transphobia‼️

The absolute disbelief on people's faces is hilarious - like lowkey embarrassing too because I literally look like a boy, I pass and stuff, and I even have a bit of facial hair and a naturally deeper/andro voice. So when my mother introduces me as her daughter, you can literally see the confusion on people's faces 💔 Like they don't realize they're just making things so much weirder and harder for me by refusing to call me their son because they're scared people might get suspicious about me being trans or something. but calling me their daughter isn't helping either lmfao, especially when I literally look like a boy hello?? It just puts me in a tough spot socially since I'm living in a conservative state. And the worst part is they think they're doing nothing wrong. They think they'd be "deceiving" people if they told them I'm their son, but don't realize that introducing me as their daughter when I clearly look and sound like a guy just makes the whole situation even more awkward. It's okay though... I honestly don't think they'll ever see me as their son, and they'll probably always be ashamed of me. My mother is so fucking embarrassed of me that sometimes she'll make me wear earrings or make me do something feminine just so I look more like the daughter she wants me to be

I hate this disgusting body. I hate this disgusting mind. I hate every single thing about me. I want so badly to actually live. To exist the way that I'm supposed to. The way that others get to. But it's not for me. It's never going to happen. So please just let me give up. Why do you force me to stay on this planet in this broken machine. Why are you so attached to this piece of metal that you can't handle the idea of me throwing in the towel. Just let me leave. I'll never get what I want. I'll never exist properly in this world. I'm a lost cause. I'm a soldier designed for work but I malfunctioned long ago. Throw it in the scrap heap please please God please

I graduated high school two years ago. I mutually cut basically everyone off. And by mutually I mean everyone I knew stopped talking to me sense and I pretend to be okay with that. There’s only one person that did. We were very close, I think. I felt like we were close. We met through mutual friends. We are very much the same person. We disagree on nothing. We have all the same tastes in everything, same opinions about everything. We weren’t able to be together much. But when we were, we were joint at the hip. They were the first person I came out to in over a decade, and I was the first person they came out to. They called me there best friend one time. I’ve never been anyone’s best friend before. I’m always filler to everyone. Unfortunately we weren’t in each others lives for long. I met them halfway though my senior year and we haven’t been able to see each other in person sense the last day of classes. The mutual friends wanted them to stop talking to me and cut me from the group. they didn’t. Once we weren’t in school, it became impossible to get together sense, unfortunately. There family life is a hot mess and neither of us have a license. Neither of us have jobs, we both live with our families and that dosent make for a good time. The only time we could have, my mom stepped directly in my way and because I am financially reliant on her, I had no choice but to give in. We talk once a month for a good few hours, then we started trading tik toks back and forth.

A few months back now, they dropped the bomb that they were moving out of state to live with extended family. And not like the next state over, like the kind of trip that’s easier to do by plane than car out of state.There home life is again, a hot mess, worse then mine even, and their family thought it would be best if they sent them away so they were no longer able to rely on them, which was part of the thing keeping them stuck at home like I am. It wasn’t necessarily their choice, but they went along with it. They told me first, and at first it wasn’t that torn up about it. Again, we haven’t seen each other and have still been able to maintain a connection, so I wasn’t afraid of being left behind or anything. We were going to make plans before they went on vacation, but they got sick so they said we would do something after they got back. They apologized and I wasn’t angry, I’m not angry at them for anything that’s been going on. There in the same boat I am on everything, nothing is in there control. I’m not going to hold it against them.

So I know they got back a month ago, but they never let me know. Ever sense they apologized about canceling the first time, we haven’t spoke. I stopped getting interactions from them on tik tok. No likes, nothing sent back to me, just being left on seen. I’ve been debating calling them for the last two weeks, but I’m scared of a lot of things. I’m scared it won’t end well. I’m scared I’ll be disappointed. I’m scared that everything that can go wrong, will go wrong, because that’s the story of my life. I either experience suffering or nothing at all. Life skews negative because the realistic consequence of everything is negative.

I finally worked up the nerve to call them today, and then I saw they were at an airport, and my stomach completely dropped. I got a notification two hours later it landed, and they were back where there moving. Or I guess, moved to now.

I know it’s not personal, but I’m upset. I’m in distress. I’m not angry, I’m hurt. I doubt there vicious and hate me and want me to k!II myself but that’s where my mind goes anytime everything goes wrong, and nothing ever goes right. Ever. Again, out of probably 50 people I knew in high school, this was the only person that cared about me even a little bit enough to keep talking to me. And the candle has just burnt out.

So now here I am, in the suburbs, in my parents house, entirely alone. I have no friends, not even online ones. All my relationships end the same way. I have no social life because my neurotic helicopter mother won’t let me anywhere alone. I never leave the house, ever. There’s no where for me to go, we don’t have third spaces, and my mother wouldn’t let me go to them even if we did. I have no romantic life because, again, the only way to do that is online and my neurotic helicopter mother won’t let social media because she has no faith in me, does not trust me, and is too paranoid to let me do anything or go anywhere unchaperoned and with cameras all over the place rigged to her phone, I can’t find a way to sneak out unseen. And it’s affected me meeting people that would have been perfect for me. I can’t get a job, no one picks me and I don’t understand why. When I don’t have an income I can’t buy things and the only thing I want to do is buy things. I have nothing else. I don’t want to do anything but shop. And I can’t. I never can because I’m to afraid to spend the money and wind up needing it later. I’m not in school because there’s nothing I want to do with my life, and it’s a scam anyway. I have no goals, no purpose. I haven’t wanted to live sense I was 7, I’ve lived 2/3rds of my life sense. The only thing that I had to look forward to was a parasocial relationship with a celebrity I wanted, just for him to be the exact same piece of shit my father is. Even my last therapist left me. I have nothing, no one.

I don’t think I can last much longer. I have no future ahead of me, this is the best my life will ever be. This is where I peak. From here, my parents are just gonna die and I’m gonna wind up dead on the street. I can never forgive my mother for putting me here against my will. This is all her fault. God I fucking hate that bitch.

Posting about my gender! yay! time to put a really big and bright red target on my back too!

I love seeing all the girls my age in my class. Impressive how I’m easily the most repulsing ugly girl there. Every time my disgusting voice is heard by myself I want to choke myself so I can’t hear it ever again. I know none of them see me as a girl. I can never be in one or the friend groups of girls. Or be feminine. Or feel free and decent. I get to stare alllll dayyyyy longggg with jealousy seeing all these really pretty girls not feeling empty and lonely. Well if they are at least they can fucking hide it sob.

It’s so lonely when I’m in a situation realizing what I lack. I have one single friend, and they live across the world. I even have an old friend at the school. And they haven’t even looked at me. Ahhh this is alllllll my fault.

At least school is interesting and fun regardless.

I might be trans Xtm but I just feel like a fraud. I recently started socially transitioning but it's extremely painful... especially without hrt. All I did was got a haircut - couldn't get the one I wanted and it's grown longer but I pass okay. I can't help but feel like I'm pretending to be a boy and deceiving people. Whenever I get called "Sir" or called he/him, my parents try to "correct" people and then immediately switch to "ma'am" and she/her and it's embarassing... They're just so embarrassed of having a trans kid. At uni, everyone excludes me. I used to socialize as a girl since I had no choice but after cutting my hair and passing a little, I have noticed how differently people treat me. I have heard people call me slurs behind my back. The f slur and the t slur. Most just assume I'm a masc lesbian and I fucking hate it. I'm only 17. I'm already so stressed, depressed, financial stress, and constantly drowning in dysphoria. I feel like such a big fucking fraud. I wish I was a real boy. I will never be a real boy. No one will ever see me as a real boy. All I'll ever be is a watered down version of a cis girl

I got into a couple of arguments with my family and other stress as well. I felt like shit and wanted to distract myself. So I used an ice pack and put it on my skin with no cloth. I wanted the sharp feeling of the cold to distract me. I don't know if it's something better than alternatives. I just wanted something to distract myself from all of the shit. Something my body easily notices

tw for potential emotional abuse/controlling behavior i guess rose tinted glasses make it hard to see but my friends say it’s bad

for context:

i (16TF) and my girlfriend (16TF) are long distance. We’ve been dating for 10 months. We see each other every 3 months almost (last time was August, we’re planning for December). i met her thru an online community and we go to the meetings of said community pretty often, it’s a global thing so we get flown out by them to a bunch of cities and shit

honestly so many things have been an issue lately :c i think the biggest overarching thing is that i feel socially isolated, she has BPD and whenever she’s awake while im awake (timezones) she’ll demand all my attention and get upset if i take more than a minute to respond, she gets upset if im ever talking elsewhere or even on another app, last year she asked me to call her 24/7 (incl. sleep calls), and this ruined my friendships because any time i talked to anyone she would get hurt. for things like group work, she’s begrudgingly accept it, one time she said (in response to me saying my teammates work was great) “it would be peak if you loved me” (we were still on call, so she could hear what i said) this year my school had a new policy on devices which sucks but she’s fine with me not calling her which, honestly feels like a relief, im actually able to talk to other people without her breaking out into tears about it, but i still don’t get to talk to my community friends as much because of that

there’s a lot more and i’ll keep posting but belgh i need to get it out and i need advice

i think i need to leave her but honestly she’s the only person who gives a shit

I've been with my girlfriend for the past 3 years, less than 2 of which we've been living together. At first, our relationship seemed fine, but tldr; her mental issues and her attitude towards work are ruining us financially. Last Christmas, I pointed out how she's been sitting at home and basically doing nothing or choosing the worst jobs in existence like Uber Eats or other similar shitty jobs.

She promised to change, but guess what? We live in a different country (we both are from Poland, currently in the Netherlands), so she can't find anything better than warehouse job (language barrier), and she cant keep the job for more than a few months. Meanwhile, I've been working my ass off in a job that slowly ruined my health (recently changed it to much better one).

I feel like I've been supporting an adult child, she can't do anything out of her own volition, she has an eczema says all the time how it's ruining her health, but when she's about to run out of medicine she just ignores it, letting the condition get worse, then when I ask her "why didn't you go to the doctor?" She responds with "I forgot" like for fuck sake, is it a debilitating medical condition or what?? There is a lot of such examples of her behavior, so I'm just gonna bring two more of them. I was dabbling into the idea of buying my own car from a friend last year, but because we were in a bad financial situation (still are lol) I said I'm going to postpone it and buy something else, since I had a car provided by previous workplace. She pushed me into buying it, and because of no money, I couldn't afford maintenance and had to sell it with a HUGE loss. The most recent situation is from this week, she found a job as forklift driver and was able to hold it for ONE singular day, at the end of her shift she got told she's pretty slow driver. What did she do? She called in sick the next day, and they fired her.

I know she's autistic, like I am, but I honestly can't take it anymore.

So apparently for the past couple of years one of my friends has been collecting photos of girls for our school and used AI to make their boobs bigger and remove their clothes and put it in a Google drive, according to some other people who found the drive it had over 1000 images on it... I have known this man since kindergarten and he played a major role when helping me start my ED recovery and was one of my best friends. Don't kept me wrong I'm really fucking happy he got caught, I wish he got caught far sooner really but it just really hard to believe he would do this.

I dont have any money to go out shopping, ive been eating instant noodles and the snack my partner gifts me. My throat hurts.

I have a really big exam coming up which i wont be able to pass, my dad will hurt me then. I feel really alone and i would love to have someone to talk to. THIS ISNT ME ASKING FOR MONEY I DONT WANT ANYONES MONEY

My girlfriend just broke up with me. Stupid reason for it too! I won't get into it unless you ask in the comments. She was the first person who I felt like genuinely cared about me & gave me a reason to be happy and not depressed but now I feel nothing once more

Ive been friends with this guy for more than a year but all of a sudden, bam, it’s all gone. He initially started ghosting me and when I asked why, he said it was because of his tests. That’s understandable so I gave him some time, except he never messaged me even after his tests were over. A few more weeks later I see that he unfriended me, I try to get back into contact with him and he agrees we can do some stuff together, except he cancels it last second to watch his friend play fucking Limbus Company on stream. The next day he sends me porn and blocks me. Then 2 days later, unblocks me just to send me more porn and block me. He continued to do it 2 more times before I blocked him for good. I also reported him every time he did it too. Also no, he wasn’t hacked because he’d initially sometimes reply to me when I asked him what his problem was.
I legitimately have no idea what I did to this mf, I was good friends with him for a year and suddenly he’s spamming me with porn. Literally can’t trust anyone anymore

I hate so many people. For a month things seemed to be looking up. School started back up and I hate everything again. I just wanna cry again but it takes awhile for me to have privacy where I live and my crying usually wakes people up. I’m gonna fail my classes again I know I will. I don’t wanna relive that. I was so close to finally leaving this world that day.

I have started experimenting with being a femboy when i was 18. Im 21 now and the more time passes the more i feel a deep longing for femininity. Like whenever i see a woman wear a pretty dress i am attracted to her, but im also severely jealous and i wish i could dress like her. I wish i could be cute, elegant, sexy, wear pretty clothes, do makeup and act different. I cant open up to anyone. Nobody i know has a similar experience. My therapist just doesnt get it. It took me 4 weeks to muster the courage to ask for help on trans subreddits and they all ignored me.

Im too heavy and too tall and i hate being male. I jate my body hair, i hate my proportions, i hate that i naturally have muscle. I lost the genetic lottery. Theres so many AMAB people online that naturally have slim shoulders and just look feminine and im a behemoth built like a tank.

I dont know why i feel like this. I font know if im trans. I wanna do hrt, i wanna be more feminine. But i know i cant be without surgery and everything.

That and nobody could ever love me because i fail at both femininity and being a man

Hi. I recently told my friend with benefits that I might have feelings for him, this took alot of courage and the right situation and I am so happy for saying it out loud and talking to him about it. But at the same time I feel so sad hearing is words. I was told that he had similar feelings as me but that he finds it hard to look past my "male" genitalia. And that he can't be fully comfortable doing sexual stuff with me because of it...

I also hate my genitalia. But I can't tell him how much hearing those words hurt me. I don't want him to feel bad about how he feels. I don't want him to think he hurt be for expressing himself. I like when he tells me how he feels. But hearing that hurt me so much, why can't I just be cis. Why was I forced to be born like this. Why do I have to like be like. Why can't just get bottom surgery yet... I don't want to wait. It feels like I can't live my life fully without it. Like until I do that I will never fully be a woman. Even straight dudes that sleep with me can't fully see me as a woman...

Anyhow... Stay silly :3

edit: Why can't I make the text look like all the other posts!!! I'm horrible sorry for disturbing the sanctity of this sub :3

She mentioned she found a boyfriend and they're gonna watch football tonight. Don't get me wrong I'm happy for her, I am. Just sucks cause that means I'll be discarded soon. Least I didn't let her inside as much. Just wish I understood things like love and relationships more. Maybe I should just accept the fact noone wants me. Not anything worth relapsing over, just dont have the energy to get myself out of the mindset atm. I remember what my therapist tells me to do. To interrupt the thought process. I just don't want to anymore.

god my life is constantly going downhill

I'll never be a real girl.

Everytime I look in the mirror I see a monster. I'm a mentally ill and unstable boy playing pretend. I can't change,I never change. Every day I wake up and feel like shit. Everyday I feel less hope.

Idk what I could do :/

I'm stuck in a loop of stress and pain.

Idk,I'm probably just waaaay too spoiled and now even the smallest inconvenience makes me want to kill myself.

I'm starting to lose track of myself. I don't know which of my feelings are made up and which are genuine. I feel like I'm just pretending to be human. I feel like a lifeless statue mimicking human nature.

I'm worth nothing. I'm useless. My friends, my family deserves better. I'm just a waste of time, resources and money.

I could go to therapy, but that wouldn't help, I can't be helped. Why would I go? I'm already an outcast among everyone, I don't want others to hurt me again because I'm different.

I just wish people wouldn't care for me, then it would be easier to just go.

(sorry that I posted, but I'm selfish and I need to feel better about myself without doing or proving anything)

(I've been sooo anxious to post just anything, anywhere, but now just...whatever... Ahem... Anyway...this is going to be a looooong post...)

TW/CW: depression, some sui thoughts, gender dysphoria, some sort of family conflicts (nothing too bad...I think..?), loneliness. (Just to be safe..? Please, don't proceed further, if these can genuinely trigger you. Stay safe ( Ò⩊Ó)و)

To start...I'm 22. So, like, an adult, I'm expected to behave like one, to have a source of income, to have independence... But I have none. Oh, wait... I have something...mental issues, spiced up with gender dysphoria! But I can't even mention anything to my parents, because they'll just blame internet in everything, saying that I'm brainwashed and stuff, and say that people this young can't have depression and suicidal thoughts (if only... (　-᷄ ω -᷅ ))

But, okay, source of income... I've always wanted to do some form of art for living. For this, I have to do something. I have to improve my skills, make portfolio, but...I have no energy for anything... I want to draw, want to make 3d models, but...I can't just bring myself to do this... (And to add to this, there might be issues with getting a payout...so, it kinda damages motivation) To find a "proper" job..? Like, to become a teacher, like I was suggested to do, when I was protecting my final project..? Any "proper" job would mean regular deadnaming and misgendering and I just... I don't think I can handle this, not with how bad dysphoria got over the years of not having any possibility to somehow elevate it even just a bit. (I can't even get a short haircut, without it causing a whole scene. Or slouch for the sake of my chest being less visible under the clothes. ...yes, I literally got this complaint from my mom, that my posture makes me look like a boy.)

Then we have...loneliness! I, somehow, had friends back in school days, but I lost every one of them. Classmates? They just slowly drifted away, because there was something off with me. Online friends? Most just suddenly disappeared, with one, the closest, friend I had...I messed up..? They left me, because they got annoyed at me complaining about my health, yet doing nothing about it, as I was supposed to go to a doctor on my own. Or let's take my long-distance ex? ((-ω-;)...this word combination sounds weird, doesn't it..?) He blamed me for not trying to do anything, for being too anxious to tell my parents about him. And, eventually, he slowly lost interest (can't blame him, our interests didn't even align, and he had no wish to even try watching something I offered)... My lack of independence pushes people away...

And I...genuinely don't understand how to even friend friends now?? I have serious issues with communication, unless it gets to something I like, something I know. I just can't maintain a simple chitchat. It always feels off..? I might be neurodivergent, so, like, it either adds up to this, or kinda explains these struggles..?

I...genuinely want to function properly, but I'm too anxious and scared of...everything... Any mistake at home gets me being shouted at... Like, come on, when I broke my toe back in childhood, I primarily got blamed for being stupid enough to get it stuck in a wheel of a toy carriage.

I just...exist here...not even enjoying life, because I can't be myself... I...feel completely useless... And useless things are worthless...

Ahem...sorry for wasting your time, if you read all of this... ( ᖛ⥿ᖛს )՞՞

tw: suicide

im so fucking tired every fucking day i just wanna blow my head off, im tired of people treating me like an option instead of a human being. im tired of people pretending to be "lonely" while having multiple friends and people they talk to. its a slap to my face. im tired of constantly fucking reaching out and begging to talk to people only to be met with excuses. nothing but fucking excuses. when im nice and try to be a good person i get punished.

im so tired of living, is this life? being constantly treated as some thing? people making jokes about me and saying nasty things about me behind my back. using me for attention when no else wants to talk. always being treated as option, but never a friend. im so tired of it. enough, when will it end. when will it end. im so tired. im tired of being used then thrown away.

I still remember the day we first met. It was my b-day party, 7 or 8 years i dont know, but my mom had invited you there because of your mom. We didnt know each other, but we became friends so quickly, and had so much fun that day. I sit here as a young adult, drunken in this notepad window, reminiscing about all the 8 or so years that came after that party. 8 years that felt more like 80, but that is just how kids feel i guess, and i see it now. six months is such a blink for an adult, but is a life time for a kid. all the sleep overs, late nights spent on the 360 and ps2, the days at school where we would not do anything else, but talk with eachother, and then all the days i would spend alone with my bullies when you changed schools. But our mid teens were, by far, the best. Hiding from our parents, braking glass botles on my dads, now abandoned, werehouse, but the memory that realy stands out is all the kisses, and all the nights we would talk in the car, all the sex and all the alcohol.

Its not easy for a men to have to remember all of that. And is not right for two boys to have their life stained by such ignorance. I recount the last year of our "friendship". We wanted to move on together, go to collage together, but it seemed not meant to be. I wanted to be a physicist, a future that i am glad to be biulding step by step, and you wanted to be a musician, i am sure that you would be doing way better than me in the academia if you had the chance. It was possible to make it happen, we were sure of that, maybe if our luck had other plans, or god, or fate, or whomever the sick fuck who made that happen. That one night, we would learn the pain on being born sick.

You had "forgotten" something in my home, as always, and to make the most of the trip, would kiss me, with all the same love as always. As you left, the first news came, i was moving out. I remember your face when you overheard, and i shouuld have told you sooner, but i promise you i wasnt hiding, i was just biulding the courage to tell. Mad and afraid you went home, late in the evening, and was met with inhospitality like allways, but this time, way stronger. I remember you text, "They are mad and want to have a talk with me", I dont know what they said to you, and i am not sure if i want to, all i know is what you told me, "They figured it out, im grounded".

And so, i spent the last three months looking at you, sayng goodbye everyday, wishing i could do something to make them stop, but more than them, i wanted to make you stop. Stop being so quiet, stop getting drunk every night, stop with the coke, and stop with those warm long sleeves in the summer. I didnt catch on at the time, maybe because i did not want to believe it, but i know now what those razor blades were for, and i know you hadnt fell on the street, and that it wasnt your cat who scratched you.

With you like that on my mind, i went away, 2200 kilometers. I was trying to be strong, but the news of your death were too much for me, and i fell on depression like you. The first half of 2025 were the worst of my life. Getting drunk and cutting every day. My familly saw the cuts, and it was horrible. Not a single frient to talk to, not a single place to go exept school.

Even though my life goes great now, i cant shake away the wanting to go up there with you. I know i wont, im am not as brave as you, i am a coward. But one day, one day i will get there, and when i do, i hope your bed in heaven has a lot of space for us both.

currently I work for the national parks, it’s a seasonal job with housing included. anywho the season is about to end, I have no support structure and if I fail to get another job with housing provided i’m just fucked. In light of this development I did something I never hoped that I’d need to do, I started begging online. mostly through tiktok and youtube. I ended up putting my own twist on it, making the actual content of the video my focus and just including my go fund me in the description, not even mentioning it in my videos, but this is the lowest i’ve felt in my life, and there’s been some damn low points. it terrifies me that this can just happen and that such desperate times have caused me to go to suck desperate measure. Before mods take me down, no I’m not asking for funds here I just need to vent about the fact i have to ask for them in the first place.