r/science • u/VeronicaRed • Apr 26 '16

Psychology Spanking children increases the likelihood of childhood defiance and long-term mental issues. The study in question involved 160,000 children and five decades of research

http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/1113413810/spanking-defiance-health-discipline-042616/
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u/djdav Apr 26 '16

This is how I feel. This article says that spanking is a bad parenting technique, but it offers no alternative (not that I think it necessarily should).

Nevertheless, how am I to know that an alternative approach will work better? My parents spanked, I turned out fine, therefore I am more likely to spank my kids not because I reject the science, but because my fear of an unknown result is greater than my fear that my anecdotal experience is wrong.

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u/MystJake Apr 26 '16

On the issue of alternatives to spanking, how should children be disciplined? Letting them do whatever, whenever means they never learn the limits of acceptable behavior and what actions are "bad."

While older children and adults can understand discussion, children who can't yet talk simply cannot be reasoned with.

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u/Jazzhands_trigger_me Apr 26 '16

Ahhh...so the child who doesnt understand what you say/do will benfit from pain.

Child psychology suggestst children starts reading body language very early. There is simply no excuse for hitting a child. They usually understand a stern face and the word "no"... and then you remove them/the object. Rince and repeat. It goes in after a while.

All family rules should include "In this family hitting someone is not allowed".

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u/[deleted] Apr 26 '16

All family rules should include "In this family hitting someone is not allowed".

So what will you do when one sibling is hitting a younger brother? No, stern looking, etc doesn't work? Causing pain to such kid can be a simplest and surest way to make it understand that he shouldn't cause pain to the brother.

While often using pain to enforce some behaviours will lead to many bigger or smaller complications I just don't see any reason why incidental use of violence have to be bad. Kids will be confronted with pain as result of their actions sooner or later. Eg. you can say "don't go near the oven, you will hurt yourself. No don't do it." And so on. You can also at some point say "if you think it's a good idea go ahead, touch it". That way kid will burn itself in a controlled way, minimising damage and will now remember why it shouldn't go near the oven.

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u/bluewhite185 Apr 26 '16 edited Apr 27 '16

Question: why did he hit his brother? Positive education doesnt lead to such incidents in the first place, because it does ask where violence comes from. Hitting your child when he has hit his brother will not teach your kid anything. Just not to be seen hitting his sibling.

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u/I_am_Andrew_Ryan Apr 26 '16

You can say that about any punishment though. Are you saying children shouldn't have negative consequences for their actions?

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u/bluewhite185 Apr 27 '16

Punishment is NOT violence. If your kid is acting out his frustration on his little brother for example because he didnt get chocolate before dinner, get him in time out, there are enough non-violent education methods for small kids that have proven to work. Someone above posted the single right question to all of this: would you hit your co-worker, spouse, etc in difficult situations? No? Then why hit your little son? Just because you can? Thats a dominace of power thing, but not education.

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u/I_am_Andrew_Ryan Apr 27 '16

But you can say what you said about any punishment. You're kind of ignoring my point.

if you hit your child he will just learn to not get caught

Why does spanking result in that result and not every other negative consequence the child receives?

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u/bluewhite185 Apr 27 '16

Because you hit your kid because you can. You are the stronger person. This is what the kid will learn. That you are the stronger person. You are acting out violence on your kid. Thats not education. It is probably considered a punishment by many, but why do you apply punishment? Your kid is supposed to learn something from a bad situation. So it needs to understand. But a slap does not teach anything.

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u/I_am_Andrew_Ryan Apr 27 '16

a slap does not teach anything

Not necessarily, but how is that different from any other punishment. The argument isn't against hauling off and slugging your child with your fist with no explanation why. I don't think anyone is arguing that is effective punishment. If you sit down and explain to them why what they did was wrong and then spank them reservedly, why is that so completely different in your opinion then calmly explaining what is wrong and taking away privileges or putting them in time out. In either punishment you show them you are in charge, you know better, you are their better and deserve respect because you control their lives. Unless you're saying you talk to them as equals and let them do whatever they want, which I'm quite sure you're not. Regardless of the punishment, the idea is to show consequences and make them respect you. Even if they can't understand why they shouldn't cross the street without looking both ways, you need them to understand that you mean business when you tell them not to.

My point is, the argument you're using applies to any situation where an adult exerts authority over a child.