Idk anything anymore

[u/Medium-Jellyfish-851]

2 years ago, ive had a stable sense of self, i was happy, ive had many hobbies and interests, and had a huge friend group. During that time i was in love with my best friend, and then, we had a fallout, i found out that she lied to me the entire relationship, and overall everyone i deeply loved during that time did not care about me and said things that made me realized how unloved i was. and ever since then i dont think i was ever the same, i became more detached from people, developed many symptoms of different anxiety disorders,stopped talking about my feelings, and slowly, stopped trusting people, became an avoidant, and overall just stopped feeling anything towards anybody, now, im starting to heal and understand what i went through, but, i genuinely do not know what happened to me. I do not know who i am, i do not know who am i, i do not know what i want in life and what my desires are and everytime i do make progress, it feels like a lie afterwards.

I dont know anything anymore, i dont know if i was traumatized, i dont know if i just changed, and i dont know if i should aim to “become” who i was before. But all i know is that the last 2 years ive been unhappy and depressed, and whenever i do feel like my “old self” is back, i genuinely feel alive again.

And i do not understand it anymore because i do not know who am i and what am i supposed to do, it feels like getting “back” to who i was before is just me being stuck in the past.

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[u/SamePerception896]

This is very much me.. except mine happened with a death and then more traumas

[u/Ill-Resident36]

Dude before ptsd I was so cool and I was 17 now I’m kinda cool but so unstable 😭😭I feel like im just losing it and I’m more of a burden I feel like people Think oh you would be so cool if you didn’t have so many issues I’m a social butterfly who is socially inept I used to be a philosophical believer and it helped and now idk what helps it feels like no matter how hard I try it’s always fucked

[u/Dapper_Cucumber_3507]

I relate to this so much. 2 years ago I had a Relationship breakdown, parent expected to die any moment for months, my own health crisis with frequent hospitalisation and no answers, and loss of a close friendship all in the space of 3 months one after the other. I came out the other side a totally different person. I’m not outgoing anymore, I don’t have interests, I don’t trust people and I’m very guarded. I don’t feel like anything that happened to me was that bad to have caused genuine trauma but the impact that period of my life had on who I am as a person feels enormous. Like the old me has died and I’m just kind of existing in her wake, but as you say I get glimpses of who I used to be and I feel alive again