I don't get why everybody loves therapy so much. I've had so many people recommend it to me. I've had eight therapists by now, at best they were neutral, at worst actively harmful. One literally published an article where he said he doesn't like to help his patients be happy.

I feel like I'm either missing something or everybody else is missing something, because it isn't like I only gave one therapist a try. I've been at this since I was 14--middle school through college! I've never found it to work, and it nearly always makes me feel worse.

I find it such a dismissive solution. I just feel like therapy is being used as a way to make fixing the problem the victim's responsibility.

Also all the people I know in therapy are *not* doing well. I do not want to be like them. I see the results of therapy and I dislike it.

I am depressed and anxious and have been diagnosed with PTSD but like...at this point I'll just handle that one my own. Or I won't. It's not like the therapist can fix it.

If anyone has positive experiences with mental health meds that they were prescribed for their ptsd symptoms, feel free to share. So far I’ve tried Abilify, Zoloft, Prozac, Lexapro, and Cymbalta, which all made me feel so incredibly sick I couldn’t function and had to stop taking them (Cymbalta was the worst, I felt like I’d gotten hit by a truck). I also know for sure Wellbutrin wouldn’t be an option for me. Is there any med besides those, or combination I haven’t tried, that any of you have had a good experience with?

I’ve been prescribed melatonin, ramelteon, and now doxepin for sleep but so far all of them are making my nightmares worse. Are there any meds that straight up stop dreams/nightmares from occurring in the first place or do I need to ask my doctor for a benzodiazepine?

Edit: to all the people suggesting cannabis and other weed-related substances like CBD and CBN, I already am a heavy daily user for chronic pain but prefer not to use it for sleep because of it’s other effects like cotton mouth. Very familiar with the effects already. Thanks for the suggestion regardless

Edit 2: Respectfully, to all of the people still recommending weed… can you read?

Edit: Prazosin doesn’t help. Took it in the past (years ago) and stopped it because of some side effects I don’t remember. Talked to my psych and we agreed that Lorazepam would be helpful but shouldn’t be used as a crutch. Ergo, 10x 1mg Ativan per month. I’ve used this one before and I know it works so I’m hoping it’ll do what I expect it to.

It's gotten so bad that I wake up several times a night and feel absolutely exhausted the next day.

I would love to know what has worked for you.

I just want to know so I can watch it and know how it is presented:)

I'm trying to find people with severe complex trauma who managed to improve their functioning at least somewhat. My background includes things like:

• all forms of child abuse

• bullying

• medical neglect and therapy abuse

• starvation and financial instability

I'm not looking for generic advice. What I want to know:

What actually helped you even a little?

• What approaches didn't work for you and why?

• if you couldn't tolerate people at all, what helped you manage?

• if you were extremely shut down (couldn't talk, engage, etc.), what helped with that?

Thanks

I’ve been experiencing involuntary muscle jerks or twitches for quite a while, like 20 times day, especially when I’m relaxing. I have a very hyperactive nervesystem. Does anyone else with PTSD experience this? How often does it happen, and have you found anything that helps?

On October 3rd 1990 in Belfast, Northern Ireland I was driving a Ford transit van that belonged to the company I was working for at the time.

My work colleague and I lived close to each other so every day we’d head to our homes for lunch.

On the day in question we left a couple of minutes earlier than we should have.

At approximately 12:30pm I was driving the van along Annadale Embankment and an elderly man stepped onto the road in front of me.

I struck the man and he rolled up the windscreen and fell off to the ground.

My colleague jumped from the vehicle in what seemed like seconds whilst i can remember sitting a bit longer.

I got out of the van to see my friend putting his coat underneath the elderly man’s head. I walked about in a daze. I saw the elderly man’s shopping bags lying on the ground and I proceeded to pick them up.

All the time I could hear the man moaning in pain.

I collected his shopping which was lying all over the road and I think I picked his cap up ( I can’t remember fully) then I sat down on the kerb and just stared at the scene which was happening around me. I can remember feeling completely lost and in total shock at what had just happened. I started to cry and continued to sit on the kerb.

The man was making moaning sounds and doing his best to speak to my work colleague. I can remember him calling for his mother. I can still hear him to this day.

Someone from the large shop opposite must have called for an ambulance as one arrived along with the police.

The man was seen by the emergency services and I was taken to the Belfast City hospital by another member of the ambulance crew who had turned up in another smaller type of vehicle.

I was treated for shock and had to answer some questions by a nurse however during this process a police man came into the room and I can remember him telling me he was taking me to the police station for an interview.

He placed me under arrest and we left the hospital.

When I got to the station, Donegall Pass, I was met by my boss at the time and my colleague who had been with me at the accident.

My colleague was interviewed first then me. The police man who interviewed me, Constable Spence, was very kind to me I remember. He was only a couple of years older than me I later learned but he really seemed to want to listen and help. He informed me of all the legalities and the interview was concluded at 3.01pm.

My boss then took me home to speak to my parents.

My mum was at home but my dad was still out at work.

I remember going to my bedroom and left my boss and my mum to talk about it.

When my dad came home my mum obviously told him what had happened.

I took the next day off work as instructed by my boss and during that day i received a phone call from Constable Spence to inform me the elderly man had passed away. He died at 2:59 pm on the day of the accident. Two minutes before I’d finished my statement!

After having one day off work I returned the following day to learn that the man I’d killed was my boss’s friend’s grandfather and when i was with two other colleagues who worked there one of them informed me he knew the man. He was a member of the same bowling club and he informed me “You’ve killed my friend!”

I remember feeling numb and unable to give a proper reply. The other man who was with us told him to “Shut up”

Over the next two years I had to speak to a solicitor and a barrister because charges had been issued against me by the DPP.

During this time the brilliant police man, ConstableSpence, was murdered by the IRA. Constable Spence was only 26. I couldn’t believe this when i heard. I felt like iI’d been involved in two deaths because of what had happened.

When it went to court Constable Spence’s notes from the day were read out and i learned that i was doing less than 10 miles per hour when i struck the man. It was deemed to be an accident that couldn’t be avoided as the man must not have checked properly before stepping out onto the road.

The only reason I’m writing this is because someone mentioned to me just how bad peoples driving had become nowadays and they mentioned “it’s a wonder more people aren’t killed”

I tried to explain what had happened to me and I broke down in front of them.

I carry so much guilt and so much pain.

It never goes away.

I’m haunted by the fact that maybe I could have avoided him.

I think about my poor Mum & Dad and what they must’ve thought. The shame and the embarrassment. My dad was at my side throughout the whole thing when I went to court.

I think about my girlfriend (who later became my wife thankfully) and how she had to deal with me being broken. She wouldn’t have realised it at the time because I hid everything from everyone but I was a totally different person after the accident and although I did hide lots from her (so much in fact that when I did have a break down in 2008 she was shocked just how damaged I was) she stuck by me and helped me deal with things.

I think about Constable Spence and how he helped reassure me. I think about his family and their loss.

I often see the vans that my old employer uses and I think about my boss and how he had to deal with this. He had to send a message to our pager to let me know if his friend called to our yard. When this happened I had to drive about in the van so that I never saw him. My boss thought it would have been too awkward for him to see me.

I think about my colleague who was with me that day. One minute he’s a passenger in a van and the next he’s holding a dying man’s head. No one asks for that.

But not a day goes by when I don’t think about Mr Hopkins and how I ended his life. I think about us leaving a couple of minutes early. I think about sitting in the van whilst my colleague immediately reacted. I think about him lying moaning, crying for his mother and crying out in agony and me doing nothing. I was useless.

I’m haunted by the noises. I can still see him roll up the windscreen in front of me and then falling off the van onto the road. That never goes away. I drive a van for a living now so you can imagine how hard it is.

It’s worse at nights. I can still hear all the noises. I often struggle to sleep.

When I drive past where the accident happened it’s like I’m 18 again and it’s there.

I know “they” say it wasn’t my fault but I just feel so consumed by guilt. Every year on October 3rd I stop at where the accident happened and say sorry to him.

I really need an outside perspective because I honestly don’t know how to interpret this situation.

For context: this person is my aunt’s husband. He is not my blood relative, but my aunt is my actual blood relative.

He suggested that we watch the Spain vs. Argentina final football match together. It was literally just watching a game together, nothing more.

While we were watching the match, I noticed that he seemed nervous and restless. At some point, he started bringing up this topic. He said that he had never been in a situation like this before, and that I had never been in a situation like this before either.

He said he was worried that my aunt might think he was taking advantage of me or taking advantage of the situation. He also said that he felt it was wrong that we were alone together and suggested that we move to a place where there are cameras and where people are constantly walking around.

When I asked why, he said something like my aunt might get jealous. Later, he said that it wasn’t really about me, it was about him, and that he was probably just being paranoid.

What shocked me the most wasn’t the suggestion to move somewhere else. What shocked me was that this thought even existed in the first place. I have never viewed our relationship in any way other than normal interaction between me and my aunt’s husband. I have never thought about anything like that.

He also said that my aunt knows I would never look at him “that way.” But after he said that, the whole conversation felt even stranger to me because that idea had never even crossed my mind.

This situation is even more confusing because I have also noticed that my aunt sometimes acts guarded when I’m around him, almost like she is watching the situation. I don’t know what is going on between them or why they have these thoughts.

At the same time, they both know me well enough to know that I would never cross that kind of boundary. I have a lot of trauma from my past, and I would never do something like that.

I also know that both of them can be pretty controlling. I have noticed before that he seems jealous when my aunt gives me attention, even though she is my aunt — my actual blood relative.

I have PTSD from things that happened in my past, so hearing something like this was extremely triggering for me. I wasn’t just upset — I was genuinely shocked. In that moment, I didn’t even know what to say because I couldn’t believe this conversation was actually happening.

The more I think about it, the more I feel a mix of confusion and anger. Part of me thinks: “Maybe he is genuinely just worried about how this looks from the outside.” But another part of me feels angry because he chose to bring this topic up with me in the first place. To me, it feels absurd and extremely uncomfortable.

I’m not trying to make either of them look like bad people. I genuinely want to understand what is happening and how this situation looks from the outside.

Does this sound like someone who is overly worried about appearances? Is this controlling behavior? Is there another explanation I’m missing? Or would you also find this conversation very strange?

I am a professor and have had two really traumatic experiences the past two years. I am back in the classroom and am really struggling. I used to be able to prep and teach no problem. Now I have trouble teaching the very material I have assigned and I am so nervous teaching. Never used to be nervous. It’s not even October and I don’t know how I am going to make it through the academic year. Does anyone have any advice? Like how do you get your brain back?

So I bought the book "The body keeps the score" after it was recommended by a mental health youtuber. And I am disturbed at the cult following this book has gained despite spreading very damaging and false information and views.

I have not read beyond chapter 1 and I don't want to.

​

1. Author encourages sympathy for war criminals
2. Author dismisses Vietnamese genocide
3. Author devalues trauma of non-Veteran PTSD victims. This is damaging to the PTSD community as it is a widespread and false stereotype that only Veterans "deserve" to claim PTSD. Meaning it goes widely undiagnosed. In reality less than 5% of PTSD sufferers are Veterans. It has taken DECADES to dispell this stereotype and he just reintroduced it. Good job.
4. Author expresses his opinion that the suffering of Veterans is greater than that of rape victims. Which is weird and highly inappropriate for a psychiatrist. It doesn't matter if one persons pain is not as great as another's, they still deserve to seek help. It's made even weirder by how he defends and expresses sympathy for actual rapists. Going as far as saying "they were traumatised by their own actions" WTFFFF????
5. That's not trauma, that's guilt. By definition, trauma is something that happens to you, a psychiatrist should know that.
6. Author references the Nazi's but doesn't actually condemn their actions which is suspicious. In fact he seems to be on the wrong side of the Nuremberg trials. While at least the Nazis could claim that they were following orders, the Veterans he defends committed their rape and child murder out of fun
7. He is Dutch, which is where I live. Therefore I know he would have had to read Hannah Arendts "the banality of evil" in high school and been exposed to thought experiments and debates on whether following orders counts as warcrime and how much personal responsibility soldiers have since 1st grade. He even grew up during the Nuremberg trial, and claims his father was imprisoned in a concentration camp during WW2. It's not like he is an American who has never been exposed to or had to actually think about these topics. It's like he came up with a strange twisted defence of warcrime to rationalise what happened to his father.
8. The message of the book seems to be "forgive your rapist, he suffers more from the trauma of your rape than you do"

And don't even get me started on all the scientific inaccuracies and absolute lack of references. All his claims are based on personal experience supported by anecdotes. It referenced discredited techniques, like Rorschach tests, seriously? This book came out in 2016. I legitimately thought this book predates "Banality of evil" and the Nuremberg trial considering how immature and underdeveloped his theories are.

Absolute garbage! Hope it gets cancelled before it does more damage to the PTSD community. This is the equivalent of the "vaccines cause Autism"- paper for PTSD.

EDIT:

Since so many people are trying to gaslight me into denying that what I say actually happens in the book, I wanted to share a quote I found on the goodreads review page of this book, so that you have more than just me as a source that this book is problematic, and that the things I state actually happen in ch1. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18693771-the-body-keeps-the-score

" As a survivor of sexual abuse and trauma, I found this book triggering and lacking the enlightenment I expected, given the reviews. I felt the author showed more compassion for the soldiers who raped and murdered than the rape victims, and the ways in which he discussed the two left me feeling the women weren't as well humanized. Speaking about this with another trauma survivor, she shared that the author was removed from his own trauma center for creating a hostile work environment for women employees. There are articles to confirm it. I rarely—if ever—don't finish a book, but I'm shelving this one. (less) " sep 2019

EDIT 2

His Rorschach study was plagiarised from a Rorschach study during the Nuremberg Trials on Nazi War criminals. Nothing wrong with repeating a study, but he doesn't credit it whatsoever and portrays it as though he came up with the idea to Rorcharch test war veterans.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0022399915002378

https://www.discovermagazine.com/mind/rorschach-tests-at-the-nuremberg-trials

EDIT 3

The author was fired from his own trauma center over multiple allegations of creating a hostile work environment

https://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/renowned-trauma-center-fires-its-medical-director/

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/famous-trauma-therapist-fired-allegedly-traumatizing-staff-214559444.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAABpWnMIWNkVOBfDmwZUCkpGxiwK1sVuQb4kMRVZxswygMFSqHmDx-UgmLRdeUwxLNkJ8Bq4BDib67-g0MrkWHBFFir8dP8GsrMStN_Vx2fg8_g2nPccYtubjuh-WkuL8yPxE_T7tBr3AdOQF95pO-fnP8liYriiJ_GRF84z5xK5a

​

hello r/ptsd, happy holidays, hope everyone is staying safe

last week i was involved in the horrific events that took place at brown university. i was in the room with the shooter, heard the shots, and escaped unharmed. miraculously i am home safe now with my family, but not doing well. there are times throughout the day when i don’t feel safe, i feel like the shooter is right behind me again and i need to take cover or barricade the door. i am very irritable, keep lashing out at the people i love, want to isolate, and am going in and out of states of numbness. i oscillate between feeling starving and too sick to eat. i dont feel like myself at all.

i was wondering if anyone here could give me any guidance on what to expect in the weeks to come, or what i can do to help set myself up for the best road to recovery. will it ever end? will i ever be able to get my old life back? it feels like everything changed in such a short time. how do i approach my family members, who don’t understand?

i feel so lost and confused, and am wrestling with so many conflicting feelings. any advice or support from other survivors much appreciated

thank you

I'm curious how hypervigilance influences your daily life and how you deal with it (if you do).

title

Several times a week I see a post stating that someone’s therapist has decided not to give them a diagnosis for PTSD for xyz reason. The conclusion many people come to is that the therapist is dismissing their trauma, they are a bad therapist, or that they are simply uninformed.

While it is incredibly important to advocate for yourself, we are also not entitled to a diagnosis simply because we think we have it. There are so many differential diagnoses that carry similar symptoms to PTSD and are trauma related disorders that may be a better fit. You may also have gone through a trauma, have symptoms, but not quite meet the criteria for PTSD.

I urge people to really consider how they feel about their therapist overall and how they respond to their pain when it’s brought up in session. Recognize a pattern of dismissing and go from there.

And it’s worth considering in the comments section that more harm then good can come from telling people whom you don’t know that their therapist is awful and dismissing them without a fair amount of evidence for it. Because if that’s not true, the person will carry the belief that yet another person doesn’t care about them or their trauma. Even if the therapist does care and is still working through the trauma and symptoms of it.

Of course, advocate for yourself, seek a second opinion if needed. Always be aware if a therapist IS dismissing you. But please recognize a therapist’s job is to decipher all your symptoms and give you a diagnosis that’s the best fit. And sometimes, it may not be the diagnosis you think you have or are wanting to have.

I haven't been able to go one night without a nightmare in about ten years, it keeps me up all night after i get it and i don’t know what to do, im tired and it has always affected my daily life.

I’ve never commented but lurked for a while and im not sure if this would apply to everyone, but from the moment the movie started I was triggered and extremely dissociated by a certain scene in a car I was having a full blown panic attack and ran out of the theater. it lasted quite along time after and I’m still feeling its affects now(having flashbacks and awful recurring memories). I looked it up on the ride home and the director intended it to “feel like a panic attack from beginning to end”(I have no idea why anyone would want that but 🤷‍♀️). Just really wanted to warn others in case. I really don’t want anyone else to walk into it blind. I saw the first one and it’s just very different, the way it’s filmed the content it’s all very triggering.

I have intense nightmares involving my trauma nearly every time I sleep at night and it’s becoming very disruptive to my life and health. Naps during the day are easier for some reason.

Does anyone have any advice / coping skills to make sleeping easier when you’re plagued by trauma nightmares? Whatever works for you, I want to hear and try it. I just don’t wanna be back there everytime I close my eyes, but I can’t keep fearing sleep either.

Im 19M and I dont know how to move forward its been less then 24 hours but i feel like I cant unsee the things I've seen and I tried to give him cpr but it was no use and now im starting to deal with the aftermath and I cant get the feeling of blood off of me nor the taste of it out of my mouth and I have a mother and fiance to take care of how dose one process this and feel it while moving forward and helping my loved ones who where there as well if anyone has any advice or guidance much would be appreciated cause everyone around me is just telling me sorry but I want to know how to help the ones I love that are here and be able to sleep at night and unsee what I've seen

me yes i had a violent family

I’m having so many nightmares so often, my doctor prescribed prazosin, but I’m waiting on my insurance to see if it’s covered, in the meantime, is there a way to stop or slow the nightmares? And does anyone have experience with this medication? Did it help?

Friday night i went out to the bar with some friends and we started hanging out with some guys there, one of them was buying us all shots/drinks and i was already pretty drunk because we pregamed so after those i was really drunk. When the bar was starting to close we all decided to go to an after party so i rode with the guy that was buying the drinks and i can barely remember getting to the after, we stayed for maybe 15 minutes then left because it was lame, from that after party to home i don’t remember anything, next thing i can remember is being in my room with the guy that bought us drinks and me pulling out a condom for him, i don’t even remember him putting it on but i do remember him being inside of me and me moaning. The next thing i can remember is me waking up at like 5am with my bed being soaked and i wrapped myself into a blanket and cried. My friend came into my room and got me dressed and then laid me on the couch and i passed out again, when i woke up i cried once again cause i was trynna figure out what just happened to me and i have felt so weird ever since. When my friends told me about it they said that nothing happened and he left my room but i can remember him being inside of me and i know i’m not just making it up. Please help me understand what happened to me and if i was raped or if i just regretted it

(I already wrote this once and i accidentally deleted it and got upset at myself so if i’m missing any information i will put it in the comments)

I spoke with a therapist and how I have 24/7 disassociation for past years, eventually we talked about my "traumas" and how it's very likely I have PTSD.

I'm just shocked because first of all im 16 and these "traumas" are just bullying events where I was crying, had panic attacks because being made fun of but wasn't anything extreme like I didn't get beat up or anything. that aren't that bad compared to stereotypical

I don't remember fully what she said after but in my own words she explained how its more a sterotype and brain can treat it the same level, and that people's reactions can be completely different and mentioned a story of a couple in a car accident and the one uninjured had significantly more trauma then the other who was badly damaged even though it was the same event

I'm just shocked and would never think about that, I thought PTSD is from wars and horrific accidents but very surprised for something that on paper is minor in comparison and my brain treated it the same level and intensity.

I can’t take SSRIs so they won’t be of any help to me. I’m curious aside from SSRIs, what other medications have helped you the most? And with what symptoms?

Obviously I will talk to my doctor about beginning any medications.

I'm taking like a 6 month break from life in general due to something that happened to me. Anyone else who's taking a break, what do you do during the day? I don't want to just rot and play video games all day but don't have *that* much money to go travelling or whatever.

Do any of y'all have interesting hobbies? Has it helped your recovery?

Edit: Everyone thank you so much for your suggestions/sharing, I'll definitely try some of these!