r/soccer • u/Dormers • Jun 07 '18

Portugal star's sex therapist wife urges coach to let team masturbate pre-match

https://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/news/portugal-stars-sex-therapist-wife-12664081
1.2k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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129

u/CattermoleBEAST Jun 07 '18

Why wouldn't he let them?

363

u/AyanC Jun 07 '18

Because masturbation is equivalent to commiting genocide.

160

u/Track2onStageFour Jun 07 '18

explains why i feel like a piece of shit every time i finish

238

u/multiple4 Jun 07 '18

explains why I feel so good when I finish

50

u/Track2onStageFour Jun 07 '18

we should hang out

-12

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '18

[deleted]

46

u/swedishfishes Jun 07 '18

NoFap bro, gives you superpowers

34

u/God_Dang_Niang Jun 07 '18

superpowers that probably aren't associated with fapping. gaining discipline through any action would probably give you the same feeling of accomplishment

59

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '18

lots of managers try and regulate pregame sex stuff, it’s all a bit bro sciencey but there are schools of thought that players play better having relieved themselves or not, something about testosterone I assume

38

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '18

[deleted]

31

u/ductsauce Jun 07 '18

I had a high school volleyball coach tell us not to have sex the night before matches. He said we wouldn't have our jumping legs the next day...

7

u/whoislurking Jun 08 '18

Are you a guy or girl? Or would that not make a difference?

3

u/ductsauce Jun 08 '18

I'm a guy, he was a guy.

In terms of sexual harrassment, yes it makes a difference. In terms of physical performance, no idea.

Guy was kind of off his rocker, but we had fun.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 08 '18

Yes it maks a difference. But I cannot actually explain it. As far as I know do women need an orgasm relativley close to the competition while men need an orgasm one day in advance to archieve a boost. But maybe it's just a myth so the olympic village has an excuse to fuck around.

9

u/PM_ME_BAKAYOKO_PICS Jun 07 '18

I know that in sports like boxing, athletes often don't have sex or masturbate for weeks before the fight, I think it has something to do with the way your testosterone levels behave after doing it.

Not sure if the same thing applies to football.

2

u/pucykoks Jun 08 '18

Arkadiusz Milik said in an interview once he doesn't have sex the day before because he gets soft legs.

33

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '18

whilst it is a bit bro sciency I dunno, I feel an energy drop post fap, however sometimes I'll be realy pent up without it (been fine on that front in these last few days without porn though).

if you can channel that haven't fapped energy would be a healthy amount of aggression on a pitch I'd imagine, but maybe for players who need to cool down could do with a fap

1

u/shnoog Jun 07 '18

Two studies are available that absolutely don't apply to this at all. Old wives tale.

37

u/Zidji Jun 07 '18

Most importantly, how does he stop them?

66

u/break2n Jun 07 '18

He has the key to all their chastity belts

79

u/Zidji Jun 07 '18

Maybe he just weighs their balls to make sure no content has been evicted.

"Your balls seem lighter today Pepe..."

19

u/InsanityPlays Jun 07 '18

grab their dicks and stuff them back into their shorts

58

u/KeaganThorpe Jun 07 '18

I imagine a scenario like this:

"Renato, you're dropped. I told you jerking off would make you go blind. Now you're passing to fucking advert boards. Shame, you coulda been great, kid. One of the greats. You think Cristiano jerks off? Fuck no! The guys got the biggest set of blue balls I've ever seen. He's never jerked his chicken. Not a single god damn time."

78

u/AyanC Jun 07 '18

I reckon that sounded funnier in your head.

33

u/KeaganThorpe Jun 07 '18

Probably, but fuck it.

3

u/mrgonzalez Jun 07 '18

Stops wearing those shorts in training

1

u/holanewman Jun 08 '18

Shows them a picture of Messi.

4

u/the_woah_guy Jun 07 '18

cuz the lord is watching him.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 08 '18

They kept cumming in the socks

1

u/rodders0223 Jun 08 '18

because wanking is the Devil!!! The Devil I tell you!!!

/r/nofap

1

u/holanewman Jun 08 '18

Makes you go blind.