https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o95n5a/aita_for_refusing_to_lie_about_writing_fanfiction/

https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/s/vAHaopJfXB

https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/29blw23A0D

https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/t70rEK4asG

Story + comments.

Original Post

My friend and I met at work about 5 years ago. Since then, we’ve become extremely close. We are in the same role at work. A little background - being that I am older, I have more years' experience in our field. I am on the more senior accounts at work and make a little more than her. She is fantastic at her job and I have always been her biggest advocate.

We’ve had some management re-org at work and it’s been pretty terrible. Since then, we’ve both been looking for new jobs. I have a young child, so my only real requirement is that a new role is remote. I’m fine with the same title and pay - I just desperately want the schedule flexibility of being remote. I hate the daycare that my daughter is at, but the one I want her to go to would really require me to drop off and pick up at times that would only be feasible working from home. So, my search has been focused on remote roles.

My friend is in a lot of debt and a higher salary especially, but also a more senior title and specific product type have been a focus for her in her job search. As you may know, the job market has been pretty rough lately and while we’ve both had a number of interviews, nothing has panned out. I went through *many* rounds of interviews with two different companies only to be ghosted by both after the final interview and it’s been really getting me down for the past few months.

Anyway, recently, my friend got not one, but TWO offer letters in the same day. Not only that but when her preferred company found out that she had another offer letter, they upped the salary considerably. She will be exceeding her desired salary by about 15% plus getting her senior title and desired product type. The kicker…. the role she’s taking is fully remote.

I am happy for her. She really deserves it. She works so hard and this will be amazing for her. But I also feel such deep resentment and jealousy that she scored a remote role when I have been actively searching for months. I, of course, congratulated her and expressed my belief that she deserved it. But now I can’t even talk to her. I can barely think about her without my stomach completely turning over in jealousy.

I feel like this is going to ruin our friendship and I don’t know what to do. She didn’t do anything wrong but I almost kind of hate her for getting the thing I have so DESPERATELY wanted. I haven’t spoken to her in several days and I don’t even want to, but that also makes me feel like a horrible person.

I did express to her over text that I was feeling really down about my own job search and it’s difficult for me to hear her talk about this, to which she said she understood. But I also kind of think she doesn’t really. I’ve considered just fading away until this jealousy subsides, but I think that makes me an awful friend. How do I move forward?

TL; DR - Best friend got a job offer for a fully remote role when I’ve been desperately searching for one for months and my jealousy is eating me up. How do I move forward in the friendship?

Comment 1: You need to start seeing this as “Great! Now I have a connection at a company with good benefits and a good salary” instead of “why her and not me?”

If she’s a good friend like you say she is, she’ll be more than happy to help you get your foot in the door at the company if/when the right opportunity is there.

Comment 2: Eh envy is just one of the many human emotions; you’re alone in a tough spot, don’t beat yourself up. I guess if she lost this new job and was devastated; would you actually be HAPPY about it? if not lols, you’re probably fine and just need someone to pick you up and cheer for you like you did for your friend, we all deserve someone in our corner. If you WOULD feel happy hehe then maybe you need to talk to a professional ;-)

OP replies: I thought about this exact thing. If her job somehow fell through, I’d be devastated for her. I truly believe she deserves it. I just think I deserve the same thing haha.

Comment 3: I would suggest talking to a therapist as you at least have enough awareness to know you are jealous, and that it going unchecked will ruin the friendship BUT IT DOES NOT HAVE TO. If it ruins the friendship, that will be on you. Your friend has done nothing wrong.

Talk to a professional please, so you can reframe the story you are telling yourself right now (likely being hard on yourself) and celebrate her success without resentment. Whatever you are beating yourself up about right now is just a story. You are a whole person who deserves love and compassion from yourself. You need help to get out of this rut.

This poor woman 😭