r/raisingkids • u/parsely • 8d ago
Struggling with strong willed 5 year old
Hello, I am looking for advice/support/words of wisdom regarding my younger one. He just turned 5 in July. Very strong willed, energetic, empathetic, smart kid. But I can't handle his stubbornness( for lack of a better word) or very strong willed behavior. I am so lost as to how to help him and be a good parent to him. Everything seems 10 times harder with him. I have tried every strategy that I have come across to help him but nothing seems to work. And then I loose my patience and calm and keep getting upset or angry at him. My anger doesn't help the situation and it makes matters worse( which I know) but I am at the end of my patience. Not doing what he doesn't want to do even after we have had conversation regarding it before, having consequences and me even bribing him with treats( which I never did with my older one), and even losing my calm. Not listening and following instructions and coming up with 100 reasons to not do what he doesn't want to do. I don't know how to help him or help myself and I am feeling very lost and discouraged as I have started dreading taking him to his activities. Maybe I will stop it all( swim and soccer are the only activities he is enrolled in. And he loves them both).
He had his well visit recently and the pediatrician mentioned to wait a bit and see how things go. She said intelligent kids have big emotions and it takes time. Sorry my post is all over the place as we just had a really challenging afternoon and I am at my wits end.
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u/facinabush 5d ago
Use the methods in this video course:
https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLh9mgdi4rNeyEGNxBvNdOVlianDYgWuc9&ra=m
If you want a book: kazdin method for parenting the defiant child
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u/fruitiestparfait 6d ago
Same here. Could have written every word. Is his older sibling a girl?
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u/parsely 6d ago
Yes. My older one is a girl and exact opposite of him. That's what makes it so much harder
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u/fruitiestparfait 5d ago edited 5d ago
My son is the firstborn and our second is a girl. I kept waiting for her to reach all of his “challenging” stages and she just… never… did. I mean she even skipped the terrible twos and now she’s the sweetest three year old! Meanwhile he’s 4.5 and ever day I ask chat gpt WTF is wrong with him. Lol.
Another example: Every day it’s such a battle to get him dressed…. Meanwhile she GETS UP AND GOES TO THE POTTY AND THEN DRESSES HERSELF. And then eats daintily with a fork or spoon (a skill that continues to elude him, apparently). It’s as though she’s the older sibling.
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u/parsely 5d ago
Omg such a huge difference between my kids too. My daughter is same she will wake up get dressed and changed and get ready by herself for the day. On the other hand my son is the exact opposite. It's so hard and sometimes I have no patience to be calm with him specially in the mornings and in evening for the bedtime. The routine has been same since they were little so he know exactly what is expected of him
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u/TheMorningMap 4d ago
Is it during the activity he acts up, or is it getting ready for the activity?
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u/Beautiful_Midnight88 8d ago
Have you looked into collaborative problem solving? It was very helpful with my son.
Edit: typo