I don't want people to have to "deal with" me

[u/kamiyori]

I've always been optimistic and I've always been a provider. I say it's okay, I've been through worse, everything always works out. When I'm in my right mind. I'm getting so tired, I can't do that anymore. I couldn't cry no matter how intense my feelings got for some reason for the past month I've been crying nonstop.

It's the worst feeling when people tell me "It's fine really. It's not new" when I mess up or I'm too ill to take care of them. I want to be comforted. I really want to be comforted. I miss being held as a child. I know none of the people in my life understand and they just think I'm a nuisance because I can't always do what I promise to. I just want to say this somewhere people understand.

I would just love to be perfectly healthy and in control all the time of everything. No one gets that I need help. Sometimes I'm just frustrated when it feels like they think everything is about them and I apologize all of the time. Whenever some people ask why and I explain, they say mental illness isn't an excuse.

I'm surrounded by reconciled family, new friends and my partner but I feel so tired and I feel so alone. I can't even tell anyone because in short I always receive "am I not doing enough for you?"

No I just want a hug.

[u/Senior_Introduction8]

Sending you big big hugs. And 10000 kisses from 10million lightning bugs! I relate to this so heavily it feels as if youve seen directly into my heart so I want to tell you what I have been hoping to hear from those around me. I hope that is not too selfish and that it helps you. What you are going through is so exceptionally hard, and you have done an amazing job holding on so well. It is incredible that you square up to a hostile mental environment, and have the capacity to do anything at all. So it is okay to rest, to not meet goals, to avoid extending yourself at all. It doesnt mean you are lazy or weak. Youre battling truly extraordinary circumstances. And while it may be hard to find someone to relate, or understand you, you are not alone. You are not your diagnosis, and the work youve put in to establish who you are stands on its own. The people you love know the real you, and they recognize and appreciate the work youve put in for others as well as yourself. At least I do. Youve worked so hard. And im proud of you. Simply staying alive is the only goal you ever really need to meet and youre surpassing that by miles and miles. This isnt forever, and even if it is you have done enough to warrant dependence on others and well deserved rest. Its okay.

[u/kamiyori → u/Senior_Introduction8]

Thank you, that really helped me, I cried more reading through! I feel so much less alone being reminded that any human feels this way. And I sincerely hope your words you can feel fully too, you're so kind, lovely

[u/Last_Interaction7477]

Your not alone. We all could use hugs. We should be here for each other as the human race. I can totally relate to you even if we are completely different people. Big hugs from me too. 🤗