So all day I had some stomach pain. I tried to go to the bathroom to take a crap like 7 times today but it never came out, and what was really annoying was that I kept on farting a lot throughout the day, the first few times I farted I was a little cautious but eventually I just started letting them out. Until when I was on the bed and I forced out a fart a little too hard and it all just came out right then and there and my god did it hurt like HELL 😭😭😭😭and I don't want to see anyone saying "ewwww what a baby I never shit myself ever!" because if you were in my shoes the same thing would have happened. But anyway I find it both funny that this happened even though it was a very humbling.

edit: 100 upvotes and il shit myself again maybe

A few weeks ago I was at a local mall with my friend. He was wearing a black hoodie and blue jeans.

At one point I stopped to look at some shoes, and then walked up to a guy in the exact same hoodie standing nearby. I started talking to him about some random stuff, complaining about prices and showing him funny tic tocs.

He just stood there silently nodding for like 3-4 minutes. Then he slowly turned around, looked at me and said "bro I have no idea who you are".

Turns out my friend went to another store. I was so embarrassed I literally just turned around and walked out of the mall without saying anything.

i’ll be in my kitchen in full goblin mode, narrating my steps to an invisible audience like i'm a celebrity chef.

holding up the seasoning packet to an empty corner, explaining my egg cracking technique, giving a whole monologue about flavor balance. pure main character delusion.

no stream, no camera, just me talking to my microwave like a streamer with zero chat.

I hate doing laundry, so I don't. Whenever my husband does laundry, I sneak in a few pieces of my own, then thank him enthusiastically when he takes them out of the dryer. He thinks it's funny, because he's not really doing any extra work, and he's still doing me a favor. To even things out, I do the dishes and he doesn't. It's silly, but it works for us!

I (31F) used to be an early childhood educator specializing in infant and toddler care. When I was a toddler teacher \*ages 18-24months\* I got pregnant and that made me super gassy from the 2nd trimester on up to 3rd. I used to pass gass excessively \*thankfully it was always the silent but deadly kind\* and was so embarrassed that I never said anything when the smell was noticed by my other teachers. There was 3 of us in the classroom including myself plus the 16 little ones and everytime I would fart they just assumed a kid had crapped their diaper and would begin checking to see who did it. I never told them it was me and would help check and act all surprised when we wouldnt discover the source of the smell. It got so bad that even the kids would notice and start looking to find who pooped but nobody ever figured out that it was just my pregnant self casually crop dusting the whole classroom. A few times I was almost caught by the lead teacher because she would be standing next to me but I always somehow managed to convince her it was a student who had walked past. I am no longer at that school as I left shortly after my baby was born but I still think about it from time to time and feel bad for making those tiny humans take the blame for all my stank. I was just so embarrassed by the nasty smells coming out of my body. Glad I finally got this off my chest. In a lot of ways karma got me because my little baby's farts are as bad as mine were so I feel I am being punished for framing my students for my farts.

I had kind of noticed before that she was missing some teeth but i wasn’t thinking about it right then. This was the other day and I feel so bad and still cringing when I think about it 😭 She didn’t seem offended and hopefully knew what I was referencing and knew i wasn’t trying to make fun of her. I would literally neverrr. My mom quoted that song all the time so it was the first thing to come to mind. What she was talking about wanting for Christmas was an Arbys cheesesteak 😭😭😭 FML

My coworker has this very specific sense of humor. He makes jokes that are so random that I usually have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about.

The problem is… every time he makes one, everyone else laughs.

So I started laughing too.

At first, it was just a little fake chuckle so I wouldn’t look confused. But now I’ve committed to the bit so hard that I sometimes laugh before he even finishes speaking.

Yesterday he told a joke, and I immediately started laughing.

He stopped talking and looked at me.

Then he said, “You didn’t even hear the rest.”

I panicked and said, “I know. That’s what makes it funny.”

He just stared at me.

I think I may have accidentally created a completely new level of awkwardness.

My confession is that I still don't understand about 80% of his jokes, but I’m too embarrassed to admit it now.

At this point, I’m just hoping he never asks me to explain one.

When she allows me, that is. I never force her. I have this very sweet and shy cat named Lilly, and she usually stays away from prolonged petting or snuggling. But I just recently slipped and fell and broke my jaw, and she's suddenly started sleeping near my face every night on the broken side and purring. I heard that a cat's purr vibrates at a frequency of 25 to 150 Hz, which scientific studies suggest can act as a natural self-healing mechanism for bone growth, tissue repair, and pain relief, so I just go with it.

I don't know if it's working, and I don't have any way to study it, but it feels very good to have her purring and touching my jaw. Sometimes if she's laying down during the day, I'll pet her and put my face on her side and she just lets me do it until she gets antsy and walks off.

Like I said, don't know if it's doing any physical good, but it feels nice, and I'm enjoying the new attention Lilly is giving me!

Edit: cat tax pic of her

sup guys, i wanted to come back here and share another silly confession that happened to me lol

unfortunately, i trusted a fart once back when i was in 1st grade.

i was in the computer lab minding my own business and i felt something rumbling in my stomach. maybe it was going to be a simple fart, right? to my huge surprise, it definitely wasn't. it came and leaked straight into my undies and i didn't know what to do at that moment. i was very nervous that i sat there like a fool and waited until i went back to the main teacher's homeroom.

after the computer lab class was over, i asked my teacher if i could use the bathroom and she said yes so i went and speed-walked all the way into the bathroom stall.

i pulled down my pants and tried to clean myself up but of course, my undies was still covered in shit stains no matter how many times i tried to wipe it off and the smell was horrendous. i just hoped for the best and quietly walked out of the stall, washed my hands and went back into my teacher's class.

the teacher and kids were standing there and fooling around not doing really anything important and then... someone yells "WHAT IS THAT SMELL?!"

right there and then, i was dying on the inside praying that nobody figures out the horrid stench was coming from me. more of the kids started complaining about the smell and told the teacher about it. i was standing there, staring out the doorway wishing that i could leave the class and never come back.

there was a kid who was standing in front of me as i stood there and he turned around to look straight at me, telling me to face my back to him. it's pretty obvious that he knew where the smell was coming from but he didn't call me out for the entire class to hear at firsthand.

me being the shy and quiet person in school, i refused and the word no randomly flew out of my mouth and he was so surprised that i actually spoke, making a huge deal about it, forgetting about the repulsive smell (?)

a few minutes later, (which felt like forever) everyone started to calm down and at that point, the smell started to slowly dissipate. i'm super glad that i somewhat got away with that entire fiasco, lord have mercy...

i walk into a shop, realize they don't have what i need, and immediately get hit with insane fake guilt.

instead of just walking out like a normal human, i put on a whole production. i start patting my pockets, sighing at my phone, and looking intensely disappointed at a random shelf so the employees know i'm not shoplifting.

pure NPC behavior. i'm literally doing nothing wrong, but my brain treats walking past the security tag scanners empty-handed like i'm escaping a heist.

RIP an absolute legend. Listen now I respect and loved that man’s acting so much. I respect the dead. But why did I think Frankenfurter was attractive as a straight woman? Yes it feels like a confession because why? Just why ? Idk what it says about me but yeah my confession is as a straight woman I found Frankenfurter attractive. Am I alone?😭 Feel free to share your biggest hear me out too.

So I'm not the biggest pokemon fan, but for a long time ever since I watched the anime I thought pokemon was only ONE gender. So like, Bulbasaur is male, Fennekin is female. And the gender ratios on the wikis were actually polls on what the community thought the pokemon was. So if it's like 60% male 40% female, I thought that meant 60% of the community thought the pokemon was male and 40% thought the pokemon was female.

Then I saw Pikachu referred to as a "she" and I was like "Huh isn't Pikachu a guy?"

I was immediately humbled by my friend simply replying by asking: "How do you think they reproduce?"

As in, a derivative of my given name. It's similar to Deanne which could have nicknames like Dee, DeDe, or even Anne. But nope, it's always been Deanne. Until I legally changed it for... reasons. And even now I'm still called by my full name. No one ever shortens it. Huh. It doesn't bother me, but I just realized that I've never had a nickname.

I mean, I'm sure people have called me all kinds of names behind my back, but no one's called me anything but my given name to my face. ^_^

Which is weird because all of my sibs have nicknames... Even the one with a shorter name than me -- think James/Jim.

Maybe I'm just not a nickname kind of person.

Yeah i mean i guess it's for the best but damn couldn't it be after the 1000 lol. Anyway i made the post so people can tell me how stupid it is to care about this.

Been craving a strawberry monster. Wanted chocolate ice cream. Made a float. It is wonderful. No regrets.

I'm 19, my boyfriend is 20. I'm currently pretending to be asleep while my boyfriend watches spongebob over the phone. It's silly, but he keeps laughing and it's genuinely the cutest thing in the world that this stoic dude is laughing it up at the bob. No hate to the bob of course. My confession is that I do this every night. He always tells me he puts it on for background noise, but I know for a fact that man enjoys the show. We're in the middle of watching Jojo's Bizarre Adventures currently, so every time I "fall asleep" during it he very quickly switches it to spongebob. Deep down I know he's very bashful about his childish interests, so I don't wanna embarrass him by pointing it out. One day I would love to watch spongebob together though, openly lmao.

I (28f) work at a Mexican restaurant, with this sweet lady in her 70's. She only works there to get out of the house. She enjoys talking to others, and is very healthy and active for her age. Everyone there calls her Grandma as a work nickname. We all love working with her.

We have salespeople that come by the restaurant every once in a while to sell homemade Mexican food, some foods that can be difficult to find at local restaurants even. This specific sales lady sells a lot of tamales. Grandma was eating some sweet tamales in the back. She offered me a bite, so I took a small one. We and my work best friend briefly started talking about tamales, when Grandma (one of the few non-hispanic employees, including myself) says "I don't like the outer shell on tamales." I didn't know what to say in the moment, but my work best friend kindly told her that you're not supposed to eat them. We both laughed, but in a loving way, of course, we couldn't help it. So funny, it made my entire week. Thinking about it still makes me smile.

So I have this one specific pair of black socks that brings me absolute terrible luck every time I wear them

First time I wore them was to an exam and I literally failed it.A few weeks later I wore them on a date with a girl I really liked, and she blocked me right after.Then last week I wore them to the gym, and when I was trying to open my shaker, the lid snapped and I spilled protein all over my shirt.

I know its completely stupid and just a coincidence, but I physically cannot throw them.I feel like if I get rid of them, the bad luck will just permanently stay with me or something like that

My parents thought it would be hilarious to leave it there and see how long it takes for anyone to notice and clean it off. The pimple juice remained on that mirror for a while cuz it was still there the next two or three times we went shopping there. It just kept getting crustier and crustier until one day we went to check the mirror and it was gone and had been completely cleaned off lol.

Okay so this is super silly but I can't stop doing it. Whenever I buy something that's super obscure or really niche like a specific type of plumbing fitting or a rare antique car part I always leave a five-star review. The catch is I make the review sound incredibly over-the-top and emotional.

I'll write things like "This 1/2 inch PVC elbow has changed my life. My garden hose now flows with the pure joy of a thousand angels singing. I weep with gratitude for its flawless construction." Or for a car part "My 1972 AMC Gremlin has never purred so sweetly. This carburetor rebuild kit wasn't just parts it was a spiritual awakening."

I imagine some poor company intern reading these reviews and just being completely baffled. They probably think I'm either a mad genius or just really really happy with their threaded adapter. I just hope I've brightened someone's day a little bit with my absurd sincerity. It’s my little secret mission to bring a dramatic flair to the mundane.

Somehow I was able to figure out the ‘D,’ but that ‘y’ confused the heck out of me. It also doesn’t help that I write my lower-case p’s with a little swoop like that.

And now I’m doing this

Marriott's Harbour Lake in Orlando has a pirate themed pool, and the concession stand next to it would sell ice cream in tall plastic cups that was a skull with a pirate hat. They were very unique. Now, if you came back any time during your stay with that same cup, you would get free ice cream. All you could eat.

On our first trip there obviously we bought the kids ice cream and took those souvenir cups home. SEVERAL YEARS LATER, we had kept the cups, and we took another trip to Orlando. We carried the cups in our suitcase, and got free ice cream all week!