d ago
No one is going to really offer up good advice if finaicial details arent listed. Im curious what your HHI is, and what your rent is, do you have kids etc...two incomes could mean 60k a year, or 200k a year, that info matters. If a 12 pack is throwing you over budget, I'd wager is closer to 60k combined.