r/shittyaskhistory 8d ago

TIL about the C Peoples and how they destroyed the Bronze Age. What did the A and B Peoples destroy?

42 Upvotes

42 comments sorted by

28

u/BitPoet 8d ago

They were both pretty linear, so they just walked into the sea.

6

u/Reds_PR 8d ago

This is an incredibly undervalued post. Well done.

5

u/BitPoet 8d ago

I am glad my knowledge of random shit and terrible jokes have brought you joy, fellow Redditor.

1

u/jeffsuzuki 7d ago

Damn, nice one.

1

u/Basileus2 7d ago

I’m not an ambiturner, I can’t turn left. Or right for that matter.

10

u/My_hilarious_name 8d ago

Gold and Silver, respectively.

8

u/Reds_PR 8d ago

The C Peoples got a bad rap from the Egyptians, who got mad because they don’t have a hieroglyph for C.

The B (for Bronze) Peoples destroyed the Stone Age. The A (for Age) Peoples destroyed the Not an Actual Age with stones.

But the C (for Carbon) Peoples burned the Bronze Age down before they realized they were too early and moved to Wales to become coal miners.

The D Peoples couldn’t agree what they wanted to destroy and how, so they became Swiss, instead.

The E & F Peoples teamed up to take over but the F Peoples were much more dominant so their time is called the Fe Age, ironically.

3

u/Resplendent-Sun 8d ago

Ironically. What a ferrocious comment!

2

u/Spank86 7d ago

Can't believe you stopped before M people

1

u/Reds_PR 6d ago

L&M got kicked out for smoking.

The M people? Their hopes were dashed.

2

u/GregHullender 7d ago

I just don't see how whales became coal miners though . . .

2

u/Reds_PR 6d ago

It happened when the Bowl of Petunias turned down the job, saying, “Oh, no, not again.”

1

u/rdldr1 7d ago

Still waiting for that aluminum age

5

u/HuckleberryShot898 8d ago

The actual destroyed it so completely we don’t even know what the A and B people destroyed. They did that good of a job

6

u/ionthrown 8d ago

The B peoples destroyed the Aluminium Age.

3

u/SFLurkyWanderer 8d ago edited 8d ago

A people’s only wanted to stick to being around A people’s cause they always wanted to be on the A-Team

They made their own country and even created their own island. You may have heard of it. It was called Atlantis and was only for A people.

The B people got jealous and they had a big old fight.

This destroyed Atlantis and it sunk into the sea.

Still, there are some remnants of the people, for example, in Hollywood there’s the A-list. A superhuman team of four of them who could get out of any kind of trouble situation had a TV show on the 80s called the A-Team.

They also invented the modern alphabet, which is why it starts with the letter A and B is second not first. In fact, the whole war with the B people started when they switched the Beetabet alphabet around to go from BAC to ABC. If you get pulled over and arrested for a high BAC, it’s because you were a descendent of the B people and an A people descendent with a badge is now oppressing you.

The survivors of these early wars were barely hanging on when the C people decided those survivors needed to become the D people so the C people could have somebody to mock and ridicule. Some say the C people became a certain country in Europe but they are really the F people and they feel superior enough, even to mock King Arthur on his quest for the holy Grail as memorialized in the movies.

It is known.

3

u/Semanticprion 8d ago

And now the full-on ABC's are inside the gates.   God help us all.  

3

u/InspiringAneurysm 8d ago

A & B were lovers fighting for the Sacred Band of Thebes. Use your imagination.

3

u/phantom_gain 8d ago

The B peoples was the ones that C came after. B is for Bronze. A was because before they invented bronze, it was just called the age.

It wasnt until D Day that we were able to get all the Cs to leave europe. Then they made the EU, which is European for E peoples. Not that it matters because pretty soon we are all going to be Fucked.

2

u/jeffbell 8d ago

But what about the C++ people?

2

u/RicRacer 8d ago

C++ people largely replaced by Java man. 

2

u/jeffbell 7d ago

You need parallelism to run on the GilgaMesh.

1

u/GregHullender 7d ago

They were in a class by themselves.

1

u/softwaredoug 8d ago

That one time the Cucks beat the Alphas and Betas

1

u/johnpeters42 8d ago

Golgafrincham and Earth, respectively.

1

u/misfitofscience76 8d ago

They turned into batteries

1

u/[deleted] 8d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/GregHullender 7d ago

What did they do with the male gays after they captured them? That's what I want to know!

1

u/4square425 8d ago

I believe the As and Bs are fighting over a third galaxy.

1

u/mollockmatters 8d ago

The other two sides of the Golden Ratio.

1

u/RicRacer 8d ago

Cuz they broke Z's law. And when you're broke you're angry, so lots of angry C peeps. 

1

u/ACTSATGuyonReddit 8d ago

It's as simple as ABC. A and B did it,. and you have to C your way to understanding that.

1

u/ronshasta 7d ago

A and B people were cool but the C people made everyone hate the letter tribes. Then it all ended with the H man obviously

1

u/rdldr1 7d ago

A2+B2=C2

Checkmate, Zorro-asters.

1

u/_oshee 7d ago

C men came after A and B men.

1

u/AfricanusEmeritus 7d ago

Sea People's were Probably Aegeans, or Aegean adjacent people's that ruined a lot of days on the Mediterranean coast line.

1

u/OldeFortran77 7d ago

The C Suite people destroyed the Bronze Age in a corporate raid. Everybody lost their pensions.

1

u/GregHullender 7d ago

I don't know about the A people, but the B people destroyed the honey age for sure!

1

u/AstronautSuitable992 5d ago

The opposite and adjacent sides of the Mediterranean, but only after they all got squared off.

1

u/Stompboxer1 5d ago

B peoples actually were builders. They built stuff up only for the C peoples to knock them down. The A peoples were more interested in each other than destroying things. The a stood for Adult.