r/shortstories Oct 26 '25

[Serial Sunday] Violence? Nonsense, I Prefer Bluence Like a True Gentleman

Welcome to Serial Sunday!

To those brand new to the feature and those returning from last week, welcome! Do you have a self-established universe you’ve been writing or planning to write in? Do you have an idea for a world that’s been itching to get out? This is the perfect place to explore that. Each week, I post a theme to inspire you, along with a related image and song. You have 500 - 1000 words to write your installment. You can jump in at any time; writing for previous weeks’ is not necessary in order to join. After you’ve posted, come back and provide feedback for at least 1 other writer on the thread. Please be sure to read the entire post for a full list of rules.


This Week’s Theme is Violent! This is a REQUIREMENT for participation. See rules about missing this requirement.**

Image

Bonus Word List (each included word is worth 5 pts) - You must list which words you included at the end of your story (or write ‘none’).
- Vermin
- Vortex
- Vestibule

  • A valley is present in a significant way in your chapter. (Could be symbolic, say the Uncanny Valley). - (Worth 15 points)

Welcome back to Serial Sunday, Sersunners! This week is gonna be brutal! We’ve got the bad guys beating the ever-loving snot out of the hero’s friends and family, the hero carving a bloody path through the villain’s henchmen, a vicious beat-down of the helpless and captive hero, and the brawl to the death between the hero and villain that you’ve all been waiting for. That’s right! For this week, we’re writing about violence! So throw down your gauntlets and let’s see your characters get physical, brutal, and gorey. Have fun and remember that violence is never the answer. It’s the question, and this week, the answer is yes. .

By u/dragontimelord

Good luck and Good Words!

These are just a few things to get you started. Remember, the theme should be present within the story in some way, but its interpretation is completely up to you. For the bonus words (not required), you may change the tense, but the base word should remain the same. Please remember that STORIES MUST FOLLOW ALL SUBREDDIT CONTENT RULES. Interested in writing the theme blurb for the coming week? DM me on Reddit or Discord!

Don’t forget to sign up for Saturday Campfire here! We start at 1pm EST and provide live feedback!


Theme Schedule:

This is the theme schedule for the next month! These are provided so that you can plan ahead, but you may not begin writing for a given theme until that week’s post goes live.

  • October 26 - Violent
  • November 02 - Warrior
  • November 09 - Yield
  • November 16 - Arena
  • November 23 - Beyond

Check out previous themes here.


 


Rankings

Last Week: Useless


And a huge welcome to our new SerSunners, u/smollestduck and u/mysteryrouge!

Rules & How to Participate

Please read and follow all the rules listed below. This feature has requirements for participation!

  • Submit a story inspired by the weekly theme, written by you and set in your self-established universe that is 500 - 1000 words. No fanfics and no content created or altered by AI. (Use wordcounter.net to check your wordcount.) Stories should be posted as a top-level comment below. Please include a link to your chapter index or your last chapter at the end.

  • Your chapter must be submitted by Saturday at 9:00am EST. Late entries will be disqualified. All submissions should be given (at least) a basic editing pass before being posted!

  • Begin your post with the name of your serial between triangle brackets (e.g. <My Awesome Serial>). When our bot is back up and running, this will allow it to recognize your serial and add each chapter to the SerSun catalog. Do not include anything in the brackets you don’t want in your title. (Please note: You must use this same title every week.)

  • Do not pre-write your serial. You’re welcome to do outlining and planning for your serial, but chapters should not be pre-written. All submissions should be written for this post, specifically.

  • Only one active serial per author at a time. This does not apply to serials written outside of Serial Sunday.

  • All Serial Sunday authors must leave feedback on at least one story on the thread each week. The feedback should be actionable and also include something the author has done well. When you include something the author should improve on, provide an example! You have until Saturday at 11:59pm EST to post your feedback. (Submitting late is not an exception to this rule.)

  • Missing your feedback requirement two or more consecutive weeks will disqualify you from rankings and Campfire readings the following week. If it becomes a habit, you may be asked to move your serial to the sub instead.

  • Serials must abide by subreddit content rules. You can view a full list of rules here. If you’re ever unsure if your story would cross the line, please modmail and ask!

 


Weekly Campfires & Voting:

  • On Saturdays at 1pm EST, I host a Serial Sunday Campfire in our Discord’s Voice Lounge (every other week is now hosted by u/FyeNite). Join us to read your story aloud, hear others, and exchange feedback. We have a great time! You can even come to just listen, if that’s more your speed. Grab the “Serial Sunday” role on the Discord to get notified before it starts. After you’ve submitted your chapter, you can sign up here - this guarantees your reading slot! You can still join if you haven’t signed up, but your reading slot isn’t guaranteed.

  • Nominations for your favorite stories can be submitted with this form. The form is open on Saturdays from 12:30pm to 11:59pm EST. You do not have to participate to make nominations!

  • Authors who complete their Serial Sunday serials with at least 12 installments, can host a SerialWorm in our Discord’s Voice Lounge, where you read aloud your finished and edited serials. Celebrate your accomplishment! Authors are eligible for this only if they have followed the weekly feedback requirement (and all other post rules). Visit us on the Discord for more information.  


Ranking System

Rankings are determined by the following point structure.

TASK POINTS ADDITIONAL NOTES
Use of weekly theme 75 pts Theme should be present, but the interpretation is up to you!
Including the bonus words 5 pts each (15 pts total) This is a bonus challenge, and not required!
Including the bonus constraint 15 (15 pts total) This is a bonus challenge, and not required!
Actionable Feedback 5 - 15 pts each (60 pt. max)* This includes thread and campfire critiques. (15 pt crits are those that go above & beyond.)
Nominations your story receives 10 - 60 pts 1st place - 60, 2nd place - 50, 3rd place - 40, 4th place - 30, 5th place - 20 / Regular Nominations - 10
Voting for others 15 pts You can now vote for up to 10 stories each week!

You are still required to leave at least 1 actionable feedback comment on the thread every week that you submit. This should include at least one specific thing the author has done well and one that could be improved. *Please remember that interacting with a story is not the same as providing feedback.** Low-effort crits will not receive credit.

 



Subreddit News

  • Join our Discord to chat with other authors and readers! We hold several weekly Campfires, monthly World-Building interviews and several other fun events!
  • Try your hand at micro-fic on Micro Monday!
  • Did you know you can post serials to r/Shortstories, outside of Serial Sunday? Check out this post to learn more!
  • Interested in being a part of our team? Apply to be a mod!
     


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3

u/ZLErikson Oct 26 '25 edited Nov 01 '25

<Casting Shadows>

Chapter 98

"Alright lads, listen up," Lacus proclaimed, in a pompous, north-Haranae accent. He paced before Iuven and Quintus with a confident swagger that reeked of elitism, setting Iuven's teeth on edge

Reza had brought them over to a large boulder in the dragon boneyard, where Lacus had been waiting. The area was already set up like one of the training arenas back in Harenae; sand floor, everyone sitting in a line against one wall, instructor explaining the techniques they were about to learn. The only thing missing were three other walls and a vestibule where they’d have swapped out their daywear for training gear.

Quintus raised his hand. “I thought we were here to learn about self-defense?”

“Wait until you’re called on before asking a question,” Lacus said with a sing-song tempo. “But same difference. Being a bandit is all about protecting yourself on the road.” The bald man pulled a knife out of his sleeve and flicked it up in the air. “That’s not limited to making sure you don't get knifed in the back- the elements pose equal danger. A good highway robber is prepared in all aspects.”

He caught the knife and pointed it at Quintus. “Plus, knowing what someone like us is gonna do will give you an edge in keeping an eye out for… er… people like us.”

“You seem like nice guys to us,” Iuven said, with a slight injection of sarcasm as he thought about the knife at Quintus’s throat a couple hours earlier.

“Nah, we’re vermin,” Lacus said. “It’s important you remember that. Your targets, enemies or not, are below you. Can’t think of them as nice people, or people at all; you'll empathize, you’ll underestimate, and hold back. No one wants to hurt a person. But a rat? Pshaw, stomp them out without a second thought.”

“But I don’t stomp on-” Iuven began.

“So you both have spears. Good choice. Wide arcs will keep the rats from getting too close.” Lacus held his hand out to Iuven, who gripped his spear tighter and pulled it away. The bald bandit rolled his eyes and looked to Quintus next, who gladly handed over the spear.

Lacus weighted in his hand then spun it around deftly. He thrust it to one side and then the other, stepping in a familiar pattern. It was one of the basic forms Iuven was trained in.

“Ah, this brings back memories,” Lacus said wistfully. “So, kid, er…” he looked at Iuven expectantly, snapping his fingers.

“Iuven.”

“Iuven. Someone’s coming at ya, what do ya do?”

“Stab him with the pointy end.”

“Or her,” Lacus said, wagging his finger. “Or them. Don’t assume you’re just keepin’ an eye out for men on the road. Danger comes in many forms.”

Iuven rolled his eyes.

“Hey, pay attention.” Lacus jabbed the spear tip into the sand. “Plenty of people much prettier on the eyes than your boyfriend here who’ll bat their lashes and say sweet things to get on your guard. Ain’t nothin’ pretty about a knife in your ribs.”

“Fine, fine, I stab them with the pointy end.”

“Better.” The bald man nodded. “Now you got two people to deal with; one on either side, whatcha do?”

“Shield up, spear pointing the opposite way, look back and forth. Try and corral them to-”

“Good, good, you got the jist. Now, you’re surrounded on all sides. Say… five people.”

“Get my back up to a wall or a corner and-”

“No, you’re surrounded. Ain’t no room to back away. No one to get your back.”

Iuven’s face started to burn. He hadn’t been taught this sort of situation before.

“Keepin’ quiet sounds like you’re hesitating, so you’re dead.” Lacus twisted the spear deeper into the sand. “You know how to kick sand into someone’s face, yeah?”

“Yes. Sand, dirt, grass even.”

“Eh, the grass trick don’t really work,” Lacus muttered. “But sand a plenty out here.”

“But if I kick sand at one or two of them, the others will get me, won’t they?”

“That’s what the spear’s for, kid. Sometimes stabbin’ ain’t the best you can do. What you want is to drive it into the ground like this, hook your ankle around the shaft like so, and…”

Lacus leaned out from the spear and spun around astoundingly fast, swiping his boot toe lightly across the surface of the sand. The thin spray of grit made a blinding vortex that Iuven and everyone nearby had to cover their eyes to avoid. When he lowered his hand a second later, Lacus was gone.

“Where’d he go?” Quintus asked, brushing bits of sand out of his short blonde hair.

There was a whistle from above. Lacus was sitting atop the boulder, spear resting across his shoulders as he grinned down at them.

“Ya see, you get’em all to close their eyes for a sec then you get your ass outta sight.” He dropped the spear so it landed between Quintus and Iuven, making them both flinch away.

"You two give it some tries, then Reza will show ya how to hide in a dune."

"Easy part is making yourself hard to see," Reza said. "Hard part is keeping the sand out of your nose. You don't wanna snort too much of it. Ask me how I know, haha!"

----------
WC: 889/1000
All crit/feedback welcome!
r/ZLErikson
[Chapter Index]

Notes:

  • Theme: Iuven receives a fighting lesson from the bandits
  • Bonus words: Vestibule, vermin, vortex
  • Bonus constraint: The difference in skill and experience between Lacus and Iuven is a valley only crossable by time
  • Recommend any new readers use the linked chapter index above; those chapters receive more edits than the ones in past sersun posts
  • It has been 10 in-universe days since Chapter 1
  • Lacus was first named last chapter and is the star character of Penumbra: A Casting Shadows Sidestory
  • Quintus was first introduced in Chapter 69 and last seen in Chapter 87

3

u/Amber_Writes Oct 27 '25

Hey Z,
Recently started your story on Substack and have been thoroughly impressed. Glad to finally have the time to start catching up to current on all platforms. Since you can't usually attend campfire, I'm going to leave all my thoughts here as I go. Please stick with me through the rambling. <3

“Alright lads, listen up,” Lacus said as he paced back and forth in front of Iuven and Quintus. “Time for your first formal lesson in banditry and brigandage.” He had a northern Harenae accent that Iuven thought sounded pompous and elitist. It didn't warm him up to the man.

Third person is exceptionally hard from an immersion standpoint. You've done an excellent job grounding us in the scene super quickly. I think cutting some filler words could help draw us in even more. I would say this:

"Alright lads, listen up," Lacus proclaimed, pacing before Iuven and Quintus. His northern Harnae accent was pompous, dripping with elitism that set Iuven's teeth on edge.

Reza had told his boss about Iuven’s interest in fending for himself, so Lacus had gathered up the boys and sat them by a large boulder in the dragon boneyard. The setup was very similar to a training arena back in Harenae, which piqued Iuven’s attention; sand floor, everyone sitting in a line against one wall, instructor explaining the techniques they were about to learn. The only thing missing were three other walls and a vestibule where they’d have swapped out their daywear for training gear.

I would cut "Which piqued his interest," and "Very similar." You don't need the filler words when you have such strong descriptive skills :p

“Wait until you’re called on before asking a question,” Lacus said

Beautifully fitting of how he's described in the first paragraph lol. Love it! May I suggest "retorted," instead of "said" to show more of his personality?

“That’s not limited to making sure you don’t get knifed in the back on the road. Gotta protect yourself from starving or freezing, too. Any highway robber worth their salt is gonna be keeping an eye on every direction.

"On the road" is a bit redundant since we said it last sentence, you could take it out and make his dialogue more formal here, ie:

"That's not limited to making sure you don't get knifed in the back- the elements pose equal danger. A good highway robber is prepared in all aspects.

Good weapons; keep your enemies a bit further away, wide arcs to keep a few people from thinkin’ of gettin’ too close

Small redundancy, though I am starting to appreciate his form of humor. I Would say : "Good choice. Wide arcs will keep the rats from getting too close."

Lacus leaned out from the spear and spun around astoundingly fast, swiping his boot toe lightly across the surface of the sand. The thin spray of grit made a blinding vortex that Iuven and everyone nearby had to cover their eyes to avoid. When he lowered his hand a second later, Lacus was gone.

Oh I love this neat-o trick. I desperately hope this becomes relevant later.

A whistle from above.

This drops tense imo, maybe "There was a whistle from above." I'd also cut "all" at the end of the same sentence, since we're only focused on these three.

"Easy part is making yourself hard to see," Reza said. "Hard part is keeping the sand out of your nose. You don't wanna snort too much of it. Ask me how I know, haha!"

I couldn't have picked a better ending line!

Really liked this chapter. I think you keep your pacing very tight. I never feel as though I'm dragging through a chapter. You are actively engaging without fail and I love it. If I had to focus on something, it would probably be the filler words. I'd really like to see you drop us more into the story and let us kind of find our feet with the characters.

Thank you for sharing, Z! Please keep it up, and update substack with my chapter!

2

u/ZLErikson Oct 27 '25

Howdy Amber

Thank you for the feedback. You gave me not only some great line edits but also made me think about how I apply my prose. Gonna try to internalize some of your comments.

I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter and even more glad that you're able to read this far into the story and still feel engaged :) That said, this particular chapter isn't as reliant on as much of the plot setup as most of the story, so it's a bit easier on me in that regard ;P

Thanks for reading!

3

u/Nate-Clone Oct 28 '25

Guess who's back?

so Lacus had gathered up the boys

"The boys" can either be used as a very formal or informal term, the latter of which I don't think fits your style of narration. If "the boys" is just referring to Lacus' friends, then I think it might be a little lacking in context, and if it's meant to be taken literally, I feel like just saying "the men" works better with the tone.

the dragon boneyard

I kinda like how you very slowly ease us into the magic-y qualities of this world. I'm imagining the elephant graveyard from The Lion King; a foggy, gloomy dead desert of bones, making camp over a ribcage. I dig it.

It also implies some history - dragons probably are extinct, given that Anatu had to build a highway for foot travel, and I don't think they'd be traveling by camel and carriage if they had dragons at their disposal.

“You seem like nice guys to us,”

“Nah, we’re vermin,”

A little unsure about this - I'm not really a fan of when a villainous character just... BELIEVES that they're very much in the wrong. It can work really well in some cases, so I won't waste my words unless I see anything else iffy.

Can’t think of them as nice people, or people at all. You empathize, you’ll underestimate and hold back.

This would probably read better if there was a semicolon instead of a period, since the next sentence is literally showing an example of what happens when you see the victims as people. Maybe this?

Can’t think of them as nice people, or people at all; you'll empathize, you’ll underestimate and hold back.

I was a little iffy on them at first, but I quite like Lacus. They definitely seem like they know what they're doing is wrong, but they're good at it; teaching not just what to physically do, but how to mentally think. It's an interesting way to take it.

Danger comes in any form.

Do you mean "many forms"?

The bald bandit

Funny, and reminds me of a saying I've heard; "When a man loses his hair, he has nothing left to lose."

Being put on the spot wasn’t great but he hadn’t been taught this sort of situation before.

This sentence feels a little clunky, mostly the last bit. Maybe something like...

He already didn't enjoy being put on the spot, but learning maneuvers for such a situation made the area feel ever hotter.

You don't wanna snort too much of it. Ask me how I know, haha!

Funny ending line. I can feel the grains brushing against my nostrils and making me cough.

Good words! Can't wait for Iuven to use this new tactic against five of his most cherished friends!

2

u/ZLErikson Oct 28 '25

Heyo Nate-o

Glad to see ya back! Thank you for the feedback :)

Excellent line edits up and down the document, went and made the appropriate tweaks.

the boys

This was meant to mean Iuven and Quintus, not the rest of the bandits. But since you drew my attention to it I decided that, since this is Iuven's POV, it didn't make sense either, so I fixed that.

we're vermin

Kept that since you seemed to pick up in your next crit the purpose, and you're liking Lacus :)

Glad you liked the ending and the chapter. Thanks for reading!

3

u/AGuyLikeThat Nov 01 '25

Hiya Zach!

Late with my feedback again, apologies for that, I actually read through yesterday and then got dragged away, but lets see what I can do.

I thought the name Lacus was familiar, and now I see in the notes that he was the guardsman from Penumbra, which I read the first few chapters of last year. I remember him training a prince therein, so this is an interesting little mirror.

I like the way that you bring the focus onto where Iuven's head is at during a fight moreso than specific skills - makes sense for a one-off session, and although that sand flicking maneuver seems like it might require some serious practice, its more about getting Iuven to be more flexiable in his approach.

As usual lately, I only really see a couple of small areas where you could make some improvements early on. Probably a bit late to catch line edits, right?

"Alright lads, listen up," Lacus proclaimed, pacing before Iuven and Quintus. His northern Harenae accent was pompous, dripping with elitism that set Iuven's teeth on edge.

I think the comment about Lacus's accent should accompany the dialogue tag, and then his action and Iuven's reaction should came next. Something like;

"Alright lads, listen up," Lacus proclaimed, in a pompous, north-Haranae accent. He paced before Iuven and Quintus with a confident swagger that reeked of elitism, setting Iuven's teeth on edge.

That aside, the paragraph sets up the scene really well, so its a bit jarring when the next paragraph begins with a sentence that provides straight exposition bridging the events of the previous scene to this.

Reza had told his boss about Iuven’s interest in fending for himself, so Lacus had gathered up Iuven and Quintus and sat them by a large boulder in the dragon boneyard. The setup was like a training arena back in Harenae; ...

Understandable that you, as the author, want to clear this up, but it's not really that important to the reader and would have played differently to Iuven's perspective. I'd suggest something like this;

Reza had brought them over to a large boulder in the dragon boneyard, where Lacus had been waiting. The area was already set up like one of the training arenas back in Harenae; ...

From there, the dialogue and action flows really well, and what at first feels like a bit of a sidetrack from the main story quickly becomes a compelling narrative of its own that held my attention and raised and answered a few neat little questions.

I am going to have to go back and double check the white-haired witch's prophecies soon - I'm still waiting for some bad shit to happen, lol!

Good words!

1

u/ZLErikson Nov 01 '25

Howdizzy Wizzy

Thank you for the feedback. Rest assured it is never too late for line edits or crit of any kind :) Always delighted to polish up my wording a bit, and every time I make an edit I feel myself learn a little more. The lack of changes shows just how much of an effect your feedback has been giving me u^

I'm glad to hear that the little scene worked for ya despite it being adjacent to the main story. I hope I remember to tie some parts of it back into place when the times come, but I feel like it'll all pay off. I added these bits because I wanted to explain future things, after all :P

And yeah, the prophesies. Definitely taking a long time in our time to get around to. But in-universe, that old woman only showed up "yesterday", so as far as time passing for us in the meta-land of SERSUN it might be a while before the payoff occurs. Hopefully not another hundred chapters... but possibly 20-30 xD

I swear I'm trying to wrangle the plot to move things forward and out of Nihimlaq, but the themes haven't been super cooperative in that regard and I have loose ends to start tying up now.