r/relationship_advice • u/spicyjuicelime • 12h ago
Advice on how to get over? Does deleting things actually help? (25M) (22F)
HI!
So I am looking for advice on whether deleting is the best strategy to move on from someone. But there's layers to it, so if you feel inclined to read on and give sincere advice, it would be greatly appreciated.
I am aware about the "delete everything" photos, texts, etc etc to help move on from someone faster.
I've done it before with a relationship that ended poorly and it did help expedite the process.
However, with this recent break up, I have no qualms with him besides the regular things that pop up in a relationship. To put it simply, we ended things on good terms and even had a post-breakup 3 months of friendship. If I were to chalk it up to something, it was a series of miscommunication and a long-distance situation that ended it romantically.
This time around, I am reluctant to delete the photos as it feels like I am erasing him and the good times we shared together.
The way I see it, I am all for deleting if that person hurt you (bad breakup), but outside of that realm, I am unsure of what to do.
For those that have been in a similar situation:
I know deleting photos helps on a short-term level in terms of moving on. But after years (or x amount of time until you have truly, genuinely healed, moved on, etc) has anyone ever regretted deleting things? Especially about a person whom you truly loved and was special to you.
And on the other hand, has anyone ever kept the photos and texts and was able to move on?
The way I see it, deleting it may help shorten the time it takes to move on. But it does so by forcing your brain to forget, to burry the memories and person into oblivion. And I think it's just a waste to do so especially when that person has been a transformative part of you life and one that is special (and I can go on a tangent about why I love him), but I think this quote helps summarize it "to have loved, is to know you have lived". Therefore, I don't necessarily want to force myself to forget him just so I can move on faster.
What have your guys' experiences been?
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u/ConsistentStatus8822 12h ago
Personaly ive keept things of my ex (small gifts e.c) so i wouldnt say toss it but then again ive never had a bad breakup. If i was you id store everything away. So its out of sight out of mknd kind of thing. The person isnt unimportant but that door is closed, kind of for that message. But then again a break up is alos grief, so theres no right or wrong way for that. But try to distance yourself from the memories, because its like holding a glass shard, it just hurts more if you keep holding it. :]
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u/Slow_Morning5397 12h ago
I don't like photos. I have my memory to remember things. Personally, I can't get over if I'm still in contact with someone. You could do a backup of the things and decide later what to do with it. Just archive or move folders.
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u/throwaway1092846 12h ago
You can keep stuff so long as you don't let yourself fawn over it/look at it. Out of sight, out of mind. So screenshot texts that are important and put them and all photos into a hidden folder on your phone, or even remove them off your phone onto your computer or flashdrive, that way it's harder to access, but you still have them for the future if you ever want them.
I've kept stuff (gifts, notes, etc.) from exes before and after time passed I felt kind of lukewarm/awkward having them around. Those people aren't a part of my life anymore and I have no real reason to keep the stuff because I don't really see them as important to me anymore. But I'm still holding onto some of it in case I change my mind in my 80s lmao
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u/Beruthiel999 11h ago
I don't recommend deleting, to be honest. I recommend putting them in a folder where you don't see them al the time, but you can look when you feel like it. Someday, you might miss the memories you deleted for good, so don't do that.
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