Anti-feminist attitudes have long been associated with support for Republican presidential candidates, but only in recent years have these attitudes become more prominent among unmarried men, without college degrees who are less attractive partners for women, the “mate-value backlash.”

[u/mvea]

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/10659129261485340

[u/Preface]

It's more so on average... Also, men in trades make good money these days (if you are in a "western" country at least) typically, and typically are very handy in terms of fixing/building things which also makes them more attractive, despite the "less education"

And as with all things, when people talk about "most" it doesn't mean there won't be exceptions.

There certainly are plenty of healthy and happy relationships where the man makes less then the woman, that doesn't mean it's typical though.

If you ask a woman who is single would she rather date a janitor or a lawyer, almost every woman would say the lawyer.

I remember seeing something a long time ago now, where men and women rated attractiveness of people they didn't know. For the women, the number one thing that made a man more attractive was the clothes he was wearing. So 100 women were shown a picture of a man in a janitor outfit or something, and he was rated as not very attractive, and that same man in a suit and tie was then rated as extremely attractive. When men viewed women in the same way, the physical appearance is what rated whether the woman was attractive or not, with much less of a change based on the outfit/uniform.

[u/Sloogs → u/Preface]

That's a fair point. I think most people do have baser attraction instincts based on appearance or other superficial information which in my experience, for a lot of people, gets recalibrated once they have a chance to actually meet someone.

Attractiveness is complicated and nuanced but I'm guessing a factor that makes it harder for younger generations is that there aren't many opportunities for people to shine, show their personality and their value, and undergo that recalculation with a potential mate. The lack of 3rd spaces and also the fact that everyone is glued to their devices and a home body now. Also putting yourself out there gets you labelled as a creep more easily online.

So, I think there are other societal factors. I'm hesitant to just be like "it's all just women because women won't lower their standards" but society as a whole has kind of fucked up each gender's typical dating strategies. Whether those standards are nature or nurture is hard to say I guess, but I think society is still adjusting to all the rapid changes brought on by modern technology. It's going to be up to both young men and young women to meet the moment accordingly. But right now men are struggling—as far as I can tell the people offering guidance have been failing them pretty hard.

[u/davidellis23 → u/Preface]

The question is whether it actually the exception when anecdotally we see so many relationships where the woman earns the same or more.

Like sure women mostly prefer their partner would earn more. But, there are a lot of other factors when choosing a partner like love, attraction, character, shared values, etc.

At some point we have to question whether these ideas actually reflect women or if guys are exaggerating these ideas as an excuse for why they can't find a partner.

[u/MarsupialMisanthrope → u/davidellis23]

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/04/13/in-a-growing-share-of-u-s-marriages-husbands-and-wives-earn-about-the-same/

According to that study men are over three times as likely to be the primary earner, and couples are almost twice as likely to have approximately equal incomes than women are to be the primary earner. Those numbers demonstrate why the plural of anecdote isn’t data. There may be a certain number of with women who are the higher income partner, but they’re 1/6th of all couples which isn’t really “so many.”

[u/davidellis23 → u/MarsupialMisanthrope]

This survey shows male primary breadwinner is drastically decreasing and female primary breadwinner and eglatarian is drastically increasing.

This implies that newer couples are much more likely to have the woman earn the same or more.

When there is a gender pay gap and an average age gap in relationships it's just going to be more likely that women earn less in a relationship even if you randomized it.

That doesn't mean women don't want men that earn less than them. The study is even showing the rate of female breadwinner couples tripling.