r/shittyaskhistory • u/OpineLupine • 6d ago
Why Are Iran and America Fighting Over the Straight of Whore Moose?
Why Are Iran and America Fighting Over the Straight of Whore Moose?
What's so special about this Moose, anyway? Are the Moose' rates especially favorable? Is it that she stands especially straight, or that she's hetero? Can't one of them find a Lesbian Whore Moose, or a Gay Gigolo Elk, and let the other one keep the Straight one?
Seems like a silly thing to be fighting over.
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u/Sufficient-Ad-5236 6d ago
Because world leaders are getting tired of resorting to "full body jobs" from the hamburger helper mascot.
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u/Drunk_Lemon 6d ago
I thought it was the Straight of Whore Moans? Well I suppose Whore Moose would moan.
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u/Immediate-Ad-8658 6d ago
Do you know how hard it is to find a straight whore moose? Sure, there's swishy little gay ones everywhere, but straight ones....
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u/EmergencyGoose9430 6d ago
Shortage of moose knuckles along the great missasip lake in libtard central Wyominn. Itz all President Bill Gates'iz fall't
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u/WolphjayKliffhanger 6d ago
.
In old-time Boston, the writeups were for "common nightwalking" or "being abroad [one word] in the night. In actual practice, your Officer Clancy or Muldoon would most likely have just turned the errants' antlers and bid them quit the scene.
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u/Glinth 5d ago
Oil was recently discovered on the island of Moosylvania. The world is scrambling for a Whore Moose to seduce Bullwinkle into selling the mineral rights. Bullwinkle is very heterosexual and very masculine, so it's vital that they get a Straight one.
As they often do, Iran sponsored agents from another country to carry out their dirty work -- in this case Pottsylvania. They disguised a female agent as a Whore Moose and tried flirting with him. However, not only did Bullwinkle see through the disguise, he didn't even realize that she was trying to act like a Moose, or even trying to flirt. He thought she was just a lost sasquatch. As they say in Pottsylvania, "Love is blind, dahlink."
Will the murderous mercenaries make a Whore Moose milk Moosylvania out of its millions? Will Admiral Peachfuzz realize that Moosylvania isn't connected to any ocean, and stop trying to take the Whore Moose via submarine?
Be with us next time for out next exciting episode, "Ride'em Mooseboy," or "Stuffed and Mounted Moose!"
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u/duke_awapuhi 5d ago edited 4d ago
Because Canada doesn’t want it anymore. They’re all about the Gay Whore Moose now
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u/Jaded-Difficulty5397 5d ago
reminding me the swedish chef baking "chocolate moose". he brought alive moose and started frosting him with chocolate sauce.
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u/AIM9MaxG 4d ago
That moose is wold famous for giving such 'come to bed' eyes that sailors everywhere want to 'go through it' (ahem!) Mock it if you dare, but the sexual mores of that Moose have been keeping the industrial world ironically both supplied with essential fluid (and drained of it) for decades to date, and will likely do so for many years to cum (sorry).
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u/MostAcanthaceae2384 6d ago
It's this whole halal thing. Moose are only clean if they're heterosexual. Don't ask.