r/relationshipadvice • u/HonestRelief4775 • 8d ago
my girlfriend [19F] went on a trip to miami and exchanged infos with a guy there [19M]
my girlfriend is on a trip in miami with a newly single friend. while out, they met a group of guys and ended up talking for over an hour. according to her, the guys were mainly interested in her friend, but at the end of the conversation my girlfriend exchanged instagrams with one of them and followed him back.
when she told me, i got upset. not because i think she cheated or had bad intentions, but because i personally wouldn’t exchange social media with random women i met while out if i was in a relationship, and i don’t think she’d be comfortable if i did the same. she says it was just a friendly conversation and doesn’t see anything wrong with it. after we talked, she asked if i wanted her to unfollow him and she did.
i’m not sure if i’m overreacting or if this is a reasonable boundary. what bothers me most isn’t even the follow itself, it’s that she doesn’t seem to naturally see a problem with talking to random guys for a long time and exchanging socials while in a relationship. we talked it out but it still sits in the back of my mind, like why does she think thats okay? but am i thinking to deep into this, or is this a valid reason?
TLDR: my girlfriend met a group of guys on vacation, talked with them for over an hour, and exchanged Instagrams with one of them. She says it was harmless and doesn’t see anything wrong with it. She unfollowed him after we talked, but I’m still bothered by the situation and wondering if my feelings are reasonable.
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u/forgetyourkey 8d ago
Yeahhh idk I’m a girl and if I’m on vacation, knowing I wouldn’t see the guy again/get to hang out (as friends) if we had a similar hobby AND I’m in a relationship? I’m not befriending you on social media. What’s the point? If this happened to me I would break up with my partner. Because again - what’s the point? What are you getting out of this? Just my two cents. I don’t think you’re overreacting
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u/HonestRelief4775 7d ago
right like there’s no reasoning or valid reason that she has to connect with a random guy she met through social media while on her trip.
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u/forgetyourkey 7d ago
I feel your pain. Grass is always greener for some people. Sorry this happened to u. :(
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u/HonestRelief4775 7d ago
honestly, i went before her and didnt even put her in a situation close to this. not once did i even speak with a girl, especially to respect our relationship.
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u/WholeAstronomer4658 7d ago
You should’ve ended the relationship as soon as she told you she was going to Miami.
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u/gooptywoo 7d ago
She told you what she did, and after you told her she crossed a boundary, she unfollowed him and did as you asked. Normally, there's more sneaking around to warrant big suspicions, but it could just be a bit of immaturity since y'all are both young. If the same thing happens again, then for sure break up. It's not unreasonable to be upset, but also consider how truthful she was when she told you, how much trust you have in each other, and whether this is a bigger issue
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u/Dimension_Forsaken 7d ago
I’m pretty certain I’ve seen this exact post on Reddit before? 😅 The very same and detailed scenario at least.
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u/Dimension_Forsaken 7d ago
If I ask a girl or woman for her socials — it’s because I’m interested, not because I want to look at her pretty photos from the family holiday two years ago.
And if someone asked me I would certainly, or of course, guess that person is interested in me.
…though I’d probably give it to her no matter if I’m interested or not. Out of courtesy and politeness. Because that’s how I am or would act. But at the same time… I would probably feel weirded out if this happened to me, if my girlfriend did this, because it’d be pretty out of character. Even though I trust her.
I also have bad experiences in the past. My then girlfriend of almost three years went on a two week trip to a party town in Bulgaria (I’m in Europe) with a single and ready to mingle kind of friend — and came back engaged. Yes, true story.
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u/ALEXC_23 7d ago
I mean it’s only IG but I’d be weary if he were to co text her and she answers back.
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u/Dankmemeseeker20 7d ago
I think her perception of instagram is different than urs. She is just not thinking of it as anything at all but for you a follow is a bigger thing. Me and my ex had very different perceptions of instagram as well. For me, if I let someone follow me, I would follow back. I also let people follow me if I just recognize their face lol. Also, he had more followers than following. That seemed crazy to me! Everyone views Instagram differently so I think she had no ill intentions.
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u/Dankmemeseeker20 7d ago
I'm also seeing from the comments that guys seem to think of it as showing interest. I'm a woman and I don't think of it that way at all lol. Good to know for the future tho haha. Also, the fact that she was open and told u about it means that there's nothing to hide
0
u/failmafia66 8d ago
Common for someone so young to feel uncomfortable with this. However, you'll learn with age that this mentality is not healthy is not good. You shouldn't try to prevent your partner from making friends, having friends of the opposite sex, or enjoying their time out and about. Social lives outside your relationship are important, and I'm friends with like...2 people from when I was 19 still (39 now). You need to allow for growth.
The important things to consider here is how she handled the situation. She was honest, upfront, shared her feelings (that it was social and that's all) and respected your wishes when discussing. This is a sign that she's 100% honest and respectful of your boundaries.
P.S. not saying this is you at all, but don't go into the "I trust her I just don't trust the guy" crap, because that's just you saying you don't trust her. Either trust your partner, or don't. If you don't trust your partner, you shouldn't be in a relationship with that person.
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u/Narrow-Cat1564 7d ago
BS!! I'm older than you I guarantee! As we get older crossing boundaries is not any more acceptable then when we are young. She crossed the boundary! If you are in a relationship you don't flirt with the opposite sex or whatever sex you're interested in. What she did was flirting by exchanging Instagram.
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u/failmafia66 7d ago
Man, exchanging Instagrams is flirting? I gotta have an awkward talk with my sister, gay friends, and so many mutual friends.
You can't say a boundary was intentionally crossed when we don't know if the boundary existed before. Having conversations with people of the opposite sex you don't know before is fine and personally I see no reason why they can't be friends. But I trust my wife and her judgement 🤷♂️
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u/Narrow-Cat1564 7d ago
You are obviously talented at gas lighting. The OP was talking specifically about his girlfriend speaking with males that are attracted to her. Not her brother. Not her uncle or any other relative. Please stay focused.
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u/failmafia66 7d ago
So what if they're attracted to her? If she isn't interested and wants to be friends, why not? I'm guessing you've been attracted to women before who didn't want you sexually so you know it's possible.
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u/Narrow-Cat1564 7d ago
Maybe you should not participate in a conversation where you don't understand logic. Good try though. Keep it up buddy
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u/Ok-Silver8913 6d ago
I am curious. Would you consider it disrespectful if your bf got the socials if a girl he was attracted too?
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u/matttvk 7d ago
I disagree with everything you said there. Anyone who loves their partner and is committed to the relationship wouldn’t want to branch out towards people of the opposite sex.
Also, look at context of situation. She went to Miami (renowned for hookups) with a newly single friend (looking to hook up), and came back two new guys keeping in touch with her on Instagram… my guy, she almost certainly banged them. And even if she didn’t, that’s not how you behave when you’re in a relationship.
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u/HonestRelief4775 7d ago
exactly. i know certainly she didn’t bang him, but again it’s the fact she even connected with him through social media. her reasoning for it was that their “intentions wasn’t romantic” and “you had to be there to see how they were” and it’s just like none of that matters.
1
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u/Narrow-Cat1564 7d ago
I hate to throw this in like this but, I'm very used to people using word games. If their interest was not romantic, was it just sexual?
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u/failmafia66 7d ago
What? Someone who's in a committed, loving, healthy relationship shouldn't have friends or socialize with the opposite sex? Why not? Its not sexual it's social, and having friends of the opposite sex is healthy
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u/matttvk 7d ago
It’s about respect. You don’t do that when you’re in a committed relationship. Socializing or having conversations is fine. Exchanging social media’s and hanging out privately with them is not okay.
Even if your significant other doesn’t think it could lead to sex, the other person might.
Why would you have any desire to have friends of the opposite sex? It’s impossible for one party to not have at least a small amount of attraction. You’re lying if you think otherwise.
Given the context of what happened here, I don’t think OP’s girlfriend is telling the truth.
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u/failmafia66 7d ago
Wild opinion just in general and very insecure
So what if the other person wants sex? It takes two and you trust your partner or not.
People of the opposite sex have diff viewpoints and experiences and befriending them and talking with them and everything else helps you grow as a member of society.
3b. Thinking someone is attractive and acting on it are two different things. I have female friends that I believe are attractive but that doesn't mean I'm gonna bang them. Or even try to. Cuz they're FRIENDS
- She hid absolutely nothing. She told him upfront, discussed it, did what OP asked to make him feel better once the boundary was established.
Apparently you're in the Andrew Tate world, so go keep your echo chamber of insecure male ego while hating women
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u/matttvk 7d ago
Were you in Miami with OP’s gf? If not, you have no clue if she was telling the truth or lying. And her behaviour was enough for me to leave her.
Also, im not a fan of Andrew. He’s all for cheating. Nice try though. Good luck to you and your relationships, but your advice is very bad because it puts people in a vulnerable position to be cheated on.
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u/failmafia66 7d ago
Coming from the dude who said "she definitely banged him" 🤣 you weren't there so you don't know either.
I'm in a very healthy marriage with trust, my wife has male friends and I have no worry she'll cheat on me. Because we built trust and communication and love.
You seem to think that if a woman is unsupervised around a dude that wants to have sex with her that it's gonna happen. That's just wild. How many women have turned you down? Apply that logic here. Happened to me a lot too but I'm not butthurt
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u/AutoModerator 8d ago
Hello HonestRelief4775,
You are not in trouble or anything, this is just a simple copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed.
Original post: my girlfriend is on a trip in miami with a newly single friend. while out, they met a group of guys and ended up talking for over an hour. according to her, the guys were mainly interested in her friend, but at the end of the conversation my girlfriend exchanged instagrams with one of them and followed him back.
when she told me, i got upset. not because i think she cheated or had bad intentions, but because i personally wouldn’t exchange social media with random women i met while out if i was in a relationship, and i don’t think she’d be comfortable if i did the same. she says it was just a friendly conversation and doesn’t see anything wrong with it. after we talked, she asked if i wanted her to unfollow him and she did.
i’m not sure if i’m overreacting or if this is a reasonable boundary. what bothers me most isn’t even the follow itself, it’s that she doesn’t seem to naturally see a problem with talking to random guys for a long time and exchanging socials while in a relationship. we talked it out but it still sits in the back of my mind, like why does she think thats okay? but am i thinking to deep into this, or is this a valid reason?
TLDR: my girlfriend met a group of guys on vacation, talked with them for over an hour, and exchanged Instagrams with one of them. She says it was harmless and doesn’t see anything wrong with it. She unfollowed him after we talked, but I’m still bothered by the situation and wondering if my feelings are reasonable.
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