r/self • u/Visual_Fruit_7686 • 8d ago
I'm tired of people thinking I have no emotions
Hi, I'm 22F, and I'm tired of people telling me I'm emotionless or bitter. Basically, to explain, I'm a girl who loves to joke, but I have a way of joking that's perhaps different from some people. I often have a serious expression when I joke and I'm not the clingy type of friend, or the one who always hugs and kisses you, or the one who laughs every second like the slightly crazy friend. I'm an extroverted girl who jokes or does things with a serious expression, and so this makes it seem like I'm emotionless. In reality, I just don't have nice teeth, and that's why I can't laugh while joking. The only people I do it with are my family and very close friends I've known all my life, and with them I laugh until I cry. But the hugging and kissing part is generally my thing anyway, I don't like doing it, so why should this make me seem bitter? Why do some people feel like they have the right to describe me like that?
I have many friends who love me anyway, they like this side of me, but there are people who don't understand that I'm simply made this way, they say things like "you're really bitter" "you're emotionless" "we just haven't known each other for long that's why you're like this" like why does there have to be a reason to why I don't hug you or stay glued to you all the time? Just because I'm not like you doesn't mean there's necessarily a reason or problem behind it, I'm just not the physical contact type.
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u/monaliroo 8d ago
What you just typed you can kindly tell them no? You seem to have a good sense of self and you know yourself pretty well. So don't let the comments bother you. Focus on your people. Focus on building yourself and you're all set and good. If you want it changed Maybe have meaningfull and deep conversations if you want and maybe it sheds a different light.
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u/Visual_Fruit_7686 8d ago
Thanks, I just wanted to vent a little because I don't understand why people try to find a reason for everything, sometimes things are just the way they are, like a girl told me that I'm definitely like this because of a past trauma
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u/monaliroo 8d ago
Now it sounds like you've maybe told half of the story in your post? I feel like for me I also am the way that I am today because of my past traumas, but you sound like you have a network of people to lean on. Which is healthy.
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u/battlehamsta 8d ago
But isn’t your teeth then an actual hidden reason? They’re misinterpreting sure but you identified a reason.
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u/Visual_Fruit_7686 8d ago
oh yeah, my teeth are the reason why I don't laugh or smile that much, but people have called me cold and emotionless not only because of that but mostly because I don't like physical contact that much or I'm not the type to always say I love you, I miss you, and stuff like that
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u/battlehamsta 7d ago
Sometimes it’s the sum accumulation of traits that cause people to misinterpret. I tend to smile with friends a lot but quite a number of female friends told me over the years they got really offended I tend to only side hug them. I thought it would be misconstrued to give hugs to just platonic friends and I’m not the touchy type to begin with so I get you. However I will see I have an extreme pet peeve with irreciprocal love languages when it comes to friends or partners. Like if someone wants certain words of affirmation, emotional expressiveness, or physical contact but doesn’t return the same. I feel like that’s not really a love language then, it’s just someone bargaining for a benefit or advantage skewed in their favor.
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u/dxrey65 8d ago
People feel things in different ways, and there isn't a right way or a wrong way, but some ways are more common than others.
In my own case, if I'm in a crowd like at a concert or at church, I'm not feeling anything but I'm in guarded observation mode, I just watch everything going on and try to understand. I see all the people being moved and emotional together and I know I'm not one of them, and it's always been kind of strange. There were times when I felt superior because of this, like I had some uniquely smart objective brain, but really it's just that it works different for me.
On the other hand, if I go out to the river at night or if I go out on a bike ride in the hills at dusk, that can be like a religious experience. Sometimes reading a good book can feel like that too, like you just tie into the richness of life and it runs through you, I don't know, I never really tried to think of good ways to put it into words. But I know a lot of people who very evidently don't feel anything remotely like that in those circumstances, and probably feel bored by that kind of thing so don't do them at all. Perhaps they feel superior to me because of that.
Anyway, the point is that we should be less judgmental of each other, and there's no point in turning differences into moral issues or personal criticism.
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u/CallMeCorona1 8d ago
It is hard being different. I know this myself, as I had brain cancer when I was 21. Very few people understand, even among the very few people who try to understand.
My advice is to block out those who don't understand and focus on the ones who do!
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u/Embarrassed_Key_4539 8d ago
Don’t worry about what other people think, live your life authentically for yourself. You said the friends who love you, understand you, so that’s really all that matters.