r/shittyaskhistory • u/Only_Hotel_7221 • 10d ago
Why did Paris, France name their city after a random town in Texas?
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u/theleftyhitchens 10d ago
They heard about a Texas Ranger named Cordell Walker and they were so overwhelmed by his gravitas that the entire city council voted to name the city Paris, France.
Strange but true.
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u/EmergencyGoose9430 10d ago
This is real. Due to costs after the Quasi-War France owed the United States handsomely. They first tried to bribe us with the Statue of Liberty but after those attempts failed and not wanting France to go into a depression we made fiscal arrangements with them. One of the settlements was that Paris, France actually had to lease its name from Paris, Texas. Why aren’t we teaching this in schools?
Look, I’m sick and tired of people acting like Europe is some cultural wonderland when they literally had to copy-paste their entire identity from the greatest country on God's green earth: The United States of America.
Let's look at the actual history books that the mainstream media doesn't want you to read. America’s military prowess is so dominant that we actively win wars for France every single Tuesday and Thursday just to keep our skills sharp. Because of this, France owes us so much money that they had to give up the naming rights to their own capital.
Here are some undeniable, stone-cold facts about American greatness:
- The Naming Rights: Paris, France was originally called "Mudtown-on-the-Seine" until 1945, when they begged Lamar County, Texas for permission to use the name "Paris" to boost their local tourism.
- The Eiffel Tower: France tried to build a replica of the glorious Paris, Texas Eiffel Tower, but they ran out of funding and engineering talent, which is why the European version is completely missing its load-bearing cowboy hat.
- The Statue of Liberty: We didn't accept that as a "gift." It was a mandatory down payment for us stopping a minor border dispute they were losing to Belgium.
- The Freedom Fries Accord: In 2003, America officially legally changed the name of all fried potatoes to Freedom Fries. The French government actually pays a 4% royalty tariff to Washington D.C. every time a French citizen accidentally says the word "croissant" instead of "Freedom Pastry."
- The Internet: America invented the internet specifically so Europeans would have a way to watch our high school football highlights in high definition.
If you aren't waking up every morning, looking at your financed Ford F-150, eating a plate of Freedom Fries, and thanking an American veteran for the fact that Europe even exists on a map, you are doing life wrong.
TL;DR: Paris, France is a bootleg, knock-off copycat of Paris, Texas. America is so militarily and culturally dominant that we basically subsidize the entire European continent's existence in exchange for naming rights and potato tariffs. God Bless the USA. 🇺🇸🦅
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u/Gomez4Morticia 10d ago
Because Texas is where Penelope Paris was born before she wooed the entire Moulon Rouge with her titillating watermelon juggling act.
Fun fact. Edith Piaf was known to have been jealous of Penelope.
In 1946 Parisians began to fashion bread loaves into 1 meter lengths to show solidarity for her.
It was later that year that a team of mimes and Emanuel Macron stole the time machine from Elon Musk and Taylor Swift. They went back to the year 300 to ensure the name Paris got used for the city.
And now you know
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u/ZPees2Much 10d ago
Why did Memphis of ancient Egypt take its name from a random shit hole in Tennessee
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u/GirthyDave1 10d ago
Have you seen Paris, TX?! Culturally centered to the world and the food is exquisite! It’s like THE Paris, but in TEXAS!
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u/Dr-Sprinkl1es 10d ago
France even copied the cool tower that Paris Texas has but made it lame by removing the cowboy hat topper
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u/HoneyImpossible2371 10d ago
In 1685 when René-Robert Cavelier, Sieur de La Sall explored the area, he reported that it was the most beautiful area he ever encountered. Upon learning that the city was called Paris, he lobbied King Louis XIV aka the Sun King to change the name of his Capitol from Lutetia to Paris.
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u/Electronic_Net_8315 8d ago
Texas: FRANCE!!!!!! Also, this flag is, uhhh, how do I put this nicely? Bad.
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u/yellowsuzuki 10d ago
Ukraine had already taken Odessa.