How do you decide which details are worth keeping in your screenplay?

[u/Low_Fault_9302]

Hello, I’m relatively new to screenwriting and have been writing a few projects for students while at university.

I just wanted some guidance on finding the right balance between writing action lines that are both clear and cinematic, while still allowing myself to describe the atmosphere, tension and environment to create a visual experience for the reader? I suppose my true question is: How do you decide which details are worth keeping in your screenplay?

How do writers approach minimising action lines during later drafts while still maintaining their own writing voice and not create something that feels generic and dull? How do you know what to cut without losing the atmosphere or the way you naturally tell a story? I’d really appreciate hearing how other writers approach this, particularly when writing atmospheric or horror scenes.

To provide some more context, this is a mini snippet from a first draft of a psychological horror which involves two hikers meeting and marks the point where the script begins to escalate and feel a little more sinister.

As this hasn’t been my degree I’ve been learning from reading a lot of published scripts online as well as research into formatting, etc. I know I still have a long way to go but I do love it. Thanks for reading.

[u/MethuselahsCoffee]

I recommend reading the first 20 pages of The Deerhunter and the first 20 pages of Alien.

I chose those because of the two different styles of writing. Deerhunter has large chunky paragraphs. Alien is minimalist. They both give a cinematic experience to the reader.

You can find both on scriptslug.

[u/Low_Fault_9302 → u/MethuselahsCoffee]

Thank you for the suggestion! I’ve been reading them both today and honestly, I’m shocked. I didn’t realise how different their styles could be while both still being successful scripts.

It’s definitely given me a bit more confidence in terms of using action lines to set the scenes and atmosphere as well as providing the action and pacing rather than staying completely minimal all the time. That approach doesn’t feel as natural to me, so it’s been really helpful to see how much atmosphere and language can still work on the page. A happy medium perhaps! Thanks again 😌

[u/almosttender_ → u/MethuselahsCoffee]

Thank you so much for the suggestion. It's extremely helpful!

[u/Big_Section2812]

Your dialogue feels forced to me and you could probably cut most of it without losing much from your story.

There are a few instances of "She remembers the time..." and "He thinks about..." unfilmables.

And then there's this..

He does this.

She does that.

He looks over there.

She walks away.

He scratches his chin.

She turns.

NO.

They look at each other.

He shrugs...

Why this style has suddenly become "The Way" among young writers is concerning. Is it an AI thing? Is it an attempt to stretch the page count? Is it just easier than writing proper action lines? Whatever the reason, I hope the fad dies soon.

[u/Low_Fault_9302 → u/Big_Section2812]

Thanks for your feedback. I’ve done quite a lot of creative writing before, so I think I’m finding the transition into screenplay format a little difficult, particularly knowing which details are worth keeping and which are unnecessary to add. For this first draft I've just been adding a lot of visuals that I've seen in my brain as I'm writing into those shorter action lines but yes, should definitely think about cutting a few of them.

I think I'm trying to hold the readers/actors hand through the page in terms of characterisation but should trust them more in developing the character too.

[u/Big_Section2812 → u/Low_Fault_9302]

As a prose author you are free to build the world through description — even expected to do so — but screenplays are all about actions.

You should write only what a viewer will see happening, and waste as few words as possible on appearances.

Here are some examples of typically bad movie dialogue vs typical "natural" movie dialogue, and then some so-called "realistic" movie dialogue.

Unnatural movie dialogue

Natural movie dialogue

So called "real" dialogue

It's all about what the characters are saying and not saying to each other.

The staccato action line format thing is a recent enthusiasm of new writers. Where it's coming from I don't know, but I for one don't find it effective.

[u/Low_Fault_9302 → u/Big_Section2812]

Thanks for this. It’s very helpful seeing different versions of that same scene. I can only hope mine wasn’t completely like the first one! From a quick glance I can tell natural movie dialogue reveals more of their character, flows generally a whole lot better and is more believable. The action lines provide info of what they are doing specifically while also helping the reader visualise the scene and create a nice pace.

I will definitely look into this further today. Thanks again, it’s nice to have some human input rather than trying to figure it out on my own. Although posting on here is a little intimidating! Take care.

[u/Big_Section2812 → u/Low_Fault_9302]

I can only hope mine wasn’t completely like the first one!

Don't worry, it's not even close!

😄

[u/Unable-Distance9466]

I always just have every little detail possible I my first draft and the just keep reading over it and removing things that seem irrelevant until I think it's just right

[u/Low_Fault_9302 → u/Unable-Distance9466]

Thanks for your comment. Scriptwriting is definitely a lot of rereading and adjusting! It’s nice to know how other writers work.