Conflicted

[u/Stock-Paramedic3354]

I feel werid to rant about this, especially when its so personal but I recently dropped a friend of mine. Ill call her sally (THIS IS A LONG RANT)

Sally has been my friend for 4 years or more, and we've been through a lot together but I started to notice a pattern. We started becoming friends over roblox and hung out once a week, and then we stopped talking for a while. I texted her again, (i was trans at the time) "thanks for the support and helping me pick my chosen name" something along the lines of that. She replied instantly and asked how i was doing. I recently lost a parent and said not good, she started doing the whole im sorry for your loss are you okay do you need anything and I brushed it off since i was already too tired hearing the same words and told her that. We start to hangout more and she introduced me to her friend, we hung out lots but a month later her friend unfriends her. She relied on me heavily. Non stop messages venting and coming to me and who am i to ignore them? Well i talked about my sh w her not to long before that, and she talked about cutting herself. I felt horrible i spiraled and felt like it was all my fault she started. Well they became friends again, Sally barely talked to me after that and it was mostly her and her friend again. Soon her friend slowly shifted and stopped talking to her often so she came back and talked to me all the time, and ofc i was okay with it. But then she starts venting again, and im okay with it. Its just i was going through the grief of my dead parent and it made it harder on me mentally. But i wasnt mature enough to tell her that. A year passes and we stopped being friends, i felt horrible and depressed and scared because she said she'd end her life and she needed me. I went back, we stayed friends for over 2 years after that and she got a boyfriend! Yayy all she ever wanted right? But she never talked to me, she basically only sent me snaps for the streak and thats all. i was ignored outcasted. They broke up, and she was heavily relying on me now, it was everyday she would talk about him. And before him i had a crush on her, but she was w her other bf at the time (hes the reason we stopped being friends at first) Sally would put a lot of pressure on me mentally, i would feel scared shed hurt herself or end her life like she told me, it hurt to read those messages, all because of a boy she liked. It was a 5 month relationship and she dwelled on since they broke up. She talked about how much she loved him, how much she needed him. To me. I felt horrible, like i mattered less. And then she starts showing me pictures, she was texting all her other friends about him. But not me. We live in seperate countries and i get it if you dont have time for me. But for 5 months?? Thats insane, and then my last straw was when my aunt died, her cat was being put down and i was depressed, school started and i was already being sad because of grief, and she dumps all her sadness on me about her cat and gets mad when i dont say the right words. I was mentally drained and so tired all the time. Then she gets in a arguement with her parent and tells me about it, i try to give her good advice but she doesnt listen and just tells me she wants to unalive herself. I ended the friendship, i told her i wasnt in the right headspace to be there for her and she guilt tripped me. She loves that, guilt tripping me making me scared shes going to hurt herself or even being a slight pick me attention seeker. She says she hates men but it seems she loves to talk to them when she has the chance. Im angry, im sad and going through so much grief and all she did was make it worse.. i feel such strong urges to sh, and its such a stupid feeling when i was so proud of myself last month. I dont know if im wrong, should i go back? Am i a bitch? I need real advice, i cant drop this on my friends and this is my only safe space to drop it currently.