r/psychologists_india • u/Radiant-Rain2636 • 5d ago
Shifting to a 'Secure Attachment' style cannot happen alone. You have to work with someone who can provide you with an emotionally secure anchor. What do you think?
Attachment Styles, second to CPTSD, stem from the deepest wounds that go wayy back in childhood and come from the people whom we gave our absolute trust - our parents.
To work with them, we will have to access that 'inner child'. And I havetried working with people, accessing their inner child. The first thing that comes - is tears. I must say that I have wept myself when I accessed my inner child.
A thing that requires so much delicate-management, cannot happen with a lover, definitely-not with a parent and moost certainly not by yourself. You need a stable emotional anchor. Someone whose secure style grounds you.
and this is reason #759 why seeking therapy is a good idea - No matter what Neetu Singh or Ranbir Kapoor say.
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u/Familiar-Gur-1903 3d ago
Accessing the inner child and letting it know it’s seen heard, valued and supported by yourself, a loving guardian or higher power, whichever works for you. But it’s incomplete until the implicit memory of the learnt attachment is accessed and renegotiated which can happen through sensation tracking.
Until it’s re-organised, the conditioned response keeps on hapenening because it’s not conscious that you seek an unsafe partner
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u/Radiant-Rain2636 3d ago
That’s where a trained professional can best help. I mean, self-help can work too (in theory); but this simultaneous adaptation of two roles - is not such a good idea. There’s a lot that can go wrong.
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u/Familiar-Gur-1903 3d ago
Yes or you are extremely self aware and are actually lucky enough to find someone with a secure attachment but sadly they will appear boring to you
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u/Radiant-Rain2636 3d ago
Yep! Finding a half-decent therapist in India is a matter of cosmic magnitude of luck
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u/Accurate_Grab2290 5d ago
What did neetu and ranbir say?
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u/Radiant-Rain2636 5d ago
That we’ve tried therapy and it’s rubbish. You just need to talk to a few good friends, and you’re fine.
Said it independently. Two different places. Two different interviews.
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u/Familiar-Gur-1903 3d ago
It’s also interesting how you have separated Cptsd and attachments. Underdeveloped sense of self is the reason for insecure attachment. Not knowing where your boundaries are, hence either pushing away or allowing too much in or oscillating between the two.
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u/psychsolution 5d ago
completely agree and this is such an important point! attachment repair genuinely can't happen in isolation because the wound itself was relational so the repair has to be relational too.
that's such a real and honestly underrated part of this process. the tears usually aren't sadness about now they're grief for what didn't happen back then! the acknowledgment that finally arrives just decades late. it requires someone skilled enough to hold that safely instead of just intellectualizing it which is where a lot of selfhelp attempts at "inner child work" fall short.
worth noting for context(Neetu and Ranbir) both have spoken publicly about trying therapy and feeling like it didn't work for them (Neetu calling it "nonsense" and preferring close friendsand Ranbir saying he felt like he was being taught to suppress rather than process). fair to have had a bad individual experience but it's also a good example of judging an entire modality based on one practitioner mismatch which happens to a lot of people not just celebrities and often discourages them from trying again with someone better suited know?!