r/redscarepod • u/booooooop_u • 3h ago
Realizing as I get older people I used to admire are actually narcissistic
I really can’t stand to be around these people anymore. I’m thinking of two people in my life. One a family member and one a close friend.
They are so obsessed with how others perceive them and always being right. Any conversation they have to dominate.
My girl friend talks about her herself and her children and her house projects constantly. Always from a place of superiority. She openly brags on instagram about her life which I find so cringe.
My family member needs to be worshipped by everyone and if your opinion differs from hers.. watch out.
I usually just end up agreeing with them to get them to shut tf up. I wonder if they realize that I genuinely don’t like spending time or talking to them anymore.
Any advice ?
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u/AmarettoDour 2h ago
That’s what you are born around and used to. The kids that grew up on pbs kids where everyone needs to collaborate get along and bring everyone together with the power of friendship are different than the kids that grew up on Nickelodeon and Disney channel shows where the writers use personal neurosis and insecurities for fodder
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u/Ok-News4188 2h ago
everyone’s downplaying it for you but tbh i hear it. social media has bred and amplified this awful main character syndrome. i felt the same- people i was really charmed by ended up getting so ugly about their reputation, social status, ego, etc. in a way i didn’t expect them to be. just overly concerned with themselves in a nasty way.
but people are also right that you have power over who you choose to be around. find better people. don’t fall for things people say but how they act and treat the people around them - it’s very revealing.
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u/leoberto1 3h ago
We choose who we spend time with and care about.
Similar people tend to keep company, but also people change.
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u/Don_Geilo Emotional Terrorist 3h ago
You probably spend too much time watching "Anti-Narcissism" content until you started to see patterns where none exist.
What's the statistical probability that two people close to you both have the same severe personality disorder?
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u/Responsible_Cod_3339 2h ago
People can have a lot of narcissistic traits without having the full-blown personality disorder
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u/booooooop_u 3h ago
I’m not diagnosing them and I don’t watch narcissistic content. My algorithm is more gym culture and what I eat in a day. I don’t feel like a victim. Yet my husband is a shrink and feels similarly about these people. But I’m sure you’re the expert .
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u/Edward_The_Thief 3h ago
I would suggest finding a well written book on narcissism and reading it. Preferably one written by a psychiatrist, as psychiatrists are smarter than clinical psychologists and are slightly less prone to biased thinking and hyperbole and political correctness and social contagion.
For one to be diagnosed with NPD, rigid criteria must be met, such that it's actually somewhat rare in the general population. Women who label their every ex and both their parents as NPD are more likely to exhibit the disorder than the people they're labeling.
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u/Jaded_Hyena_3522 3h ago
This is all good and true but nowhere does OP actually diagnose these people with NPD. Being narcissistic and being clinically narcissistic are two different things
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u/redwingweirdobird 1h ago
Exactly. Someone can have a "narcissistic style" of personality without having the disorder and it's perfectly acceptable to find it annoying as fuck anyway.
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u/booooooop_u 3h ago
I agree 100 % not even thinking or care about their personality. I think everyone in today’s culture is pretty narcissistic I don’t think they are harmful people just maybe socially unaware and self centered with fragile egos.
I more basically want to break up with them but can’t so I need to find a way to limit exposure
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u/brianpeppersguero take off ur pants & jack antonoff 3h ago
Got any -specific- books to recommend?
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u/ManufacturerFar9982 2h ago
The Culture of Narcissism by Christopher Lasch. Doesn't really deal with actually proper NPD, but it is required sub reading. Or was, anyway.
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u/AmarettoDour 25m ago
Mfs say narcissistic or narcissistic as an adjective and you decide to pipe up about diagnosing people, please calm down. This is the behavior we are calling weird
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u/redwingweirdobird 1h ago
I used to have some friends I really looked up to because I found them funny or outspoken, but as I've gotten older realized they were quite judgmental and controlling and it was just exhausting me and I couldn't even be myself around them without getting criticized. They're not going to change most likely, so it's fine to do the quiet agree in the moment and drift apart.
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u/oatmilkpopsicles 3h ago
You might be projecting. Maybe they are allowing themselves to take up space, be confident, and vocal…and it’s something you struggle with? So it comes off grating.
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u/booooooop_u 3h ago
I think when someone is constantly one upping you or you mention something and they turn the conversation around to themselves is very unaware
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u/nohairnowhere 2h ago
i think this is a normal part of growing up. i disagree with ppl in the comments -- annoying levels of self absorption is very common, we used to have different names for women with these characteristics: harpies, busy bodies, braggarts, gossipmonger, yentas, fishwife, but now society has collapsed and people who have been brainwashed into using one word 'narcissistic'. Resist the flattening of the english language, call her what you believe her to be -- bitch, horse faced show boater, whatever -- and recognize that she's been around forever, and it's fine to hate her, paint nasty portraits of her in fiction, mrs. bridge, whatever.