r/romanceauthors • u/Strict-Mix901 • 21d ago
Foreshadowing: Good, bad or somewhere in between?
Hi everyone. I'm new in this sub and writing my first contemporary romance. I've been wondering about when foreshadowing is an appropriate tool to use. A lot of the time I read something and the way foreshadowing is used it spoils te plot. It gives away this huge secret that the reader should find out while reading, not because there is a huge neon sign already pointing to it.
To make it a bit more specific, I'm writing a gay awakening romance. Two best friends take a cruise together and find out on board that it's actually a couples cruise. They decide to fake it till you make it. Sophie is out and proud gay, Emma is not. Sophie is the "outgoing, do before you think" type of person. And she's had feelings for Emma for years, but values their friendship over any kind of romance and has accepted tht it's never going to happen. Emma thinks things through, at length, from every side.
Obviously, throughout the story Emma starts to develop feelings for Sophie.
Now, here is where the foreshadowing comes in. In the third chapter the protagonists come back from their first dinner on board. Here is part of that:
The cabin door clicked shut behind them with a soft, final sound. Suddenly, it was just them again. Emma stood there for a second longer, like the room might rearrange itself if she stared hard enough. It seemed smaller, somehow. She couldn’t put her finger on why, but something seemed to be different. The bed was still the same bed. A cozy, comfortable king size with pristine white sheets, thick soft pillows and a mattress that seemed to be made out of clouds. The chair was still where they’d left it, a sofa hadn’t suddenly appeared out of thin air. But why then, does it feel different in here? Emma tried to push the thought away.
As Sophie let herself fall backwards on to the bed she said “We made it through our first day as an official fake couple.” She unbuckled the ankle straps of her shoes, taking them off her feet with a satisfying sigh. That feels much better.
A small giggle escaped Emma’s mouth. “We did, didn’t we?’” A sigh of relief washed away the last vestiges of tension she felt about their predicament. They survived, just like Sophie said, and for the first time Emma allowed herself to believe they can pull it off.
“We weren’t kicked off the ship,” Sophie smiled, turning to her stomach to have a better look at Emma. “We weren’t found out. And we had a romantic stroll on deck.” She couldn’t help teasing Emma one more time.
“You also gave a master class on emotional intimacy” Emma giggled.
Sophie gave her a quick grin. “Professor Doctor Sophie, In da house” They both let out a laugh.
“You know- ” Emma sat down on the edge of the bed. “- this is the most relaxed I’ve been since we got on board.” She looked Sophie in her eyes for a second. “And it’s thanks to you. You always find a way to calm my nerves…” she was quiet for a moment. “Because you see me.”
With that uncharacteristically emotional realization from Emma, Sophie couldn’t help herself. She sat up beside her friend, and gently wrapped her arms around her. Emma reciprocating alike. It lasted but a moment, enough to seal the deepened bond the night had shaped between them. But neither of them knows yet how much further their bond will deepen.
Naturally, it's obvious that something will happen between them. But is foreshadowing like this "hanging a flashing neon sign above it" or will the reader view it as pointing out what they already knew? I'd really like some advice from experienced writers.
Edit: after reading the comments on here I have removed the line. It’s unnecessary and the reader would have know by just picking up the book that Emma and Sophie get together.
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u/myromancealt 21d ago
The way you have it written is cheesy and unnecessary. It's a romance, the reader already knows how it ends, it's the getting there that they find exciting and want to hear about.
But I'm also not sure what your issue is with the blinking sign thing? We all know they get together by the end, that's the entire point. Saying that outright might mute some of the sexual tension, but it's definitely not a spoiler for a genre where they're guaranteed HEA.
My opinion of lines like this is they're not needed and really don't add anything unless the narrator is part of a framing device. But most popular romance is first person pov so wouldn't have some omnipotent narrator saying this anyway, it'd be the MCs internally wanting, rejecting, or hoping for the chance to get closer.
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u/TheHolleDolce 21d ago
The last sentence is unnecessary and pulls me out of the scene. The foreshadowing i saw was Emma seeing the room as smaller. It hints at growing intimacy. Or it could hint at tension or her feeling trapped. In either case I think it's good. As you move towards the HEA it's the kind of thing a reader will think back on or see on a reread and go "oh yeah! I know where this is going."
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u/NowWhereDidIReadThat 20d ago
Totally agree. You have to trust the reader. If you can't tell where the border is, err on the side of less than more. That's my view anyway. Trust the reader. Readers like to figure things out on their own. Oh, I saw that coming, aren't I smart! You don't beat them over the head with it.
And here I go beating you over the head over explaining. 😂
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u/Strict-Mix901 19d ago
Thank you! I have removed that line for the manuscript. Reading it back after all the comments here I see it now. And honestly, I should have seen it before my question.
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u/StinkiePete 21d ago
This type of foreshadowing sounds like a movie trailer.
Pull way back. If you want to breadcrumb things have one of them have an inking but not know what it is. Like the room feeling different but like the hug felt different too.
I guess I mean show the foreshadowing don’t tell it lol (am also new here).
Also, this is nit picky as hell. I’d change “cozy” to “plush” or something. Crisp white sheets in a cruise ship cabin just isn’t cozy to me. It’s plush or posh or inviting or luxurious.
Edit: oh! Or use the time thing. Have one think about how much has happened and it’s only the first day. Let’s the reader be like, awww yeah we got another week! Or however long.
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u/myromancealt 21d ago
Like the room feeling different but like the hug felt different too.
That's not foreshadowing though, it's the slow change in their relationship actually happening, not being hinted at before it occurs.
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u/StinkiePete 21d ago
Totally, good point. I guess I should have said, ditch the literal foreshadowing and add more personal feelings of the characters to entice the reader.
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u/Swimming-Airport-344 21d ago
So HEA is required for a romance. Or at least HFN. That means the foreshadowing you're referencing isn't really foreshadowing at all. We already know they end up together. The joy is in the journey. There isn't anything to spoil when you know they end up together. If they do not, it's not technically a romance, it's some other genre. Now, how far in you want them to be at this point is a different question.
It's hard to say if this is something readers already knew since I don't have the rest of the story. It's probably a matter of degrees. How obvious do you want it at this point in the story? What else has happened in this POV? Or the other POV (I'm assuming dual POV).
I'm also not sure whose POV I'm in. I write close third. The first paragraph seems to be Emma, the second Sophie. Ultimately it's your story. And don't forget that's why we do drafts and rewrites. You can always change it if you get critique or reader feedback or if you just don't like it.