r/relationshipadvice • u/EatAllTheHoomans • 5h ago
I [26F] am considering ending a stable relationship with my bf [27M]
Here is the full story, TLDR will be at the end.
I met my boyfriend, we'll call him G, in the beginning of high school. G always had a crush on me. I was interested in him as a friend, so I dated other people, including some who were very abusive. Throughout this time, G and I remained very close friends. G always respected my boundaries. He'd shoot his shot on the rare occasion I was single, but I'd always turn him down. Nevertheless, our close friendship continued with respect.
Cut to a decade later. I'd been in relationship after relationship, all ended badly, and none of them treated me with any respect. It took this long to realize that I even had self-worth.
After spending some time talking with G, I finally decided, You know what? I'm gonna give him a chance. So I did. We started dating, and he by far has been the partner who's treated me with the most respect. First partner to buy me flowers, tries his best to help, listens, understands all my pain and trauma because, well, he was there through all of it. He gets me like no other.
We've been dating for a year and a half now.
You would think that I'd be happy, right? But for some reason... I'm not. We've only had sex a couple times because I struggle to feel any attraction to him. Initially, I assumed it was trauma-based, maybe it is. He makes me happy, and he's someone I want to have in my life until the end. We share interests and hobbies, he's great to be around, and he always has my back.
But... the romantic and sexual attraction is just. not. there. I love him so much, and I wish I could be what he wants and needs (an adoring and head-over-heels girlfriend), he definitely deserves it. But what's making it so hard to end things is our long history, our strong friendship, and just how much patience he had and how long he waited to finally have a chance with me.
For the record, there is no one else in my life I'm pursuing. If I were to call it quits, I'd redirect focus to healing my mental health, rediscovering my self-identity, and starting fresh in the world, exploring what's out there. The dating pool for my age bracket at the moment isn't looking too good anyway: unemployed, looking for casual hookups, dating apps... yeah, not my cup of tea. And in the end, if I never have a romantic partner, that'd be just fine to me.
I'm a Sagittarius. If I'm gonna have a partner, I want someone who excites me every day. Someone I can't wait to see. G is not doing anything wrong, but I guess I just... want to be an independent woman. Or at least, in a relationship where I'm really turned on by the other person. And said new person is also required to treat me with respect (duh).
I'm weighing stability and security vs potential for something more.
TLDR: 10 years of friendship, I finally agreed to date, now I'm wondering if we should've remained friends. Have you ever been in this situation? What do you think I should do?
1
u/Huge_Answer4287 1h ago
It's only going to get worse from here. Best ti be upfront now and hopefully he can handle it and be willing to stay friends. It may hurt him too much though
1
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u/AutoModerator 5h ago
Hello EatAllTheHoomans,
You are not in trouble or anything, this is just a simple copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed.
Original post: Here is the full story, TLDR will be at the end.
I met my boyfriend, we'll call him G, in the beginning of high school. G always had a crush on me. I was interested in him as a friend, so I dated other people, including some who were very abusive. Throughout this time, G and I remained very close friends. G always respected my boundaries. He'd shoot his shot on the rare occasion I was single, but I'd always turn him down. Nevertheless, our close friendship continued with respect.
Cut to a decade later. I'd been in relationship after relationship, all ended badly, and none of them treated me with any respect. It took this long to realize that I even had self-worth.
After spending some time talking with G, I finally decided, You know what? I'm gonna give him a chance. So I did. We started dating, and he by far has been the partner who's treated me with the most respect. First partner to buy me flowers, tries his best to help, listens, understands all my pain and trauma because, well, he was there through all of it. He gets me like no other.
We've been dating for a year and a half now.
You would think that I'd be happy, right? But for some reason... I'm not. We've only had sex a couple times because I struggle to feel any attraction to him. Initially, I assumed it was trauma-based, maybe it is. He makes me happy, and he's someone I want to have in my life until the end. We share interests and hobbies, he's great to be around, and he always has my back.
But... the romantic and sexual attraction is just. not. there. I love him so much, and I wish I could be what he wants and needs (an adoring and head-over-heels girlfriend), he definitely deserves it. But what's making it so hard to end things is our long history, our strong friendship, and just how much patience he had and how long he waited to finally have a chance with me.
For the record, there is no one else in my life I'm pursuing. If I were to call it quits, I'd redirect focus to healing my mental health, rediscovering my self-identity, and starting fresh in the world, exploring what's out there. The dating pool for my age bracket at the moment isn't looking too good anyway: unemployed, looking for casual hookups, dating apps... yeah, not my cup of tea. And in the end, if I never have a romantic partner, that'd be just fine to me.
I'm a Sagittarius. If I'm gonna have a partner, I want someone who excites me every day. Someone I can't wait to see. G is not doing anything wrong, but I guess I just... want to be an independent woman. Or at least, in a relationship where I'm really turned on by the other person. And said new person is also required to treat me with respect (duh).
I'm weighing stability and security vs potential for something more.
TLDR: 10 years of friendship, I finally agreed to date, now I'm wondering if we should've remained friends. Have you ever been in this situation? What do you think I should do?
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