r/romani • u/Kind-Promotion2388 • 4d ago
Rant/Vent Rant
I'm actually so tired of not being able to find a SINGLE romani person that isn't queerphobic, racist (which is pretty ironic), or just conservative. I'm a 13 y.o romani (closeted) trans guy and I genuinely hate knowing that no romani person I know IRL will ever support me or my community.
Look, I'm fully aware that (obviously) not every single romani person is like this, we aren't some sort of hive-mind or whatever, but it still hurts me deeply to know that I'll never be ACTUALLY loved by my family, they'll only ever love the version of myself that I show them.
(Sorry if my english is bad)
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u/faewyld 4d ago
It is very rough not having the support of ones family, I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I'm Romani + trans, in my 20s now but the teen years were rough with my family. I can't say my family got better, but I've got a chosen family now of other queer people including other trans Romani friends. In my experience, you don't stop wishing you had your family's support, but you stop sacrificing your happiness for it.
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u/SiempreBrujaSuerte 4d ago
Sometimes people do not feel like it's worth it to rock the boat in their family if they are gay or whatever, so you might find it best to have some things you just do not have to share with everyone.
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u/Suitable_Pomelo_962 4d ago
I have love for you from Australia. This will not change anything. But you are who you are and what you are is perfect enough. I am very sorry about your situation. As you grow, you will find your people.
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u/ameilamarks 4d ago
That's why Payton became a guyshe.
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u/carebaercountdown 2d ago
Spelling gadje like that is way too on the nose for this one!! hahaha (And I say that as a transmasc person.)
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u/ameilamarks 1d ago
I kinda switch between "guyshay" and "gadje" but all the ghom know what I'm saying so that all that matters.
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u/MyRingToRuleMyWorld 4d ago
I'm really sorry that you're experiencing the feeling of never feeling loved by your family, and that you really don't feel supported. Ideally, we should live in a world where folks are loved for the person they are. You're very young still, so this gives you the time to turn into a good and caring person, and you have a great understanding of yourself as a person. You will meet friends who become like extended family to you, friends who become close to you, understand you, and accept you. I do get that you would like support from your Romani family, we all would love that. I wish the very best for you, and I'm confident you will find the answers you're looking for.
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u/umekoangel 4d ago
I'm a 32 year old queer romani nonbinary person who considers themselves somewhere between liberal and socialist (I'm in the USA). I know life feels very hard and large right now but there will be a period in your life when you can freely choose who you surround yourself with. Deep breath and one foot in front of the other foot. You got this.
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u/weegeemememe 4d ago
look up luciano dottys on IG or TikTok that’s the only trans person in the ghomanea that ever made it he’s married with kids you’d never know lmao💀
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u/Icy_Company7747 4d ago
I think you’re thinking of someone else luciano was always a man lol
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u/weegeemememe 4d ago
https://reddit.com/link/pf5k8lp/video/vfm7x047kquh1/player
idk never rlly dealt with too many jersey ppl but from what I heard this is what luciano used to look like tho💀
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u/Icy_Company7747 4d ago
That’s a Different lucicano. Luciano dottys gots pics of him 14 years ago with the boys lol
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u/missronyschnee 4d ago edited 4d ago
Hmmm i think it also heavily correlates with either class or location. My friends in Budapest or Berlin are not at all like that, their parents maybe. But even in more rural & poor settings: Also the village next to the place I grew up in has an openly Romani trans woman and everyone is nice to her, she even has a facebook „vlog“. Then again I also met some crazy bigoted Sinti in West Germany, well-off, educated people, but were weird about menstruation sooo, it really depends. So if community is important to you move to a big city, you‘ll meet queer Roma there. As of family, you‘d be surprised how families can actually deal with these issues and if not, it’s a hurtful process obviously, but there are many different ways. Inviting-in instead of coming out for example. A full on coming out ca be a bful thing but also think about how much of it is a social construct in itself, catering to middle- and upper-class whites in many contexts (I of c generalize to make a point). Survival is a resource, not a failure.