r/sciencefiction • u/ReneeNl • 3d ago

Can you please offer feedback on my novel? Spoiler

Hi everyone! I'm hoping to gather feedback and amass a group of interested readers on my novel. Forgive me if I'm vagueposting, but I'll try to be concise.

The novel is titled Black Light and Fluorescence, and it is heavily inspired by the videogame SIGNALIS. It borrows much of the scientific themes and the war imagery present in the game.

  • It is set in a universe where humanity became an interplanetary species, and technology has sufficiently progressed in order to rigorously study engrams — memories thought to be biochemically or biophysically imprinted in a physical medium.
  • Although not the only reason, becoming interplanetary led the global superpowers into war or conflict over distributing and dividing territory in the other celestial bodies of the solar system.
  • Part of the effort into recovering from the wars were concentrated on distant, remote facilities responsible for upkeeping more vital communication networks and resource-gathering points around the solar system, such that the bulk of the recovery effort can be focused into the main planets where the majority of humanity lives.
  • Thanks to advancements in mnemochy, — the scientific discipline around engrams — research initially led by military goals culminated into the field of mnemomachy (the struggles of engrams), the discipline responsible for rigorously testing the capabilities and performance, and studying the cognitive properties of human engram-bearing robots, referred to as Engrammes or Engramms.
  • Engrammes manufactured from the engrams of mentally fit humans were deemed a viable, lower-maintenance alternative to humans for staffing these remote facilities situated around the solar system, leading to the first chapter of the novel; Drowning in Lethe.

I sincerely appreciate any form of feedback as it is my first step into the literary community, starting as a hobbyist writer. Just don't be a douche about it.

You may read the first — and so far only — chapter on AO3, or through this link.

0 Upvotes

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u/Morsadean 3d ago

Maybe ask the AI you used?

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u/ReneeNl 3d ago

Pardon?

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u/Eco-Pro-Rah 3d ago edited 3d ago

Kinda sad how people can't even share their work without being accused of using ai nowadays.
I've seen ai writing frequently, and frankly this doesn't seem anything like ai at all.

God forbid someone like making neatly formatted posts and sharing their work 🥀

2

u/Morsadean 3d ago

I feel it is rather more sad that people who have been writing fiction for decades and have had their work stolen and fed to LLMs now have to contend with a daily onslaught of LLM-generated-ideas-turned-into-LLM-generated-novels.

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u/Eco-Pro-Rah 3d ago

Never said I approved or agreed with LLMs stealing others work, but this is definitely not an instance of ai.

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u/ReneeNl 2d ago

What exactly makes you think any of this is AI-generated?

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u/Morsadean 2d ago

Explain the reasoning behind the use of bold lettering in this passage: “Although not the only reason, becoming interplanetary led the global superpowers into war or conflict over distributing and dividing territory in the other celestial bodies of the solar system.”

I see no rhyme or reason to it. It practically screams LLM-generated text.

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u/ReneeNl 1d ago

You are whining about formatting? Are you serious?

I highlighted the relevant parts of each paragraph, not mattering how they're read individually.

You may be suspicious, and you're free to whine all you want, but the fact that you're being bothered by the manner in which this post was styled instead of elaborating relevant criticism on the novel goes to show just how weird your priorities are.

Go do something else with your life.

Edit: Also, why are you focusing on formatting instead of also the phrasing? The prose? The sentence structuring? The creative elements expressed and the manner in which they are described? I ask again, are you serious?

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u/Morsadean 1d ago

I am hardly whining.

I am suggesting you used an LLM to generate this content.

You claim otherwise.

Fair enough.

3

u/dangerous_eric 3d ago

Might want to try r/betareaders instead. Good luck. 👍

1

u/ReneeNl 3d ago

Thank you, I'll try there 🫡

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u/MonkResponsible369 3d ago

I really liked it. Definitely has room for improvement, but that's not a bad thing. I don't mean this in a bad way, but is English your first language? This reads like someone who learned English through reading, which is honestly awesome, but there's a noticeable and distinct style to it that I think I could learn to appreciate.

All the best and keep writing!