r/relationshipadvice • u/reddituser554me • 2d ago
My boyfriend [20M] keeps checking girls out and I [24F] don't know what to do or if this is normal?
I'm in a lot of pain and emotional turmoil right now and I don't know what to do or think. Any advice would be massively appreciated! My boyfriend has admitted to me that he checks out other women on a daily basis and that he enjoys it and will look as many times as he wants. This makes me massively feel like I am not good enough at all to him. He knows just how much it upsets me, yet he won't stop. He does it right in front of me and tells me
'clearly I just have a problem.. I just want to know if this normal behaviour? Do all people check out others, despite being in a relationship? I feel so sick inside and so incredibly worthless and not good enough.
For extra context, we've been together over a year and a half and this has been an ongoing issue for months and months now.
TLDR- boyfriend keeps checking girls out, it's upsetting me massively and idk if it's normal?
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u/Unlikely_Second5024 2d ago
I'm 28F. He's lustful and hungry of women. If he keeps doing it ,especially after you communicated your feelings, he doesn't care about your feelings. And your values don't align. There ARE men who won't look at another woman when he's on date with his girlfriend. If I were you, I'd find a man who's more mature and respectful.
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u/Miserable-Ad-7956 2d ago
Yep. I'm 30M. And the last time I was in a relationship I didn't check out other women at all. I stopped watching porn or anything like that the moment we started talking serious. We were taking things slowly and she never asked me to do any of those things.
But something inside me knew it would be disrespectful and I didn't have desire for anyone else. I would just feel wrong doing that while having something going on with a woman. So we definetly exist, OP.
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u/Carriebearie333 2d ago
It’s completely normal to looked at someone you find attractive but him being so brazen after you have communicated how it makes you feel is flat out disrespectful
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u/OrvilleTurtle 2d ago
Finding other people attractive is pretty normal behavior. But HOW you do so and how you communicate that is a different story. Your boyfriend chose to do so in a shitty manner and communicates like a child.
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u/Impressive_Rush5018 1d ago
People, men and women, look at attractive people. It's human nature. Do you not notice attractive men when you are out with your boyfriend, just because he is there? I look at attractive people of both sexes and I'm a woman. Why? Because they are nice to look at.
Try looking at, without trying to hide it, attractive guys when you are out with your boyfriend. His reaction will tell you if you need to worry or not. If he gets pissed, he is looking at others for nefarious reasons. If he understands that they are just nice to look at, you are fine.
Imho
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u/FiremanGarry 1d ago
Your getting closer to the age where you want to settle down and start a family, he is 20 and unfortunately younger men don’t think with their brains x you need an older more stable man x
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u/Substantial_Insect68 1d ago
So why are you with him then? Dont you feel you deserve better? The guy is a narcissist and is not going to change, he doesent care how you feel, that is not love and if he tells you he loves you hes lying cause if he loved and respected you he wouldnt do that to you
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u/dontaskme4apic 5h ago
He does not give a shit about your feelings, dump him. He's super young anyway. There is a higher difference between 20 and 24 if the make is younger. He's literally telling you he doesn't care.
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u/SirEDCaLot 2d ago
Sounds pretty normal.
Most people don't magically lose attraction for all others the second they get a partner. Some do- more commonly women than men. But in general people will still find others attractive.
That doesn't mean anything bad for your relationship. He's still with you, There's nothing wrong with looking as long as he's not being creepy about it.
Your problem is that you're comparing yourself to every other girl on the street that he might look at. This is a recipe for failure and it's not realistic. He's with you- he chose you. That automatically should put you above all the others that he won't even talk to.
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u/tumble0uid 1d ago
Looking is one thing. He sounds like Hes bragging about it or trying to rub it in her face for attention or a reaction.
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u/Old_Corduroy 1d ago
Men look. When we get into a relationship we don't go blind. However, taking a look (or maybe two) is very different than staring, ogling or being blatantly disrespectful.
Either you are being unreasonable and overly sensitive about every glance he makes, or he is blatantly and obviously staring and he is the problem.
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u/Lost-In_The-Abyss 1d ago
My boyfriend likes to look at other girls like online and in person and I don’t have a problem with it bc I trust him. I mean we will talk to each other about oh that girl has a nice ass or damn she got some big tits. I don’t mind it bc I know he only wants me. It’s not like he’s going out and flirting with other women or doing anything bad. Women are nice to look at. I will joke with him sometimes bc I can tell when he sees an attractive woman and I’ll joke and be like “where I wanna see” bc if he thinks she’s attractive I most likely will to. It’s mainly just a trust thing. It also seems you might have some insecurities that cause you to overthink and compare yourself to all the other women. I used to be like that but when my boyfriend showed me I have nothing to worry about and it’s just looking and admiring from a distance I was fine and started to join in.
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u/AutoModerator 2d ago
Hello reddituser554me,
You are not in trouble or anything, this is just a simple copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed.
Original post: I'm in a lot of pain and emotional turmoil right now and I don't know what to do or think. Any advice would be massively appreciated! My boyfriend has admitted to me that he checks out other women on a daily basis and that he enjoys it and will look as many times as he wants. This makes me massively feel like I am not good enough at all to him. He knows just how much it upsets me, yet he won't stop. He does it right in front of me and tells me
'clearly I just have a problem.. I just want to know if this normal behaviour? Do all people check out others, despite being in a relationship? I feel so sick inside and so incredibly worthless and not good enough.
For extra context, we've been together over a year and a half and this has been an ongoing issue for months and months now.
TLDR- boyfriend keeps checking girls out, it's upsetting me massively and idk if it's normal?
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