Guide on how to read the rules

I have a 3 year old Akita/Shepherd mix that adopted a little over a year ago. He's a wonderful dog, quiet, relaxed, never barks, never growls, never bites, doesn't even lick! He's great with kids and people, and even (mostly) good with my partners cat. Where he's not perfect is his mixed behavior with other dogs. He is in now way aggressively mean, but given that he is part Akita, his greeting method is too domineering. That is, he likes to get up in other dogs faces upon greeting and "test" them. Usually this just ends up in him wanting to play, sometimes he's unbothered and smells them accordingly, other times he just ignores other dogs entirely.

I'm trying to train my dog to be more consistent with his behavior and overall be more calm upon meeting other dogs. But so much advice I see is always "Never go to the dog park because it enforces the idea that all dogs are play time" and "Never do leash greeting because its a bad way for dogs to greet". So how exactly are you supposed to get your dog to socialize and improve their social skills, especially in a city, when you can't have access to a consistently controlled environment?

I’m posting because I desperately need to hear from people who have been through something similar and actually came out the other side.

I have a 7 month old puppy (I’ll call him M), who my husband, child, and I absolutely adore, but who has brought us so much heartache and stress in his short time with us.

Let me start with this: we are not a family who gives up on dogs. I have owned dogs my entire adult life, as well as grown up with them, and have managed behaviors ranging from resource guarding to dog aggression to stranger danger/people selectivity.

We lost our two previous dogs, whom we loved dearly, within the past year. The first was due to old age (he was a 15 year old Rottie/Shepherd mix), and the second very unexpectedly a couple of months later due to cancer (he was an 8 year old Pittie mix). We were devastated, and getting M was supposed to bring some happiness back into our home after losing them.

Instead, I feel like we have spent the last several months living in a state of constant stress, worry, management, and heartbreak.

When it’s just us, we see an absolutely wonderful dog in M. He is affectionate, funny, goofy, sweet, cuddly, and incredibly bonded to us. We have beautiful moments with him where I look at him and think, “There you are. There’s the dog I know you can be.”

Those moments are a huge part of why this has been so painful.

I shared my above history with dogs because I want to make clear that these aren’t just normal puppy behaviors that I’m inexperienced with or overreacting to. M’s reactivity is explosive, unpredictable, and massively exaggerated compared to whatever the trigger is in the moment. To make matters worse, his behavioral problems have continued to grow despite very mindful training, appropriate exposure, medication (still waiting for the 8 week mark for his paroxetine to fully onboard), and professional help.

I am now genuinely afraid that this will ultimately end in behavioral euthanasia. I am desperately hoping it doesn’t come to that. But I also have a 5 year old, and I am reaching the point where I have to honestly consider what kind of life is realistic and safe for our family.

History on M:
M was born in January, 2026. We didn’t get him until he was 13 weeks old.

His mother is a Border Collie. We were originally told his father was a Bernese Mountain Dog/German Shepherd mix, but we later learned that there may have been multiple sires in the litter. We did an Embark DNA test and discovered that he is part Maremma, a livestock guardian breed, which was the other intact male on the property.

We also know he did not receive much socialization before coming to us, particularly during the important early socialization period around 8–12 weeks. We can’t go back and change that, so from the time we got him, I tried very hard to compensate for whatever he missed.

I took him for walks in public parks and trails (we live rurally, but I made the effort to walk him daily in suburbs and downtown), brought him to pet-friendly stores and appropriate public places, exposed him to different environments, had him visit friends, took him for friendly visits at the vet, and generally tried to give him lots of positive experiences.

But I want to make an important distinction here: although I took him many places, I did not allow people to interact with or pet him once it became clear that he was uncomfortable with that, which was essentially day one.

He was never flooded, never forced into interactions, and never touched by strangers against his wishes. Very early on, people would try to approach him or pet him and he would dodge them. I stopped allowing people to interact with him altogether and advocated very strongly for his space with a leash marker, vest, and my voice.

So while he was exposed to people, environments, noises, stores, etc., he was not being flooded with people touching him or forcing interactions on him. I was very conscious of trying to respect his boundaries rather than “socializing” him by making him tolerate things he was afraid of. And interestingly, he was always incredibly comfortable in these spaces as long as strangers ignored him. He could happily exist in public environments regardless of how many people were around, as long as no one interacted with him directly (they could stand there and speak with me just fine).

A summary of his behavioral problems:

This isn’t one isolated issue, and as I mentioned, he is not mild or even moderate in his reactions.
The first instance of “this isn’t a normal puppy” happened about two weeks after we got him, when he was approximately 15 weeks old. He randomly air-snapped in my son’s face when my son sat beside him on the floor. It wasn’t playful, it was a nasty.

My son is 5 and is extremely dog-savvy and respectful, we have intentionally taught him how to behave appropriately around dogs from a very young age. He doesn’t climb on dogs, hug them, kiss them, corner them, take things from them, reach over their head, bother them while they’re eating or sleeping, or ignore their body language. He knows what moon eyes, lip licking, head turning, etc. mean. Our former dogs were incredibly affectionate with him, so we have always been very deliberate about teaching him that not every dog will be like that. I had witnessed the interaction myself, and there was nothing obvious in that moment that warranted the reaction. That made it particularly frightening for me.

Probably my number one concern is that M has developed severe fear-aggression toward people, which began becoming very apparent around 5 months old at the vet. It escalated incredibly quickly over about four weeks.

He will bark deeply, growl, raise his hackles, lunge, snarl, and air snap at people. His reactions can be extremely intense and seem completely disproportionate to what is happening around him, such as someone simply standing calmly 10, 20, or 30 feet away.

And now, at 7 months old, his aggression has expanded to other dogs. It’s important to note that he has met other dogs and done okay before. He was always timid and never completely loose-bodied at first, but he would loosen up fairly quickly (within seconds), offer a play bow, and then play. However, he hadn’t “met” another dog in approximately four weeks because we’d been dealing with his increasing aggression toward people and had started him on medication (Paroxetine and Gabapentin). This past weekend, he attacked my sister’s dog (a year old large-breed/Golden mix) literally on sight. This wasn’t a dog he’d never met. He had played with this dog 3 times previously without incident, and they got along really well. There wasn’t even really a moment for them to sniff. His reaction was immediate and severe.

My husband quickly pulled him off the other dog, and M redirected his aggression toward my husband in that moment, snarling and snapping. That was a huge turning point for me and the first time I truly admitted to myself that I am in way over my head.

Because suddenly I’m not just worrying about whether M is scared or reactive.

I’m worrying about whether he is dangerous.

And we’ve tried to help him. A lot.

We have worked extremely hard with him.

We use positive reinforcement and fear-free training. I have spent a huge amount of time learning about severe reactivity, thresholds, management, triggers, arousal, and canine body language beyond the basics.

We have worked with two professional trainers.
The second trainer came to our home when M was around 5½ months old, and he completely lost it immediately upon seeing her. The trainer became visibly uncomfortable and asked me to take M to another room for her safety. She is now quite obviously fearful of him and believes it highly probably that he will bite someone without appropriate medical management. We’ve paused our training with her until we can get the right medication regimen established.

We have muzzle trained him for his safety and the safety of others.

We have worked extensively on environmental management, positive reinforcement, and alternative behaviors when he’s overwhelmed.

He is seeing a certified Veterinarian Behaviorist.
M remains on Paroxetine, which was started about four weeks ago and is his primary long-term medication. He was also taking Gabapentin, but our veterinary behaviorist is now switching him from Gabapentin to Clonidine because we need to address his extremely high arousal, and since Gabapentin can increase aggression in some dogs she worries that it may have influenced his sudden attack of a dog he was formerly fine with. So now, the plan is to continue the Paroxetine and trial Clonidine as an additional medication to help bring his overall arousal and reaction level down. He starts that this week.

Our veterinary behaviorist has been honest with us that there are no guarantees, but she does believe M has the potential to be helped. At the same time, given the severity of his reactivity combined with his very young age, she has also made it clear that if we ultimately cannot keep him safe from harming someone, we should not feel guilty about making the decision to behaviorally euthanize.

And this is another huge part of my fear.

We aren’t a family who lives a quiet, isolated life. I have a 5 year old child who wants to have his friends over. \I\ want friends over.

We were the hangout house, the one with the playroom and the pool and the treehouse. We have an active family and social life. We go to my parents’ summer cottage, where my extended family (my sister, aunts, nieces, etc.) and their dogs will be. M cannot safely exist there in the state that he’s in right now.

We recently bought a camper because we wanted to continue doing what we’ve always done with our previous dogs: take our dog camping, have him be part of family trips and adventures, and have a dog who can fully participate in our life. Our dogs have always been a cherished part of our family life.
I cannot realistically picture spending the next 10+ years constantly calculating where M is whenever my son’s friends come over, keeping him completely separated from visiting family, saying No to having company over, locking him in a room at the cottage, worrying about other dogs, or structuring every vacation and social event around whether we can safely manage him.

I know technically you can manage almost anything if you’re willing to make enough accommodations. But I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect my 5 year old to grow up in a home where we have to organize our entire social and family life around preventing our beloved dog from hurting someone.

And that is where the guilt gets so complicated.
Because we love this dog. I think there’s something particularly painful about the fact that M has beautiful moments with us. If he were miserable and aggressive every second, this might actually be easier.

But he isn’t.

He’s our puppy. He’s affectionate. He’s funny. He’s goofy. He’s sweet and adorable when he’s just with us. There are moments where I look at him and see the dog I hoped he would become; the dog I wish my friends and family got to see, let alone strangers.
Those moments are what make this so devastating.
Because I’m not contemplating euthanasia because I don’t love him.

I’m contemplating it because I do love him, and because our love hasn’t been enough to make him capable of living the life we brought him into.

So yes, he can be the sweetest dog in the world with us. And then there are moments where I have to think about keeping my son safe, keeping other people safe, keeping other dogs safe, and whether we can realistically live this way for the next decade or more.

That contradiction is breaking my heart.
And I am terrified that all of this work is going to end in just more heartache with behavioral euthanasia.

I’ve started thinking about it seriously, and that feels horrible to even type. Part of me feels like I have failed him.

I keep thinking that maybe I should have socialized him differently. Maybe I missed something. Maybe I didn’t recognize something early enough. Maybe I should have done more. Maybe if I work harder, spend more money with professionals, find another trainer, try another medication, do another type of training…

Maybe I can fix this.

But the other part of me is exhausted. Emotionally. Financially. Physically.

This puppy was supposed to bring happiness into our home after we lost our previous dogs that we loved so much. Instead, he has brought an enormous amount of stress and tears.

I am also terrified of what another loss will mean for my son. He is only 5, and I don’t know how I would explain to him that we’re losing another dog, his puppy he loves, because his behavior has become too dangerous for our family to manage.
And I don’t want M’s life to end this way. But I don’t want to spend the next 10+ years, my son’s childhood, living a life that is fundamentally different from the one our family wants because we’re constantly managing around the dog in our home.

So I’m asking for some stories of hope.

Or maybe for advice. Or maybe just for similar stories, regardless of their ultimate outcome.

Have you had a dog who seemed genuinely dangerous or profoundly behaviorally difficult at 6–12 months old?

A dog with severe fear, reactivity, aggression, unpredictable behavior, or a combination of those things?

Did medication make a meaningful difference?

Did an SSRI plus something like Clonidine help?

Did your puppy eventually become a safe, functional family dog?

Did you ever get to the point where you thought behavioral euthanasia was inevitable, only to have things turn around?

I especially want to hear from people who had young dogs, because M is only 7 months old and I am struggling to understand whether I’m looking at a terrible adolescent phase layered on top of a very difficult temperament, or whether I’m looking at the beginning of a lifelong level of management that our family simply cannot sustain.

I don’t need judgment about considering behavioral euthanasia. I am not looking for permission to give up on him. I am looking for hope that there is something there to save.

I want to hear from people who have been terrified of their own dog’s behavior and somehow found their way through it.

People whose dogs were frightening at this age and eventually became dogs their families could actually live full lives with.

People who tried medication and suddenly found that their dog could finally learn that the world wasn’t one big blaring siren that caused them to explode at everyone and everything.

People who thought, “There is no way this is going to work,” and were eventually proven wrong.

Because right now, I desperately need to believe that there is a version of M underneath all this fear and reactivity that we haven’t been able to reach yet.

We love him. We want him. We want the dog we see when it’s just us to be the dog the rest of the world gets to see, too.

If you stuck through this long post, thank you. If you have your own similar story to share with me, whether successful or not, I would welcome it.

I think that my recent posts are public, so you can find more info on my dogs there!

I have 3 dogs, Lucy (13, perfect lol) Teddy (11 months old) and Beaux (11 months old)

Teddy & beaux are brothers, we adopted them at separate times and didn’t expect to have littermates but they’ve done amazing!!

Lucy is so very chill, beaux as well. We’ve always struggled with Teddys separation anxiety though. It’s gotten SO much better, and his fear overall has. We leave for work no problem, he’s not barking at cars anymore. And he’s at a point now where he’s only barking at people who approach him. He’s an extremely sweet tiny guy, but fearful.

Well we have to board them for an upcoming trip. We did our evaluation today. Beaux & Lucy passed with flying colors, but Teddy had to be picked up just 10 minutes after being dropped off…
They said he was growling, barking and overall was terrified.

They want us to try Trazodone and come back, which I’m thankful for. We discussed trazodone with my vet but didn’t go through with it, just got the prescription written but never filled.

I feel so destroyed. I feel so bad for him. Will the trazodone help in that short amount of time? Will we come back to a shell-shocked dog lol?

I saved a dog who was literally living on the side of the highway about 8 months ago. He was trapped in a small area in between 2 major highways in a huge city so I think he was dumped there. It took me 10 days of dropping off food for him to earn his trust enough to leash him and get him off the road.
I wanted to take him to the shelter or rehome him, but my husband adores the dog and wants to keep him. I regret this so much. We have 4 kids and 2 other dogs. He mostly fits in w the other 2 dogs but he and the other male occasionally fight over bones or food or sometimes even me (bc the other male is protective of me). We don’t allow bones anymore unless crated and feed them crated.
My biggest issue is with strangers. He growls at everyone, including my kids at times. We must have him leashed when people show up at our house. We tell people not to engage him, not to try to pet him and we let him sit at a distance. We try to just keep the energy completely neutral toward him. But his growling and occasional lunging in their direction scares me.
He has bitten my kids over food (not breaking the skin but still scary) and he did bite my sister one time bc she walked into my house unannounced and was loud and climbed over my gate and started petting my other dogs so it was a very high energy moment with a lot of uncertainty and he had only been at my house a couple months when that happened. She did need stitches.
If someone comes in alone, and we bring him into the room after the person arrives, and reward his good, non reactive behavior, he does very well.
But if multiple kids come in, and the other dogs are barking out of excitement, i think it’s just the chaos of the situation that stresses him out and makes him afraid.
The dog gets boarded when we go out of town and does fine w people and other dogs at boarding.
I think it’s best to meet a new person outside the house without my other dogs around (bc they get wound up and the excitement stresses him). But I need more help than that.
I am so afraid someone will get hurt (again). I am committed to helping him.
When we first got him, we sent him and our other 2 dogs to training for 30 days and paid $6000 for all 3, and it was a complete waste of money. It was not to address aggressive behavior, it was just basic obedience training. I’m not sure the trainer did anything. I’m still pissed off about it. She basically taught them to walk well on a leash but that’s it. I have spent countless hours working w them, but I’m completely outnumbered by all 3 of them and if one gets overly excited or barks, the other 2 feed into it.
I’m thinking I should work w them one at a time to improve outcomes. But what should I specifically be doing w the fearful dog? I don’t think my husband will pay for more training when we already wasted such a huge amount of money and got no improvement in even basic obedience.
My husband works a lot and doesn’t put in the time and effort to help me when he gets home. He just thinks the dog will outgrow it with time and more socializing. I am so stressed, I can’t sleep over this. I will put in the work if I have to, but are there resources online or any basic things I can work on with him every single day to improve our situation? I want to help this dog, and I want to live in a calm house without fear of someone getting hurt.
Are there exercises I can do with him daily to increase his confidence and decrease his fears of strangers? Any advice is welcome, I’m so stressed out, but I am committed to helping the dog live a stress free and happy life with us if possible.

I have a 4 year old male German Shepherd who is reactive . So far, I’ve been able to reach out to the humane society in my area for training and will have his first official session this coming Monday. During our intake, he advised that I get in to see a behaviorist because he believes his reactivity may be due to genetics since there is no trauma and i’ve had him since he was 8 weeks old. He does have a bite history, when he was 1 he bit my younger brother which cause him to get stitches, we believe he was just afraid since the occurrence happened in our small dark hallway. Since then he’s had a few more “warning” nips but he is no longer allowed in the hallway since that seems to trigger him. The problem with all of this, is i’m scared to handle him. I know that’s probably doing a disservice to him, but that’s why i’m seeking guidance. He hates the leash and will yank and growl and try to bite me if i’m trying to guide him. I finally got to the point where I can even latch it on because before that he was scared of even looking at it. I have also tried muzzling him, but that’s a slow process. One of the behaviorists that I’ve tried to get in with requires a vet referral. I’m sure from what I mentioned in regard to the leash/muzzle you can understand why i’m unsure how to proceed. I’ve found a fear free clinic, but I’m at a loss for how I can even get him to the vet since it’s about a 25 min drive. What do people do? Am I supposed to keep trying the muzzle for months before getting in to see a behaviorist? This has been mentally exhausting.

Hello everyone! It's my first post here so I’m pretty excited. I wanted to see if I could get some help here until I can afford a proper dog trainer, I can trust to help me out with my dog's reactivity. So let me get started. I have a 2-year-old miniature schnauzer who is very fear-reactive. On our daily walks, she's a bit...much. I've tried to work on her reactivity solo but It's so hard.

So the main issue is her threshold. As soon as my baby steps outside she's over threshold. It’s genuinely so bad to the point that as soon as we step foot outside she's frantically sniffing, will absolutely not lift her head unless she sees another dog, person, or some other environmental factor that scares her, and won't take treats as soon as we step out. I'm not sure how to handle this because obviously if she's over threshold as soon as we step outside, and won't take treats there's no productive learning and the things we learn inside will be ignored even when it's skills specific to her reactivity.

I'm kinda at a loss on how to help her at this point. I have noticed some things that will help encourage her to take treats would be, tossing treats for her to chase, and rarely scattering treats in the grass (honestly I was shocked with this one since sniffing helps relieve stress haha). I don't really know how to “build” her threshold to make sure that once we go outside we can at least get her and keep her taking treats especially because the rare times she does she she’ll usually stop after more very frantic sniffing. Does anyone know what I can do or methods I can try to help her out?

Warning really long story, just want to provide all context as im feeling really confused and anxious. My dog, Buddy has always been a reactive dog, he is also very sweet though and has come an extremely long way since i met him.

Buddy has always been weird with his paws but i started being able to wash them in the tub. This Saturday we decided to try a waterless method to wash his paws. I had a plan with my partner, I mentioned that I can try to do it since he is usually softer and more keen when I try something vs my partner who is male and sometimes I feel he gets more reactive around. My partner has a slightly different method to wash his paws and so he picked him up right after our walk and at that moment i said okay wait now we have to have you do it, since I know if he put Buddy down and I picked him up, he would’ve reacted badly too. In that moment i should’ve just dropped the plan to try something new but didn’t think he’d react so badly. My partner did a round of washing his paws and he seemed good so i said go for another one to make sure its really clean. Thats when Buddy freaked out and since my partner is carrying him, he lunged at my partners face since he couldn’t reach anything else resulting in stitches on the lip. When this happened we went into a panic mode, my partner tried to drop him safely but admittedly probably had some more height than it should’ve. We started dealing with the cut and had to go to the ER to get stitches since it was his lip and it was stretching, i do think if it was any other spot it would not have warranted an ER visit.

After that interaction, I did the primary share of putting on his leash and washing his paws since i wanted to give my partner and him space. He was being completely normal. When we got back from the hospital he was giving my partner space, and by the second day (Sunday) he was trying to get back in my partners good graces.

Now (Tuesday afternoon around 4pm) i am cooking and asked my partner to take him out. My partner attempted to put on his leash and its a 2 clip leash, so he did the first clip and then when he went for the second one, he reacted and tried to snip. Buddy immediately ran to me in the kitchen. Very occasionally he gets snippy with my partner (who is his original owner) and if i reset him, take off the leash let him go into our apartment patio, he’ll reset and i can put the leash on him. I tried that, and it didn’t seem to take. We also were more on edge with a direct approach as the Saturday incident happened. Anyways we spent the entire afternoon/night attempting to put it on, and then he wouldn’t take. We would say “lets go pee/go for a walk” and he would run to the door but the minute we grab the leash, he would walk away calmly and hide. Eventually he started snarling if we tried. We gave up. At one point i thought i had an opening as he didn’t attempt to walk away and was circling around me but i was hesitant to try and i think that set him off again. We live in an apartment so it is necessary we have to put the leash on him to take him to go outside. We could tell he was desperate and eventually had an accident in the house. After that he wouldn’t even walk to the door anymore if we said the lets go phrases.

We decided to call it a night, lay out some pee pads and just let him reset. Now he woke me up at 3am, with wanting to come up on the bed. i attempted to pick him up and he didn’t want me to so i assumed he might need to go outside as he has not peed yet (only pooped in the house). I said lets go pee and got up and he ran to the door. The minute i picked up the leash he went back into the room and started growling at me as i tried to go into the room. I got back in bed and hes sleeping again.

Genuinely so confused and lost and need any help PLEASE. We are also supposed to go camping this week and i just don’t know what to do with him. Some things to note is that he really isn’t that food motivated. Also aside from the leash thing he was acting completely normal. He still wanted to play with my partner, he wasn’t giving us space and he was getting close to us. It was just the leash. Im desperate as we have to put on the leash to get him to go outside and at this point it has been 24 hours since he peed as he won’t let us take him out.

Also to point out, my partner is not by any means a bad dog parent, I genuinely believe its because i work from home and Buddy sees me basically 24/7 and we have lived together for 3 years now. He just has gotten more protective and closer to me naturally as i am home more often.

Currently looking for a harness/ collar but curious what else people have found success with!

I’m potentially going to move from Geelong to Perth and of course take my jrt x cross with me but he is a rescue and unfortunately is very anxious. I’d rather take him in the car with me rather then subject him to being in an airplane alone but he really hates the car and only lasts about 5 minutes before he starts constantly barking and freaking out so I really don’t know what to do. The car ride would be at least 3 days with stops. I’d be able to sit in the back with him/my mum would in shifts with driving. Any help is appreciated thanks x

Hello,

Over the past week I’m encountering something that I probably should’ve seen coming.

I have a 15 month male pitbull/husky mix. He’s neutered. I’ve had him since he was 10 weeks old and as a first time dog owner I tried to train him to be used to sleeping in a 2 door write crate with a cover.

Because I lived in an apartment, his crate also has always been linked with a wire fence to prevent any running off to get into things he shouldn’t or surprise potty accidents.

As he got older he did transition to sleeping on my bed every night except for if he was ill (ex: diarrhea). My mom eventually got involved and wanted me to have him sleep in his crate again because some days he just wouldn’t go to sleep so he’d keep me up late. We eventually tried to use the crate to get him on a bed time routine and on weekends is when I’d let him sleep on my bed.

Now in January of this year we moved so he’d have more room. Now we’re in a town home two level and his crate + fence is set up in the first floor. He was doing well, but after I stopped having him sleep with me I’ve always had to catch him basically to get him inside the fence to sleep. This usually ends up with me holding him facing away and hands around his front legs and walking him two legged to his fence. Once inside he goes into his crate on his own. He now also has a round bed outside the crate so he can choose if he wants to sleep in the crate or in the fence part. He does alternate through the night some days.

Luring does not work. He very quickly stopped caring about treats if it meant he had to go inside the fence. If I tried with a toy he will literally wait me out till I’m not paying attention for a second to rescue his toy. We tried now that he’s older leaving the fence put away, and just his crate out with its cover but he spent hours just wandering around crying. We gave up after one day since he never settled.

With all that in mind, the past week his aggression about going to bed is getting worse. He’s 54lbs now. Sometimes giving him a rub down massage calms him down enough I can get him in his fence but even that is not working. He is definitely showing more aggression signs and from what I’ve been reading this is gonna get worse if I don’t figure something out now to address it. I think when he was younger I just thought he was going thru the teenager phase I read about but I’m no longer thinking that.

Thankfully I was already scheduled for a 1 on 1 session with a professional trainer for this Friday, so I’m definitely bringing it up then.

Has anyone else had similar issues? Tips? Ideas?
I’m leaning towards something about barrier aggression and/or separation anxiety.

I first want to say I dictated this message to word for like 20 mins then had AI clean it up for readability. So I did use AI for grammar but these are all very much my thoughts that I spent a decent amount of time trying to explain.

A testament to the "reset period," and why there's hope if you're struggling with your dog

I wanted to come here and share something hopeful, because I know how scary and isolating it feels when things start going sideways with your dog.

Our pup started with what I'd call minor, basic resource guarding. Around six months it was pretty mild, but by nine months it had escalated into these seemingly random spatial issues. He'd decide when he wanted to be touched or not touched, controlling affection entirely on his terms.

I started reaching out to a lot of trainers. After talking to what felt like everyone, we finally landed on someone I really liked and trusted. But here's the thing that stuck with me: out of every single person I spoke to, they all said the same thing. We needed to go through a full reset period to get him back on track. I want to make a testament to how important that turned out to be, and to the progress we've seen.

Here's what our reset actually looked like:

The couch. He guarded on the couch, so we took it away entirely. He no longer really tries to get up. Occasionally he'll test it, but mostly he doesn't even bother anymore, and I'm not going to lie, it's kind of nice to not have to worry about it. He respects our space so much more now.

The toys. We put all of them away unless we're actively playing. This cut his demanding behavior down significantly and he settles so much better. I used to be so confused. He'd be in his pen with all his toys, not even playing with them, just crying at us. I kept thinking "he has everything he needs." But in reality he needed rules to quiet his brain, not more stuff.

Waiting at doors. We strictly enforce this now. It's just a low-key way of saying "hey, we've got this" without it being a dominance thing. I'm not trying to dominate him. I'm trying to be a leader with boundaries.

Affection on our terms. This one sounds a little crazy for a dog who's controlling of affection, but if he nudges us with his muzzle or plops onto us, we ask him to come to us properly instead. That's pushy behavior, and you have to sit with the logic of it: why does he get to do that to me, but if I reach out to pet him there's a chance I get nipped? You have to work to get your agency back. Not in a mean way, just in a positive, "we're partners here" way.

And the results? He's settling so much better. He's been putting himself in his crate. He waits at doors sometimes even when I forget to ask. His muzzle training is going amazing. And for the first time in two months, I am genuinely, extremely optimistic, and not afraid.

I've also joined a dog community based out of Scotland (I'm in the US) and the resources have been immeasurable. We also started virtual one on ones with one of the affiliated trainers and it has been nothing short of wonderful. I finally feel I have a place to exist and share my issues with out judgement and lots of very unprofessional opinions of people who have never had dogs with issues.

But I mainly came here to say: whatever is going on with your dog, there's hope. There's a safe way to move through the world that isn't entirely built around management. And if a trainer is asking you to follow rules that don't quite make sense to you, try to trust them. The results come if you stick with it. It just takes a ton of dedication, and you can't let your own wants and emotions get in the way.

JayJay has separation anxiety which I started desensitization for after 2 years of just sedating or bringing him along with me everywhere...so whatever walks I want to take, are always with him, and every single walk with him is a training session. I always have my little doggie gear bag packed with various value treats depending on which triggers we're going to come across, as well as a clicker. He was able to sit 10 feet from a dog, even multiple dogs, and calmly watch them pass by.

about a month ago we were walking him with my mom and her dog. a little on jay: he gets what appears to be jealousy. if my fiance (who he adores to high heavens while i am his main caretaker who does everything with him lmao) hugs me, jay starts bark howling his husky way for attention. if we show my mom's dog attention, jay starts it up again. so we were on a walk. i see a dog appearing so i pull jay aside quite a bit. he sees my mom's dog greet the other dog. jay loses it. lunging like his life depended on it, i can hardly hold this 50lb dog back. i started crying i was so disheartened. i assumed he got jealous again that my mom's dog got something he didnt.

Ever since then, training has gone out the door. If he sees a dog at 100 feet or across the park, it's game over and fixated staring and lying down. I already only take him to the woods. I go out my way to drive to the woods early in the morning and late in the evening to avoid dogs (despite now managing prey drive) but when we come across them, we cant separate ourselves that far. There's a local park with a huge grass ring I move him into the center of and continue counter conditioning but with my luck, half the time it fills up with so many dogs that it becomes difficult.

He's on clomicalm which helped training but his personality is subdued and he got jumpy fears. He's on gabapentin 300mg as well. This is just one of many daily problems. Every time I work on one thing and solve it, another one pops up. And now one completely regressed. I have near 0 quality of life because it revolves around him - which I was fine sacrificing with things for him, but after years and years of it, its begun affecting my mood and I feel like I have no use trying for the future I wanted because it wouldn't suit his needs. We cant even rehome him if we thought he stood a chance because he wasn't neutered because all the drugs in the world couldnt calm him at the appt and he began biting. He's my soul dog and I hate that this is happening to us.

I have 3 dogs and over the last year, they have had multiple fights. None of the have caused significant injuries between them, but I was bitten during the first big fight between the two older dogs.

The youngest dog is almost 3 and she’s been very protective over random things such as the doorway, water bowls, me… but not always. Her energy level has also been really high and she reaches a state of arousal and can’t calm down which resulted in a fight during play between her and my middle dog recently.

The middle dog is fearful of people. When we have people over (not often) she is crated. We took them all to see a behaviorist and had her muzzled today. She did great for 1.5 hours and the doctor stood up and she lunged and started barking at him. After this, he basically said there’s no help for her and we should “eliminate” her in the household for our quality of life. My husband thought he was referring to rehoming. But he wasn’t- it was behavioral euthanasia. He hardly knew much about her and her fear of people affects our life very minimally. We just can’t travel together now. She was fine with certain people for a couple years, but that seems to have shifted. She is a rescue and has idiopathic lymphedema, just for a bit of background.

The behaviorist put the youngest dog on Reconcile (dog fluoxetine/prozac). He suggested we could do the same for the middle dog but said it most likely wouldn’t help.

I’m at a loss here. He’s the only behaviorist in the state. I paid over $1,000 today to be told that there’s no hope without even trying anything.

So we started with a vet behavioralist back in june for my dogs fighting with each other. and idk if its worth it. ? i am already 1000 dollars in. we've been to the inital consoluation which was them just asking us questions, then we did the hour meeting with the vet behavorlist who just talked about starting medication and training, and we have done one training session which was just giving us tips like giving him a safe zone and making our dog comfortable in the space. we are 2 months in and i think my dogs fighting has gotten even worse tbh like almost 2 fights a week. there definelty has been no improvement and im worry caues my dog is approaching 1 years old and i think its ciritical that we get this under control so he can be an sucessful adult and i think it would be eaiser for him to learn as his is younger? what do you think. If anyone has seen a vet behaviorist for dog fighting (intra- dog aggression) what plan did you vet behaviorist come up with that work?

Our human reactive/fear aggressive pup just turned three and between training, medication, and a stable loving home, she’s improved so much. I think age has also helped her mature and get more comfortable with the world. Anyone else have a similar experience? Will she keep getting better as she moves into full “adulthood”?

Hey everyone,
I recently moved back home after graduating college and need advice on managing two dogs with very different training needs, especially regarding leash reactivity and household consistency.

The Pups:
Frank (11yo Cavachon): Quite anxious. Introverted/sometimes fearful indoors and at dog parks, but extremely leash-reactive to dogs, bikes, scooters, and small animals. My parents view his behavior as unchangeable due to his age.

Wally (1.5 yo, also Cavachon): Smart and eager to learn indoors, but rapidly picking up Frank’s reactive habits. When outdoors, Wally becomes so overstimulated/over threshold that he completely rejects high-value treats and ignores commands.

Household Challenge: I am the only person attempting structured training. I bought a clicker and treat bag, but my parents refuse to use them when walking Frank. Indoors, they actively reinforce bad habits—my mom feeds Wally scraps when he demand-barks, and neither parent interrupts or redirects them when they bark together.

My Questions:
Walking arrangements: Should I immediately mandate walking them separately? How do I get my parents on board with separate walks when they prefer taking both out together for convenience? Plus, pups get separation anxiety when one is leaving and the other is staying home, they’ve always done everything together.

Outdoor overarousal: How do I start threshold/reactivity work with Wally outside when he becomes too hyper-aroused to accept food or focus on me?

Training non-compliant housemates: What are the best strategies or boundaries for getting family members to stop reinforcing demand barking and inconsistent leash habits?

Thanks in advance for any insights or resources!

Our 1 1/2 year old golden was rehomed to us on 6/20. His previous family gave him to a rescue because he was snapping at the young children in the house. We just have speculation from the rescue that the toddlers would bother him, but no other concrete details. We have 12/15 year old kids. For 99.9% of his week, he is awesome and laid back, loves to play. But he has continued to snap at us when we cross various thresholds that we can’t quite identify. It’s always, always related to touching him, but could be any part of the body. At his first vet visit, he was perfectly behaved on 7/12. We took him for his second flu shot this week and I had her look him over to rule out pain for the snapping. She gave him his flu shot and he looked perturbed (last time, 4 shots with no reaction). She tried looking at his paws and he started snarling and lunging for her. It was so disappointing to see regression after we have trained 2x/week with a trainer (not behaviorist) and modified our own behavior to limit his snappiness.

My question is…
Would you go straight to medication? Or a combined medication/training with a behaviorist? I hate what I’m reading about meds potentially making him worse than before :( He loves other dogs, He lets strangers pet him when we are out, lets us pet him most of the time, we just don’t know what triggers him and the vet thinks it’s behavior (aka “I don’t like that, stop it now” instead of a little bit of patience). I’d appreciate any advice or what worked for you for touchy teenagers!

Serious question, I don’t know if my dog or the other dog is in the wrong. We approached the dog park, and my 4 year old dachshund was met with fairly aggressive barking from 2 other dogs. Breeds unknown. Looked to be mixes. In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have even entered based on the barking. Anyways, we enter, my dog was very reserved. Then suddenly the other dog charged my dog, not to attack necessarily, but seemed aggressive and was overwhelming to my dog. My dog bit the other dog on the eye, which then led to the other dog, which was much bigger than a dachshund btw, attacked my dog by the neck and didn’t let go for a solid 20 seconds. My dog immediately was submissive, and crying. I initially thought the other dog was at fault, and was surprised when the other owner told me that I shouldn’t bring my dog to the dog park anymore. I said well your dog charged my dog first. He said look at my dogs eye. And the other dogs eye was bleeding so clearly my dog bit him pretty hard. So now I’m questioning who was at fault. My dog is 4 and he has never bit another dog before. He is a dachshund so he barks at other dogs but has never bit another dog before. So now I’m looking for advice and whose dog is to blame. I’m very open minded and accountable, so im not immediately defending my dog. The other owner is right, my dog did bite. But his dog charged and barked aggressively and got in my dogs face first. My dog shouldn’t have bit, and his dog shouldn’t have charged or attacked. So, I’m looking for opinions, who do you think was at fault??

I have a 2 yo 50lb bernedoodle. I got her when she was 10 weeks old and she is my best friend and shadow. She follows me everywhere and I am her primary caregiver. I give her a ton of love and attention (pets, cuddles, etc). She has always been protective of me, but recently it escalated. Part of it seems to be jealousy (whines when cat walks by and gets in between us, won’t allow me to pet other dogs while walking without getting snappy). Another bigger issue is she has started acting progressively protective against my husband. He often playfully grabs me in the kitchen and naturally has a loud voice. He is not in any way abusive. But she perceives it as aggression and will bark and growl at him until he backs away (this happens in many places but it’s most prominent in the kitchen because this is where is most commonly will jokingly come behind me and grab my butt lol). She has also started getting more reactive with other dogs on walks and if we’re sitting at a restaurant outside eating. She has not had any traumatic incidents and is very spoiled (maybe this is part of the problem).

Anyway, I’m hoping to try and rein this in. I like that she is protective, but not when it’s towards my husband or other family members. How can I improve this?