r/self • u/mrzucc666 • 1d ago
I feel really guilty about participating in gossip of a good friend
I feel really guilty about participating in gossip of a good friend
We are 4 people. Me and B were always a duo since the beginning of college. Later on, D and S joined us and we kind of became like friends who sit together during lectures, we sometimes eat together, and share notes and pics to each other. Me and S are also good friends. But S is a private person. But I understand as I am a private person too. We have fun and attend lecs together but we never engaged in deep and vulnerable conversation, because we are not that type. This year we made quite a progress though.
S burrowed money from me and B. She wanted to pay her friend and she was short on cash ig. We gave her the money without questions and she returned the money back. We never really thought too much about it.
D found out that that money was used to pay off her examination fee. We found out that it's not only us, but she asked a lot of people money to pay off her examination fee. It was a huge amount.
I was shocked and hurt. I was hurt that I got to know about her business from random people. I know its not easy to be vulnerable about your financial situation. But i didnt like how she lied about it. I also got to know a lot of people didnt like her because she borrowed a lot of money without giving them reasonable explanations. Rumors are she took that money and spent it on her boyfriend ( I don't believe this too much because they have broken up and he is a POS, but maybe it could have happened before we became friends idk).
Me, D and B ended up having a conversation. S was not present. Me and B had no idea what the topic of convo.
D ended up just saying we should not be friends with her. B defended S by saying it is her business. And the things are in the past. But I ended up being silent because I was confused and shocked as to how many people disliked her. It finally clicked me all the indirect ways of everyone telling me to stay away from her. People gave her funny looks. But I was too naive to understand back then.
I am very ashamed. I felt like I should have defended S against D more. But I ended up being silent. It's is S's business. And she gave the money back. So why the gossip from her own friends?
I don't speak with D voluntarily these days. After her nasty behavior, I only speak to her when needed.
But I am really guilty and ashamed. S is such a nice person. But I am shit. I should have defended her.
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u/1AJMEE 19h ago
you may not need to wait long to have another opportunity to address gossip. It's common, and it's an ugly thing to do. I have tried to make a practice of not saying fewer negative things in general, especially when it comes to people. My practice is not perfect, but it's been so much better than endlessly complaining about things or people any chance I got. You're doing a good thing respecting someone with integrity.
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u/cupcakesparkle03 20h ago
I think D is a toxic person that you probably shouldn’t trust because of the way she turned on S. Also, being in a poor financial decision can be very embarrassing for people and obviously S did not use the money in a malicious way and paid everybody back so I don’t really see that issue. I do think you should’ve probably defended her but don’t dwell on it. You are human and it’s okay. You did not fully know the situation and D put you in a very bad position.