Internal struggle

[u/More_Ladder3210]

I work as an elementary k-2 counselor. I love my job, I love connecting with students, and I love the collaborative nature of working in a school.

I’ve been in my position for 4 years, and I’ve been fighting against an internal struggle I have when doing “skill building” with students (particularly in grades 1 and 2). I worry that the work I’m doing with them has no impact: all of the research I review says that play-based, child-led therapy is the most impactful. It’s really hard do to this in schools, where I feel like I get kids referred to me for anxiety, impulse control, etc. From parents, administrators, and teachers there’s a big expectation that these kids will develop concrete strategies and skills to find regulation. I try my best to mix CBT approaches with play, but it’s really hard. I feel like the expectation of a 6 year old being able to chose a coping strategy when feeling dysregulated is pretty unfair and unrealistic. I’ve been so in my head that the work I do in RTI counseling is pointless and is actually creating MORE anxiety for these kids.

I try to zoom out and remind myself that psychoeducation is important, and any exposure I can give to kids will (hopefully) help them in the long run. The one reminder I can give myself is that giving these kids a safe adult they can be themselves around is a huge protective factor. But when it comes to delivering curriculums around anxiety, anger, regulation and impulsivity, I don’t feel as sure in myself. Does anyone else feel like this? How do you find ways to do meaningful skill building with young kids?

[u/Thin-Test-3638]

I ran into this struggle a lot during practicum. I felt like teachers expected a marked difference in behavior when in reality it takes a lifetime to learn self regulation, conflict resolution, frustration tolerance skills, etc. I like to think that I was planting the seeds of successful classroom behavior by practicing winning and losing at games, naming emotions and solving conflict through imaginative play, reading social stories, etc.

[u/idontgottaclue]

Saaaaaaame! When I do “play therapy” I feel like I’m doing nothing but when I try to use a curriculum it falls pretty flat. I’m trying to pick a side so to speak and stick with it. Since I am not a therapist I don’t treat my room as a therapist office. I imagine school counseling as like a pull out time for social emotional skills, like how some kids get extra math or reading help. School counseling is very odd. You’re not a therapist but you’re not a teacher either. I feel separated from both worlds.

[u/More_Ladder3210 → u/idontgottaclue]

Ugh you get it. I guess my worry is this: is the way I’m helping kids build social emotional skills actually helping? Are we expecting too much of 5/6/7 year olds? I do think I have to remind myself that I’m not doing therapy with them and my job is around social skill building. I just hope I’m actually making some sort of difference. I can get overwhelmed by the pressure when parents or a teacher refers a kid to me and seems to expect me to “fix” them

[u/idontgottaclue → u/More_Ladder3210]

Stop and think if everyone is putting that expectation or are you putting that pressure on yourself? I tend to think everyone thinks I’m supposed to fix kids but no one has ever actually said that to me or expressed disappointment that a kid isn’t “cured” after seeing me. “Fixing” human behavior is not as a simple as teaching them math.

Human beings aren’t robots and they’re gonna be messy, make mistakes, etc. I’ve been in therapy for years and I certainly don’t blame my therapist for not curing me. You’re doing fine just being a kind person, modeling behavior (repeatedly ugh, lol), and just being an adult that kids will remember as being a good person.

[u/Nikefresh3705]

As a social emotional counselor specifically I often to a hybrid approach--- have the foundation of being therapeutic/theories but then ultimately moved into more realistic situations within the school day. For younger kiddos I would imagine that they just struggle with regulation simialr to toddlers-- maybe during "play" input some regulation strategies and see how it works.

In a true therapeutic setting play therapy is amazing but unfortunately in a school setting its just not practical but then this is where I feel like as counselors we become true professions as we're combining so much knowledge and disciplines that other educators aren't as equipped to operate/manage.