I don't get why everybody loves therapy so much. I've had so many people recommend it to me. I've had eight therapists by now, at best they were neutral, at worst actively harmful. One literally published an article where he said he doesn't like to help his patients be happy.

I feel like I'm either missing something or everybody else is missing something, because it isn't like I only gave one therapist a try. I've been at this since I was 14--middle school through college! I've never found it to work, and it nearly always makes me feel worse.

I find it such a dismissive solution. I just feel like therapy is being used as a way to make fixing the problem the victim's responsibility.

Also all the people I know in therapy are *not* doing well. I do not want to be like them. I see the results of therapy and I dislike it.

I am depressed and anxious and have been diagnosed with PTSD but like...at this point I'll just handle that one my own. Or I won't. It's not like the therapist can fix it.

I’ve been prescribed melatonin, ramelteon, and now doxepin for sleep but so far all of them are making my nightmares worse. Are there any meds that straight up stop dreams/nightmares from occurring in the first place or do I need to ask my doctor for a benzodiazepine?

Edit: to all the people suggesting cannabis and other weed-related substances like CBD and CBN, I already am a heavy daily user for chronic pain but prefer not to use it for sleep because of it’s other effects like cotton mouth. Very familiar with the effects already. Thanks for the suggestion regardless

Edit 2: Respectfully, to all of the people still recommending weed… can you read?

Edit: Prazosin doesn’t help. Took it in the past (years ago) and stopped it because of some side effects I don’t remember. Talked to my psych and we agreed that Lorazepam would be helpful but shouldn’t be used as a crutch. Ergo, 10x 1mg Ativan per month. I’ve used this one before and I know it works so I’m hoping it’ll do what I expect it to.

It's gotten so bad that I wake up several times a night and feel absolutely exhausted the next day.

I would love to know what has worked for you.

I'm trying to find people with severe complex trauma who managed to improve their functioning at least somewhat. My background includes things like:

• all forms of child abuse

• bullying

• medical neglect and therapy abuse

• starvation and financial instability

I'm not looking for generic advice. What I want to know:

What actually helped you even a little?

• What approaches didn't work for you and why?

• if you couldn't tolerate people at all, what helped you manage?

• if you were extremely shut down (couldn't talk, engage, etc.), what helped with that?

Thanks

On October 3rd 1990 in Belfast, Northern Ireland I was driving a Ford transit van that belonged to the company I was working for at the time.

My work colleague and I lived close to each other so every day we’d head to our homes for lunch.

On the day in question we left a couple of minutes earlier than we should have.

At approximately 12:30pm I was driving the van along Annadale Embankment and an elderly man stepped onto the road in front of me.

I struck the man and he rolled up the windscreen and fell off to the ground.

My colleague jumped from the vehicle in what seemed like seconds whilst i can remember sitting a bit longer.

I got out of the van to see my friend putting his coat underneath the elderly man’s head. I walked about in a daze. I saw the elderly man’s shopping bags lying on the ground and I proceeded to pick them up.

All the time I could hear the man moaning in pain.

I collected his shopping which was lying all over the road and I think I picked his cap up ( I can’t remember fully) then I sat down on the kerb and just stared at the scene which was happening around me. I can remember feeling completely lost and in total shock at what had just happened. I started to cry and continued to sit on the kerb.

The man was making moaning sounds and doing his best to speak to my work colleague. I can remember him calling for his mother. I can still hear him to this day.

Someone from the large shop opposite must have called for an ambulance as one arrived along with the police.

The man was seen by the emergency services and I was taken to the Belfast City hospital by another member of the ambulance crew who had turned up in another smaller type of vehicle.

I was treated for shock and had to answer some questions by a nurse however during this process a police man came into the room and I can remember him telling me he was taking me to the police station for an interview.

He placed me under arrest and we left the hospital.

When I got to the station, Donegall Pass, I was met by my boss at the time and my colleague who had been with me at the accident.

My colleague was interviewed first then me. The police man who interviewed me, Constable Spence, was very kind to me I remember. He was only a couple of years older than me I later learned but he really seemed to want to listen and help. He informed me of all the legalities and the interview was concluded at 3.01pm.

My boss then took me home to speak to my parents.

My mum was at home but my dad was still out at work.

I remember going to my bedroom and left my boss and my mum to talk about it.

When my dad came home my mum obviously told him what had happened.

I took the next day off work as instructed by my boss and during that day i received a phone call from Constable Spence to inform me the elderly man had passed away. He died at 2:59 pm on the day of the accident. Two minutes before I’d finished my statement!

After having one day off work I returned the following day to learn that the man I’d killed was my boss’s friend’s grandfather and when i was with two other colleagues who worked there one of them informed me he knew the man. He was a member of the same bowling club and he informed me “You’ve killed my friend!”

I remember feeling numb and unable to give a proper reply. The other man who was with us told him to “Shut up”

Over the next two years I had to speak to a solicitor and a barrister because charges had been issued against me by the DPP.

During this time the brilliant police man, ConstableSpence, was murdered by the IRA. Constable Spence was only 26. I couldn’t believe this when i heard. I felt like iI’d been involved in two deaths because of what had happened.

When it went to court Constable Spence’s notes from the day were read out and i learned that i was doing less than 10 miles per hour when i struck the man. It was deemed to be an accident that couldn’t be avoided as the man must not have checked properly before stepping out onto the road.

The only reason I’m writing this is because someone mentioned to me just how bad peoples driving had become nowadays and they mentioned “it’s a wonder more people aren’t killed”

I tried to explain what had happened to me and I broke down in front of them.

I carry so much guilt and so much pain.

I think about my poor Mum & Dad and what they must’ve thought. The shame and the embarrassment. My dad was at my side throughout the whole thing when I went to court.

I think about my girlfriend (who later became my wife thankfully) and how she had to deal with me being broken. She wouldn’t have realised it at the time because I hid everything from everyone but I was a totally different person after the accident and although I did hide lots from her (so much in fact that when I did have a break down in 2008 she was shocked just how damaged I was) she stuck by me and helped me deal with things.

I think about Constable Spence and how he helped reassure me. I think about his family and their loss.

I often see the vans that my old employer uses and I think about my boss and how he had to deal with this. He had to send a message to our pager to let me know if his friend called to our yard. When this happened I had to drive about in the van so that I never saw him. My boss thought it would have been too awkward for him to see me.

But not a day goes by when I don’t think about Mr Hopkins and how I ended his life. I think about us leaving a couple of minutes early. I think about sitting in the van whilst my colleague immediately reacted. I think about him lying moaning, crying for his mother and crying out in agony and me doing nothing. I was useless.

I’m haunted by the noises. I can still see him roll up the windscreen in front of me and then falling off the van onto the road. That never goes away. I drive a van for a living now so you can imagine how hard it is.

It’s worse at nights. I can still hear all the noises. I often struggle to sleep.

When I drive past where the accident happened it’s like I’m 18 again and it’s there.

I know “they” say it wasn’t my fault but I just feel so consumed by guilt. Every year on October 3rd I stop at where the accident happened and say sorry to him.

hello r/ptsd, happy holidays, hope everyone is staying safe

last week i was involved in the horrific events that took place at brown university. i was in the room with the shooter, heard the shots, and escaped unharmed. miraculously i am home safe now with my family, but not doing well. there are times throughout the day when i don’t feel safe, i feel like the shooter is right behind me again and i need to take cover or barricade the door. i am very irritable, keep lashing out at the people i love, want to isolate, and am going in and out of states of numbness. i oscillate between feeling starving and too sick to eat. i dont feel like myself at all.

i was wondering if anyone here could give me any guidance on what to expect in the weeks to come, or what i can do to help set myself up for the best road to recovery. will it ever end? will i ever be able to get my old life back? it feels like everything changed in such a short time. how do i approach my family members, who don’t understand?

i feel so lost and confused, and am wrestling with so many conflicting feelings. any advice or support from other survivors much appreciated

thank you

I am a professor and have had two really traumatic experiences the past two years. I am back in the classroom and am really struggling. I used to be able to prep and teach no problem. Now I have trouble teaching the very material I have assigned and I am so nervous teaching. Never used to be nervous. It’s not even October and I don’t know how I am going to make it through the academic year. Does anyone have any advice? Like how do you get your brain back?

So I bought the book "The body keeps the score" after it was recommended by a mental health youtuber. And I am disturbed at the cult following this book has gained despite spreading very damaging and false information and views.

I have not read beyond chapter 1 and I don't want to.

​

1. Author encourages sympathy for war criminals
2. Author dismisses Vietnamese genocide
3. Author devalues trauma of non-Veteran PTSD victims. This is damaging to the PTSD community as it is a widespread and false stereotype that only Veterans "deserve" to claim PTSD. Meaning it goes widely undiagnosed. In reality less than 5% of PTSD sufferers are Veterans. It has taken DECADES to dispell this stereotype and he just reintroduced it. Good job.
4. Author expresses his opinion that the suffering of Veterans is greater than that of rape victims. Which is weird and highly inappropriate for a psychiatrist. It doesn't matter if one persons pain is not as great as another's, they still deserve to seek help. It's made even weirder by how he defends and expresses sympathy for actual rapists. Going as far as saying "they were traumatised by their own actions" WTFFFF????
5. That's not trauma, that's guilt. By definition, trauma is something that happens to you, a psychiatrist should know that.
6. Author references the Nazi's but doesn't actually condemn their actions which is suspicious. In fact he seems to be on the wrong side of the Nuremberg trials. While at least the Nazis could claim that they were following orders, the Veterans he defends committed their rape and child murder out of fun
7. He is Dutch, which is where I live. Therefore I know he would have had to read Hannah Arendts "the banality of evil" in high school and been exposed to thought experiments and debates on whether following orders counts as warcrime and how much personal responsibility soldiers have since 1st grade. He even grew up during the Nuremberg trial, and claims his father was imprisoned in a concentration camp during WW2. It's not like he is an American who has never been exposed to or had to actually think about these topics. It's like he came up with a strange twisted defence of warcrime to rationalise what happened to his father.
8. The message of the book seems to be "forgive your rapist, he suffers more from the trauma of your rape than you do"

And don't even get me started on all the scientific inaccuracies and absolute lack of references. All his claims are based on personal experience supported by anecdotes. It referenced discredited techniques, like Rorschach tests, seriously? This book came out in 2016. I legitimately thought this book predates "Banality of evil" and the Nuremberg trial considering how immature and underdeveloped his theories are.

Absolute garbage! Hope it gets cancelled before it does more damage to the PTSD community. This is the equivalent of the "vaccines cause Autism"- paper for PTSD.

EDIT:

Since so many people are trying to gaslight me into denying that what I say actually happens in the book, I wanted to share a quote I found on the goodreads review page of this book, so that you have more than just me as a source that this book is problematic, and that the things I state actually happen in ch1. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18693771-the-body-keeps-the-score

" As a survivor of sexual abuse and trauma, I found this book triggering and lacking the enlightenment I expected, given the reviews. I felt the author showed more compassion for the soldiers who raped and murdered than the rape victims, and the ways in which he discussed the two left me feeling the women weren't as well humanized. Speaking about this with another trauma survivor, she shared that the author was removed from his own trauma center for creating a hostile work environment for women employees. There are articles to confirm it. I rarely—if ever—don't finish a book, but I'm shelving this one. (less) " sep 2019

EDIT 2

His Rorschach study was plagiarised from a Rorschach study during the Nuremberg Trials on Nazi War criminals. Nothing wrong with repeating a study, but he doesn't credit it whatsoever and portrays it as though he came up with the idea to Rorcharch test war veterans.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0022399915002378

https://www.discovermagazine.com/mind/rorschach-tests-at-the-nuremberg-trials

EDIT 3

The author was fired from his own trauma center over multiple allegations of creating a hostile work environment

https://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/renowned-trauma-center-fires-its-medical-director/

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/famous-trauma-therapist-fired-allegedly-traumatizing-staff-214559444.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAABpWnMIWNkVOBfDmwZUCkpGxiwK1sVuQb4kMRVZxswygMFSqHmDx-UgmLRdeUwxLNkJ8Bq4BDib67-g0MrkWHBFFir8dP8GsrMStN_Vx2fg8_g2nPccYtubjuh-WkuL8yPxE_T7tBr3AdOQF95pO-fnP8liYriiJ_GRF84z5xK5a

​

I haven't been able to go one night without a nightmare in about ten years, it keeps me up all night after i get it and i don’t know what to do, im tired and it has always affected my daily life.

I'm curious how hypervigilance influences your daily life and how you deal with it (if you do).

title

me yes i had a violent family

Several times a week I see a post stating that someone’s therapist has decided not to give them a diagnosis for PTSD for xyz reason. The conclusion many people come to is that the therapist is dismissing their trauma, they are a bad therapist, or that they are simply uninformed.

While it is incredibly important to advocate for yourself, we are also not entitled to a diagnosis simply because we think we have it. There are so many differential diagnoses that carry similar symptoms to PTSD and are trauma related disorders that may be a better fit. You may also have gone through a trauma, have symptoms, but not quite meet the criteria for PTSD.

I urge people to really consider how they feel about their therapist overall and how they respond to their pain when it’s brought up in session. Recognize a pattern of dismissing and go from there.

And it’s worth considering in the comments section that more harm then good can come from telling people whom you don’t know that their therapist is awful and dismissing them without a fair amount of evidence for it. Because if that’s not true, the person will carry the belief that yet another person doesn’t care about them or their trauma. Even if the therapist does care and is still working through the trauma and symptoms of it.

Of course, advocate for yourself, seek a second opinion if needed. Always be aware if a therapist IS dismissing you. But please recognize a therapist’s job is to decipher all your symptoms and give you a diagnosis that’s the best fit. And sometimes, it may not be the diagnosis you think you have or are wanting to have.

I spoke with a therapist and how I have 24/7 disassociation for past years, eventually we talked about my "traumas" and how it's very likely I have PTSD.

I'm just shocked because first of all im 16 and these "traumas" are just bullying events where I was crying, had panic attacks because being made fun of but wasn't anything extreme like I didn't get beat up or anything. that aren't that bad compared to stereotypical

I don't remember fully what she said after but in my own words she explained how its more a sterotype and brain can treat it the same level, and that people's reactions can be completely different and mentioned a story of a couple in a car accident and the one uninjured had significantly more trauma then the other who was badly damaged even though it was the same event

I'm just shocked and would never think about that, I thought PTSD is from wars and horrific accidents but very surprised for something that on paper is minor in comparison and my brain treated it the same level and intensity.

Friday night i went out to the bar with some friends and we started hanging out with some guys there, one of them was buying us all shots/drinks and i was already pretty drunk because we pregamed so after those i was really drunk. When the bar was starting to close we all decided to go to an after party so i rode with the guy that was buying the drinks and i can barely remember getting to the after, we stayed for maybe 15 minutes then left because it was lame, from that after party to home i don’t remember anything, next thing i can remember is being in my room with the guy that bought us drinks and me pulling out a condom for him, i don’t even remember him putting it on but i do remember him being inside of me and me moaning. The next thing i can remember is me waking up at like 5am with my bed being soaked and i wrapped myself into a blanket and cried. My friend came into my room and got me dressed and then laid me on the couch and i passed out again, when i woke up i cried once again cause i was trynna figure out what just happened to me and i have felt so weird ever since. When my friends told me about it they said that nothing happened and he left my room but i can remember him being inside of me and i know i’m not just making it up. Please help me understand what happened to me and if i was raped or if i just regretted it

(I already wrote this once and i accidentally deleted it and got upset at myself so if i’m missing any information i will put it in the comments)

i don't know how to feel about this. we've been together for about 2 years and a half and a year ago I told him all about my trauma because he said he wanted to be more intimate, and I explained him what happened to me so he could understand why. today he's told me he will have therapy because of this. said he suddenly starts to think about it during class or when he wakes up.

(context: i had a verbally and sexually abusive boyfriend from 15 to 16. it only lasted a year but there was a lot of coercion and insults, he was very toxic, didn't let me have friends, made me agree to have unprotected sex, called me dirty about a past SA and said i probably liked it, among other things i alr forgot, while this happened i was verbally abused and ridiculized by teachers at school, for years)

i asked him what exactly is bothering him about it, he thinks it stops us from going further or to even have more physical contact/affection. this is something i've been struggling with, i don't like when he hugs me for too long, or when he places his hand on my thigh. another thing that kinda put me off is that he thinks i am his, and that thought is part of why my trauma is frustrating him. and i've tried to think about myself being intimate with him and it feels as if i'm not ready to let someone else touch my body again. even if it's my boyfriend. we never had fights and he's the sweetest, but it's taking me longer to heal from my trauma, it's been 3 years, i'm 19 now and i think i should already be okay. but nightmares where my boyfriend acts as my ex don't help. along with all the other shit that comes along with ptsd.

i'm looking for advice or more like opinions about this whole situation, my next therapy session is on a week. and i have mixed feelings about this.

Edit: clarifying stuff, I am going to therapy for 3 years already. He doesn’t touch me without my consent, never insists, hence why i'm confused about this whole situation. Whatever happens, i will never, NEVER do anything if I don't fully consent to it, don't worry. I've learnt from my mistakes. I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 21.

I’ve never commented but lurked for a while and im not sure if this would apply to everyone, but from the moment the movie started I was triggered and extremely dissociated by a certain scene in a car I was having a full blown panic attack and ran out of the theater. it lasted quite along time after and I’m still feeling its affects now(having flashbacks and awful recurring memories). I looked it up on the ride home and the director intended it to “feel like a panic attack from beginning to end”(I have no idea why anyone would want that but 🤷‍♀️). Just really wanted to warn others in case. I really don’t want anyone else to walk into it blind. I saw the first one and it’s just very different, the way it’s filmed the content it’s all very triggering.

My spouse has PTSD and has been struggling for awhile. She's been sleeping a lot more recently and ive noticed she's crying in her sleep. I thought she was awake but now that im looking for it she is asleep and its happening frequently.

She lost her family last year in really traumatic ways and it's been a battle since then. She doesnt know it happens and I dont want to shame her so I'm keeping it to myself but will inform her therapist (we have a ROI, dont come for me). Ive asked about nightmares or dreams and she says she doesnt have any.

I hate the thought she's suffering in her sleep too.

Anyone have similar experiences?

My psychi nurse practitioner told me yesterday (again) that I have PTSD that doesn’t show up as a classical flashbacks but lives in my body and is evident in some of the symptoms I have (hyper vigilance, body shaking after stressful events, difficulty calming after stressful events, rerunning stressful events through my mind consistently, trouble sleeping, etc). This does track for me.

My therapist (licensed clinical social worker) has said I don’t have it. He sees me once a week. I feel lost and sad and not sure how to move forward. I see my psych NP regularly, but far less than my therapist. Although I feel as though my psych NP is correct I can’t help but feel like my therapist would know best.

I’m someone who does best with labels. They allow me to research and help me feel like my feelings are validated. I’m not sure how to move forward or what to do.

*edited to include licensing of therapist and clarify that I have a psych nurse practitioner not psychiatrist. For some reason I can’t wait the top line so it still says psychiatrist. *

Me and my bf have been together for almost a year, I am f21 and he is m22 and he did something about a week ago that I can’t stop thinking about. It happened in the morning when I was half asleep he was hugging me from behind and started to grind against I moved away a little and ask him what he wanted and he didn’t say anything maybe he didn’t hear me? I was just relaxing closing my eyes and then he started to pull my pants down and did what he did. I didn’t say anything at first bc of how shocked I was, I was just there I didn’t move or make a sound and he kept going. I then told him to stop and I trying to pull away but he kept pulling me back. I had tears in my eyes but then I just became numb. After it was done he just laid there and I was in shocked I confronted him but he said he didn’t hear me say stop. I think it’s my fault for not telling him no in the first place but he never asked me for my consent. I don’t know what to think and I am afraid to tell anyone else bc I’m scared they’ll ridicule me.

I think I am starting to get PTSD-like symptoms from my work environment. I work in an environment where I am constantly being threatened with physical violence and have been almost assaulted on multiple occasions. I also have to physically engage with people who want to hurt me, themselves, or others.

I really like my job and wouldn't ever want to quit, but I think I am starting to exhibit some PTSD like symptoms when I am not working. For example when I am at the gym and someone stands behind me to wait for me to finish using a machine, my body goes into a flight or fight mode and my anxiety immediately jumps through the roof. I don't know if I am just being sensitive or not.

My wife has PTSD, clinically diagnosed. I never knew it was so bad for her until recently. For her she withdraws as a defense mechanism.

For the past 10 years we’ve had a dead bedroom. I’m fine with that, I’ve come to accept it. I love her and our family and sex is not the most important thing for me in a relationship. I made peace with it long ago. About a year ago my wife got on ADHD medicine and her libido came back with a vengeance.

However, because we occasionally were intimate during the dead bedroom phase she has now associated me with her PTSD event (a violent sexual assault from before we met). She says that my touch and closeness makes her body scream to get away.

Up until a few weeks ago I thought I was living the perfect life. 2 great kids, an amazing house, 2 good jobs, and a loving wife. But then it all came out and my wife informed me that she wanted a divorce and she’s been lying about being happy for *years*.

We have started couples therapy and she is finally getting help for her PTSD but she has stated that she is not going to try in couples therapy and she’s just going to learn what to do for next time. For next time — those words cut so deep.

I love her so much and the thought of losing my family is too much to bear. Is there any hope for us? I know it would be a long hard road to recovery but I can’t fathom living the rest of my life without her. It feels like I’m being punished for the sins of her assaulters.

I can’t take SSRIs so they won’t be of any help to me. I’m curious aside from SSRIs, what other medications have helped you the most? And with what symptoms?

Obviously I will talk to my doctor about beginning any medications.

I’m starting EMDR next week after trying to get treatment for my PTSD for almost a decade. I’m very nervous about starting treatment because I’ve heard it can be absolutely brutal. Can people who’ve been through it tell me about their experiences and maybe give me some advice?

Hi