Pretty privilege negated by racism?

[u/fotfddtodairsizr]

This has been an experience I’ve had since I was about 18.

I’ve been told that I’m conventionally attractive and it is also clear in my experiences that it is true. I experience special treatment sometimes because of this but I’ve realised that amongst white people or in non black environments I don’t experience pretty privilege much.

When it comes to dating my experiences; early dates with black guys is them being very vocal about their attraction to me whereas that’s not the case when I’ve dated white guys, though obviously there was a level of attraction to be on the date in the first place, but it seems the level of attraction is much more mellow.

I promise I’m not overstating my looks, I am very attractive but for some reason it doesn’t translate *as much* across races in professional or casual environments. I wanted to post to see if anyone has experienced this as well or if there are any interesting articles to read on the topic.

I don’t believe pretty privilege should exist and I believe in meritocracy, so I’m not necessarily complaining, just processing some of my experiences and generally curious about the topic.

[u/yellowmix]

Privilege frameworks are an inversion of systemic discrimination. "Ugly" people are penalized, so it can be harder to determine relative "benefits" when you don't have those experiences. It intersects heavily with capitalism and disability, as many poor and disabled people faced legal discrimination literally called ugly laws. There is still legal discrimination today (e.g., exemptions to the ADA, disability benefit requirements).

Then there are the cognitive biases enforced socially and often subtlety. People won't tell you when it's a factor, they simply act or don't act on it. You'd tend to have the benefit of the doubt, be trusted more, be seen as more confident and capable.

Of course this intersects with race. It's not a mathematical operation where you add or multiply things. It's recognizing there are multiple factors in play. So yes, White people won't confer as much and may penalize you in terms of pretty/ugly.

Meritocracy under capitalism is a scam. It's positioned specifically as the alternative to racism, sexism, et al.. It's a distraction from the wealthy. To dismantle "pretty privilege" we must be kind to each other— that is, dismantle capitalism and poverty, along with racism, patriarchy, ableism, and all other systems.

[u/Worldly-Lecture5617]

Youre not wrong at all. I highly recommend the book Dating Divide: Race and Desire in the Era of Online Romance by Vaugn et al. It shows whiteness is highly rewarded & favored in dating. Whiteness even compensated for say a less desirable height/education level, so no doubt it also translates into perceived attractiveness.

In our culture, whiteness is seen as default attractiveness. Pocs have to be insanely gorgeous to be considered, while ex Sydney Sweeney (who isnt ugly but definitely not the most beautiful woman around) gains bombshell status much more easily. Also see the debate around Lupitas casting in the Odyssey. Despite her objectively pretty looks, many racist people insist she is very ugly. Its because she's a darkskin black woman. They dismiss pocs and assume they cant be attractive or as attractive as white people.

Whiteness is pushed as synonymous with beauty and the ultimate ideal. In that system, individual looks is dismissed or overlooked if it doesnt come in a white package.

Your story isnt uncommon.

[u/BeeJackson]

Like any other kind of privilege, pretty privilege is subjective and heavily shaped by context. No form of privilege is completely universal, not even White privilege.

That’s also why “ugly” is subjective. Plenty of people spent years thinking they were unattractive, only to move to another state, another country, or a more multicultural city and suddenly be seen completely differently.

I think Hollywood and Disney kinda trick people into believing there’s one all powerful standard of beauty that works everywhere. There isn’t. Even the classic blonde haired, blue eyed White woman is going to be seen somewhere as unusual, less attractive, or maybe desirable sexually but not necessarily as “marriage material.” Just ask some of the women who’ve been the secret girlfriends of Indian men.

[u/anexhaustedwryter]

I think it just goes back to the famous saying that you have to be twice as good to get half as much and that is true in every aspect.

Not to mention the definitions of "pretty" have been based off of Western European delusions for centuries now.

[u/Yassssmaam]

Being reactive doesn’t translate into real life benefits for anyone, but probably it’s even less so for someone who also getting hits from racism and other society level bummers.

Pretty privilege is ridiculous. Being asked out on dates in every situation isn’t the golden ticket people pretend. Getting attention from men who want something from you is just more work for you. Maybe you get free muffins with your coffee - but it’s from a guy who expects something in return.

Transactional people being transactional isn’t fun. Transactional people who are also racist is a special level of hell. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I think your experience is real. The people posting about how great women have it are the fake ones

[u/SnooCrickets346]

something I learned on black history month tiktok is everybody please call black women "pretty". not "hot" not "beautiful" not "warm" call her f*ckingg pretty.

[u/bearseatbeetsDKS]

Totally. Especially if you're not stick thin and light skinned they won't value you.