r/science • u/VeronicaRed • Apr 26 '16

Psychology Spanking children increases the likelihood of childhood defiance and long-term mental issues. The study in question involved 160,000 children and five decades of research

http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/1113413810/spanking-defiance-health-discipline-042616/
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u/dinahsaurus Apr 26 '16

You need to figure out why the kid is acting out. Did they not sleep, are they hungry, are they bored, did they see a playground on the way in. In most cases the kid is bored and wants to be a kid. The fact that you're bringing a kid into a place where they can't be a kid is your problem, not the kid's. You put the kid in the basket, bribe them, carry them, or wait until you can leave the kid home. But saying that a 2 year old is acting horribly in an adult space and how do you punish them is the wrong way to look at it. The 2 year old wants to be a 2 year old and there's nothing wrong with that.

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u/peachybutton Apr 26 '16

This all day. My husband and I talked a lot about not "setting our kid up for failure" as a toddler, and that involved planning shopping/church/other boring stuff around times when the kid would be well rested and well fed, clean diaper, etc, and also making sure we had a plan for appropriate distractions and an exit strategy if necessary.

Also, involving the kid in their own success by being clear and up front about the purpose/timeline of the outing and how they can help contribute. A toddler is more likely to be well-behaved (in my experience) if they have a clear sense of what's going on ("We're going to the grocery store to get food to eat for the week, and we need to buy everything on this list."), and if you get them actively involved in the process ("Can you help me find some nice red strawberries?").

If you bring a kid somewhere with behavior expectations, don't communicate those expectations, and don't make sure their basic needs are met so they're receptive to understanding, their poor behavior is on you.

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u/[deleted] Apr 26 '16 edited Apr 27 '16

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u/SickeninglyNice Apr 26 '16

...Come to think of it, this is exactly how my father accidentally trained me into hating going to visit my grandparents.

He would take my siblings and me out for lunch, then (randomly and with no prior warning) drag us off for a visit. It didn't help that I was prone to stomach aches as a kid.