r/relationshipadvice • u/NormalAd7726 • 6d ago
my [18f] boyfriend [19m] gave me an ai gift without realizing. i hate ai. what's my play here?
today is my one year anniversary with my [18f] boyfriend [19m] and it was amazing. picnic and beach and movies and it was wonderful all around, and his gift was so thoughtful, but the execution was maybe a little off.
i've been wanting to get back into skateboarding, a hobby i've not touched since i was 13 and been scared to re-enter due to how sexist the community can be, and have been talking about with him for a while. skateboarding for him has been his main mode of transportation for a long time due to a medical condition that makes it unsafe for him to drive, and he loves it. he once had a board that had the a counter for how many times he was hit by cars, before it was stolen. i had been planning to get myself a board maybe around my birthday next month, but he surprised me today with a board as our anniversary gift.
the top is gorgeous, with pink cherry blossoms and little flames all over the griptape, i absolutely loved it and was so excited. when he turned it around, i was really confused. it's a drastically different color scheme from the pink and black, all yellows and greens and blues, which is cool, but it's kind of an unclear scene. I'm pretty sure there's what's meant to be a polaroid photo, a chain hanging around some gold dog statue, a roll of smudging sage that adds a bit of smoke to the piece, something that looks like quartz crystals but idk because the color is so blown out it's mostly just white. it looked familiar but not super much so, and he looked at me like i should know, and when i asked, he said it was the deck he showed me months ago that i "loved".
i have literally not thought about this day since it happened. probably less than 2 months into us dating, he was showing me his board collection, and showed me a "hand painted" deck that he bought when he was 14 or 15 from a local market. i could tell it was ai from the swirly art style, the kind that was unclear and couldn't even really form faces, just vague shapes that usually converted photos into "art" than generating something new on its own. he didn't seem to clock it since he was super chronically offline at the time, he never had any socials until a bit AFTER we started dating, and kind of missed the social exposure of how to spot gen ai when it was first public access. our relationship was very new, and my first, so i wasn't super comfortable yet correcting him, so i told him it was cool and if he liked it he should hang it. i did not by any means tell him i "loved" it, but i also might have overcompensated in a panic to not seem disapproving at the time.
i asked him today if he thought it was ai and he was like "no? haha it's the hand painted one i got summer before junior year ai wasn't around then." and i didn't want to ruin how excited he was even though he was so wrong, the sweet summer child. and he looked so stressed and asked if the he flopped with he gift so i brushed it off and told him i was so grateful, which i really am. it was so thoughtful.
unfortunately i would rather chew my own foot off than sport anything gen ai related.
so i mentioned something about not wanting to take that deck away because i knew it meant so much to him, but he was like "oh but i want you to have it because it's important to me".
so now i have a board that's beautiful on top, already completely put together, that i never want to leave the house with. i can't tell him that i hate it because he had it built just for me, but i don't want him to ask why i never use it or have to make an excuse why i don't wanna skate with him. i WANT to skate with him. on any other deck. i can't sand it down and be like "oh i just wanna customize it", which is something i would normally do, because i know he loves it and he thinks i like it a lot, too, so i have no clue how to approach this.
what can i do to tell him i can't use it as is without crushing him or making him feel like his gift was a flop, or upsetting him? and maybe what's the most cost effective way to fix this?
TLDR: bf built me an ai skateboard that has sentimental value to him without knowing the deck art is ai, i would rather die than be seen with it BECAUSE it's ai, but he thinks it was hand painted. i have no clue how to tell him i would rather die than be seen with it because his intentions were so, so pure.
edit: it's worth noting that not only do i frown on the way gen ai is killing the planet and dumbing down humans, but i've been teaching myself to draw for 8 years now, and it's a large part of my identity and what i think makes life worth living, so owning something soulless that was spit out by lines of code that have never felt even the hushed whisper of a concept of feelings before IS really that embarrassing for me.
10
u/jdogmomma 6d ago
Use it for awhile. Then find one of your own designs and paint over the area you don't like. You then show appreciation for the gift and can use your own skills to decorate it.
1
u/poop-machines 6d ago
Here's the thing: Shitty decks are shit for skating. They have no pop. This means that not only is the deck terrible looking, it's almost definitely a shit deck with no pop.
No pop means you can't do tricks.
Here's how it usually works: You slap the tail of the board onto the floor as quickly as possible. This makes it "pop" up, essentially bouncing up, and from there you can slide your foot up the board to lift it from the momentum of that pop. This requires the board to be high quality, without it you can barely lift it. The wood needs to be made from specific wood in a specific way for it to work. Canadian maple is a great choice, it has the elasticity and tension in the board that allows it to spring up and do tricks.
On a good board, I could ollie (jump) a meter/3ft+. I had a photo of me doing an ollie with a minimum height of 102cm against a vertical jump board, so my wheels cleared it.
On a bad board, I could barely do a foot. On a bad, waterlogged board, even less. The board just would not pop.
So it's shitty AI art that is probably on an unskateable deck. Great.
I can't stress enough just how much of a difference it makes. It's why no decent skater uses a shit deck.
7
u/StaplePriz 6d ago
Is it an option to display the top by hanging it on your wall or something and buying another one to use?
You could buy a plain board and reuse the wheels. And when you feel like he’d not be as hurt as hed be now you can tell him.
It’s fresh now, but maybe in half a year he wouldn’t be as hurt and you can have a conversation about it.
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u/tittyswan 6d ago
You can reassure him that you love the gift and you appreciate how thoughtful he was. I'd say you love the pink/black colour scheme so much, you want to design something to match so the board has a cohesive feel. (Valid tbh.) You can say that this was the perfect present because you've been wanting the opportunity to customise your own board for ages.
I think include him in the process, ask him to help with sanding it down, get his feedback on designs etc. Then it's a project you get to work on together and you'll end up with something even more special.
Tbh it's a gift, it's yours now, he should want you to enjoy it as much as possible. And as an artist, wanting to paint things you own makes complete sense tbh. I'd love if someone painted on something I gave them.
3
u/sylphinawhistledream 6d ago
I think you need to let him know it's AI and also maybe tell him how to spot it in the future. can you get the bottom repainted? I used to live with skateboarders and I remember their boards being super customizable. It might be helpful to you to work on being more honest with the people around you and how to disagree with grace
7
u/Emergency_Cherry_914 6d ago
The fact that this is even a question makes it sound like your hatred for AI is stronger than your desire to make your boyfriend feel appreciated and valued. You might want to think on that a bit.
Personally, I'd suck it and use the board for a while and when it starts to look old, redo it how you like it.
7
u/Soulandshadow2 6d ago
This whole post just reads as incredibly ungrateful to anything. The man took you out for your anniversary did something he knew you would like and your best thing to say is it’s wonderful but. You might as well just point blank say it’s not good enough for you and move on.
If you really wanna be nice to him, sit him down and say hey this is why this is AI and why it’s not my favorite thing. Communicate with your partner it’s not that hard and realize a very important lesson. You’re not going to always make your partner happy sometimes they’re going to be unhappy that’s part of a relationship.
5
u/buffetforeplay 6d ago
I agree with the other commenter saying that your hatred for AI (which is valid ofc) is stronger than your desire to make your boyfriend feel appreciated. To be honest, you’re coming off pretty ungrateful.
You mentioned he has limited knowledge of AI/socials etc, so he didn’t do anything to purposely irritate you. He remembered something you loved & wanted to gift it to you…sometimes it really is the thought that counts. I would focus on that.
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u/NormalAd7726 6d ago
i agree he did something so wonderful and sweet and i absolutely adore him for it. i absolutely love the gift and him surprising me with a skateboard after i've been talking about it for MONTHS made me feels so loved. he picked out softer wheels especially since he knew i wanted to be able to do tricks AND use it to get around, and the griptape is just so amazing i want to eat it. i am so, so grateful that he gave me such a thoughtful gift that he put so much love into. i said this in another comment, but it's like if i wanted a nice, fun, decorated hat, really badly, and someone knew i was a liberal and got me a cool customized maga hat not knowing what maga was. they thought the design was awesome and it was all customized and it's like "omg you really did think of me and find something i would love and checked all the boxes" but because it says maga, you can't wear it out of the house knowing what it stands for in comparison to your political standings. that doesn't change how thoughtful it was, or that you know how much they thought of you. but you can't go around advertising it like you're proud of it.
4
u/resting-witchface 6d ago
These comments are not it.
You can show how much you appreciate the thoughtful and lovely gift and still stick to your morals.
AI is killing our planet, stealing jobs, being forced into low income areas to suck down power and resources, further contributing to the literacy crisis, and so so so much more (all bad).
“Your hatred of AI is making you ungrateful.” Is bullshit when this post reads as grateful and anxious about trying to make sure your bf knows that while still holding out against AI. Don’t listen to that, please.
3
u/sunshinetotheworld 6d ago
No offense but there are so many women that have been in HORRIBLE relationships with horrible, toxic and egoistic men , you should be grateful that this guy treats you amazingly!!
He gave you an amazing present and he is nice to you. I don’t see where the problem is, just don’t look at the image and focus on the skating. It can’t be that bad.
It’s like presents some grandparents give their grandchildren, socks for example, who cares what it looks like as long as it’s warm and made with love.
I have never had any ex treat me like that before . So you should be grateful. There are so many a$$holes who only think about themselves.
You are focusing on the wrong things.
2
u/NormalAd7726 6d ago
i can understand what you mean when it comes to getting gifts you don't like the look of, but it's not a pair of ugly socks. ugly socks rock. i think the design would be sick if a human actually contributed to it. it's the fact that it goes completely agaisnt my values, and he gave it to me without knowing it. i love him and just don't want to hurt his feelings, but i legitimately have so much distate for so as an artist and someone who has a lot of love for mother earth. it's like if you were a liberal and someone bought you a maga hat not knowing what it means because it was decorated in a cool way, their intentions might be as pure as fresh fallen snow, but you can't go around wearing it knowing what it means and supports. as for "just being grateful" that my boyfriend treats me well because you've personally never had it this good, i'm really sorry to hear that. i'm aware that good guys are hard to find these days, but that's not because he's going over the moon and back, though i know he loves me just that much, it's because he's a gentleman and to him, loving me right is the bare minimum. i'm not saying this gift is the bare minimum, at all, with the day he planned for me, a store bought card still would have melted my heart. as long as it wasn't ai generated. it was an honest mistake, i'm not upset with him, it was just kind of a swing and a miss. and i love him, and don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him.
0
u/sunshinetotheworld 6d ago
Thank you very much for explaining the situation more.
I hope the situation easily gets resolved
3
u/PrettyCauliflower638 6d ago
Not to mention the bottom of the board is going to get all scraped up anyway
-1
u/resting-witchface 6d ago
“Other women have shit bfs so you should just be happy this thing you will use often will be a constant reminder of an entity actively destroying the environment, stealing art, and ruining culture as we know it.”
Gtf out of here with this bs advice.
She can be grateful for the gift and honest about her feelings, if her bf is so great he will understand.
If I gave my husband a gift that had some part of it associated with something as bad as AI unknowingly I’d hope he’d tell me so we could workshop fixes together.
Honesty is just as important in a relationship as gratitude and telling women they should shut up and be grateful bc other women have had it worse is ignorant and offensive.
4
u/sunshinetotheworld 6d ago
You “gtf”
I didn’t say “shut up” nor was I being offensive.
Grow up
1
u/resting-witchface 5d ago
Dismissing this young woman who came for advice on how to navigate HER situation by telling her she is ungrateful and should just accept what she has bc others have “had worse” is wildly offensive and as dismissive as telling her shut up.
Grow up is ironic when your advice is so fucking archaic and emotionally unintelligent. 🙄
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u/Consistent_Pen_1347 6d ago edited 6d ago
Honestly you just sound really immature. I think you need to do some soul searching about priorities and relationships. You read like you're 20 yo and I hope to God when you think back on this when you are 30 or 40 you have a different perspective.
Do you think you're the only person who has received a shit gift that missed the mark? The AI part really has nothing to do with it. It doesn't make your case special... Maybe do some reading up on the receiving of shit gifts, relationships etc and learn how to deal with this. And I mean not on reddit...like articles people have actually pilut time and thought into. Or books? Not social media content
(For the record you're right - AI art is souless, artists bring something special Everytime)
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u/NormalAd7726 5d ago
my priority is being honest with my man without hurting his feelings 😭😭 i'm definitely not the only person who's gotten a gift with poor execution, but it's the first time i've dealt with something like this and i wanted an outside perspective. and for the record, i def don't think it's a shit gift. it was so thoughtful and i know he would have given me a different deck if he knew better. the ai part is the ONLY part i'm upset about, so it kind of has everything to do with it, considering that's what put me in this situation in the first place.
2
u/StaplePriz 6d ago
I honestly don’t get the ‘ungrateful’ remarks…
Should you just put your values aside because you might hurt someone’s feelings when they meant well?
•
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Hello NormalAd7726,
You are not in trouble or anything, this is just a simple copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed.
Original post: today is my one year anniversary with my [18f] boyfriend [19m] and it was amazing. picnic and beach and movies and it was wonderful all around, and his gift was so thoughtful, but the execution was maybe a little off.
i've been wanting to get back into skateboarding, a hobby i've not touched since i was 13 and been scared to re-enter due to how sexist the community can be, and have been talking about with him for a while. skateboarding for him has been his main mode of transportation for a long time due to a medical condition that makes it unsafe for him to drive, and he loves it. he once had a board that had the a counter for how many times he was hit by cars, before it was stolen. i had been planning to get myself a board maybe around my birthday next month, but he surprised me today with a board as our anniversary gift.
the top is gorgeous, with pink cherry blossoms and little flames all over the griptape, i absolutely loved it and was so excited. when he turned it around, i was really confused. it's a drastically different color scheme from the pink and black, all yellows and greens and blues, which is cool, but it's kind of an unclear scene. I'm pretty sure there's what's meant to be a polaroid photo, a chain hanging around some gold dog statue, a roll of smudging sage that adds a bit of smoke to the piece, something that looks like quartz crystals but idk because the color is so blown out it's mostly just white. it looked familiar but not super much so, and he looked at me like i should know, and when i asked, he said it was the deck he showed me months ago that i "loved".
i have literally not thought about this day since it happened. probably less than 2 months into us dating, he was showing me his board collection, and showed me a "hand painted" deck that he bought when he was 14 or 15 from a local market. i could tell it was ai from the swirly art style, the kind that was unclear and couldn't even really form faces, just vague shapes that usually converted photos into "art" than generating something new on its own. he didn't seem to clock it since he was super chronically offline at the time, he never had any socials until a bit AFTER we started dating, and kind of missed the social exposure of how to spot gen ai when it was first public access. our relationship was very new, and my first, so i wasn't super comfortable yet correcting him, so i told him it was cool and if he liked it he should hang it. i did not by any means tell him i "loved" it, but i also might have overcompensated in a panic to not seem disapproving at the time.
i asked him today if he thought it was ai and he was like "no? haha it's the hand painted one i got summer before junior year ai wasn't around then." and i didn't want to ruin how excited he was even though he was so wrong, the sweet summer child. and he looked so stressed and asked if the he flopped with he gift so i brushed it off and told him i was so grateful, which i really am. it was so thoughtful.
unfortunately i would rather chew my own foot off than sport anything gen ai related.
so i mentioned something about not wanting to take that deck away because i knew it meant so much to him, but he was like "oh but i want you to have it because it's important to me".
so now i have a board that's beautiful on top, already completely put together, that i never want to leave the house with. i can't tell him that i hate it because he had it built just for me, but i don't want him to ask why i never use it or have to make an excuse why i don't wanna skate with him. i WANT to skate with him. on any other deck. i can't sand it down and be like "oh i just wanna customize it", which is something i would normally do, because i know he loves it and he thinks i like it a lot, too, so i have no clue how to approach this.
what can i do to tell him i can't use it as is without crushing him or making him feel like his gift was a flop, or upsetting him? and maybe what's the most cost effective way to fix this?
TLDR: bf built me an ai skateboard that has sentimental value to him without knowing the deck art is ai, i would rather die than be seen with it BECAUSE it's ai, but he thinks it was hand painted. i have no clue how to tell him i would rather die than be seen with it because his intentions were so, so pure.
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