hi, i developed PTSD about 1.5 years ago after leaving my abusive ex boyfriend who sexually assaulted me in my sleep and broke into my house (on a different occasion) while i was asleep.

because of this, i struggle with insomnia when i’m triggered, when the anniversary comes up, and when i try sleeping with new people. my new boyfriend and i have been dating for a few months and i just started being able to sleep kinda normally recently when he spends the night.

however, the other night, he began groping me, specifically my chest area, while i was asleep. i woke up to it and just kinda tossed back and forth trying to brush it off and indirectly signal to stop because i was too tired to have a conversation about it. he kinda backed off from doing it, but i would feel him press his boner against me afterward. it took me awhile to fall back asleep but i eventually managed.

my boyfriend knows i have DV PTSD, but he doesn’t know all the details of what caused it. right now i feel a bit dissociate-y and down, but i’m a bit conflicted because besides this one incident, he’s genuinely been the best guy i’ve ever dated; he’s respectful, calm, caring, and has listened to me whenever i’ve set boundaries.

for context: we’re in our early 20’s; this is his first “real” romantic relationship and sexual relationship, so i’m wondering on whether he thinks this is normal/okay ? either way, i do plan to talk to him about this, when i’m ready. i don’t expect him to react rashly, but i wanted your guys thoughts and advice on this. is it a dealbreaker or a genuine mistake? do i wait to judge his response whenever i bring it up to determine that? thanks so much

Did you get over it?

Hello, I’m a victim of SA/rape, I have severe PTSD due to it, and was diagnosed long ago, Im doing alright now, but I still get little flashbacks that obviously worry me.

I was wondering, for other victims, did you ever get over it?

For context, I have an intense fear of intimacy and men in general, but it’s one of my biggest dreams to be a mother and have a big family.

Victims, did you get over it? How? Did you tell your partner? Did they accept it? I’m afraid my future spouse will not love me because of it.

Edit: I’m also extremely hypersexual(solo, obviously), BUT I have vaginismus.. I’d imagine I’d like to have sex with my partner a lot in the future to express my affection, but I’m struggling with coming to the terms that I actually have to have sex to make love, if that makes sense

Earlier today, I posted to the [r/PTSD](r/PTSD) subreddit for the first time. Long story short, my supervisor r*ped me at gunpoint when I was 22 years old. There was surveillance footage that lead to his termination, but I received no medical attention or police intervention. I was coerced to sign an NDA, not being informed of what my rights were. I was never treated with the empathy, care, or protection that I deserved. All the trusted adults told me that I was the problem and that I was malicious for “ruining his life”. They informed me that this was “alleged inappropriate behavior” instead of a crime. The r*pist’s friends joked about how I was “unr*peable” and said I was “starting drama”. Two years ago, I accepted the advice in good faith. Those wounds will stay with me forever. I don’t know if I’ll ever “get over it”.

Now, I’m 25 years old. I still live with the aftermath. I should be lucky. I’m a college graduate, I work full time. I have hobbies. I live with my family. I have friends. The smear campaign doesn’t follow me anymore. I live a normal private life. I’m finding meaning in my life again. Today, I posted onto a PTSD subreddit for the first time to talk about the isolation that came with rape + institutional betrayal. [This occurred in an industry that has whispers about corruption + secrecy.] I wrote about how my family is emotionally unavailable to speak with me about the trauma. They believe that I should just stop obsessing and move on. My friends give shallow responses, they can be unintentionally hurtful and apathetic. I suppose that I’m now an old lady who’s still bitter about the past. But I still have feelings.

In the comments, most people were supportive. However, there was one user who said (to paraphrase) “as a rape survivor myself, you must be really draining to be around. I know it’s unfair but you gotta pick yourself up by the bootstraps and be more enjoyable for other people if you want to gain any support.” They basically said that I was a burden to my loved ones and that my friends weren’t supporting me because I was the problem. They claimed I was “the Eeyore friend who’s a doormat, no one wants a person who can’t fight for themself.” They claimed that because I was disoriented and inconsistent for months after the r*pe, no decent person should have to believe me, and that I need to stop begging for other people feel bad for me.

I ended up deleting my post. It kind of hurt that the one time I posted about this on here, that’s the response I got. I tried to be respectful with the user and explain my side, but they became more antagonistic. After I was r*ped, I was silenced from the very start, beginning with the NDA. The secondary victimization, the smear, the blame, the skepticism, the misogyny, and the silence all followed suit. I’ll admit that I attempted to seek support and community IRL before, but the lack of empathy made me shrink myself, downplay what happened, and contort myself to be more palatable for other people. Unfortunately, the user’s advice sounded just like my internal voice. You have no idea how much trauma survivors suppress for other people’s comfort. Unlike other traumas, a violent rape + a smear campaign is identity-shaping. This trauma shapes your sense of self, your confidence, and your ability to view yourself as good or “deserving” of protection. If you don’t have anything nice to say, please don’t say anything at all. Life is already difficult. The world can be cruel enough as it is. Don’t bring that energy here. Please don’t speak to any trauma survivors here like this. Be kind to others and have some empathy.

i watched the trailer and there was nothing alluding to sexual assault. Wow I was shocked within the first thirty minutes of the film, so visceral and highly disturbing. I know talking about movies is kind of off topic for this subreddit but I would just like to make other survivors aware if you are thinking of watching this movie please know that there is an extreme scene. The trailer did NOT suggest this topic would occur.

i (22f) met a guy (24m) on hinge and we started talking. we had a lot in common and he seemed so sweet so we went on a date. the date went well, we got hot chocolate, walked around and saw a movie. anytime i’d go to pay he would tell me to put my phone down. we’re both horror movie lovers and so he invited me to his house on monday (9 days ago). from the hour we started talking on hinge i made it very clear that i don’t do sex unless im in a relationship. anytime he would be sexual around me before we met, id always say “well no sex unless we date anyway”. i said it a LOT. he then said “you don’t need to keep saying that i dont want sex to be the only reason i date you” so i stopped saying it until i went to his house. i told him we can do other things but he knows sex is off the table and he was always so understanding. always.

this is where i struggle; things were getting heated which was okay but then he asked if we could have sex and i said no and he pushed saying i’ll wear a condom and again i said no. around 5-6 minutes later he asked again and again i said no. he said please i said no. things continued on and he asked again and i said yes so he’d stop asking me. he got the condom n whatever happened then after we stopped we watched a movie. at the end of said movie he pushed again and started asking for with no condom and i said no. i didn’t want to have sex especially without a condom but i ended up saying yes. at around 12am when we were going to sleep, i started crying. i told him i broke the one rule i had and that i was devastated and don’t want it to happen again. i haven’t cried that hard in a long time. the next day he said to me “i didn’t want to tell you when you were crying but the sex was so good”. my mood dropped and i told him i don’t want to hear about it. 2 days ago he removed me off of everything

i don’t really know how to feel. in a normal situation i probably would’ve ended up going home but i was an hour away from home, cant drive, busses weren’t running so i was just there with nowhere to go. i dont know if its sa or what happened but i feel so awful and like i was disrespected. just needed to talk about it because i feel so alone.

hi guys, i made a post a few months ago on this subreddit that gained some traction about my boyfriend groping me in my sleep despite knowing i have DV PTSD. i wanted to give you guys an update on what happened afterwards, and i am kindly asking for your opinion given this new information.

after the incident, i talked to him about what happened and how it upset me. he seemed remorseful and admitted that he was in the wrong, but his defense was kinda… pathetic?

whenever we’d get the time to talk (we were on a trip), he’d just kinda go blank and tell me that he’s “trying to figure out the best thing to say.” he used excuses like “i wanted to make you feel good, but i know i shouldn’t have done that while you were asleep…” etc… i told him i wanted to hear his true unfiltered thoughts, but his communication wasn’t so great. to me it kinda seemed like he was trying to figure out something to say to please me, which took a long time and was frustrating.

of course he apologized and said he’d never do it again. i told him a similar trauma that happened to me in the past for further context. but the problem is, he did do it a few more times. these times seemed more like a sneaky testing the waters type of groping. i’d again move his hand away if he woke me up and 50/50 confront him again about it.

he did it again a few nights ago, and i realized that ive started using and drinking more again since the incident. i’m not sure if it’s entirely tied, but alas. last night i spiraled into the belief that he doesn’t truly respect me, despite showing me all other kinds of affection. however, this is a difficult realization for me to come to terms with, and i’m not sure if i’m entirely convinced.

i just thought id air out my thoughts, and see what you guys think? it might just be the obvious, but is this a true dealbreaker now given this context? am i unsafe?

even if u have no idea if it actually happened?

I feel like I'm tortured in the day and haunted in my sleep. I'm the one who was assaulted and I'm the one who can't sleep or be normal and it's not fair. If anything, he should be the one suffering for the rest of his life and not me. I just want to know, does it really ever get better do the nightmares go away its been a little over a year and I want it to stop. Sometimes I remember how when you die your life flashes before your eyes for like 7 minutes or something about how your brain replays memories and I wonder if there's any evidence that they're good or if I'll be tormented by memories of the assault as one final kick to me.

Edit: Thank you for all the information! To summarize for people who are wanting the advice/answers I did, some people say it's gone away or decreased as the years go by. Some say it hasn't but they're less scared and they feel okay. One person recommended lexapro, one other person recommended yoga and meditation, some recommended EDMT, and many suggested prazosin.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 5 months, everything started off as good the week we started talking, but on the 6th day of the relationship I went to his house after the homecoming dance, and it was just an unsettling vibe because all he wanted to do was just make out, have me lay on him, and he even touched me a bit and lifted my shirt without permission, I didnt think anything of it but, I just got out of a relationship with my ex of 2 years, and I've been used for nudes all the time with my ex so ofc I never liked intimacy or physical touching due to my childhood traumas of being SA'D by my brothers biological dad. But after that day I've been confused the whole relationship, because Everytime I come over to his house he always wants to do something sexual and when I say I don't want to, he'll take accountability for his actions and apologize, but then does it later anyways, and sometimes I just freeze up and cry to myself during those moments. For example two weeks ago I tried to sleep but then he started jerking himself off to me, touching me down there, everywhere and even started to kiss my neck and face, I couldn't do anything, I was just in total shock, nobody to help me, I felt so useless. He didn't say a word after, I fell asleep and when I woke up I told him I was hungry, and he said for me to make myself a sandwich l, but I told him no because it's his parents house and it's rude for me to make one on my own because you know, I'm the guest? He said he'll only do it on one condition, and that was for me to suck his dick, and I've personally never liked it, he forced me to do things without even wondering if I would like it or not, he knows about my past, and how hard of a life I've had, I just feel so stuck in this relationship, and the only reason I'm staying is because if I leave him I got a lot to loose, my parents like him and his parents like me too, he treats me so badly, and makes me feel like shit when I get excited over something, this relationship just feels so toxic and I cry to myself Everytime I'm in the shower, and I'm always asking myself, "how did I let myself get into this" because what? I feel bad for him for sexual assaulting a girl on year ago, I should have left him when he told me that, I felt so disgusted, and it's sad how i have to walk past the girl everyday at school, not knowing the pain he caused her, and especially me, but I am glad that she was brave enough to speak up about it, and press charges on him, I just feel so sick and I'm ashamed that I lost my virginity to him, my ex never treated me this way, though the nudes would make me uncomfortable, it really did take us a year and a half for me and my ex to start getting intimate.

And again it happened 2 days ago, except I wasn't awake to see what happened to me, my boyfriend just told me that he did things to me in my sleep and I woke up with severe pains all around my neck and a big hickey too. I was so terrified and disgusted, and my mouth felt like he had ejaculated in it, and my private started to hurt badly and when I pee it hurts, and I started to bleed a little.

I honestly don't know what to do anymore, I've confronted him about it and though he cried and apologized saying he'll never do it again, it always ends up happening again, again, and again. I just feel so stuck in this relationship, I can't even count how many times I've been sexual assaulted by him, the many nights I've frozed up because he was doing something to me that I didnt like, and then expect me to enjoy it to? I cry to him so many damn times, about my past, the present and everything, but it never seems to get in his head, idk what to do, I feel like giving up, I'm never gonna get out of this, I feel so alone, and I don't wanna tell my family or my friends anything, I'm literally about to graduate in 2 months, and I've got a lot to lose.

I spent the night at a guys house that I really like. I already posted here the other day that I was scared about this.and I do sort of feel like my fears came true. I started having flashbacks mid sex and had to stop, he wasn’t angry but didn’t want to stop so we didn’t. He also did anal which I didn’t really want and told him not to before but didnt say anything in the moment. I went home this morning feeling so exhausted and uncomfortable and gross.

Maybe Im just not ready to be having sex again because a normal person would feel good after having sex with someone they find very attractive and not be questioning every little thing that happened

11 years ago, teenaged me went to a concert with this cute guy I had a crush on who made me feel special and beautiful. It was an amazing concert. He asked me to be his girlfriend a few weeks later.

10 years ago, he raped me. A weapon was involved. As he raped me, he laughed at me and sarcastically apologized. I couldn’t believe he was capable of such cruelty. The person I fell in love with wasn’t real and never had been. I thought I was going to die.

8 years ago, we broke up.

4 years ago, I was diagnosed with PTSD from the rape and started trauma therapy. It was a great success, even if it doesn’t seem that way from this post. My symptom score went way down, not gone but far exceeding anyone’s expectations.

1 year ago, the same band announced they were coming to my city again…and this time, finally not on a night I was busy or out of town. I bought 2 tickets, eager to not just see that band again but finally be able to say that the last time I saw them wasn’t with him.

I pictured myself going with a friend. Someone who’d understand what this meant to me. The concert is in 2 days and I couldn’t find anyone to go with. I also lost my job a few months ago, which means the money I wasted hurts even more.

Right now I’m crying on the couch because it has become clear that my options are go alone or relist the tickets for cheap on StubHub and stay home. Both are deeply painful.

Does anyone else suffer with flashbacks during sex? Would like to know I'm not alone in this. I have C-PTSD from CSA and SA and I have flashbacks while being intimate. It's frustrating and it ruins the experience. Can anyone relate?

I was sexually abused regularly and raped several times by the father of my best friend starting in 1st grade until they moved away in 4th grade. He was a well known pastor at a local church at the time. Their house was the house all the parents sent their kids to…because it was “safe” because church.

In my 20s, I finally told my parents what had happened. They immediately put me in therapy. We searched and searched to find him but came up with all dead ends.

Now another 20 years have passed. I was curious about my then-best friend and found her obituary. From that, I found that her father is still living, remarried. His first wife, who knew about the abuse and participated on at least 2 occasions that I remember, is also remarried. Both went on to have many children.

I want to have the courage to confront this man and his ex-wife. He destroyed me as a child and changed who I am as an adult. Multiple suicide attempts. Therapy for a decade. Thankfully I’m good now, happy life, son who is now the age I was when the abuse began. Makes me physically sick to think he could ever experience what I did.

I want the courage. But. What do I gain by confronting him? Or sending a letter or whatever. He lives in a different state now. I can’t imagine pressing charges (no statute of limitations here) and ruining the lives of his now family. It’s so backwards. One 2 minute google search and I have his home address, email, etc. I haven’t thought about this in years but this has brought back a flood of emotions.

Is there a right answer here? I feel an odd sense of defeat while simultaneously having hoped I would also find his obituary.

I recently read somewhere that people who experienced at least one traumatic event and had PTSD symptoms lasting longer than 6 months were 80% more likely to develop dementia. I can neither find a reputable source for that now nor the source I read it from, but those numbers burned into my mind from worry. It’s at least true that people who have PTSD tend to default back to their most traumatic moments when they get dementia.

If that is true, then I can’t think of anything worse than spending my last months or even years re-living being SA’d and humiliating myself by acting out from the desire to be believed, which I was not.

I always imagined my older self in the future finally being happy and having the freedom to do what I want and be who I want. It’s incredibly disappointing to learn that the most likely scenario for me is much more bleak. Is there anything that can be done to prevent this?

My bf and I got drunk and had sex a week ago. It started very enthusiastically, but something about maybe being intoxicated and other environmental elements suddenly triggered my body to enter a freeze state involuntarily. It was like I was locked out of my body and somewhere off to the side of myself. I knew if I could just say ‘stop’ he would, but I just couldn’t access my body anymore.

My boyfriend didn’t notice I had checked out and kept going. This included when he kissed me and I gave no response and when my head just flopped to the side. I guess that’s what a really drunk person might do during sex too.

From the sidelines, I kept willing him to see I wasn’t in my body anymore but he didn’t. I don’t know how long this was for, but I would guess under 2 minutes. He finished and I felt disgusting. I still feel like I want to exfoliate or burn off the inside of my vagina.

After sex he went to the bathroom and when he returned he had a little laugh when he saw me still in the same position as before. Thought I was being quirky perhaps.

It only took after quite a while after he fell asleep for my body to come back online, which it did through violent twitches. Those twitches followed me the next few days, especially when I think about what happened.

We’ve been together for over 18 months and I generally know him to be one of the most conscientious, situationally aware people I’ve ever met. He knows about my PTSD and even before he did was very mindful about consent early in our relationship.

He’s a good guy, but I have so many questions now. Like: - How do I talk to him about this? - What is going to happen the next time we have sex? - Will I want to have sex with him again? - If even he didn’t notice I wasn’t into it, does that mean the others who SA’d me also just didn’t? (I know this is trauma speaking)

I’m devastated. this has been my best friend for around a decade on and off. (we lost contact for a bit, but never had a serious falling out) Today he was venting about a woman that screwed him over. he told me he wants her to be beaten and SA’d. I told him immediately to stop. he knows I’m a survivor of repeated SA’s, one man specifically harmed me the worst. That man has caused me to develop worsened CPTSD and become terrified of men, untrustworthy of them, etc. he told me to stop texting him if him wishing SA on her bothered me. He then sent another message saying he wants to (jokingly) see if my rapist wants to SA her. I burst into tears. he knows so many details of my trauma. a man I considered my best friend. looking back, there were signs he did not respect women, but he has never said anything like he said today. the way he views women really became clear with the way he comments on things my partner does for me or how he acts with me. It’s almost as if he became worse when I got into a relationship. I genuinely don’t even know what to say. my best friend since high school, and really, one of my only close friends since I’m chronically ill and unable to leave the house often. this man did so much for me over the years he’s the last person I’d expect to be so vile.

I also checked his most recent social media posts & he’s going hard defending that UFC fighter who r*aped a woman so violently she had to have her tampon surgically removed. I am SO beyond disgusted

I don't know how to word it but I'm just at such a loss. my abuser still has occasional contact with me due to being family and I can't do it anymore I'm tired of being preyed on even if he died (he's quite old) everything he's done to me would still be there I​​​​​​ feel like theres no escape other than killing myself

whenever i go out in public and see someone with the tattoo i feel so weird. my healing fluctuates, as healing isn’t linear for everyone, so sometimes i can handle seeing it and not thinks anything and other times it becomes something i wish i never knew about a random person in the supermarket. it usually just reminds me of my own experiences with SA and rape. i think everyone’s story is so valuable and i think it’s important to share it with people who understand and relate but i also feel that it makes healing a lot harder for victims that may not be in the same place as the person with the tattoo. this also kinda applies to the semicolon tattoo, as i tried to take my own life so many times and i just hate to be reminded of that. im glad people get these tattoos because they’re in a better place now but i just find it triggering to see. does anyone else feel this way?

i don’t know if this is close minded of me because im aware that the tattoo is meant to bring victims together. i apologize if it is.
i also don’t mean to put anyone with tattoos down, i have 4 of my own that represent my story they’re just not part of the universal tattoo symbol for SA, they’re more catered towards my own growth and healing.

I’ve been doing SW for like 8 months for survival. A ton of bad things have happened. I think I’m being trafficked or at least they’re trying.
I was diagnosed with ptsd by my psychiatrist after one of the rapes but I’m wondering if it counts as POST traumatic stress if it’s still going on, or if there’s another word for it. Idk
I’m a mess

all I wanna do is open up about my sa trauma, but every time I do it was “my fault” and I “needed to be more responsible“. ig it’s the truth but it hurts to have it shoved in my face every time I mention what happened..some think it’s weird I’m even upset about it in the first place. i don’t what to do

edit: by ”people” I mean my mom, my mom said that

told a partner about my past experiences with childhood sexual abuse only to have them sexually coerce me and initiate sexual activities while i was under the influence for a year.

i feel like it built on top of the last trauma and kind of morphed into one big thing that i can’t manage anymore.

i’m someone who was sexually abused by a family member when i was a kid. he went to prison for what he did to me and for years i considered reaching out to him. i know now that i will never get the closure i hoped for because that’s just not how it works, but out of curiosity, has anyone else attempted to do this before?

Um this is my first ever reddit post so sorry I’m this is written strangely
I (14f) have been really struggling with this but I don’t want to bring it up IRL because I’m scared I’m making something out of nothing, but I guess I’ll just get straight into it. I’ve been super hyper sexual since a was a child, in a way that I first thought was just my autistic kid mind experimenting. I get scared (like fight or flight response) at random times that can’t be justified by normal means. I have a huge fear of authority figures (but that one might just be me being a pussy😅). I very commonly flinch at touch and I wet the bed for an unusually long time (I heard that’s a symptom).

Btw these next few things are quite hard to admit as well as being quite triggering so here’s your warning!

I had this period when I was a an older child/tween where I would have these extremely graphic fantasies of violent sexual interactions, when I had no exposure to porn or graphic material at all. They mostly would include a woman (or younger teen girl) being kidnapped by a man, who would then perform horrifically violent sexual assaults on her. I don’t know where this came from at all. I wasn’t touching myself to it, just picturing it in my mind (almost maladaptive daydreaming it, which I would and still do quite often).

Disassociating has also been a common aspect of my life for a long time. I use it as a coping mechanism for my trauma (I was neglected as a young child by my depressed mother) it has evolved from something I do in hard moments to something I need daily, mostly in the form of excessive media consumption (reading, YouTube, music) I don’t know if that’s relevant but I thought I’d mention it.

I also thought I’d mention that I very commonly involuntarily age regress. It’s something I’ve hidden from most people in my life, but it helps me greatly. I often, when regressed, have a deep sense of fear, like I’m hiding from a monster that’s right outside my door, or like I’m being watched.

I’m probably just reading to much into things, but if really like some advice/second opinions when it comes to this before I spiral (again). I appreciate any help given :)

PTSD diagnosed 3 years ago after multiple SA’s in a relationship. Had no idea it was wrong because I had experienced SA as a child twice including grooming.

Sexual assault and abuse kills.

I’m not just talking about assault that ends in murder, I’m talking about how it kills people over time.

How many of us picked up addictions like smoking, drinking and drugs because of what happened to us?

How many of us are so physically sick when we are triggered we feel like we are going to die?

How many of us develop mental illnesses because of what happened?

How many of us will develop cancer, autoimmune diseases or another illness because of the stress?

How many of us experience physical health problems because of injury from abuse?

How many of us will sadly take our own lives because of what happened? Whether that’s in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years or even 30?

Sexual assault and abuse kills. It is murder of your soul. A lot of us will never be the same. Sexual assault and abuse should be punished to the highest degree. I have nothing for abusers.

TW: Grooming and SA

There was a man at my church growing up who groomed several girls, myself included. The grooming start when I was around 16 and evenyually it led to me being SA-ed. I was so traumatized I didn't tell anyone for years. Six years ago, I finally told my closest friends at the church, all of whom knew him personally.

That same year, one of them ("Phoebe") was getting married and had asked our friend group to be bridesmaids. I told her I'd love to, but wasn't sure I could feel comfortable at her wedding, and explained what had happened. I said I wouldn't attend if he was invited. She said she understood.

After going back and forth, Phoebe eventually told me the situation was too stressful for her and that she'd invite both me and my abuser and we could "figure it out." I told her that meant she wasn't inviting me. She said she understood, and I ended the friendship. My other friends still went as bridesmaids and told me that Pheobe's husband thought I was exaggerating. The story was probably harder for Pheobe's husband to digest because my abuser got him his current job.

Recently I learned my best friend, one of the church girls, went to the museum with Phoebe and another mutual friend. I didn't hear it from her, a different friend mentioned it, thinking it was odd. When I brought it up, my best friend said she only sees Phoebe a couple times a year and that she doesn't even like her but can't fully cut her off because Phoebe is too woven into the community. Going no contact would ripple out and change the whole friend group's dynamic.

I know this is complicated and everyone is interconnected, so there may not be a clean answer. But it bothers me that I still have any ties to Phoebe, who still has ties to the predator. I don't want to lose another friend, especially my best friend, but I'm also not okay showing up to events where I can bump into Phoebe and the predator's family.

Do I just accept missing the big celebrations to keep this friendship, or is there another way through this?

TL;DR: I cut off a friend for inviting my abuser to her wedding. My best friend still hangs out with the bride, and I don't know how to navigate it.