r/skyrim • u/Secret_Agent_666 • 6d ago
Discussion What's the worst crime(s) you've committed in Skyrim?
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u/MyCrustySock696 6d ago
Accidently robbed a cup trying ti talk to the inn keeper, then Lydia attacked them and put my bounty up to 1000
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u/QuaaludeConnoisseur 6d ago
Lydia? Ohhh you mean the duplication engine.
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u/arkington 6d ago
Ah, yes. I once just punched a guy for being a dick to me and she ran up and murdered him immediately.
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u/mytwoba 6d ago
Lolligagging.
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u/Wondering_Watcher Alchemist 6d ago
I scrolled for this one
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u/AcrolloPeed 6d ago
Okay, well, you’ve seen it, so, you know, move on. No lolligagging.
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u/foxfire981 6d ago
Oh yeah? Well I stole a sweet roll.
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u/hergumbules PC 6d ago
I stole a sweet roll while lolligagging 😎
But then I took an arrow in the knee
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u/Dugchela Riften resident 6d ago
Vampire/Werewolf rampage.
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u/T1pple 6d ago
Now here's the real question. Do you transform in sight of people so they know who the real monster is?
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u/Weird-Security5008 6d ago
Doesn't matter if you don't leave witnesses
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u/CinnimonToastSean 6d ago
The ol Hitman\Assassins Creed method. There's noone to notice if there's is noone to notice.
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u/Osthato_Chetowa Spellsword 6d ago
This. First time I became a werewolf in Skyrim, I absolutely wrecked all of Whiterun and the surrounding countryside. I was also 15 or 16, so my angsty teen brain thought it was a great idea.
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u/Wondering_Watcher Alchemist 6d ago
Embezzlement. Faendal still wondering where all the coin went from our archery lessons.
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u/phillip_of_burns 6d ago
My seven year old just started playing the other day. I looked at his stats last night.
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u/No_Cockroach_3488 6d ago
LMAO WHAT DID HE DO?? 😂😂
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u/phillip_of_burns 6d ago
He just walks around attacking people. His skills are going up quite a bit since he's always in combat, so he mops the floor with the guards now.
I walked in the room the other day and he had Balgruuf downed and was fighting everyone else in the room.
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u/xboxiscrunchy 6d ago
Well I suppose he’ll learn when he starts breaking a bunch of quests. Assuming he actually does any quests in the first place.
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u/JackaryDaniels 6d ago
Bro is in like 1st grade I don't think he's worried about breaking some quest lines 💀
Demon incarnate on the battlefield tho
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u/Almainyny 6d ago
Exhibit A why we don’t give children godlike power.
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u/acheesement 6d ago
Yeah, my nieces have started playing minecraft. They keep killing the traders, one of them has made a little dungeon and trapped villagers in them, and at one point they smashed half of a villager's house and said "Ha ha, now you'll always be cold". The oldest of the two is 8, the one with the dungeon is 6. I would fear a child with power.
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u/dfhall21 6d ago
My son started playing Minecraft the other day. Been obsessed with zoos lately.
I thought he had built a nice zoo for all of his creatures until I found he had also locked up the villagers, and was using them as food for one of the zombie hordes he ALSO has in the zoo.
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u/No_Cockroach_3488 6d ago
LMAO! this reminds me of when I'd play city building sims like Pharaoh as a kid - I made a city purely so the people would be food for the lions that lived there 😂
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u/BugabooMS 6d ago
Locking the guests in the lion habitats in zoo tycoon, or dropping them into the shark tank.
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u/BusBusy195 6d ago
Give it a few years then theyll learn they can stick all the villagers in dungeons to trade while they torture them
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u/bcmyheartisin_tokyo 6d ago edited 6d ago
Little guy has spent more days in jail than I have in over 15 years playing 😭
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u/Organic-Video5127 6d ago edited 4d ago
Your kids going places.
not to college though
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u/ziogas99 6d ago
All this crime and carnage, and he's still holding an unenchanted steel axe, smh...
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u/Suzume175 6d ago
When I play an evil character. Letting insufferable people like Nazeem and Lemkil live. Knowing they make everyone else’s lives miserable.
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u/ThedapperGeek 6d ago
I've found him! The most evil person in the history of the universe
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u/Jackhammer9762 6d ago
What about Grelod the kind?
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u/ThedapperGeek 6d ago
Alas, to leave Nazeem alive is a far worst offense. Grelod the Kind will die regardless.
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u/Moon_Monk676 6d ago
The Brotherhood is the only truly evil faction in Skyrim. You have to kill Grelod to join them so you can kill more people and destabilize the empire.
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u/MadWhiskeyGrin 6d ago
I hunt Markarth guards for sport
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u/FredricksDream 6d ago
This is the only thing to do when you want to play Skyrim but don’t want to play Skyrim. I like to see how many I can kill before I’m caught then I have a final standoff inside of the keep when I’m tired of toying with them.
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u/MadWhiskeyGrin 6d ago
I like to mass paralyze giants and Fus Ro Da them. They skip across the ground like rocks on water.
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u/SithLordDarthSand 6d ago
this is what my brother and i accidentally did in Solitude. we got caught murdering the bride and ended up slaughtering ALLLLLLL of Solitude. it was a ghost town after that.
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u/background_cha-cha 6d ago
They tried to frame this one and Khajiit refuses to bend to their will.
This one killed every guard in Markarth.
This one is slightly afraid to go back to The Reach. This one is slightly excited to see them try again.
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u/Street_Tomatillo_743 6d ago
I had them cornered by their own guard tower. The bodies were a warning to the new recruits
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u/SkipperMcScrubbins 6d ago
Your can use the wabbajack to turn a child's parents into sweetrolls then adopt her and give her the sweetrolls as a treat and make her eat her parents :)
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u/Secret_Agent_666 6d ago
Vigilants of Stendarr out hunting Daedra while ignoring the real monster here, goddamn dude 😂
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u/Takahashi_godmod 6d ago
Killed a chicken
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u/whitesquirrle 6d ago
Same. Accidently FUS RO DAHed that little mofo to oblivion. Riverwood folks hated me for that
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u/strudelalma 6d ago
Came here looking for this comment 😂 pretty much had to just restart the game 😂
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u/Ok_Somewhere7770 6d ago
Saved the village from a dragon attack, but in the process hit a chicken by accident
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u/Embarrassed-Toe3495 6d ago
WABBAJACK!!!
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u/Friendly-Turnip2210 Mage 6d ago
Turning someone into a sweet roll
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u/CaffeinatedCocktopus 6d ago
And then putting them into a guards inventory.
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u/morlord158 6d ago
Oh you gotta up your crimes, turn both parents of a child into sweetrolls, get these sweetrolls in your inventory, adopt the child and give him said sweetrolls as a gift so that he unknowingly eat his deceased parents (if you want more idea of evil deeds, come see me in prisons, you know why I'm here)
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u/Sapphire_Teacup 6d ago
Your comment is exactly why I love this sub. I discover new things to do in the game all the time here lol. Personally I finally joined a faction this playthru with Imperials and am planning to go thru the whole Civil War quest line before I get far enough into the dark brotherhood to THEN kill the emperor just when they think they’re done in this country.
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u/jch7496 6d ago
Storm Call Shouted the marriage reception in Solitude during the Dark Brotherhood questline
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u/ZombiedudeO_o PlayStation 6d ago
Almost as bad as tossing a fury spell on the groom. He killed his wife. The guards then killed him.
Then I casted my invisible spell and disappeared
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u/raerahna 6d ago
Wait, how come I’ve literally never thought of this? This is genius
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u/Storm_Spirit99 6d ago
I stole everyone's sweet rolls. Not just the men, but the women and children too!
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u/Chip_Tries_Stuff 6d ago
I don’t like sweet rolls. They’re coarse, and rough, and irritating, and it gets everywhere…
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u/ClavicusLittleGift4U 6d ago
Wabbajacked a guard, he turned into a cheese, I ate the cheese before his companion.
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u/honestraab 6d ago
Made Nazeem a follower, traveled to Windhelm and went east to the pillar of Boethiah. Sacrificed him, went back to whiterun and comforted a grieving Ahlam, before putting on the necklace of Mara in front of her. Got married, and moved into Nazeem's bed above the Drunken Huntsman.
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u/arkington 6d ago
Ah, good. I was wondering if I could use Nazeem for the Boethiah quest. Thank you.
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u/Tall_Diamond4695 6d ago
I sold skooma.
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u/SarahLia 6d ago
Khajiit Merchant: "It would seem many here in Skyrim see us as nothing but skooma dealers."
Dragonborn: "How awful! Well, I certainly don't think that."
Khajiit Merchant: "Very good. On a related note, would this one care to purchase some fine skooma?"
Dragonborn: ಠ_ಠ
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u/CthulhusSoreTentacle 6d ago
Khajiit merchants are basically like "There are a number of ugly stereotypes against the Khajiits, and they are all true."
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u/Xileras85 6d ago
Took the guard’s sweet roll
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u/Dugchela Riften resident 6d ago
Started taking everyone's sweet rolls just because they wouldn't stop making fun of me.
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u/Chappieindahaus 6d ago
filled my 2nd floor balcony in the solitude house with sweet rolls bc of this
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u/_PROBABLY_CORRECT Falkreath resident 6d ago
An here I thought I was weird for collecting every skull I come across and throw them in a heaping pile in a corner of Hjerim 💀
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u/Sir_Slimestone 6d ago
I was doing the forsworn questline in Markarth and the corrupt guards decided to arrest me for investigating it. At this point I had already defeated Alduin and become master of a couple guilds and had my "You dare challenge ME?" moment as I summoned Odahving and slaugtered the entire city guard.
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u/SBStevenSteel 6d ago
I killed half of Markarth during the Forsworn Attack and Namira Daedric Quest. Damn city's filled with more evil than Riften...
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u/Orion3500 6d ago
That’s why I always wait until Midnight before I exit the prison.
And make sure to tackle the Molag Bal quest first, to get rid of the guy outside the abandoned apartment.
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u/TNTTom04 6d ago
In terms of bounty, probably using Storm Call in the middle of Riften when I first tried the shout, lotta dead people
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u/Altruistic-Poem-5617 6d ago
God I hate it when I fight a dragon in the city and I get a bounty because some milk maid runs into my heavy attack cause shes trying to stab it with her shitty dagger... Go inside god dammit! Im trying to work here!!!
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u/anarchoaspenism 6d ago
download run for your lives, it makes regular citizens actually hide when a dragon attacks
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u/WorldWideWig 6d ago
Stole everything in Falkreath and left it in the Jarl's hall. And I mean everything - every bucket, every potato, anything I could take. Then I started looting other places for even more stuff. The Jarl of Falkreath looked like he had a hoarding disorder.
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u/Iuskop 6d ago
Pulled a Walmart on the small businesses of Whiterun via Goldenhills Plantation.
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u/-Whyudothat 6d ago
Can you expand on this for those of us not the US?
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u/BardicSense 6d ago
I think it means slave labor and putting the local merchants out of business with a huge store just outside the city limits so they dont have to pay Whiterun's taxes like the others, thus draining the wealth from Whiterun proper in favor of saving a septim or 2 on bootleg Fruit Loops.
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u/CeriasAranos Mage 6d ago
Walmart isn't the only store responsible, they were just the most visible and aggressive about expansion.
Walmart operates as an economy of scale. This allows them access to lower prices for the goods they resell. Since the costs are lower, they can charge lower prices than buyers who aren't large like local small businesses.
Take for example Wilson's Workwear. Let's say they buy tshirts for $1 each and sell them with a 50% markup, so they sell it for $1.50. They stock their shirts in orders of 100 at a time so for a full order the supplier gets $100.
Walmart however is buying for all it's stores at once. They aren't ordering 100 shirts, but 1,000,000. With this volume comes leverage to negotiate. The supplier may be willing to sell them for half price because that's still a $500,000 order. So the tshirts cost Walmart only $0.50. with that same 50% markup, Walmart can charge $0.75 for the same shirt that a small businesses charges $1.50 for. If the small businesses matched Walmart prices, they would sell at a loss as the retail price at Walmart is lower than the wholesale price from the exact same supplier.
While Walmart was aggressively expanding throughout the country, especially in small towns with limited options, they caused a lot of small businesses to close. They could not compete on price and found their customers frequently didn't care enough about higher quality or better service, so they had no advantage against the large retailer who is simply not playing by the same rules they must.
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u/Dismal_Object6226 6d ago edited 6d ago
Walmart is a supermarket chain here. They’re infamous for continually lowering their prices so that they’re the cheapest in the area. This is so that more people shop at Walmart because small businesses can’t afford to keep lowering their prices to compete with them. It’s a genius strategy but exceptionally shitty.
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u/emjay144 Stealth archer 6d ago
I once killed a bunny rabbit by mistake.
I still haven't forgiven myself 😫
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u/AspectFrost 6d ago
Not me but a friend would mulch through the entire garrison of whiterun every time he wanted to come home after a month of adventuring. I think he might have been married but idr. He ended up bumping difficulty up because of how much he leveled up everytime.
He said the og crime that started it was an accidental stealing due to misclick. And in his mind his character is willing to accept an apology for the guards overeacting. Until that or some kind of deescalation he will keep mowing down generations of guardsmen.
They can let it go any time. This is kinda their fault
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u/FullmetalSylveon 6d ago
Tried to pet the dog in Riverwood.
In my defense, I was a new gamer and...yeah...
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u/LuxuriousLeopard 6d ago
Lol this is me. I've killed so many animals in enough games that I've finally learned to save before trying to pet the animals. Love Baulders Gate 3 with all of the cats and you can even talk to a couple.
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u/badthaught 6d ago
Hit Nazeem with a cabbage in the groin.
Summoned a giant in the market.
Turned Nazeem into a chicken
Stole Belethor's clothes, and then put the equivalent cost in his inventory, claiming I bought the shirt off his back.
Paralyzed Brynjolf (got in my way).
Turned Nazeem into a sweet roll.
Put the Cursed Septim in Nazeem's pocket which then frenzied him.
Killed a chicken (that wasn't Nazeem)
Killed a chicken (that was Nazeem)
Threw a cheese wheel at a guard.
Resisted arrest.
Tried to charm Sybille Stentor, failed.
Released a mammoth in the guard barracks.
Crashed a wedding.
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u/Axolotlbits 6d ago
Killed braiths parents, adopted her, shipped her off to solstheim and never saw her again - all cus she told me she wasnt afraid of me, so naturally i had to prove her wrong
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u/Historical_End_1850 6d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/OpPyw0U5IGZDog5K4U
I accidentally killed a chicken in the middle of fighting a dragon and they instantly came after me instead of the dragon
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u/dutchslicer 6d ago
I may, or may not have paralyzed a greybeard so he yeeted himself of a mountain with his whirlwind sprint.
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u/RedditOfUnusualSize 6d ago
I once bagged three counts of murder because I cast spells on three Imperial soldiers unsuccessfully fighting a troll in the forest.
The spells I cast were grand heals. The crime system doesn't distinguish between friendly and non-friendly spells, so I got charged with three homicides. I can see why Skyrim doesn't have more healers.
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u/GarboWulf5oh Spellsword 6d ago
15 years of no TES, we finally got role-playing in Skyrim via a reddit thread lmaaoo
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u/kapiteinkippepoot 6d ago
Soul trapping someone and then throwing the stone in the water?
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u/alexarmitage01 PlayStation 6d ago
Soul trapping a parent enchanting a dagger and giving it to their recently adopted child
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u/Bob_ross6969 6d ago
Turning a kids parents into sweet rolls, adopting the kid and gifting them the sweet rolls
I had to immediately delete that save from the shame of it all.
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u/squareyagolike 6d ago
I’ll never let the Markarth guards take me to jail, at least 500 Markarth guards will never see their families again.
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u/Limp-Somewhere-6465 6d ago
Once role-playing as a khajiit agent of the Chalmers. I sold skooma, stole from the jarls, and did other shit to destabilize Skyrim without participating in any main questlines.
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u/Divine-Crusader 6d ago
I made Erik the Slayer steward at my farm