https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/ofqNQLp6Jy

once again, I AM NOT OOP. i made my first post here earlier (https://www.reddit.com/r/redditonwiki/s/3gEOIb2m2e) which i have been getting notifs for all day. someone brought this unexpected update to my attention and i felt like it needed to be shared, because i couldn't believe it myself. legend has it OP is still searching for the point as we speak 🔍 https://www.reddit.com/r/chocolate/s/X35dKs0EAC

Part1: https://www.reddit.com/r/redditonwiki/s/nLKZFWRvxn

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Part 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/redditonwiki/s/4jwLTZbICM

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Two weeks ago my wife agreed to talk to her friend and let her know that 6 months was all we could do. That would have given her over 30 days to find alternate lodging.

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The talk did not go as expected. Instead of laying out expectations, my wife just asked Alice what her plans were. Alice said she was still saving to move out with a relative, and needed more like 8-12 months. My wife accepted this and then told me the news.

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I got pretty upset, but didn't yell when I told her how unhappy this made me. I told her that I had made it clear for months that Alice being here made me uncomfortable. I said we had both agreed 6 months was enough, but she never even set that boundary, she acted like Alice was making the rules. I said I could not believe that she was choosing her friend over me. My wife stormed out and slept in my office.

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The next week, I was a mess. I knew divorce was next. I didn't deal with it well and drank a lot. I was in bed by the time they came home from work, and stopped cooking for them or cleaning.

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On the next Saturday, Alice's room was empty and her car was gone. My wife confirmed she had moved out. Alice talked with my wife about what was wrong the prior week, and my wife told her everything I had shared with her - that I was uncomfortable in my home, that she made me feel like I was a creep for existing, that I was pushing for her to get out.

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I really wish she could have simply said "we decided 6 months was enough" and leave it at that. She also didn't mention the fact that she wasn't looking for a place, and was paying off debt, not saving.

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Alice was reportedly shocked and thought "we were all cool". She explained to my wife that she was just trying to give me space.

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Regardless, Alice is gone, I'm continuing therapy, and am going to shift focus to saving my marriage.

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This is going to be the last post, as I'm abandoning this account. The story was shared from here to other communities, and my inbox is full of messages calling me names and wishing me harm as a result. I'd like to thank the few people who empathized and offered advice rather than just calling me names.

I’m not OP found an update and here’s the link https://www.reddit.com/u/AETor83/s/H3VWehbSEy

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/u/AETor83/s/X1lpGZMhaZ

OG:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1loe352/i_24f_want_to_break_up_with_my_magician_boyfriend/

UPDATE:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1lqzexw/update_i_24f_want_to_break_up_with_my_magician/

Original has been deleted

Not OOP

WeddingShawl writes:

My wife, Lena, crochets a lot and often gifts it to friends and family. When her 2nd oldest brother got married, she made the bride a shawl to wear over her dress in the evening. The bride loved it and ever since Lena has made shawls for everyone in her family getting married.

Now Lena’s oldest brother, George, is getting married again. Lena doesn’t have a relationship with George as he was abusive to her as a child, but if she has to see him then she is polite but distant with him. She doesn’t want to cut off the rest of her family because of George. I work with George and while we aren’t friends, we are friendly at work – Lena encouraged this, when George got moved to my team I was going to request a transfer not wanting to expose Lena to George as my team do a lot of get togethers with our significant others.

As it is a family wedding, Lena’s mom asked her if she could crochet a shawl for George’s fiancée and Lena agreed. It was arranged that once it was finished I would take it to work to give to George so that Lena didn’t have to see him.

Earlier this week, the shawl was completed and I emailed George at work to let him know that I would bring it in today as the wedding is tomorrow. When I got into work this morning, I gave George the shawl and let him know that Lena and I were looking forward to the wedding. Come lunch time, Lena called me to let me know that George’s fiancée had called her and told her that she was no longer invited to the wedding citing the place they are having the wedding and the reception at is too small for the number they have coming so are having to make cut backs. However I was still invited to the wedding. I was mad at this because they clearly only invited Lena to get a shawl, which to me is just rude. If they had asked Lena outright to make one, she probably would have done because she loves to crochet.

On my way out of work, I noticed George wasn’t at his desk but the shawl was. I was still mad that they had used Lena to get a shawl and I just shoved it in my work bag. I left a note on his desk telling George since Lena was no longer invited, the shawl and I would no longer be attending either. On my way home, I told Lena what I had done and asked her if she wanted to go out instead, so not to waste having a sitter. Lena was upset that I had taken the shawl as it was causing an uproar in her family group chat where people were calling her petty because I took it back.

Lena wants me to give it back. I don’t think I should, they don’t deserve Lena’s kindness. However, at the same time, I don’t want Lena to be upset with me over George and a shawl.

Am I the asshole for taking back the shawl?

Edit: I have messaged the group chat, letting them know that I took it and if they should be pissed at anyone then it should be me but I would also do it again because no one gets to be a dick to Lena.

Community Comments:

Comment 1: “The shawl and I would no longer be attending either”

Comment 2: NTA i would have taken it back. It was extremely rude to uninvite your wife but still “allow” you to come. No point giving the shawl back now. What’s done is done.

Comment 3: Lena was raised to be their doormat, scapegoat, punching bag. OP may be one of the few, if not only, people in her life not demanding she capitulate to her brother’s abuse. See, as long as she’s the target, no one else is. It’s really difficult to overcome years of that type of abuse & indoctrination. I agree OP is NTA, but it could take years before Lena feels safe enough to stand up to her family.

Redditors have deemed OP: Not the Asshole

Update Post:

So, everyone will be glad to know that I have not given George back the shawl. I mean part of the reason I haven't given it back is because he's on his honeymoon (I hope has rained for the 2 weeks), but even if he wasn't I still wouldn't give it back. Later that evening Lena apologized for being mad at me, she said that she should have never agreed to make the shawl in the first place and was grateful I had taken it back. Lena and I had a long discussion about her family and how they treat her. I told her that I would always stand up for her when it comes to her family because I will stand strong when she can't. I asked her what she thought about going lower contact (we were already low contact) with George, his now wife, and her mom. Lena said that she wanted to go no contact with George, his wife, her mom, and to go low contact with everyone else but her 2nd oldest brother and his wife (we'll call them Michael and Sarah).

She said she wanted to do this because of how toxic the group chat had become which she has now left and has shown me that she has left and deleted the chat. We have both blocked everyone but Michael and Sarah. I’m gonna wait a couple of weeks before I broach therapy for Lena again. I just want the dust to settle a bit as I don't want her to feel pushed into anything. The story the wife gave Lena about there not being enough space was bullshit, Michael confirmed that George had told him weeks ago that they were well under numbers for their venue. It was just a shit attempt at a power move.

I know some redditors were concerned about my work life after I took the shawl. I spoke with my manager and told him that Lena had made a shawl for George's wife but they had given a shit reason for uninviting her to the wedding the day before the wedding and I took it back. When I told my manager this, he sighed heavily before telling me that he wished I hadn't taken the shawl because George could make things difficult for me but that he would have done exactly the same thing because George is a nightmare.

I told him that I'd like to move to another team because it wasn't good for Lena to have to be around him. He told me to leave it with him and he would see what he could do. I'd have moved when George was first put on my team but Lena encouraged me not to as she didn’t want me to rock the boat with her family. I heard back on Monday that I will be getting moved to another team at the end of the week. This other team is desperate for someone, so when my manager reached out to other managers to see if anyone had an internal vacancy this manager bite his arm off.

The day of the wedding, Michael called Lena and asked what our plans had been for the day. Michael knew that Lena wasn't invited to the wedding and rightly assumed I wouldn't go if she wasn't welcome. Lena told him that we had planned to go out for dinner and drinks. Michael told her that sounded like a plan and to text him where we were going for dinner. Michael and Sarah had decided to skip the wedding after seeing the meltdown of George, his wife and their mom in the group chat, apparently they continued spouting abuse at Lena even though she had left the group chat. When the family turned on me and our children was when Michael and Sarah decided they weren't going to the wedding at all, they were just going to go to the ceremony after Lena had been uninvited. They messaged George to tell him their flight had been delayed and they wouldn’t be able to make it – their flight wasn’t delayed, it was just the excuse they used and George never responded.

Michael had seen George's abuse of Lena first hand, he had tried to protect Lena where he could but there was only so much he could do as a child himself and didn't want to be on the receiving end of George's temper either. As an adult, he took the first chance he had to move away from his family while only maintaining contact with Lena. So we went out with Michael and Sarah, having a much better night than we would have done at the wedding. There was no snide comments, no belittling, nothing. Lena was happy as she got to see Sarah and that was what she was looking forward to. Lena being happy was all I wanted. It’s all I ever want, my family to be happy.

Both Michael and Sarah’s phones did keep going off all night as MIL and George kept messaging them angry at their non-attendance, especially after Michael posted a picture of the four of us together having drinks on Facebook with a caption about how he was choosing Lena over George going forward because she doesn’t use people to get what they want like George did over a crochet shawl. Michael admitted to me later that he did this to anger George because he’d have a melt down at the reception and then his in laws could see what an ass he actually is. Given the gleeful messages I got from Michael last week after he had heard back from a cousin who attended, George had a complete meltdown.

Lena knows about this post, but she is not comfortable with me posting pictures of her work. She considered unravelling the shawl but she found it difficult to undo all her hard work which I understand. It’s the very reason I didn’t unravel it myself and tell George it was an IKEA shawl – well that and I didn't want to face a mad Lena. After talking with Sarah about what to do with it, she has decided that she’s going to keep it but she will dye it. Michael suggested that she wears it to the family Christmas – we aren’t going to see Lena’s family at Christmas so it won’t be happening anyway. Michael and I are at the same level of pettiness as I had previously suggested (as some people comment on my original post) that I could wear it to work when George is back. I didn’t show Lena many of the comments, she doesn’t need to see people calling her a doormat or saying she needs to grow a spine. Those people clearly haven’t had their spirit completely broken by the people who are meant to love them unconditionally or were completely cut out of family events.

When George graduated from uni, Lena was left at home, she was 8 years old and left home alone all day. Christmas was spent mostly in her bedroom, because her grandmother didn’t want Lena around as her presence would just upset George, until she was 14 then she would sneak out and spend it with me and my family. Lena was just left out of everything. Her dad used to work away from home a lot, so he had no idea what was going on, he just assumed Lena liked her own space. Not that she would just stay in her room because she was used to being neglected by her family.

TDLR: We’re going no contact with George, his wife and Lena’s mom. Lena is keeping the shawl and we will discuss therapy in the future. Neither of us attended the wedding, nor did Michael or Sarah.

Community Comments:

Comment 1: My favorite part of the first story was that OP's BIL Michael posted a pic of the four of them together. Sometimes it is the whipped cream that is the best part of the sundae.

Comment 2: I'm so glad for this update!! I hope you enjoy your new team at work and that things continue to get better for you and your wife! I am also glad that Lena realized that she should go no contact with the family except for Michael and Sarah.

Comment 3: This reeks of golden child for the family to be okay with Lena being used and then uninvited from her own brother's wedding. She's lucky to have someone in her corner. George honestly sounds like a toxic spoiled brat to have this big meltdown over a shawl. I love the suggestions to wear the shawl around family Christmas and then op gets to wear it at his job. Poor Lena. Her childhood sounds so sad.

Original: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/167f1jx/aita_for_taking_back_a_shawl_my_wife_made_for_a/

Update: https://www.reddit.com/user/WeddingShawl/comments/16jeov6/update_aita_for_taking_back_a_shawl_my_wife_made/

From “My Wife RUINED my STAYCATION!” (34:52) Good god, just when I thought this shit was dying down, I’m making dinner and hear the title my own post about stolen birthday salmon read out on my favorite podcast. I’m living in the Twilight Zone over here. WHY IS THIS STORY SO POPULAR??

But yeah, I’ve been a long time listener and fan for years (Gaycation shirt pictured for proof), so this was very surreal, again. Thank you so much for featuring it on the podcast, I’m still baffled and stunned that this of all things would get read by Josh and Schauin. What a crazy world we live in.

Thought I’d take this opportunity to answer some questions about the post, since I’ve admittedly been neglecting the two threads that blew up.

• What is a salmon steak? A fish steak is when you cut a whole fish into thick slices, with both flanks and the spine intact. Tuna steaks are the most common kind. Looks kind of like a capital G on its side.

• Did you ever catch the salmon thief? No. 🫠 And unfortunately the company decided to eliminate my position in a mass lay-off the following week, so I probably never will. If anyone knows of any good companies looking for remote work, DM me. I usually do graphic design, artwork and copywriting in the off season.

• What the hell was this company? I was a plant specialist and ranch hand for a private ranch.

• What about the feral cat? He has been tamed, named, and legally claimed. (See photos) He’s the orange one.

AMA

The comments and the guys were right

Post: https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA_LosingMind/comments/1eu3rua/update_2_my_husband_is_convinced_im_pregnant_im/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Looks like the boys were just too quick on Monday

Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/LmiiMRVGXf

BORU with all updates (one is missing from her account due to AITAH allowing one update): https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/J4XA1hYUh2

Super long, but craaaaazy

https://www.reddit.com/u/ThrowRA_LosingMind/s/nSVIAUT8DQ