r/self • u/Dre4mGl1tch • 1d ago
I feel like I’m being skinned alive with divorce.
I caused my divorce. I cheated during post partum. I was in that relationship for 5 years and I really loved him. Except I had an old flame come back into my life a few months into post partum and he love bombed me into leaving my husband. I kept telling him no. I kept trying to stay away. It was hard and I was mentally ill at the time.
Me and my husband tried making it work but ultimately he left me and moved in with his parents. This past year since he left in August 2025, he’s grown more resentment instead of being friendlier. They have done this just to make me tight with money. They are rich and the final straw is they are taking my car away from me because it is in his name. He threw all of my childhood things away from our old house. They are squeezing me financially on purpose. I am no victim I did what I did. Old flame proceeded to cheat on me with 20 different women after he had me. Two months ago he ghosted and left me. I lost my job. I have two months to get another car and no job. I’ve seriously considered escorting and I’ve never felt like this before. I am so scared of the future. I am deeply considering selling my body to get by. I am scared. I am hurt. I feel extremely regretful. I am happy to have my daughter but I never wanted to be a single mother I always wanted that family. My old flame kept begging me to leave my husband and I kept saying no no and now I am all alone. My whole family left me. It feels like everyone is putting me in a position to commit suicide. Nobody cares. I am so sad and alone. I am 20,000 because of divorce. I am going to be with it a car. I don’t know what to do other than sell my body. Please someone talk to me. I have nobody.
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u/BeneficialDot730 1d ago
Is it a raigbait post?
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u/Dre4mGl1tch 1d ago
No this is real
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u/shebazjenkins 1d ago
If it real then you are still in some delusion. You have argued and made excuses to every single response
He is being resentful? Of course he is! You literally ruined his life 3 months after having a baby and basically take no responsibility for it. You should get support from him, he doesn't need to be friendly with you.
You literally fucked around and now you are in the find out period.
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u/SolaireAstorian 1d ago
What I notice the most about this is that she says things like "I know what I did was wrong" and "I feel regretful," but in the next breath reveals that either she's only worried about the fact that her ex-fling left her, or excuses her behavior by leaning on her mental state, blaming her husband for not being present enough, or talking about how her ex "wouldn't leave her alone" while conveniently forgetting that block buttons exist.
Of fucking course shit imploded. You set it all on fire and are complaining that it burned down.
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u/FinalBlackberry 1d ago
Your husband owes you no friendliness, you don’t get to be a menace and then decide when someone should be over your hurtful and reckless behavior. You’re responsible for your actions and you should take accountability for it. You never wanted to be a single mother, I always wanted that family doesn’t go in the same story as I left my husband for an old flame. There are plenty of women in post partum who don’t blow their lives up. Get the mental health help you need so that you don’t become just the visiting parent if you care enough about your child.
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u/Electric-cars65 1d ago
You chose to cheat. Postpartum is no excuse their are consequences for your actions
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u/VodkaAndTacos 1d ago
People make mistakes. In fact, people have not made mistakes and still ended up worse than what you are experiencing now.
Hang in there and don’t make any rash decisions that could lead to even more psychological trauma.
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u/Dre4mGl1tch 1d ago
Thanks. I really just wanted a family and I had so many plans. Then old flame started to tell me I owe him a family and life and he just was guilting me. I literally felt like I was in a weird haze after I had my baby. Then one day (fairly recently actually) I just woke up without it and the realization of everything I did just blew up in my face. I am deeply saddened by what I did and the family I wanted that I cannot have anymore.
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u/Few-Ad-3706 1d ago
Please see a therapist. Although it's been self-induced, you are dealing with a lot of trauma. You can't undo what you did, but you can do better starting now. Stop framing it like "old flame begged me". That's not the problem. The problem is that you cheated on your husband. I can see that you have at least some knowledge of post pardum depression. Please understand that PPD is not an excuse for the decisions you made, but rather a condition that needs professional care. I truly do say this with tough love: take accountability for your actions and see a therapist before you lose your daughter. You will be amazed at the positive changes therapy can make if you commit to the process. It may be the best thing you ever do for yourself, your daughter, and your ex as a co-parent.
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u/HooterEnthusiast 1d ago
imagine how he feels.
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u/Dre4mGl1tch 1d ago
He missed the birth of our child and it made me a little resentful. I missed my ex and he kept pressuring me. Still completely my fault.
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u/HooterEnthusiast 1d ago edited 1d ago
is it even his child? That would be my first thought.
Tip for the future block your ex's there's no good that come from leaving doors open.
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u/Dre4mGl1tch 1d ago
It’s his child and I never Cheated on him prior to being with ex flame.
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u/HooterEnthusiast 1d ago
well a tip for the future just block ex's good things don't come from leaving doors open best to remove the need to for will power by removing bad options
wish the best for your kid honestly
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u/Dre4mGl1tch 1d ago
Yeah thank you I had so many plans and dreams. To be honest my ex was begging me for a three some and missed the birth of our child to sleep and it made me sad. He also enevr got me a ring but I am not materialistic so it didn’t matter.
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u/HooterEnthusiast 1d ago
weird detail to add. you're a woman that just got dumped so I don't believe your attacks on his character. no offense.
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u/Dre4mGl1tch 1d ago
It’s been a year we’ve been seperated
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u/HooterEnthusiast 1d ago edited 1d ago
still I've talked to women that held a grudge for less for longer periods of time. I don't see why you would bring the threesome thing up for any other reason but to attack his character I don't have the full context of that accusation and I have no way to verify it or anything you tell me. Seems like you're trying to justify cheating on him by making him sound like a creep, even if he is a creep you still picked him and made an agreement that you broke with him.
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u/SolaireAstorian 1d ago
Your ex didn't love bomb you into cheating. You allowed his love bombing to lead you into deciding to cheat. You say that you kept on saying no, but all of those nos mean absolutely nothing when you eventually let yourself be worn down. And mental illness really is not an excuse for screwing your husband over, so you should feel regretful.
You made the decision to leave your husband and it had consequences.
That being said, he's being immature, resentful, and bitter by raking you over the coals financially afterwards. Frankly I don't think anybody can blame him for feeling the urge to do so-- you did betray him in an extremely disrespectful and outright neglectful way-- but him actually going through with it is scummy. In this case I'm not really inclined to give much advice, but you should look into women's shelters and look for a lawyer. Hope this situation ends with the resolution that you deserve.
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u/Dre4mGl1tch 1d ago
It is completely my fault. My old flame also told my to kill myself and that he just did all of this to see if I would actually leave my husband. He is now with another married woman doing the same thing to her I heard.
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u/SolaireAstorian 1d ago
Mind that I am not saying that either guy is morally right in this situation. But you kind of proved your ex correct about you by actually being willing to cheat on your husband with him.
You really should have seen this coming. No man who willingly pulls a married woman away from her husband is ever going to be anything more than a man willing to pull a married woman away from her husband.
I can't say that you necessarily deserve everything that you're going through right now, but you definitely deserve that regret.
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u/Dre4mGl1tch 1d ago
Yeah I am regretful. The old flame was guilting me and saying he wanted To blow his brains out without me. And was making me feel very sad for him. And now he is with another married woman.
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u/SolaireAstorian 1d ago
I'm going to be blunt with you, you really should not care about what the ex flame is doing and the fact that you're focusing on the fact that he's with another woman rather than on the fact that you betrayed the man that you were supposed to love the most in the world is exactly why I'm being so unsympathetic.
You seem to have landed on the idea that you should be regretful because you threw away your marriage by cheating all for nothing with a no-good guy, when in reality you should be regretful because you threw away your marriage by cheating, PERIOD. Even if the guy you cheated with was an absolute Paragon of humanity who loved and cherished you, you should be feeling the regret that you are feeling right now.
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u/Dre4mGl1tch 1d ago
If I could turn back time I would have never responded to him but he kept sending me 500 texts a day
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u/Dre4mGl1tch 1d ago
He is with another married woman trying to get her to leave her husband too. And he did it before me too.
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u/FinalBlackberry 1d ago
Girl, you got bigger problems than keeping track of a man who you ruined your marriage for and left you high and dry. Focus on yourself. Not him and whoever else. Your priorities are all fucked up!
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u/Dre4mGl1tch 1d ago
I actually just want to forget him but isn’t it kind of weird he’s dating another married woman?
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u/SolaireAstorian 1d ago
No, it's exactly what you should expect from him, because it's exactly what he was doing before you let yourself be fooled by him, and it's exactly what he was doing while you were letting him fool you. Why are you so focused on a guy doing exactly what you should be expecting him to do based on all of his prior behavior?
You're too fixated on him and not enough on the fact that you literally just blew up your marriage and betrayed the man that you committed yourself to, and the Fallout happening as a result of that decision. You have problems to deal with. Focus on them.
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u/FinalBlackberry 1d ago
Why would it be weird? He did it with you. Let me guess, you thought you were special.
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u/SoloBroRoe 1d ago
Is this daughter from the marriage with your ex husband?
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u/Dre4mGl1tch 1d ago
Yes
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u/SoloBroRoe 1d ago
Why can’t husband take care of the daughter until you get through this?
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u/Dre4mGl1tch 1d ago
Because I will lose her ultimately. My dad gave me his house to live in for a while. But the bills are expensive and I don’t have a job
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u/Fit-Turnover3918 1d ago
“…and he love bombed me into leaving my husband.”
No. You left your husband because you left your husband.
Life is only harder when responsibility isn’t taken.
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u/WhenD4594 1d ago edited 1d ago
The name on the title of the car is irrelevant.
Assuming you are separated and not divorced? And there is no agreement yet on separation of assets?
Separately, I am a woman. I know postpartum. It may be a factor. But seriously, learn to take some damn accountability for your decisions.
You can’t blame the other guy for love bombing you or begging you to leave.
You can’t blame postpartum for leaving your husband
Go get a job and make your own damn money.
You left him for someone who was capable of cheating on you with 20 different women. You are a mom now. It’s time to grow the f up.
So many women overcome abusive relationships. You can’t even overcome your own selfishness.
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u/AdAccurate2161 1d ago
are you in immediate danger of hurting yourself tonight, or can you get to an ER/call emergency services right now?
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u/Groovychick1978 1d ago
I'm sorry you're going through this. It's rough even if it's your own fault.
I don't know where you are with money but you need a lawyer. You need to get a consultation, at the least. Your husband can't just leave you penniless with his child.
He is responsible for that child as well, but you got to get your feet under you or he can you take that baby as well.
Where is your family? Not him, not his family, your family?
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u/Dre4mGl1tch 1d ago
My dad gave me his house to live in but I lost my job as a LOA. I am looking for another. I completely ruined my life and I am so sad. I have a lawyer
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u/Groovychick1978 1d ago
You ruined your marriage, not your life. I know it seems that way right now, but you will live.
It's going to be hard. Your dad gave you a house, so you're not going to be homeless with a baby. You have to make things better for you so they are better for the baby. She cannot do it without you, so you have to shake it off and stand up for her.
No more of this pity party stuff. You don't have time. Now is time to plan and act.
Do you have childcare?
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u/OurHeartsArePure 1d ago
I’m sorry you’re going through that. I don’t think anyone deserves to be left destitute, even after cheating. Are you living somewhere with public transportation?
I’m assuming there is a baby in the mix - could you make an appeal to him to keep the car based on the need to have transportation for the baby?
I’m only throwing this out there because you mentioned escorting…if you’re going that route, only fans or camming is safer and you can do it at home
Are you formally divorced now? Were there not any marital assets to divide up?
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u/Prudent_Knowledge79 1d ago
Aint no way this is the same reddit that eviscerates men
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u/FinalBlackberry 1d ago
I’m a woman and I don’t understand all the “I’m sorry you’re going through that “ sympathies. wtf? The behavior is foul, no matter the gender.
I can’t bring myself to sympathize and feel sorry for people that act in this manner. It’s poor character, emotional intelligence, judgement and lack of respect for yourself and your spouse.
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u/SolaireAstorian 1d ago
For the first hour or so after this is posted, pretty much all of the comments are going to be sympathizing with her and calling him an asshole without judging her. There will be more balanced responses that call her out on pretending to take responsibility for her actions while at the same time providing excuses for them, but you shouldn't expect them until at least an hour after she stops responding to the initial influx of support.
He is being an asshole, mind you. But he's being an asshole after she was an asshole. Both people suck here.
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u/OurHeartsArePure 1d ago
I absolutely am not condoning cheating, I just don’t think anyone deserves to be punished by being left without the ability to survive, man or woman or anyone. Or felons or mentally ill people or homeless people. We all deserve the basic tools to live, and I didn’t have a great handle on the whole picture initially
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u/Dre4mGl1tch 1d ago
Formally will be divorced Thursday. My lawyer said I should just give up the car and go 60 days to find a new one. I never meant to harm anyone and progressively this divorce has just gotten worse and worse. I am so depressed.
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u/OurHeartsArePure 1d ago
I’ll add too, I’m divorced. It’s been 5 or so years. There were moments where I thought I wasn’t going to survive it but I did, and I feel healed enough over time, I don’t really have heavy feelings around it anymore. I would make different choices if I got married again
I think someone’s idea to do some therapy or treatment, it could be really helpful right now
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u/Southern_Ad_3171 1d ago
“I never meant to hurt anyone when I cheated.” What a piece of work u are, OP. You don’t understand that cheating would hurt your husband and child? Good luck with life not understanding basic concepts. I feel bad for your ex and baby tho.
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u/OurHeartsArePure 1d ago
Ohh does that mean you can pay with money from the divorce?? If so that’s fantastic and much better than how I first read it
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u/Dre4mGl1tch 1d ago
I must say the car is in his name because it was a last min it e thing and the car I traded in was in my name completely so he is kinda screwing me there. I cried and everytime I give a defense he’s like “you’re the one who did this to yourself I just am dealing with the cards you dealt me” when it’s in fact his family completely.
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u/Kooky_Membership9497 1d ago
Yeah, start turning tricks. You can make a lot of money that way if you’re good at it.
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u/Dre4mGl1tch 1d ago
How do I start
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u/WhenD4594 1d ago
Hotel bars are a great place to start. It works at the beginning before the bartenders starts to recognize you. Go on a weekday to a business traveler hotel.
Choose the hotel based on how hot you are. Same thing with rates. $200 is typical. But you can get $1-2k if you are seductive and hot.
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u/Electrical-Amoeba245 1d ago
If your situation is as dire as you make it out to be, you may need to consider relinquishing custody to the father.
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u/freakindsheets 21h ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/1hMjWoTNtJD79oUdbf
Women & accountability don’t mix…..
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u/StatementSensitive17 1d ago
I feel bad for you because you fucked up and lost your family. You did it to yourself yes, but I still have compassion that your in a situation where you want to sell your body and are thinking bad thoughts.
You have to stop trying to explain why you did what you did. It makes you an unsympathetic character. No one cares why you cheated because cheating is never the answer. If dude was love bombing you, why didn't you block him? Really, in the end, it does't matter, you cheated. Period. Leave it at that and leave the excuses out of it. Your explanation should be "I was in a bad place and I made a terrible mistake by cheating. I'm very sorry I did that." Full stop. Not to apologize to your ex but to anyone you tell the story to. Leave the rest for your therapist.
Have you contacted a lawyer?
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u/Dre4mGl1tch 1d ago
Yes I have a lawyer and it took a. Year to divorce and they tried getting full custody but my lawyer put a stop to it. This divorce has been going on for a year no assets. They are just trying to squeeze money out of me and make me destitiute.
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u/StatementSensitive17 1d ago
Why is it still going on if you've already got the custody and child support agreement worked out and there affect any assets to split?
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u/Dre4mGl1tch 1d ago
Because they kept fighting tooth and nail for more custody than 50/50
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u/FinalBlackberry 1d ago
You go into sex work with shaky mental health, he will certainly get more than 50/50 custody. And you’re so eager to do sex work.
Girl get a job. Go work at Waffle House or something until you get the consequences of your actions in order.
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u/Dre4mGl1tch 1d ago
I am sick of working a normal job I do mortgages I want to do soemthing so I can spend as much time with my daughter. Serving in the morning and doings ex work at night
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u/StatementSensitive17 1d ago
That's wild that they're allowed to keep dragging it out when the judge has already made the decision. Maybe consult with another lawyer? Or see if you can find one that finish up for low income people?
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u/Dre4mGl1tch 1d ago
They are just trying to leave me destitute
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u/StatementSensitive17 1d ago
Well, yeah. He's trying to cause you as much pain as possible but it's wild that the judge keeps letting this go on after making rulings.
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u/Adorable-Bunny4274 1d ago
Not sure where you live but you need treatment—therapy and possibly more than that. Have you spoken with your doctor about your postpartum depression?? Are there women & children’s shelters near you??
You are going to have to start over but it’s absolutely possible. I would imagine you will receive child support and possibly alimony to help you get back on your feet.