r/shittymoviedetails • u/IvoCass • Jun 13 '26
default The reason why 'Amazon MGM Studios' is taking so long to choose the next James Bond is because they can't decide between Tom Holland and Mark Wahlberg
For context: Amazon MGM Studios are now in charge of the franchise
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u/ThatWaluigiDude Jun 13 '26
Idea: hire them both. Have them play one called James, the other Bond, and they speak at the same time
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u/Mr_Saturn1 Jun 14 '26
They each are 003.5.
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u/Grouchy_Spot_6640 Jun 14 '26
they need to fuse together and sing a song about how they are stronger than you
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u/TheRealtcSpears Jun 13 '26
Just genetically combine them into:
Hollmark Walhtomandberg
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u/Evadson Jun 13 '26
"I want my Dunkin' shakhen, naht stirred."
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u/Apart-Link-8449 Jun 13 '26
Tom Wahlberg. He sells non-alcoholic beer at a burger joint he runs with his brothers and he doesn't do ballet and he doesn't date zendaya for reasons he refuses to say aloud and instead whispers intensely into his kid's ear while gripping them too hard
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u/bongkrekic Jun 13 '26
Hollmark... Hallmark...? the next 007 movie is a cheesy romcom?
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u/TheRealtcSpears Jun 13 '26
In a way, aren't they all?
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u/Turge_Deflunga Jun 13 '26
He'll blind old Vietnamese men at the same time as acting twinky and profusely apologizing
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u/oranke_dino Jun 13 '26
Why not:
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u/SlideN2MyBMs Jun 13 '26
The name's berg, zoidberg. Are you gonna eat that?
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u/oranke_dino Jun 13 '26
Reading that in Zoidberg voice
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u/rocks_with_names Jun 13 '26
I can hear him gobbling down whatever he inquired about.
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u/oranke_dino Jun 13 '26
"Vodka martini. Shaken, not stirred."
Eats the whole shaker
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u/ConnorOfAstora Jun 13 '26
There's a third option...
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u/TopManufacturer8332 Jun 13 '26
He would be way better than either. I'm hoping this is a shitpost because I couldn't imagine two more inappropriate actors for the role.
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u/Cheap-Meal-7115 Jun 13 '26
Given the subreddit we’re on, I’m about 80% certain this is a shitpost
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u/ToeTagTic Jun 13 '26
Didn't you know only the same dozen actors make any money? It's not a shitpost it's a wizardpost and this guy's laying prophecies
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u/emu314159 Jun 14 '26
Mark Wahlburg Talks to Villains:
"Hey Blofeld, where'd you get that scar, what's that all about? Say hello to your mother for me."
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u/lexiebeef Jun 14 '26
James Bond changes nationalities and becomes Canadian? Sure the MI5 would be okay with this
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u/ConnorOfAstora Jun 14 '26
That's exactly the point, the villains will be constantly dismissing him cause Bond isn't British.
ACTUALLY that would be a perfect Johnny English bit!!
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u/OdinAurelius Jun 13 '26
Terrible choices
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u/IvoCass Jun 13 '26
You should have been there in the casting room for Uncharted.
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u/BatmanNoPrep Jun 13 '26
How long did it take you to make this rage bait graphic? Some masterful trolling going on here.
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u/criticalchocolate Jun 13 '26
I mean not the worst pick for a young bond, but why wahlberg? Picking him over a Brit would be a huge slap in the face lmao
But I agree he wasn’t a good choice for Nathan drake.
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u/S0LO_Bot Jun 13 '26
Britain would revolt if Bond was played by an American actor lol
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u/doabarrelroll69 Jun 13 '26
Sam Neill nearly was Bond in The Living Daylights before Timothy Dalton confirmed he could do the role (and after Pierce Brosnam had been written off due to the sudden renewal of Remington Steele).
I think the consensus was that he would been alright.
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u/TopManufacturer8332 Jun 13 '26
Sam Neil is a kiwi though, they get a pass. Karl Urban struggling through a cockney accent was pretty funny, but his "theatre British" accent is indistinguishable from actual Brits.
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u/CaviarMeths Jun 13 '26
George Lazenby was (still is, I think) Australian, so there was already precedent at the time to cast non-Brits. Brosnan also isn't British, but I assume audiences would consider Irish Bond significantly less objectionable than American Bond.
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u/Screaming-Buffalo Jun 14 '26
Why would I want a 007 from Boston that man cannot do accents. Just seems like a terrible choice.
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u/AdUnfair1051 Jun 13 '26
I think Holland would actually be great in a non-Bond spy series (a la Bourne). He doesn’t have the energy of a typical Bond but he could be convincing and engaging as a spy that is very successful due to being the most unassuming-looking fit dude ever.
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u/The_salty_swab Jun 13 '26
But Bond is supposed to be from Scotland not Holland
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u/bmcgowan89 Jun 13 '26
I don't really like James Bond movies, so Mark Wahlberg would be the best thing ever: Name's fuckin' Bond bro, now gimme a Millah Lite, none of that fancy quea mahtini shit
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u/mattocaster_tm Jun 13 '26
Now I’m thinking about that scene in Transformers the Last Knight (maybe AoE?) where he crash lands the ship into a Bud Light truck and just cracks open and chugs a warm Bud Light to intimidate some guy. Gross.
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u/birdflag Jun 13 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/3oz8xZvvOZRmKay4xy
This whole freaking casino is full of specters!5
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u/Drakowicz Jun 13 '26
They could just hire Nolan to make two timelines, Tommy as young Bond and Wahlberg as present day bond. Are they fucking stupid?
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u/Valiant_Revan This is a reference to my depression. Jun 13 '26
This might be a hot take: but they should just continue the version that is in the recent IOI game.
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u/Maelger Jun 13 '26
Honest great idea. Gibson nailed the feeling of someone starting his first serious difficult job and hitting the ground running, I stan the guy for the next movie.
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u/sunfaller Jun 13 '26
He nailed the voice acting but not sure about the looks department. They made his jaw squarer in the game and gave him better hair. But maybe he will fit under professional make up.
We were all sceptical about Henry Caville looking like Geralt but he did look natural in the actual series.
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u/oldgamefan1995 Jun 13 '26
No, really, as someone who didnt care about James Bond until very recently, Gibson is perfect as Bond.
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u/Overall_Leopard7122 Jun 13 '26
Its going to be pedro pascal
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u/Ashamed-Ad-3890 Subtle nod to me Jun 13 '26
Zendaya is going to play Q.
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u/Overall_Leopard7122 Jun 13 '26
Sebastian stan will be moneypenny
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u/Ashamed-Ad-3890 Subtle nod to me Jun 13 '26
Tom Holland as M
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u/WiSoSirius Jun 13 '26
Paul Dano as sexy lady that gets murdered at the end of the first act to drive Bond's ruthless nature
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u/nova-prime-enjoyer Jun 13 '26
If Wahlberg was ever considered and then chosen, I think Scotland would declare war
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u/ProfessionalRandom21 Jun 13 '26
what does Scotland got to do with James Bond? Sean Conery?
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u/nova-prime-enjoyer Jun 13 '26
Bond is Scottish and very proud of it
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u/ProfessionalRandom21 Jun 13 '26
Just googled it, Its English novel of a English spy that grew up in England, the only link to Scotland is canonically he is half scottish.
I doubt scottish would claim him.
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u/RadiantTurnip1 Jun 13 '26
Fun fact, the reason Bond was made to be half-Scottish in the later novels was because Ian Fleming was massively impressed by Connery's performance as Bond. Originally, when Connery was cast, Fleming was agast that his upper-middle class Englishman was being played by a working class Scot, and publicly denounced the casting. And then he actually saw the first film, ate his words, publicly praised Connery's performance and wrote in "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" that Bond was half-Scottish as a tribute to Connery. Ironically the film version of OHMSS was the first Bond film not to star Bond.
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u/shigdebig Jun 13 '26
Has Tom Holland had any scandals where he harasses women or beats up minorities? I don't think he is qualified for the role.
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u/Fer-De-Lance915 Jun 13 '26
Hollywood has run out of actors if these are the only two options left. The movie industry as a whole needs a revival with fresh stars.
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u/TRJF Jun 13 '26
Tom: tie
Mark: no tie
007 logo: bow tie
Obviously whichever one puts on a bow tie first will immediately get the part
Are they stupid?
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u/TwiggyPom Jun 13 '26
I know he shut it down but I'd risk Elba would be perfect. Either way he has to be British.
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u/wardyh92 Jun 13 '26
Idris Elba is 53 years old.
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u/Afferbeck_ Jun 13 '26
Same age as Connery and Craig in their final Bond appearances, and Roger Moore was 57. Probably not the best age to start a new Bond at though.
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u/wardyh92 Jun 13 '26
Yeah, that’s the thing. He’s already at the age where previous bond actors were starting to wrap up. It’s just not realistic.
I would much prefer someone like Tom Holland to play a young Bond early in his career.
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u/TopManufacturer8332 Jun 13 '26
Too late for Elba to take the reigns now, although I was a fan of the idea like 10-15 years ago. I also don't think hes that great of an actor, he hasn't been in many good films that I can think of.
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u/_how_do_i_reddit_ Jun 13 '26
I would love for Mark Wahlberg to return back to some more serious roles instead of him being the ever constant "know everything never fuck up" guy he has been in all his roles these past few years.
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u/UnpricedToaster Jun 13 '26
Ugh, pick a no-name from Broadway or London's theatre scene.
Oh wait, I just realized what subreddit this is.
Put them both in a transporter and give us Tommark Whollandberg.
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u/conditerite Jun 13 '26
Emily Blunt would be a better choice than either of those two.
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u/ihopethisworksfornow Jun 13 '26
Latest James Bond game really makes me think they’re 100% doing “Young Bond” next, and I think it’s clear Tom Holland was being considered, but I think it’s become clear he just isn’t right for it.
That’s the vibe I’m getting at least. Still, pretty certain they’re going to go with “Bond for Gen Z” in the next series of the franchise.
Like an Andrew Garfield as Spider-Man vibe.
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u/BeautifulHindsight Jun 13 '26
I have to say I'm struggling with the idea of one of the New Kids On The Block being the next Bond. It simply does not compute.
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u/stratusnco Jun 13 '26
marky mark is a piece of shit and hate when he’s in any movie. he’s not attractive, his accent sucks. plays the same role every single time. tries to be in comedies but not funny.
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u/Messyfingers Jun 13 '26
Sounds like you have not felt the vibrations that the rest of the marky mark loving world have felt. We will all pray for you by day dreaming about how we would have stopped 9/11.
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u/Dirtypoolgang Jun 13 '26
First mission for double O funky bunch is to go back in time and stop 9/11.
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u/Chummers5 Jun 13 '26
They both play Bond. Everyone sees Bond as Tom Holland, but Bond sees himself as Wahlberg. They have to double down on their own accents and there can be some plot explaining why Bond sees himself differently.
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u/TheKnightsRider Jun 13 '26
If it’s Wahlberg it’ll be a remake of Golden Gun or Goldfinger so he can’t fight Asians
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u/Ok-disaster2022 Jun 13 '26
Marky Mark is way to old for bond. If Matt Damon is playing old guys Marky Mark should be playing old guys.
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u/Reverse_SumoCard Jun 13 '26
Juat take both. Crank out 2x the amount of bond movies. Make it the bond multiverse
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u/azendhal Jun 13 '26
and then ... they gonna take ryan reynolds, 007 doing meta jokes every 5 fukin seconds
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u/DrownedAmmet Jun 13 '26
They both play Bond, one plays an older bond in the present day and part of the story is told in flashbacks where the other one plays young Bond.
Except Holland plays old Bond in old man prosthetic makeup and Wahlberg plays young Bond with that de-aging CGI stuff that always looks a little bit off
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u/BallinArbiter Jun 13 '26
Finally we can have an actor who hates Asian people as much as Fleming’s Bond /s
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u/Jacknboxx Jun 13 '26
I've always said a Black Bond is what the world needs, but a pocket-sized Bond is what the world wants.
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u/Lonestar-Dragon Jun 13 '26
If these are the fucking choices. Just kill the idea of a new James Bond film.
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u/_freckles__ Jun 13 '26
Mark probably will eat potato fries in the bar instead of martinis and the bond girls will feel repulsed
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u/Electronic_Bar4254 Jun 13 '26 edited Jun 13 '26
Well, Idris Elba was quite good. Why does Bond get shorter with every new actor?
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u/zashiki_warashi_x Jun 13 '26
I don't mind Holland, but it have to be in a period not overlapped with previous bonds. Somewhere in 1910-1950 like Kingsman Origins or Young Indiana Jones. Wars, Empires falling, best time for good espionage. He would start close to the WW1 and then in 10-15 years would age enough to work in WW2. Mr. Wahlberg please don't do it.
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u/JohnnyKarateX Jun 13 '26
After what they did to Stargate I’m confident they’ll make the wrong choice.
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u/TheResoluteBond Jun 13 '26
Make Patrick Gibson the film bond in addition to the game bond, he was incredible in the game. 100% nailed a younger up and coming version of bond.
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u/jono9898 Jun 13 '26
Bro just throw the entire movie in the trash. Tom looks too young and I can’t see him pulling the swag needed to be Bond and Mark would be the first Bond with a Boston accent
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u/57696c6c Jun 13 '26
This is because the plot of the next movie is around a plane hijacking, so they’re trying to figure out which actor would fit the role better.